Redwall Fanfiction (I haven't thought of a title yet)

[alexandre]

I decide to write a Redwall fanfiction. I've never done this sort of thing before, so don't kill me because the first chapter is about 800 words long. This fanfiction is the tale of Lousewort and Sneezewort who.. you may recall LONG PATROL SPOILER ALERT

Spoiler

Fled the Rapscallion camp before Damug's big defeat, their fate was unknown... Until now   

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So, yeah.

Spoiler

Chapter 1

   A late summer sun shone through a small clearing near the fringes of southwest Mossflower. Two rats lay in the clearing, sleeping away the hot midday sun. The two rats had been through a lot that season. Since leaving the Rapscallion army and the wrath of Damug Warfang, they had travelled in a southwesterly direction, with no particular goal of a destination. They had been immensely relieved when it became apparent that they were not being hunted down by Damug. They had soon grown used to not living with an army, they were their own masters now. They would travel by night and sleep by day, their only concern was winter. They knew that they would need to find a warmer place to spend the winter, which prompted their travels to the south. The two rats had also grown smarter, they had learned a lot in their time without an army to travel with. They had to be quick and clever, they learned to be weary of other, tougher creatures. That was how they had lived for nearly a season, and they were arriving in the south just before the onset of autumn.
   Afternoon had long passed on to evening when Sneezewort awoke. He stood, yawned, and—seeing the position of the sun in the sky—decided it was time for a quick dinner before continuing their journey southward. He grabbed his spear, which he always kept close at paw, and set off into the woods in search of a meal. A bird perhaps, he thought, would do just fine. Lousewort, ever the heavier sleeper, woke a short time later. Seeing his friend's absence, he had begun to gather wood for a fire when he heard Sneezewort shouts from the west.
   "C'mere mucker! You'se gotta see this." Sneezewort's voice held a tone of great excitement.
   Lousewort hastily laid down the firewood, grabbed his spear, and trundled off in the direction of Sneezewort's voice, "Give y're ol' tongue a rest, matey, I'm on 'm way!"
   "Hurry up! Sunsets don't last all day y'know!" This confused Lousewort a great deal, and he quickened his pace a bit.
   At last, the rat arrived at the rocky tor upon which his companion was standing. Sneezewort pointed to the west, just beyond the last fringes of woodland, "Look over there, mucker, tell me what ye' see."
   Lousewort gazed off in the distance, confusedly remarking, "Er, the sun? Oh I know! Der big oak tree?
   Sneezewort sighed, "Beyond der oak tree, stupid."
   Lousewort squinted, "I dunno, er, er... Realization dawned upon the slow rat's features, "De' briny, mucker. We've found de' briny!"
   Sneezewort nodded, "Aye, I'd bet there be some tasty mackerel swimmin' them waters. Been a long time since I tasted good ol' mackerel. Pity we don't 'ave a net or sumat for fishin'."
   Lousewort shrugged, "Who needs a net when we got are own two paws for fishin'?"
   Sneezewort chuckled, "Catch fish with yer paws? Har har, thats a good 'un, mucker. Well, if ye' wanted to, we could start out for the sea right now, we'd prob'ly make it by twilight, then you c'n catch some mackerel with them paws o' yours an' make us a late dinner."
   By twilight, Sneezewort was warming his paws by the fire he had made just above the tideline, gazing at the dark shape lying in the shallows. The shape was, of course Lousewort. The shape would lay still for several minutes or so, then, unexpectedly, the rat would wildly thrash about, limbs flailing through the water. Each time heralding much laughter on Sneezewort's part. After a couple seconds, Lousewort would lie still again, waiting for another fish to swim by.
   Lousewort had been doing this for an hour or so, eventually Sneezewort grew worried. Even though it was still summer, the water was not particularly warm. "Come out o' there, mucker! You'll catch 'yer death in de' wa..." Sneezewort's remark was cut short by the sudden sizzling noise as the firelight was extinguished. Sneezewort turned around swiftly, "What happ.." A heavy stone knocked Sneezewort unconscious as a net was thrown over his head.
   About an hour later, Lousewort finally managed to catch one of the elusive fish. He danced about triumphantly in the shallows, driven to a temporarily maddened state by his mackerel endeavor. He ran off in the direction where the fire used to be shouting, "I got one! I caught me a nice lil' mack'rel!" Several moments had passed before realization dawned on the rat, "Mucker? Come out 'ere, I caught one 'o them mack'rels." After it became apparent that Sneezewort was not anywhere near, Lousewort sat down by the warm coals, wondering what he should do. After sitting there for several minutes, he decided that Sneezewort must have gone out in search of another food source and would be back soon. He lay down to rest, thoroughly exhausted by his time spent fishing, reassuring himself that Sneezewort would come sometime later with a freshly caught Woodpigeon in his claws, breakfast.

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Criticism is welcome and appreciated. Like I said, this is my first Fanfic so I am sure there is a whole lot of room for improvement.

Special thanks to @Sagetip who helped me edit this on the discord chat, he's real good at that.

[Rosie Willowwater]

This is great Al! I can't wait for the next chapter!

[Feles]

I like it.
*Will monitor for next chapter like hawk*

[Captain Tammo]

I've always wondered what happened to these two guys! Glad you're writing this, I'm looking forward to the next entry.

What I liked was how you showed their growth since The Long Patrol. They seem a bit smarter, but not so much so that they don't seem like the characters we've grown to love. Speaking of which, I also liked how you preserved their personalities a bit with the dialogue (good touch!). Sometimes writers make adventures for existing characters, but put so much spin on them that they don't even seem like the characters we know, so good job on not falling into that category of people!

I suppose one question would be regarding their plan to sleep by day and march by night. It looks like they're both waking up in the beginning of the story as dusk approaches, then Lousewort is going back to sleep again in what appears to be the middle of the night (only a few hours later)? Was this because he was tired after getting the mackerel, or was that maybe a small oversight?

[alexandre]

I suppose one question would be regarding their plan to sleep by day and march by night. It looks like they're both waking up in the beginning of the story as dusk approaches, then Lousewort is going back to sleep again in what appears to be the middle of the night (only a few hours later)? Was this because he was tired after getting the mackerel, or was that maybe a small oversight?

Thanks, Cap'n!

Good point, I did not notice that, I shall go back and edit it to make it because of the mackerel endeavor. 

[Luftwaffles]

Not bad. Not bad at all.

Keep it up

[Ashleg]

I would read this, but as many of you know I don't actually take time to read fanfiction. That memes option was made for me...

If you ever care to make a one or two sentence summary of the chapters then I would read it.