The Iron Horde

[Morgazath]

 Hey guys, I'm going to be writing a story about my RP, The Iron Horde. If there's one thing I really love, it's writing. I hope you enjoy, and helpful criticism is welcome.

Chapter 1

Wind shrieked through the dark, raging storm as it swirled across the roiling ocean. About thirty black ships bucked and reared across the pounding waves.

At the head, a monstrous ship, much bigger than the rest sliced through the angry seas. At the helm of the giant ship stood a beast that would make your blood turn to ice.

Zeerkra the Conquerer, his night-black fur ruffled wildly in the furious winds, his black tail with a silver tint waved around as the winds raced past, his dark ice blue eyes glared through the storm.

[The Skarzs]

What kind of animal is this fearsome Zeerkra?

[Captain Tammo]

I like the way you said the ships "bucked and reared". Very creative!

[Morgazath]

What kind of animal is this fearsome Zeerkra?

You'll find out later, during the battle later.

[Feles]

Why is it that everyone must have someone epic with black fur?
My fan fiction has it
this fan fiction has it
EVEN Brian used it once or twice

not that you shouldn't have it  
also, I like the chapter, short but sweet

[The Skarzs]

(If it means anything, Mossflower Falls doesn't. . .)

[Feles]

I might have been exaggerating 

[Osu]

Looks promising! Thirty ships of bad guys can only mean this is going to be one superbly epic story. I can't wait to see where you go with this!

[Morgazath]

 Chapter 2

Rain splashed down on the emerald green grass of Redwall Abbey. A large figure opened a large wooden door and stepped in with a little wet bundle in it's arms.

A squirrel came up to the figure. "I take it you found him, Rourke?" Rourke was a badger with red fur and a golden stripe going down his face. He grinned. "Why yes, I found the little rapscallion out in the strawberry patch."

Rourke handed a small wet complaining mouse to the squirrel. The mouse piped up, "Aww, let me go! I wanna be out in the rain!" The squirrel chided him. "Tafra, you know Dibbuns aren't allowed out of bed this late, especially in a storm!"


She walked away, carrying the little mouse, who was still protesting. Rourke chuckled to himself. Dibbuns, they're young and still have to learn the rules of the Abbey.

On his way to his bedroom, he passed the Great Hall and looked at the tapestry of Martin the Warrior. He smiled. Rourke was glad that Martin's spirit still watched over the abbey.

Sadly, Martin does not watch over Salamandastron, which is about to have an all-out war with a savage beast that can strike fear even in an entire army alone.

[Morgazath]

 Chapter 3
Captain Snowfire, since your post was so good and I can't change it at all because it's so good, I decided to have it in my story. I hope you don't mind. And are we allowed to double post in our stories?

Holly Redpaw stood in the empty Badger lords chambers, a small sigh reaching his lips. It had been only a short time since the recent Badger lords death, but it had felt like he had been ruling the Mountain of Salamandastron for a lifetime.

His dark blue eye's gazed slowly around the simple but well made chamber. It was huge chamber, and fit only for a Badger lord. Which the mountain now sadly lacked.

His eye's misted slightly as he remember the days when he was a young leveret, and had helped the Badger lord Ofret the Just in his forge chambers. He could be a stern badger at times, but always had a kind heart towards others. And had been totally perilous in battle.

Holly had served Ofret the Just since he was a green recruit, always trying to stand out among other young hares as the best. But as the seasons passed, he could see the foolishness some of his actions had caused. He had not wanted the job of ruling the mountain, just to merely show his loyalty and dedication to the Badger lord and his Mountain.

Memory's passed through the Hare's mind as he recalled a sunlight afternoon, merely a few day's before the Badger lord's death. He had been walking along the beach with Lord Ofret and another recruit, when he had stopped and told him.

"One day, when I am gone from this land. You'll tend to this mountain until the Badger lords return." Holly had asked what it meant. But the Badger lord would speak no more of the matter. Now Holly knew the wisdom in his Lords words. He sighed sadly as he walked through the forge room, the forge had gone cold for the time being.

No beast attending it, making spears, sword, or arrows. Holly walked out of the Forge room, a small gleam of determination is his eye. If it was Ofret's last request that he Rule the mountain until the next Badger lord's reign, then he was going to do it. Even if it took him until the end of his seasons until the next Badger lord arrived.

Holly brightened up at this revelation, he had an assignment given to him by his badger lord. Striding confidently down the long flights of stairs to the training grounds, where some recruits were training with each other. They were not training properly, but only halfheartedly. Lieutenant Holly strode over, his saber at his side.

When he reached the young hares, he drew his saber. "Right then you horrible slackers!" He roared out, making them jump. "Let me see you train'in properly! you there ditherpaws! Never let your spear point drop when facing an opponent! Not unless your dead or dying!"

He continued to roar at the recruits. The recruits fumbled to wield their weapons properly. "You their!" he called to one of the recruits. "You look like a beast who knows how to use that sword, lets see you use it! Come on now, don't be shy! Because vermin won't be!"

He let his saber point rest in the sand as the recruit nervously approached the Lieutenant. "Come on now! Make your move!" He challenged the young hare. The young Hare halfheartedly attempted a thrust. A second before it reached Holly, his saber was up and deflected the blow.

Quick as a flash Holly sidestepped and flipped his saber over so he was holding the point, and jabbed the young recruit in the side with the hilt. The razor-sharp blade of his saber cutting into his gloves slightly. "What do you call that?!" Holly roared at the recruit. "Come on! Have another go!"

He egged the recruit on, his paws steady as a rock. the recruit tried several times to land a hit on the Lieutenant's saber with his sword until he could hardly keep the blade up, but Holly kept moving the saber out of the way, still holding onto the point of the blade. "That's enough, laddiebuck!"

Holly said to the recruit. "What's your name?" The recruit panted heavily for a minute before he answered. "Dadek Sir." Holly tossed his saber up into the air, caught it by the hilt and sheathed it in one fluid movement. "That was a good show, keep it up and in no time you'll be better then me!"

He eyed the other recruits. "And that's not extended to just him you know. That goes for all of you!" He said kindly. He never could keep a rough heartless officer act up for long. "Come on, let's go get some tucker to eat, you must be fare famished after that workout."

He said chuckling. "What do you all say?" The 6 recruits that were practicing cheered. "What a spiffing idea sir!" Another called out, "Top ho sir! Well done!" but the last one whispered to his friend. "THat's an officer I could bally well train with all the time!" They made their way back into the mountain and into the mess hall, where lunch was just being served.

[The Skarzs]

Very nice chapter.

And about your question on double posting: the mods answered questions like that in the Questions and Answers topic, but I'll just repeat what they said. If the post is worthwhile and good that would not be beneficial by modifying your previous post, like another chapter, then it is alright. If it is important, like letting people know of something you believe it would be good to know, (like telling people in an RP you start that you will be putting up the thread tomorrow, or taking it down, that is also alright.)
If it is just to keep a thread alive, it is looked down upon.
Hope that helps!

[Captain Tammo]

Good work! Is this your first fanfic?

What sort of feedback are you looking for? Compliments and positive remarks only, positive/constructive criticism, only constructive criticism, or full on critiquing? Lol

[Morgazath]

Good work! Is this your first fanfic?

What sort of feedback are you looking for? Compliments and positive remarks only, positive/constructive criticism, only constructive criticism, or full on critiquing? Lol

Yes, this is my first fanfic. I'm looking for everything you mentioned. Because I'm planning on being a writer for a living, so I need all the help I can get.

[Feles]

lol
i'm considering the same job
your story gets better with every chapter

[Morgazath]

 Sorry about being late everyone. I forgot all about this story.

Chapter 4

The storm was now over and the sky was a deep purple with golden rays smiling down the deep blue ocean. The black ships of Zeerkra added a dark presence to the beautiful scene.

Zeerkra was standing at the very front of his ship, his spear pointing down at the sea. He smiled, showing long pearly white fangs. He chuckled evilly at his new conquest in front of him. Soon, it will all be his.

A soldier came up behind his leader and says to him, "Only two more days, my lord." Zeerkra was still smiling as he replied. "Good, very good."