Rise of Hellgates: The Fall of Redwall Abbey

[Ashleg]

I really need to catch up on this. >.<

[Skyblade]

Ooh, nice. I like this development, except I'm confused why everyone's splitting up. It's probably just me missing something (I read fast, so sometimes I skip things)

[Groddil]

The Guosim/Long Patrol knows that if the Abbeydwellers stay here, they'll most likely be in danger, and the Abbey Walls probably aren't going to hold against whatever destroyed Salamandastron. So, some of the warriors are going to guard the Redwallers, who are journeying to the North where they'll be safer. The others are staying in Mossflower to find out what the heck is going on, and when it'll stop.

[Ashleg]

IT WILL NEVER STOP!!!

Waiting for the next part...that's what'll never stop...

[Groddil]

Bit of a short chapter today. But it doesn't need to be long to get its message across...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 8 - Separation

Some time had passed since the meeting. Redwallers stood at the treeline, staring sadly at their home for countless seasons. Tazzler shook Janbik's paw, Log-a-log waved goodbye to Skinnyshrew, and the Abbot nodded warmly at Marcus. Nobeast knew how long it would be until they saw their friends again. The Redwallers dried their tears and began to move north through the woodlands. Marcus said his goodbyes to Skipper and struck off into the woodlands. He soon found a sheltered cave, and decided to rest, while opening the package the Abbot had given him. Inside, there was a roughly-scrawled note, a strange vial, and a huge, red gemstone. Marcus squinted at the note, trying to read the rough writing.

If 'tis prophecies te seek, head east.
Ta th' Moss River, on th' banks.
In a cave, yer'll find me.
An' I'll tell ye o' yer destiny.

The mouse folded the paper back up, rewrapping the parcel. He stood up, scarfed down some food, and set off into the woods.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Once the two groups had split, Berro's team decided to go to the south, to try and make new allies from the many woodlander clans scattered about. If they were still there, of course. Tazzler and a shrew found themselves scouting ahead of the rest, weapons drawn. Then the shrew's keen eyes spotted something in a nearby bush. Something... bright.
"'Ey, Tazzler. Ye see that?"
"Aye. Looks like a campfire. Get ready t'sneak up on th' blighter. On three, charge 'im."
The shrew nodded, squatting behind a tree.
"One..."
The shrew notched an arrow to his bowstring.
"Two..."
Tazzler nodded, standing straight up.
"Thr... Umm..."
The shrew stood up next to Tazzler, staring at the thing past the bushes. It was a rat. A large, rat, who appeared to be made out of fire. His "fur" was bright orange and red, and danced about. A thin stream of smoke was even coming out of his ears. Tazzler extended his spear and called to the thing.
"You, there. Rat! Paws up, y'villain. Who are you? What's wrong wid ya?"
The rat made no noise, but stood up, its claws raised. The shrew pulled his arrow tighter.
"Ye heard 'im, rat. Speak up!"
The rat let out an ear-splitting roar and charged the two scouts. The shrew loosed his arrow at the rat, but the projectile appeared to pass right through him. After passing through the rat, the arrow's shaft caught flame, and thudded into a tree. The fire was unlike any blaze the scouts had seen before, as the tree it touched burst aflame almost instantly. Tazzler and the shrew started to back away, before Tazzler threw his spear, and they turned tail and ran. The "rat" caught the spear mid-flight, setting it ablaze. One throw later, and Tazzler was on his own. The shrew's corpse starting burning, spreading fire to the grass as well. Tazzler put on an extra burst of speed, crashing through the undergrowth and slamming into Berro.
"Tazzler? What's go-"
"Run! Just run! That way!"
Led by the terrified hare, the army broke into a run. Whatever this unkillable flame creature was, they did not want to meet it.

~~~~~~~~~~~

The Redwallers had already begun trekking north, until they eventually came to a large hill. Skipper decided to recon the area, and had soon hiked to the top. What he saw was a shock. From that moment on, the otter would never think that the Redwallers were safe, no matter where they were. The sky was no longer lit up by flames. There were several blinding flashes, and what happened next left Skipper completely dumbstruck. On the horizon, he had seen a small blaze at one fringe of the woods. After the flashes, it was gone. But a huge section of woods surrounding Redwall was ablaze, and the Abbey itself... began to melt. The red stones glowed a far brighter red than they had ever been. The rocks themselves liquefied as Skipper watched, rooted to the ground in fear. Soon, the building's tall spires could no longer be seen. Redwall was no more.

[Skyblade]

This entire chapter was great. Each section provided an exciting new part of the plot.

Critique:
Marcus isn't a very interesting character, in my opinion, because he seems to follow the Martin-Matthias-Mattimeo archetype of the Redwall series. That's not a bad thing, of course - it just isn't my cup of tea. I prefer original ideas. Prophecies, while not really unique, still manage to intrigue me, though.

On that note, I'll say again that yor fanfic conveys a very creative idea and the last paragraph is amazing.

[Groddil]

This entire chapter was great. Each section provided an exciting new part of the plot. Cheers.

Critique:
Marcus isn't a very interesting character, in my opinion, because he seems to follow the Martin-Matthias-Mattimeo archetype of the Redwall series. That's not a bad thing, of course - it just isn't my cup of tea. I prefer original ideas. Prophecies, while not really unique, still manage to intrigue me, though. Oh, I know. He's a copy-paste, stale protagonist for a reason. You'll see...

On that note, I'll say again that your fanfic conveys a very creative idea and the last paragraph is amazing.Cheers again.

I'll update this soon. In the meantime, keep on eye on We Happy Few.

[Groddil]

Chapter 9 - Ave Atque Vale

*Cough*
"Where?"
A lone hare, covered in blood, hauled himself to his knees, trying to brush off the thick layer of ash that covered him. Where was he? All around him were... no, those weren't trees. Charred, wooden husks. Hundreds of them, standing tall and broken like a reminder. But a reminder of what? He tried to take a step, but his leg gave way and he fell, sending up another burst of ash.
"What... happened?"
He noticed several lumps in the ash, and crawled towards them. He brushed the ash off one to reveal the blackened skeleton of another hare. He felt sick. Who was this poor creature. What was going on?
"Tazzler!"
"Huh? Who... Where?"
"It's me, Berro!"
"I... I recognize that name. No... I see it. I see it all."
Hundreds, no... thousands of those... things. Fiery Hellspawn. Like rats, but clearly not. They were... running. Running from the things. Hares. Shrews. They were overwhelmed. The Hellish creatures tackled his friends to the ground. Resistance was pointless. The fire claimed them just as it had claimed his home. They were sent out to stop those things. They failed.
"Why didn't you help me, Tazzler?"
"I-I-I don't understand."
"Then THINK, you fool!"
"No. No, I don't want to remember. Get out of my head."
The hare, Tazzler, clenched his fists, striking himself repeatedly.
"Want to forget. Don't want to remember."
Screaming in pain, he started to run through the forsaken woodlands. Past the dead trees and the bones of his comrades.

~~~~~~~~~~~

"Ashes to ashes..."
Somewhere else in the woods, a young mouse let ash seep through his fingers, as he stared around at the devastation. This was once his home. A huge, sandstone abbey. The huge, pink bricks had melted with shear heat. They must have. They didn't just... disappear. What remained of the abbey's foundation had been scorched, or melted. To think what could do this. Turn solid rock into sludge. Turn Mossflower Wood into a wasteland. It didn't bear thinking about. He had seen them. Seen them wipe out entire settlements. He didn't want to die like that. Better to go out on his own terms.

~~~~~~~~~~~

He didn't know how long he'd been walking. But he'd finally left the woods behind. He was starting to wish that he'd stayed there. He stood atop a ridge overlooking the western flatlands. There, on the horizon, was the fire mountain. Still spewing molten rock. How long would it do that for? He didn't want to know. He could feel the blistering heat even here. He took a deep breath, but wished he hadn't. So much ash. He unstrapped the sword from his back. It was said to be a legendary blade, but it was just as useless against those Hellrats as throwing a rock at them. He stabbed it into the ground and teetered dangerously on the edge of the ridge.
"Goodbye."
He fell.

~~~~~~~~~~

Many Seasons Later...

It had been a brutal winter. The old otter, in all his seasons, couldn't remember a time when it was that cold. Huddling in that cave on the northern shore, all alone. The older ones had all died long ago, and the younger ones left many seasons back, trekking into the dried-up seabed in search of a myth. An oasis. A place where ash no longer covered the soil and you couldn't see the fire mountain every night. Still burning with the fury of Hellgates, even after so long. His world was nothing now. For all he knew, there was nobeast alive anymore. He was the only creature he had seen since the young ones left. Groaning, he hauled himself up onto his arthritic legs and began the trek up to the clifftop. It seemed to take longer every harvest. Eventually, he made it. He pulled a javelin, almost as hold as himself, from the ground, and speared it into a lump beneath the ash. He pulled the lump, a potato, from the weapon, and brushed off the ash. It was tough. The vegetable was tasteless and had broken his teeth on many previous occasions. But he wasn't about to cook it. He was already terrified of the Fire Mountain, the flames of which were still visible no matter how far he ran. Even when the mountain was lost to sight, the fire still called him. Was it a sign? He was old, maybe it was his time to go. He looked out over what had once been an ocean. Down at the sand, parts of which had been turned to glass. Down at the charred bones of ancient leviathans. Down at the ash. So much ash. It was all that was left of the world. Death, fire, and ash.
"Dust to dust..."

~The End~