Morterin Bromsickle's Adventure: Part 1

[Lord Gorath]

                                         1



GARMOR,  THE  CORSAIR CAPTAIN OF BLOODGULL,  LOOKED THROUGH THE WINDOW.  He  had  just  attempted  a  land  raid  and  was  sailing  away,  down  south  through  the  Great  Southern  Sea.  Nobeast   wanted  to  see  the wrath  of  Garmor  Bloodskillet  when  he  had  failed.  Three   humongous  waves splashed  against  the  side  of the deck,  busting a few barrels  of  stolen  raspberry cordial  which  he  had  retrieved on the raid.  Bortummbalk,  the great  isle  of sea  rats  and  otter  corsairs,  came  into  clear  view.  Jamurt,   a   hefty  otter  corsair,  asked  the  battle-scarred  wolverine  captain Garmor a question.  “Cap’n,  ar  the  barrels  o’  me  good ol’ cordial  there?”   

Garmor   commanded  one  of  the  corsairs  to check on the cordial.  “Yes,   Jamurt,  yes.” Garmor hid  a  sly  smile  from  the  otter, and slipped out  a  whip  from  behind his back.  “Jamurt,  you can get your cordial right now...”  He pulled his whip from behind his back. “Or then never!” A  few  lightning-quick cracks  of the  whip killed  Jamurt.  By this time,  BLOODGULL  had harbored.  “Drop anchor!”  Garmor shouted.  Rats on the shore had already put up long planks for their fellow Sea  Raiders to get down.  Once   Garmor was down on the ground and inside  the great castle of Fort Morfanger.   Garmor  was kneeling down to the great corsair  warlord King Gormoff Burgrong Mairtspur.
"What are you doing without slaves?! You said you would bring back slaves!" shouted the enraged warlord.

Garmor was stammering. "S - s-s-s-s-s-sir, I w-w-w-was attacked b-b-b-b-b-by otters."  Once Gormoff understood this he was enraged. OTTERS! Defeating my corsairs. Impossible! Gormoff was infuriated and the quick-witted Garmor knew to flee, with Gormoff
right on his heels.

[W0NWILL]

Once Gormoff understood this he was enraged. OTTERS! Defeating my corsairs. Impossible! the king thought. He chased after Garmor, enraged.

Couple of things, First, italics are the universal symbol for thoughts. You won't have to put the bold=thoughts if the thoughts are in italics. 
Second, there's two enraged in there. I suggest taking one off.
Third, you don't need to put 'the king thought' when you're putting the thoughts in bold already.
Fourth, 'he chased after Garmor, enraged.' I would suggest you add in front of that something along the lines of 'Gormoff was bursting with visible rage, and Garmor knew the smart thing to do would be to run, with Garmor hot on his heels.'
Five, proper grammar! When different people are talking, you always press enter. I could barely get myself to ready it. People don't like to read big, solid blocks of text.
Of course, you could dismiss my advice as ramblings of a mad woman as well...

Other than that, I'm liking what I see, and will be following this in the future.

[cregga rose eyes]

Wonwill is right on the two enraged parts, If you want, theirs always thesaurus.com.  The bold is the same, but otherwise, I think your fanfic has a great start.

[Lord Gorath]

This will be like BJ's style of writing, with maybe two or three POVs.