Thunder's Roar

[Skyblade]

My first fanfiction. Please comment and give constructive criticism, but if you have nothing good to say you can leave. I'm a very sensitive person and won't take hateful comments very lightly. I apologize if you think this story is lame/stupid/ridiculous or if you just downright hate it. It's not great work, just a story I'm entering in a contest to see my skills. Also, sorry for the lame names in the story and the lame title.

Prologue: The Fire

Screaming. Running. Dieing. Three things that always happen when there's a wildfire. The more trees the murderous blaze consumed, the stronger it became. Heavy rain pounded mercilessly against the tiny shape that dashed through the woods, wailing at the top of his lungs.

"Heeeeeeeelp!" the baby fox cried. He tripped over a root and fell head over heels. Quickly picking himself up, he chanced a glance back at the fire. It looked as dangerous as it did when it had started, the flames licking the tops of the trees. Murmuring pitifully, he kept running. How long would the horror last? Where were his parents? He and his mom had been inside their cozy den when the terrible storm had started. Feeling worried for her husband, the baby fox's mother had gone outside searching for him, ordering her child to stay inside. The fox had been waiting at least half an hour until he noticed the black smoke drifting over the trees. He had run out of the seemingly safe den, screaming in terror as he ran away from the fire.

Now, half an hour later, he was still running, and ready to collapse at any moment. The slightly clumsy young fox tripped again. His feet got tangled on some flowers and he rolled down a hill, falling unconscious at the bottom.

The rain kept pouring, the wind kept howling, and the fire kept burning as the fox lied at the bottom of the hill, suddenly unaware of the danger around him.

[Skyblade]

Chapter 1: Kidnapped

"Thunder? Thunder? EARTH TO THUNDER!"
Thunder's bright blue eyes snapped open to see a pretty young haremaid standing over him.
"Sorry, Sorrel, I'm up now," the fox said. He yawned loudly and got into sitting position. He looked out the window in his dorm. Mid-morning sunlight shone through, illuminating Thunder's oranger fur. Just another day in Redwall Abbey, he thought.
"I'm gonna go pick flowers in the meadow," said Sorrel. "Sister Tansy needs some for the table. Fancy joining me?" she added in the tone that said she would just bug Thunder until he said yes.
"Yeah, sure." Thunder yawned again, got up, and followed Sorrel into the hallway. A tiny vole gave Sorrel a worryng glance, which set Thunder's blood boiling. Don't they know by now, 19 seasons later, that I'm not gonna hurt them? he thought angrily. That day of the fire, the fox had been rescued by some mice who found him at the bottom of the hill. He had been raised to be a peaceful abbey dweller, and had quickly taken a liking to Sorrel, a young hare who was also an orphan. Though she seemed sweet and innocent she could be a ferocious fighter. Thunder, who was now like an older brother to her, knew that firsthand.
The two made it outside and past the main gates. As they walked to the meadow, a basket in Sorrel's paw, Thunder noticed the oncoming of autumn. Trees were losing their leaves, and a cool breeze ruffled his fur.

Thunder sat down when they got to the meadow. It was a pleasant place, with bees droning lazily among the flowers and a tranquil air hovering over the peaceful place. Sorrel ran among the fields, choosing only the prettiest flowers. Thunder sighed as he watched her. He felt younger and more inncoent in the meadow and he enjoyed the feeling of it.
Suddenly the young fox stood up. Something was wrong; he could feel it in the air somehow. It was complateyly quiet.

"Sorrel," he mumured. "I think you've gathered enough flowers; let's go now."
"No," the stubborn haremaid snapped. "Staying right here 'till I get all the flowers I need!"
"Your basket's almost full," urged Thunder, pulling Sorrel's arm. "That'll be enough." He glanced behind him for a second, feeling someone's eyes boreing on him. He wasn't sure, but that blob in the distance looked like a living creature coming towards them.
"I'm NOT leaving!" said Sorrel, yanking away from Thunder's grip. "Sister Tansy wanted a full basket!" She obviously hadn't noticed the threat coming from the distance.
Thunder looked behind him again. The blob was closer, and he could see now that it was not one creature but several. About half a dozen.
"Sorrel, we're going NOW!" Thunder said. He grabbed Sorrel's arm aagain and attempted to drag her.
"No, I'm not-AAAAAHHHHHH!"
Thunder whipped around. The creatures were running toward them now, each one armed and dangerous-looking. The leader was a powerful rat.
"Run!" Thunder pulled Sorrel away, making her drop the basket.
"Noooo, I promised Sister Tansy I'd get her the flowers!" Sorrel wailed as she tore away from Thunder and lunged for the flowers.
"Oh, for crying out loud!" yelled Thunder. "They're just-ow!"
The rat had knocked him to the ground. Now he stood over him with a foot on his stomach. "Poor kids ran away from their mommy," he said in mock pity.
Thunder craned his neck to see Sorrel with her hands held behind her back by a large, tattooed badger.
"Bring the net!" the rat called. The other four beasts came over, dragging a large fishing net. It was hurled over Thunder and Sorrel.
"Well well," the rat continued as he got ahold of the net. "That was easier than I thought! Now let's take these two to Phoenix!"

[Skyblade]

Chapter 2: Phoenix

Thunder and Sorrel spent the next few hours being marched with the net on top of them, which was always held by at least four of the strong evil beasts. They were fed meager roots and nuts and were stabbed harshly by spears if they slowed down. Sorrel bravely didn't complain, her basket of flowers long forgotten. Thunder had screamed out threats and insults to the creatures but they had no effect except for him getting poked by pikes.

The two had to cross a river to get to the evildoers' camp. Though neither of them could swim, they managed to get through anyway, probably because the water was shallow at this side and came up to their chests.

The camp was a convoluted place with many trees and bushes. They followed a twisting path until they reached a clearing, where two score of vermin lurked. At the center of the clearing, standing on a tall rock was...A fire? thought Thunder, horrified as he remembered the terrible event that had happened 19 seasons ago and was permanently seared into his memory. No, it wasn't a fire, it was a wildcat. A tall, muscular wildcat with blazing red fur that looked like a giant flame.

A skinny weasel was looming over a creature Thunder couldn't identify. "Surrender now to Phoenix and we shall not kill you!"
The creature spat at him defiantly. "I'd rather die than serve you fleabags!"
The fire-pelted wildcat kicked at the weasel. "Leave her alone, Salewe. I'll deal with this fool later. There's business to take care of."
Everyone stared at Thunder and Sorrel as they were dragged unceremoniously in front of him. The net was lifted away, much to his relief.
"What the blaze were you doing, Fangor?" the wildcat hissed to the rat that had been in charge of kidnapping Thunder and Sorrel. "I sent you out on your patrol yesterday!"
"Sorry Phoenix, great master!" said Fangor. "I thought I might find stronger slaves farther away.."
"Blah blah blah!" said Phoenix insolently. "Petty excuses! Get out of my sight; you make my stomach sick." Fangor shuffled to the back of the crowd disappointingly. Thunder noticed a tall wolf sneering at him as he went.
Phoenix turned to Thunder and Sorrel. "So.....these two are to be my slaves?" he said to no one in particular.
"SLAVES!" Thunder roared. "You have no right to enslave free creatures-"
Phoenix sneered at him. "Difficult, are we? Well, let's settle things with a nice deal. Be my slave," he pulled out a dagger and leaped right beside Sorrel, making her scream. "and your little friend lives. But refuse to...." He pretended to slice Sorrel's head off, "and that's what happens."

Ten minutes later, Thunder, Sorrel, and the strange creature were chained together. The young hare was sobbing.
"Please don't cry Sorrel, I'll get us outta here," said Thunder, hugging the creature he loved most. He felt a wave of sympathy. Poor Sorrel...she's just a kid..it's bad enough for me, but for her...
"Don't make promises you can't keep," growled a voice next to him.
Thunder turned around. It was the strange creature. He hadn't gotten a good luck at her before, but now, even while staring at her, he couldn't tell what she was. Some sort of otter with claws.... he thought.
"Who are you?" the otter-thing asked.
"Er....uh...Thunder, and this is my...um..sister, Sorrel," he murmured.
"I'm Razer," the otter-thing said.
"Hi, Razer," he said awkwardly. "Um..nice claws?"
"Thanks, I'm an otter/wildcat hybrid," she explained. Then she talked no more.
Thunder sighed and stroked Sorrel's head, wondering how to escape the horrible place.

[W0NWILL]

Hmm, a warriors/Redwall crossover, that might be interesting. I'll just wait and see. You could put it on fanfiction.net

[Skyblade]

It's not a warriors/Redwall crossover, you know. I edited that. Thank you for pointing that out for me, cause I could've steered it that way had you not.

[Griffen]

nice writing 

[Skyblade]

Thank you Griffen!       you don't know how upbringing a compliment is

[Leatho Shellhound]

I love it....please write more.

[Skyblade]

Chapter 3: Escape

The sun was setting in a beautiful, fiery red blaze. Fangor had been assigned as Thunder, Sorrel, and Razer's "main guard." He did a good job of it too, keeping his eyes on them while the other guards sat on the other side of the clearing, stuffing their faces with the meager food they were given and gossipping instead of doing their job.

Thunder glanced at Razer. She had a sword on her belt and a bow and arrow with a quiver strapped on her back. Perhaps she could help them escape in some way.

Salewe the weasel came over. He dumped a small pile of roots, nuts, and the occasional fruit on the ground, also adding a slice of cake in front of Razer.
"Why do you get cake and we don't?" asked Thunder as Sorrel nibbled on a nut, staring at the cake hungrily.
Razer shrugged. "I guess they felt sorry for me. Anyway, I'm not eating it. It wouldn't be fair." She pushed it to the side and instead selected a strawberry.

As Thunder ate, he noticed Fangor standing a few feet away, lookng longingly at their food.
Razer noticed too. "Hey Fangor!" she called. "You're needed!"
Fangor stomped over to them. "What?" he said irritably.
"No food, huh?" said Razer in mock sympathy.
"Yeah, master's 'punishing' me for bringing you here!" Fangor fumed angrily.
"That's tough," said Razer. "Seems like you don't owe him anything. She chewed on some roots as she swept the pile towards her.
"Right..."Fangor looked longingly at the chow which was out of his reach.
"If you set us free I'll give you all the food," said Razer, motioning to Fangor's keys(which were for the chains inprisoning the three slaves) and the food in turn. "And we won't tell anyone." she added.
"Er...master.....doesn't.."said Fangor.
Razer shrugged as if she didn't care. "That's too bad then." She started stuffing the cake in her mouth.
"Wait!" said Fangor, grabbing the cake. He quickly unlocked the chains. "There, you're free, now gimme the food!" He literallly fell on the pile of leftovers as the three ran away.
Wow, Phoenix must really starve them, Thunder thought as they ran away from the clearing. "How do we get out?" he asked, his paw tightly clasping Sorrel's.
But those words were barely out of his mouth when he heard a cry from a guard, "The slaves are escaping! PHOENIX!"
Thunder felt someone rip Sorrel away from him. Turning around, he saw the big badger that had helped kidnap them pulling Sorrel away with a wicked grin on his face.
"No!" Thunder started to go back for her, but Razer grabbed his arm and yanked him away.
"There's no way you can fight all those guards," she hissed. "We'll come back for her later!"
Thunder, seeing the score of guards swarming towards them, nodded and followed her, feeling more guilty by the second. As they ran, he tripped over a dead log.
"Hurry!" said Razer. She finally grabbed Thunder's paw and led him through the trees.
"Do you even know where we're going?" gasped Thunder.
"No, but-there's the river!" Razer ran towards it, then jumped in with a loud splash. "Phoenix's biggest weakness is water. If we make it acrss the river we'll be safe."
"Er...." said Thunder nervously. This part of the river was much deeper than the shallow part that he and Sorrel had waded across when they first got here. "I'm not so sure-aaaaaah!"

Razer had pulled him into the water as was now forcing him to swim. Thunder gasped as water entered his nose and eyes. He flappped pitifully, barely managing to keep his head above the water as he made his way across the water expanse. For a moment he felt like he would surely drown, but then Razer pushed him onto the bank on the other side.
Thunder gasped and flopped on the ground like a dieng fish, turning his head enough to see Razer coming out of the water and the guards standing on the other side of the river. Phoenix was glaring at them coldly, standing well away from the riverbank. "You both know very well that this isn't over! We still have Sorrel, and can do whatever we want to her."
"You don't scare us," said Razer calmy. Thunder nodded vigorously, unable to stop thinking about the things Phoenix could do to Sorrel.

Thunder followed Razer deeper into the woods, away from Phoenix and the guards. They came to rest at a small, moonlit clearing.
"So...." said Razer awkwardly.
"So what?" Thunder said. Then, without warning, he leaped at Razer. "I'm gonna KILL YOU!"
"Wha-" Razer got over her surprise quickly and kicked Thunder in the stomach as he jumped at her.
Thunder fell to the ground, completely winded. Getting up slowly, he said angrily, "Stupid otter-cat! First you don't let me save Sorrel, second you pushed me in a river when I can't swim, third you KICK ME IN THE STOMACH!"
"Calm down, will you?" Razer growled, moving a paw to her sword on her belt. Her fur bristled as she countered, "One, I already said we can save her later, two, I didn't push you I pulled you, and three, you attacked me first!"
"I don't care, otter-cat!" said Thunder. His stomach was throbbing with pain. "Sorrel's still in there! She's my sister! We do everything together! They might kill her! What if-"
"Fine, I'll go rescue her tomorrow," Razer snarled.
"You? Oh no," said Thunder. "I'm gonna go, so I don't have to worry about a hotheaded otter-cat messing things up!"
Razer gritted her sharp teeth. "Stop calling me that!"
"OTTER-CAT!" Thunder roared. He felt so much anger and hatred towards the creature that had failed their escape and allowed his sister to be trapped in the horrible camp they had just fled from. The cresture that had forced him to let go of the one he cherished most.
"Fine, it's all my fault." said Razer. "We'll rescue her tomorrow. Happy?"
"No," said Thunder. "I told you, I don't want an otter-um, thing screwing things up."
Razer's eyes were lit in fury. "Why do you always disagree with everything I say?"
"I do not!"

"You actually do," said a voice behind the two. They both turned around. Standing among the bushes was a wolf, tall and powerful, with silver fur and red eyes that seemed to be laughing at them.

[Skyblade]

I love it....please write more.

Thank you, Leatho Shellhound!

[Leatho Shellhound]

Nice

[W0NWILL]

Good, it is interesting. Update soon.

[Skyblade]

Thank you for the compliments! i'll make chapter 4 soon enough

[Griffen]

waiting... 

waiting... 

waiting... 

   


hurry up, but dont rush! hahaha

[Skyblade]

I've got it now 
p.s these are rough drafts, not masterpieces

Chapter 4: Skull

Half a second later, the wolf was lying on the ground with Razer's sword on his throat. A sack that he had been carrying was off to the side.
"Who are you and what are you doing here?" Razer demanded. Thunder stood nearby, unsure about what to do.
The wolf grinned. "What's all this hostility about? Aren't we friends here?" His voice was silky smooth and slightly high-pitched. It was obvious that he wasn't scared at all. Thunder couldn't help but admire him a bit for that. He wouldn't be able to keep his cool in the wolf's situation.
"Friends?" Razer choked. "I saw you at Phoenix's camp! You're one of them."
Now that Thunder reminicsed walking into the camp for the first time, he could remember this wolf being among Phoenix's horde.
"No I'm not," said the wolf quietly. "I'm on your side. Let me up, and I'll tell you everything."
Razer still seemed suspicous, but she let go of him anyway. Thunder took some time to look at the wolf. He was taller and older than them both, and there was half a dozen knives on his belt. He seemed like a formidable opponent, but Thunder wasn't afraid. It was two against one. Unless that dummy Razer goes and messes everything up again, he thought, still ticked off at her.

"Now, explanations," said Razer.
"Alright," the wolf said casually. "My name's Skull. I've been part of Phoenix's lot for years. At first I was loyal to him, but then I realized that my kindess was being repaid by torture. He always starved his horde and made them do all the dirty work. So in revenge I turned against him and started to help  slaves escape."
"Huh?" asked Thunder. "You're part of Phoenix's army, so you let slaves escape?"
Razer snorted. "He's trying to make us believe that he's only pretending to be on Phoenix's side. No idiot would fall for that."
"Well, I do!" said Thunder boldly. As Skull and Razer stared at him, he continued, "I don't know...something makes me feel that we can trust him."
Skull smiled at him. "Ah, I see that unlike her"-he pointed a paw at Razer-"that you have some sense. I'm here to help you free Sorrel, while simultaneously getting my revenge."
"I still can't trust you," said Razer suspicously.
Thunder gulped. "I-I have the strangest feeling he's on our side. I think we should trust him." He gave Skull a small smile. "I'm Thunder, and that's Razer."
Skull nodded. "Don't worry about me. I'm not gonna hurt anyone. Oh, and...." the wolf picked up the sack and took something out of it. He tossed it to Thunder. "I can see you're unarmed, so take this free gift."
Thunder barely caught it before it hit the ground. He looked at it in amazement. It was a cutlass, well crafted and sturdy enough to last quite some time.
"I stole it from the weaponry," Skull explained. "And I stole this too.." he took out some scones, as well as a flagon of October Ale. "Phoenix never feeds his troops right. Took these from his own larder. Have as much as you like."
Thunder thanked him politely and took a scone. Razer, however, would not even touch the food.
"It's not poisoned," Skull insisted as he took a swig of ale and passed it to Thunder.
"Better safe than sorry," murmured Razer as her stomach growled.
Skull shrugged. "Have it your way," He took a huge bite of a russet apple and chewed it louder then he needed to.
"C'mon, Razer, don't be so foolish," said Thunder as he took a sip of ale. "He's eating it too, isn't he?"
Finally Razer sat down and took a plum. "Thanks," she said awkwardly.
Skull shrugged. "That's what friends are for."

Razer immediately volunteered to take watch first that night. She obviously thought that Skull would murder them in their sleep.
"Wake me when you're tired, okay?" said Thunder as he settled onto the moss beds Skull had made for them.
"Yeah," Razer murmured. "Yeah, I will."
Thunder watched her for a moment, still as stone, gazed at the snoring figure of Skull and fell asleep.