Midwinter (oneshot)

[KitrallStreamrippler]

Seeing as it's the holiday season and all, I thought I'd write a little something in the spirit. Enjoy! (And, as always, feedback is quite welcome.)

Midwinter! A shiver of excitement ran through the slight weaselmaid as she turned the thought over in her mind. The Midwinter Festival meant games, feasting, and general merriment. And this year, she was determined to take part. After washing up, she put on her best frock and brushed her fur until it shone. Taking a look at her reflection in the pond's frozen surface, she sighed.

Even her prettiest clothes weren't much- a simple and nearly threadbare holly-red dress that hung a few inches shy of her ankles. Frowning, she picked a red poinsettia and tucked it behind her ear before taking one last look at herself before setting off for Redwall Abbey.

Stepping cautiously up to the front gate, she smoothed her skirt nervously. Faced by the forbidding oaken doors, she almost turned away, but a surge of music and laughter from inside bolstered her courage. Drawing a deep breath, she knocked solidly on the gate.

A few moments later, the gate cracked open and an old mouse poked his smiling visage through the gap. As he saw the weaselmaid his eyes widened, his smile turned to a worried frown, and he hurriedly withdrew, calling for somebeast. "Ryell! Would you come here, please?"

The maid held her breath, hardly daring to hope that she would finally get her wish. Would they really let her in? If they were going to make her go away, wouldn't they have done it already? Hanging shyly back, she wasn't able to hear the hushed conversation on the other side of the gate, and squeaked in surprise when a huge badger squeezed through and stood over her. "What do you want, vermin?"

The dismayed mustelid tried to stammer out a reply. "I w-was hoping, uh, th-that is, I j-just wanted to- to-"

"Spit it out, weasel."

She twisted her paws in anguish, not able to meet the badger's fierce gaze, and answered softly. "I just wanted to join the festival. I was hoping you'd let me in? For a little while."

When the weaselmaid raised her head, the badger was looking down at her contemptuously. His voice dripped with scorn. "We have not let vermin enter our abbey by any means for countless seasons. What makes you think that we would let you in? Now leave before I send our warrior after you. Go!"

Blinking to hold back sudden tears, the maid hung her head and turned, walking dejectedly away. Since she was a kit, she'd heard tales of the marvelous celebrations held at Redwall Abbey. It had been her lifelong dream to someday be a part of one, and now that chance was crushed, as suddenly and as easily as a wagon wheel rolls over a snail's shell.

"What is going on?"

The weaselmaid whirled around to see who had spoken. It was an old, graying squirrel who wore a simple green homespun habit and was looking sternly over the top of his rock-crystal spectacles. The badger, after inclining his head respectfully, gestured to the maid. "Father, this vermin was trying to get inside the abbey."

The squirrel turned his attention to the weasel, assessing her shrewdly. "Is that so? Well, speak up, young one. Why are you here?"

In the maid's surprise at the badger referring to the squirrel as "father", the question slipped out before she could stop it. "Why did he call you that? You're not really his father, are you?" Horrified, she apologized hastily. "I'm so sorry- I just- it was very rude, and- oh, are you all right?"

The reason for her concern was what appeared to be a violent fit of coughing on the part of the squirrel while he used his handkerchief to hide a bout of laughter. Once he had composed himself, he put the handkerchief away and smiled. "Yes, yes, of course. I apologize. What was your question again? Oh, yes. No, I'm not Ryell's father. However, my title as head of this abbey is Father Abbot. And don't apologize for your curiosity- it's quite natural in a young beast. Now, if you wouldn't mind answering my own question?"

The abbot! Great seasons, now she was really in trouble! There was no chance that the abbot himself would let a vermin into his abbey. Flustered and discouraged, she replied hesitantly. "It's just that- well, I knew it was the Midwinter Festival today, and, er, I've never- I mean, I just wanted to, um, to join in, maybe."

The abbot's smile deserted him, and the weaselmaid shrunk back, afraid of his reaction. But he was turning his attention back to the badger, who had stood silent throughout the exchange. "And you were going to turn her away? Our gates are open to all beasts who come in peace, Ryell."

"But she's vermin!"

"All who come in peace. Regardless of species. Friendship comes in every shape, size, and color- even the unusual ones. You of all beasts should know that."

To the weasel's astonishment, Ryell flushed slightly. "I was quite young at the time, Father."

The abbot smiled and replied cheerfully. "So is she. Go and inform everybeast that we have a guest."

As Ryell reluctantly obeyed, the abbot chuckled. "He was always a stubborn creature. Now perhaps we can introduce ourselves properly. My name is Father Leo."

Her confidence renewed by the squirrel's kind, quiet manner and easy acceptance of her, the weasel performed a somewhat wobbly curtsey. "I'm Teya, sir."

The abbot swung open the gate, eyes sparkling happily. "Welcome to Redwall Abbey, Teya. And Happy Midwinter!"

[Blazemane]

This a great story! All of the non-dialogue details about the way the characters interact with each other really bring out their feelings. Father Leo seems convincingly warm, and I like the sortof middle-of-the-road approach to Ryell--that he's willing to listen to the abbot and doesn't give any indication of planning to go against him, and yet, even though Ryell's been convinced that he's wrong, he's still trying to process things as he leaves the scene. To me, it seems very natural and believable.

And Teya is worth empathizing with. I think it's really cool to introduce her character (and the story) with the scene of her preparing herself and hoping she seems presentable. And I love the moment where she is pulled away from quitting by the sound of the celebrations inside. The sense of yearning and excitement there adds weight to the story.

So, great writing!

[The Skarzs]

Cool story; another story including a creature with a usually "bad" reputation is shown as one who longs for peace and happiness, not war and pain on others. Good writing, and nice character developments.

[Osu]

Pretty adorable holiday story you've got here! First off -- at the risk of sounding like everybody else -- you did a wonderful job with making the little weaselmaid a character the reader can sympathize with; it's been said before but I'm saying it again because it's true. And there is so much emotion and character development in this small piece of fiction that it doesn't seem like this story is as short and simple as it is. As far as I'm concerned, writing short stories that are both well-rounded and contain the amount of conflict you have here is insanely difficult, definitely the mark of a well-written story when it's all said and done.

I'm especially fond of the way you worded the prose between the dialogue. Lines like "The abbot's smile deserted him, and the weaselmaid shrunk back..." for example: I loved that. Quick, interesting movement between story beats that doesn't ramble or skip the important stuff. Pardon my lack of literary knowledge, I'm not entirely sure how to word what I'm trying to say, exactly: you just wrote that scene very well.

And I just adore Teya, I wanted to hug her from the first paragraph, gah! She sounds so sweet and lovable. As a general rule, I'm not terribly impressed with most fanfiction that center on the "good vermin" idea because -- and I'm going to be brutally honest here -- they are all done just so very badly that I only want to roll my eyes and move on to something with hares. What I mean to say is, you've set yourself a significant cut above a huge chunk of the fandom as far as bending the good/evil staple of the Redwall series goes, and you did it with a fic that doesn't even break the 1k word count mark. (This is just a big complement from me, I don't mean to offend all of you good!vermin fans out there, 'specially the author.) Excellent job on that point.

It's not just your weasel character, either: the abbot was also convincingly canon in the manner in which he responds to the situation and characters around him.

So what I mean to say with all of my rambling here is, great story, beautifully written, interesting characters that are relateable and interesting, and just a good tale all around. Thanks for sharing it with us!