Lord Russano is now in charge.

[Russano]

Good creatures of Redwall:

During the past four seasons it has become apparent that Redwall is in danger, not from foe or vermin, but from inside.  I have been informed that a lack of an Abbot or leader within these red walls of stone is the reason for trouble.  Things have not been orderly, getting done as quickly as possible, and the council of elders you currently have here as your "leaders" are incompetent.  Therefore, us creatures of Salamandastron have come to take charge.  We will make certain things go back to the way they should be and have strong leadership under myself and the Long Patrol hares. 

While you have dedicated elders running this place its time for a change.  The otters,--Lily, Taggerrung of Redwall, BrookSkimmer, and Lutra--kindly enough as they are, do not get the need for land living and how to make a fortress such as Redwall work.  The mice, namely DanielofRedwall and Matthias720 do not understand the need for strong leaders at the helm to make things happen.  Finally, that hare Osu, so goofy and undisciplined, does not recognize when there is no need for fun and games.  Yes—your leaders are nice, but leaders need to lead.

Therefore, I now place this Redwall forum under the control of the Salamandastron mobile unit. With my leadership and the discipline and cunning of the Long Patrol hares at my side, we will make Redwall strong and proud once again.  You are all to obey my Long Patrol hares, and shall join in my renaming of our forums to something more appropriate.


Eulaliaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Lord Russano

[Lutra]

Ph...what?

[Buckworthy Crumshaw]

Brigadier Buckworthy Crumshaw was a fine figure of a hare- from his eye monocle, to his bristling moustache, to the highly polished buttons on his freshly brushed pink tunic, down to the short swagger cane he carried. The brigadier was smart as paint, and old school to the rigid backbone.


Now, pay h'attention all ye chaps an' chapesses! In case ya didn't 'ear it, yore Abbey leadership, bein' all those otters, Abbey hare an' mice have left for a day, or mayhaps longer. In that time, as the Badger Lord 'as said, you shall be under the command o' 'is exemplary an' admirable self, Lord Russano the Wise, henceforth leader o' this good an' charmin' Abbey, wot! Under 'im, the hares o' the Long Patrol, includin' me bold self, Brigadier Buckworthy Crumshaw, are in authority. What's that? Introductions all around, d'ya say? Unnecessary! My comrades shall see t'that themselves, in due time. As for ye blighters, h'especially those o' you inclined t'subpar respect for mountain discipline, shall be h'expected t'cooperate an' follow all orders, so as t'keep this Abbey runnin' smoothly for the duration o' our command.

[Russano]

First order of business....the gawking otter needs to be removed from the Chambers so that we can discuss things further.  He knows not the ways of Salamandastron!

[Midge Manycoats]

In marches... a rat?!

Wats 'appening? Takeover already? 'Bout time! This place 'as really gone to da dogs!

The "rat" takes off his disguises, and is revealed to be a hare. Though shorter than the average hare, he nonetheless cuts an impressive figure, and begins to talk in the usual hare manner.

Alright you lot, stand to attention! We run this place now, an' it's best if you obey our orders, eh wot!

Lord Russano, sah, if you need me I'll be training these no-good layabouts about the art of espionage, sah!

[Sabretache]

In marches a tall, lanky hare carrying a long sword; he throws a stiff salute.

Lord Russano, sah! The gawkin' otter will be removed and made fast along with the others, apologies for the disturbance, sah!

As for the rest of you sloppy lot, welcome to the new Redwall, wot! There won't be any more lazy loiterin' around, flippin' foolin' about, or dastardly disturbances of any blinkin' kind now that we are here! Clearly, there are a lot o' blinkin' changes wot need t'be made -- especially the way you lot drill, wipe those silly expressions of y'faces this instant, sirrahs! -- 'bout time we got t'work, eh, you chaps? The safety of the bally abbey is at stake after all, wot wot!

[Master Sergeant Bann]

Next enters a tall, serious-faced hare in a sharp blue parade jacket. He issues a smart salute to Russano before speaking.

"Mi'lord, now that we have secured the premises, I believe that the training of these cads should begin. If you need me, sah, I shall be on the Parade Ground whipping this lot into shape."

With another salute, he turns around and exits.

[Russano]

We shall have this place turned around in a day with support such as yourselves at the helm!   Go and do your bidding to bring this place up to military Salamandastron code!

[BrookSkimmer]

Egads! These hares will eat us out of house and home!

[Master Sergeant Bann]

Now that you mention it, I haven't thought of food in flippin' ages! Where's the jolly old cook chappie. I'd like a small spot of tea. Let's see, one apple and cream tart, a dozen or so scones, a meadowcreme trifle, a pot of woodland stew, and three pots of mint tea should do the trick. Anything I've forgotten, chaps?

[Midge Manycoats]

Aye, you missed seed cake, fruit cake, apple cake, butter cake...

[Master Sergeant Bann]

Ah, yes. two of each cake would be perfect.

[Buckworthy Crumshaw]

Redwall scoff! I haven't bally tasted it in ages, wot!

[Russano]

Eat too much and you all will be bellyachin'.

[Sabretache]

Even so, m'Lord, I rather think this calls for a feast, wot? Us bein' at Redwall and all, seems appropriate, doncha know...