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Started by Gonff the Mousethief, May 23, 2014, 01:22:35 AM

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Gonff the Mousethief

#15
Thank you so much for the support. It means the world to me. :D

Made a small edit to the end of chapter 2 ;)
I want the world of Tolkien,
The message of Lewis;
The adventure of Jacques,
And the heart of Milne.
But I want the originality of me.



Gonff the Mousethief

#16
                                                   CHAPTER 3


Demetrius had been reading one of the novels written by Sir MetalTalon. He had fought many battles, and was now retired, and lived far away in a ledgendary Mountain. After reading, he got up and lied on his bed. He though about what he would do when Swiftblade arrived. He was Oh So troubled. He kept tossing and turning. He decided to calm himself down, by sing a 4 verse song his mother used to sing.

Oh, calm, calm as the sea,
Calm, calm as the waves,
Calm calm, like the wind and the breeze,
Calm calm, like you and me.

He loved when his mother sang. It made him happy, and he would forget all of his troubles. She had raised him and Marshall right, unlike others. They had lived far North, and were the outcasts of the area where they lived. Marshall was always picked on because of his fur, so Demetrius had to protect him. But one night, his father had made a bad bet at the tavern, and they lost all of their belongings. His mother was sick at the time, and she later died. It was the hardest thing Demetrius had to face. Their father took them south, to escape the evil foxes. One night, while making camp, they were ambushed by a group of rats. Their father told them to run, and he would face them. While running, he could hear the screams of his father, fighting to the end. He took Marshall and ran faster. But they were caught. One of the rats had gone to get them. He swung his sword at Marshall, but Demetrius jumped in front. The sword chopped of Marshall's tail, and left a huge gash in Demetrius's side. Marshall jumped on the rat, and bit him on the neck until he dropped his sword. He got the sword, and hit his legs. (Now the two were only 7 and 8 at the time) The rat fell, and Marshall stabbed him in the heart. Marshall picked up his badly hurt brother. He carried him to the river, so he could wash the wound. He ripped of part of his battered shirt, then wrapped it around his nub and his scar. While he was wrapping, he heard what sounded like music. He hurried to see what it was. A band of shrews where coming down the river. Marshall yelled for them to stop and help him and his brother. They stopped and bandaged the two of them. Log-A-Log Tripper, took Marshall and Demetrius to Redwall. There they lived, for a long time. Demetrius healed, and was soon a great scholar. When old Abbess Mary passed away, everyone wanted him to be Abbot. He kindly took the position. Things have been the same ever since.
Demetruis heard a knock at his door. He soon get very nervous. He walked slowly towards the door, and could hear what sounded like a hare and badger. He opened the door very slowly. He looked up and saw the great figure of Swiftblade Windpaw.
''Um, well, hello Swiftblade!''
''Hello there Father Aboot!''
Marshall snickered. Demetrius didn't seem like a father to him!
''I see Marshall has welcomed you t- I mean both of you. Who is the hare you have brought along?''
Tonto stepped forward a bit. ''Why I, Father, am Tonto Buttonears, the Head of the Long Patrol of Salamdastron! Second in Command to Lord Swiftblade Windpaw!''
''My my! You have brought one very important hare Lord Swiftblade!''
''Please Father Abbot, call me Swiftblade.''
''Only if you stop calling me by my silly title of 'Father Abbot'. Call me by my real name, Demetrius.''
''If you wish Fath- I mean Demetrius. Now lets sit down and talk shall we?'
''Why yes of course! Please have seat!''
Demetrius offered both of them a fine leather chair. Marshall just plopped himself oh the bed. He liked the bed, it smelled of fresh lavendar.
''Now, what was it that you called me here for again?''
''Oh yes! The Truce of Protection Act that I thought of. It was one of Sir Metaltalon's idea's. I cannot take credit for it. Anywho, its the treaty that i-.''
Marshall was bored already. He sniffed the lavendar once more, then fell into a mere slumber.
     He felt as if he were rocking. He opened his eyes and saw he was on a log boat which was full of merry shrews. They were dancing and celebrating some great achievement. He felt a strong hand grab his. When he looked down, he saw an old, yet youthful shrew with a silver bandana across his forehead. He carried a long curved sword on his belt which was made of shrakskin. He had scars and tattoos across he arms and legs. Marshall recognized the shrew.
''Tripper! Good to see you mate!''
''Same to you friend! Hurry now, or you'll miss the celebration!''
The strong beast pulled the blue-furred fox over to the end of a boat. When he arrived, the shrews were dancing faster and faster, not stopping. They were going so fast, that Marshall could not keep up. The boats rushed forward through the river likes arrows out of a bow. Faster they danced, and faster they went down the stream. But suddenly, the shrews started to disapear. One by one, they were going into thin air. When they were all gone, a rat appeared directly infront of Marshall. He wielded a long, curved sword, covered in blood. He had ear-piercings on both of his grimy ears. He was missing at least six or seven teeth.  He wore rags and a torn of pike-skin belt. What topped him off was his blue scarf. Wait, that was no scarf, that was a tail! A blue tail! Marshall stared up at him as he grew and grew. The log boat was going under where he was standing. A bright fire glowed in the evil rat's eyes. He grabbed the tail off his neck and started to swing it like one would sling a sling.   He spun it faster and faster. A image of something wad appearing in the whirl of blue. A fox began to show. She had long eyes lashes, and had bright pink lips. Her eyes where a dark but bright blue. She looked at Marshall. He stared into it has water began to submerge is feet. The rat was still laughing. Marshall's eyes were locked. The water was filling to boat at a rapid pace. The boat was going under. The blue fox felt himself go into the water. The rat had gone under the water as well. But even as he went into the cold water, he kept starring up. Water was starting to fill his lungs. He started coughing, and gasping for air. He awoke in the bed, coughing a storm. The other three were still there, finishing up their conversation. Marshall looked wide eyed at them.
''Marshall, are you Ok?''
After coughing once more, he turned to answer Swiftblade.''Do I look Ok?''
''Eh, not really. Kinda pale.''
''Then I'm fine. Are you three done talking about some truce thing?''
''Just finishing up brother. Now, could you please go down and fetch us some Afternoon Tea?''
Marshall rolled his eyes. ''I guess.''
He hopped out of bed, then walked slowly to the huge Oak Wood door. He opened it, then was on his way.
I want the world of Tolkien,
The message of Lewis;
The adventure of Jacques,
And the heart of Milne.
But I want the originality of me.



Gonff the Mousethief

Finished the chapter! (Whew! Took alot of brain jucie!)
I hope you all enjoy! Now that Google Chrome is back working I can finally post more in my fan fics! Please leave feedback! Anywho, Have a good day (Or Night)!
I want the world of Tolkien,
The message of Lewis;
The adventure of Jacques,
And the heart of Milne.
But I want the originality of me.



Tim Churchmouse

Say whuuuuuut? A fox Aboot?
Interesting idea...
This is your referral link!
PLEEEEEASE CLICK MULTIPLYFYING TIMES!!!!!!!

Gonff the Mousethief

I wanted Marshall to have some kind of brother connection, plus I didn't have an abbot, so I now gave Demetrius!
I want the world of Tolkien,
The message of Lewis;
The adventure of Jacques,
And the heart of Milne.
But I want the originality of me.



Gonff the Mousethief

#20
                                                             CHAPTER 4



    Amber Quicktail walked around the Abbey Lawns. The vixen hugged her book as hot tears came pouring from her face. Her cheeks were red with anger. In her head were multiple thoughts going around. Behind her was laughing and mocking. Shella Willow was once again bullying her. Her small gang were calling Amber names such as 'Giant' and 'Silverface'. Their were also ones that yelled at her, 'Old bookface' and 'Dustnose.' But the ones that hurt the worst came from the squirrel Shella. 'A nobody, a homeless freak, vermin.' What had taken place was something quite awful.

    Amber walked out of the abbey with a old, dusty copy of The War of the Mountain: Sir MetalTalon's Story, given to her by Old Yoppy the Recorder. The sun was bright and shining, the cool crisp Autumn air felt good on her silver fur coat. Golden, red, and orange leaves flew by her. Today was going to be a good day, she could feel it. As she was walking towards her favorite apple tree, she froze. Coming her way was Shella Willow and her gang! Amber sighed. The squirrel always bullied her for  Not being a woodlander.' What did that matter? The ABBOT was a fox! Oh well, the best thing she could do was ignore them.Amber payed no attention to the the gang as they approached.
''Watcha readin' vixen!''
''Why should I tell you? All you do to books is trash them!''
The squirrel was not used to her insults.
''Oh, I'm sorry, I didnt know I made them look like you!''
Amber kept looking at her book, not reading, but trying not to lash out at the taunting squirrel.
''I would not mind books taking on my silver complexion. They are of course my friends.''
''Ya, your ONLY friends!''
Her gang laughed at this joke. Shella smirked, oh what a good one!
''At least I have some, not a group of wanna-be's!''
Shella's gang became red in the face. It was, in fact, true.
''Phh, ya right! Listen vixen, Im just glad my parents are here at the Abbey, not rotting in a good-to-nothing tavern!''
Amber's eyes lit up like fire.
''DON'T YOU DARE TALK THAT WAY ABOUT MY PARENTS! AT LEAST THEY HAD SENSE TO LEAVE ME HERE!''
Tears we now coming down her face. Her face was getting red and her temper hot.
''Ha, to do what, read all day with your friends?''
That was enough. The tall vixen stood up with her book, and stormed away to the other side of the abbey grounds.
''Ha, serves her right for talking t' me that way!'' commented Shella.

Marshall staggered into the kitchens. Still wondering what just happened, he went to look for some tea. Hmmmm, someone must have taken it all! He scurried around looking for it. As he turned, he saw the ancient abbey recorder, Brother Yoppy, heading outside with a pot. He rushed to catch up with him. While he was running, Phoony and a group of Dibbuns were skipping past. WHAM! The blue fox had tripped over them!
''Mista Masill! You 'right!''
''Oh no! Zurr you hurtz?''
''No, no, I'm just find young'uns. Now, carry on, I have to go get some tea!'
As he got up and dusted off, the squirrelmaid Phoony came up to him.
''Masill, here your hat back! I donz want it no more!''
''Well thankee Phoony! Ill put it back on  now!''
He threw the old raccoon hat up in the air, then caught it with his head.
''Wow Masill! I want to be like you 'tum day!''
Marshall smiled.
'' Well, you better like stayin' young, cause once you older like me, I'ts not as fun! (NOTE: Marshall is only about 23, and Demetrius 24) Hurry on now!''
She nodded, then hurried on to catch up with her peers.
As Marshall adjusted his hat, he looked around in panic. Where was the tea! He ran out onto the abbey grounds, hoping to find the ancient mouse. While he was looking, he saw an upsetting site. Amber Quicktail was bawling under on of the older pear trees.
''Oh, what its this time Amber,'' Marshall muttered to himself. He dashed over to her.
''Hullo Amber! What seems to be the matter?''
Amber looked up, with a tear-stained face. She had always liked Marshall, he was nice, intelligent, and could handle a situation well.
''That Shella, she was making fun of me again.''
Marshall picked two pears from an over hanging branch and sat down next to the vixen.
''What where the insults if I might ask?''
''Well, she started off wanting to see my book, then insulted my face, but I had one good comeback for her!''
Marshall chuckled,''Well, may I hear it?''
''She said I looked like my books, and I said,'I would like my books to take on my silver complexion!'''
Marshall laughed,'' Very good comeback indeed!'' He handed her the other pear that he had picked.
''Then after that she said mean things about me parents. Their rotting in a tavern is what that mean scoundrel said!''
Amber's eyes swolle up with tears again. She started to cry on Marshall's shoulder. ''Its true though! My parents ARE rotting in a useless tavern! I was just the daughter they never need nor wanted!''
She kept crying, but Marshall (being the kinds soul he is) put his hand on her back and patted.
''There there, no need to cry. Why do you say you're 'not needed'?''
''Because! They left me here! Never looking back! They just wanted me gone, not loving me or caring for me!''
''Well, if they didn't care for you, why did they leave you here? They could have left you in the woods, or in a basket flowing down a river! You know that me parents were ambushed and killed. I lost me tail fightin' for my brother. You know I could sit here all day asking 'Why didn't you protect your selves!' or 'Why did you let us run!' No, I sit here thinking 'Thank goodness they TRIED to protect us!' and 'I'm glad they taugth me how to fight!' Now, dont go sulkin' 'round cause that  'Squirrel' keeps tauntin' ya! Stick you nose in the air and be glad you ARE here, not in that Tavern! Your parents knew enough to leave you here, there's something to be proud of!''
Amber sat up. Marshall was actually right!
''Ya know what Marshall, you're right! I don't need to let that Shella get under my skin! Plus, Even if My parents left me, I am still Amber Quicktail, the silver vixen of Redwall Abbey!''
''Thats meh girl!''
Amber jumped up and grabbed his arm. He was hauled up into the air.
''Thank you so much Marshall!'' She gave him a big hug. Confused, the blue fox hugged back. (NOTE: Amber is 22) She released, then grabbed her book and walked off.
''WAIT!'' Marshall cried out. ''Do you want to come help me get some tea from Brother Yoppy?''
The vixen looked back and smiled ''Why not go get some in the cellars? Cellarhog Augustus was brewing some!''
Marshall was mad at himself. The cellars! DUH! ''Coming!''
He hurried after the vixen, who for some reason, he actually liked!
I want the world of Tolkien,
The message of Lewis;
The adventure of Jacques,
And the heart of Milne.
But I want the originality of me.



Gonff the Mousethief

There it is! Chapter 4! I hope you guys like it! Please leave a comment on it, I would love to hear feed back! Also, I figured this would be about 4 and a half pages in a Redwall book!  :D
I want the world of Tolkien,
The message of Lewis;
The adventure of Jacques,
And the heart of Milne.
But I want the originality of me.



Feles

very good, you can get a romantic subplot in your stories while I fail to do so, just look out for spelling mistakes
I am the harbinger of the spicy rooster apocalypse,
I am the hydrogen bomb in a necktie,
I hold the flames of a thousand collapsed stars,
I am Bobracha!

Gonff the Mousethief

Never have really been a good speller, but I'll do my best!
I want the world of Tolkien,
The message of Lewis;
The adventure of Jacques,
And the heart of Milne.
But I want the originality of me.



Gonff the Mousethief

I'll try to get the next chapter out either today or tomorrow, depending when I finish my book report.
I want the world of Tolkien,
The message of Lewis;
The adventure of Jacques,
And the heart of Milne.
But I want the originality of me.



CaptainRocktree

Wow! I loved the last 2 chapters! I had to catch up on what I missed but I loved it! Keep up the Great work!  ;)
Not all those who wander are lost.
J.R.R Tolkien

CaptainRocktree

Will there be any new chapter coming up of this story any time soon?
Not all those who wander are lost.
J.R.R Tolkien

Gonff the Mousethief

Man, I sort of forgot about this.

Yes, I had a  plan for it, but never wrote it. I will eventually update it, but in a few weeks.
I want the world of Tolkien,
The message of Lewis;
The adventure of Jacques,
And the heart of Milne.
But I want the originality of me.



CaptainRocktree

Alright, The storyline is very promising! I can't wait to see where you take it!
Not all those who wander are lost.
J.R.R Tolkien