Here's how this one works. Every time you post you add a sentence to this story. Feel free to creative, but remember, this is not a role-play . I repeat, THIS IS NOT A ROLE-PLAY. Do not put yourself or a character of yourself into the story. This story is meant to be a mutual effort on everyone's part. Let's keep things orderly and have a good time. ^_^
I'll start with: One day there was a guy named Jim, who dreamed of eating the perfect pizza.
Unfortunately, he had a problem: He was allergic to tomato sauce.
So he sent a text to the local pizza shoppe, and asked for a sauce-less pizza.
But the text message bounced back. "Message undeliverable", the screen said. "Please contact your service provider if the problem persists."
So Jim called his mom, Jenny, and asked if she could make the pizza.
Jenny was busy organising a dinner party, so she told him she didn't have time to make a pizza.
As all else had failed, Jim decided to go to the store and buy some things to make his own pizza.
On arriving at the store he found he had lost his wallet.
He retraced the steps he took to get to the store, patting his pockets to make sure his wallet really was missing.
He met this girl, walking her otter down the street, and she had his wallet in her hand.
The man became frightened, as he was also allergic to otters.
But the girl didn't notice he was frightened, walked up to him anyways, and said, "Is this your wallet, sir?"
Jim suddenly started sneezing violently, startling the girl.
The girl was angry at being startled, so she walloped him with a giant feather pillow! :D
After that, Jim knew that the world was due for a change.
so he climbed to the top of the Empire State Building and launched himself off the spire, landing on a trampoline that had been placed underneath by a passing hedgehog.
Then he woke up.
And it was all a dream.
(Don't worry, the story hasn't finished yet!)
A looked out his bedroom window and saw a wandering shepherdess riding a buffalo.
He opened his window and called out to her, "Excuse me, what day is this?"
She replied, "It's December 50th, 8036. Why?"
He yawned.
"Man, I slept in late," he thought to himself.
He wondered if this futuristic world had flying robot dog toasters in it.
Suddenly a kitten sat on his lap and said, "There are no flying robot dog toasters here."
"How did you get in here?," Jim asked the kitten.
"I broke in while you were sleeping," replied the really cute kitten.
Jim was feeling hungry after an approximately six thousand year rest, so he stood up, forcing the kitten to jump out of his lap, and decided to head to the kitchen to get something to eat.
He remembered his previous craving for pizza, so he searched the kitchen for the ingredients.
The only ingredient he found however was tomato sauce.
Unable to help himself, he took a lick...
...of the glass jar, which looked unbelievably appealing!
He then put it back and decided he would order a tomato sauceless pizza from the local pizza shop, as he believed they would exist now that it was six thousand years in the future.
He reached into his pocket to pull out his phone and call, before realizing that his ancient cell phone would probably not be compatible with anything in the 81st century.
So he went searching for the kitten to ask how to contact the pizza shop.
But he did not know that all this time the cute little kitten was an evil mastermind, and had been setting a trap for him all this time.
Poor clueless Jim walked right into the trap.
"First I will capture this man. Then the world! Mwahahahahah!" laughed the kitten who captured Jim in a washer.
then he got bored and let Jim go, and the kitten ran off to Kotir.
Kotir, of course, was the name of the kitten mastermind's hideout.
Six thousand years of breeding and genetic experiments had produced a race of telepathic, talking cats, of which this cat was the final surviving example.
He ran upstairs to the tallest tower, then started creating an evil concotions made from dead fish and sourkraut juice.
(Sorry, I was watching Red Skelton last night, and I just had to post Sourkraut juice somewhere.)
Meanwhile, Jim was still hungry and decided to go outside and see what was around.
As he did so, a fat beaver came and sat on his feet.
"Why are you sitting on my feet?" he asked the beaver
"Cause they are warm and comfy you never see bare feet nowadays" the fat beaver said looking at him
The fat beaver then turned out to be a Death-Defying Beaver, so it glared up at Jim with evil red eyes and chattered something in beaverspeak, then promptly took him prisoner and brainwashed him.
Suddenly Jim snapped back to reality, and realized that his hunger was causing him to hallucinate.
The Death-Defying Beaver giggled at Jim's idiocy, but left him alone, instead seeking out the evil kitten.
"Make way for Lord Mac! The king of this annoying city!" Jim heard someone shouting.
He looked over his shoulder and saw a demonic, twisted version of Matthias the Warrior.
"I must still be seeing things; that's a giant mouse!," Jim exclaimed.
So he ran to the store, but got lost and instead ended up at the doorstep of Kotir.
"Maybe I could ask for directions to the shops here," he thought, and he rang the doorbell.
The door swung open, lightning flashed, and the awesome looking form of Daroach stepped forward.
Daroach shouted"Why are you bothering us!"
Then he realized that what be thought was Kotir was actually the shopping centre, as it was well past closing hours, the person who shouted was a security guard, the doorbell he rang was a person's nose and he had been hallucinating again.
He started dumbly at the security guard for a few moments before stumbling away and muttering, "Er... hahahaha... sorry... thought you were a doorbell."
The guard, whose name was Larry, shook his head in disbelief and went back inside, looking at his boss. "Coast is clear, Highmighty Kitten! We can being our evil work inside Kotir now!"
Poor Jim stumbled along completely confused and screamed, "Won't someone please tell me where to find the pizza shop?"
Suddenly, as if by magic, a pizza shop appeared in front of him.
A dancing French fry was standing there too.
The french fry sang to him, "Enter and receive your heart's desire!"
Then Jim started eating the french fry.
But the french fry turned into a badger, promptly bit Jim's nose, and while he was trying to stop it bleeding, walked away into the invisible woods
He then realised it was the french fry's pet badger, and he quickly apologised for almost eating him.
The badger huffed, then drew his broadsword and killed Jim.
(sorry, I was getting sick of Jim.)
Then the badger picked up Jim and made him into a pizza!!
He then buried the pizza.
And then Jim woke up, and it was another dream.
OOC: We can't just kill Jim!
OOC: Exactly. Nightfire, you cannot just kill Jim because you were getting sick of him.
BIC: And his mum was calling him to get ready for school, but her voice sounded like that of an animalia chordata vertebrata mammalia carnivora mustelidae lutrinae (a sea otter).
Then Jim's mother turned into a death-defying beaver!
Jim called loudly for a blueclawed otter.
But the otters were too busy to rescue Jim.
but Riverfern came down from another planet in the nick of time and saved him, owing to the fact that she is a Blueclawed Otter.
and Jim said "I had the weirdest dream there was a kitten a death defying beaver and a aaaaaaahhhhhhh" he said as he plummeted downward river fern would rather kill him then here about some stupid dream
But he landed right in the middle of the battle of Marshank, when Rose is dying, and cried so hard that his tears washed Badrang away.
Unfortunately, his tears also washed away all the other words in the book.
So the Redwall fan who the book belonged to squashed Jim between their thumb and forefinger.
OOC: To the next person, have fun bringing him back to life! ;D
However, Jim happened to be part cockroach, "You can't kill me that easy!"
But then Jim woke up, and it was just another dream.
OOC: You'd think that writing full sentences would help, but this story gets just as tangled up as the three words topic.
"Heeheehee!" Jim giggled wickedly as he climbed up onto the back of a ginormous dragon and flew away into the stars to find out why space is black.
he never got that far the dragon was old and tired he fell and crushed Jim
Jim then climbed onto the back of a magical unicorn, and he rode off towards Southsward, whereupon he was captured and put in prison.
by an evil Wildcat name Moreno
Jim was locked up for days.
with only Sauceless Pizza to eat hahaa
Unfortunately, the pizza tasted awful, contrary to Jim's dreams.
it was not sauceless the sauce was anchovy Juice
EEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWW
And the cheese was rotten :P
So in the dark, dismal cell Jim breathed his last breath and went to the quiet streams and peaceful fields, for this was not a dream.
Back in the 21st century, Bill, who was Jim's best friend, was bored.
So Bill decided to climb a tree and make friends with an awesome black Squirrelqueen.
(Maudie, his name is spelled 'Morena, with an A at the end of it.)
the black squirrel queen was an enemy
of an evil pineapple that spent his days throwing mouldy popcorn at people called Bill.
Bill thought this was a little strange, but agreed to help the squirrel queen defeat the pineapple to free his fellow Bill-ians.
And Jim pounced on something he thought was the pineapple, but it was Máiréad Nesbitt's violin. ;D
but it just looked like a violin it really was a brown squrriul(spelling)who was an enemy of the black squrriul and jim joined its side hoping it would make him a suaceless pizza if he helped :D
The black squirrel rolled her eyes and decided to leave these ignorant fools to their fate, so she left and went back to her colony in the Northlands, where she took on the role of Squirrelqueen once more.
When she left, poor Bill and his (dead) friend Jim thought they were doomed, but while they were contemplating their doom a fiddling pixie by the name of Máiréad ran past them and they decided to join her.
Then Celtic Woman came out of nowhere and began singing the Call.
And listening to them sing, Jim felt that it was so beautiful that he could die happy right then and there.....except that he was already dead.
But then Gabriel the angel came out of nowhere, and threw him down to Earth, saying: "You have no right to die yet."
So Jim went back to the Celtic Woman concert where Bill was crying like a baby due to the beautiful music.
A tiny little calculator walked up to Jim and asked, "Does lemon smell?"
Jim backs up slowly. "I don't know man, I don't know."
The tiny calculator says, "Wrong answer!" and then blows up in his face.
Luckly, it didn't kill him, so he Pulled himself together.
Then the tiny calculator took over the universe and decided that calculators were too underappreiciated.
Except for the cool new graphic calculators.
One of the cool new graphic calculators walked up to Jim and said, 'Lohk domlohng-barang.'
OOC: Which means 'Lord Potato' in Khmer. ;D
Jim panicked and tried to run, but he was held back by a huge cat with a face like a pizza, who kept saying, 'Ai fink ai'z in luv.'
"Then go marry who ever you are in love with and leave me alone!" he said so the cat ran off and so did he.
But unfortunately, the cat turned out to be a girl who wanted to marry him.
So he complied and married her, then murdered her on their honeymoon.
(sorry, I'm slightly grumpy right now, so my humor is a bit morbid.)
But he was arrested by foxies with frogguns. ;D
then the frogguns killed the foxies and rescued him. ;D
But then he tripped and hit his head on a rock. When the police picked him up fifteen minutes later, he was still out cold.
So they just shrugged at each other and threw his unconscious form into the ocean. ;D
But he turned into a merman and swam to the surface.
Whereupon Slothunog came and said to him "how do you do?"
Then Slothunog ate him.
But he gave Slothunog indigestion, so the great beat spat him back out, whereupon he found himself stranded on the top of the Green Isle fortress, being attacked by a crazed Lady Kaltag, who kept screaming "You killed Jeefra! You killed my son!!"
Jim escaped and jumped out the window, only to be whupped by a barber, who is shouting, 'I'll give you all the spankings your mother forgot!' ;D
He runs in the street and gets hit by a car. Unfourtanetly he ends up in the hospital with a mouse nurse named Laterose, also Rose.
after that he fell down a rabbit hole, and ended up in wonderland!
then he went to redwall and asked for rosehip cordial
But they were out of cordial, so they gave him hotroot soup, and he ran around the Abbey grounds screaming, ''I'M ON FIRE!'
Then they started to throw Hotroot Pepper bombs at him.
then he ran in the abbey pond.
( forgot to add)
This action turns him into an otter.
he came to a large...
pond, that was filled with...
flammable lemons.
so he set them on fire and it..
exploded
then his face needed surgery. this turned him into a mouse.
in a mousetrap.
he escaped only to find marshank. Badrang made him his personal slave
And then he tried to escape.
but he hit another mouse trap he couldn't escape from.
and turned into a potato
And then he thinks "Why did I just turn into a potato?"
he grabbed a piece of paper that read...
if i thought i could trap you this easily i would have just dangled a turkey leg from the ceiling
Over the mountain,
through the hills
you must go, to pay the bills.
Through marshank
find your way.
go to redwall,
there to stay.
Friar will heal you,
from potato disease
he'll turn you into a mouse
so you can eat cheese.
then GLaDOS attacked him
then a pack of vermin foxes....
but he grew feet. ran south to redwall and asked friar to help him...
but the friar was actually GLaDOS.
So the potato ran to father abbot singing
Abbot,Abbot,Abbot,
Come with me.
I want to be sure that you see GLaDOS as I see.
but the abbot was stuck in aperture science and could't hear him
Jim was despairing of ever being himself again, so he ate himself, and then he was human again.
He woke up, heart pounding. He was shaken by the dream. So he got up and looked around. The dormitory? Why was he in Redwall's dotmitory.
Suddenly Jim knew he was dreaming a dream within a dream.
He tried to wake up but couldn't. Then, Cluny the Scourge walked in the room.
Then I walked in and knocked out Cluny, then pinched all his chocolates and gave one to Jim.
But Jim was allergic chocolate, so he refused the chocolate and chocolate spots appeared all over his skin.
So the dibbuns ate him.
But then, he finally woke up. he watched the movie inception and said,"Deja vu. This seems like my dream."
Then the house exploded
then some person referring to himself as cave Johnson started talking about being sent to aperture space prison, how air ducts are not escape paths, and force fields in space prisons aren't a good idea.
Jim goes to see Bill and takes a bath.
but the mountain next to his house was proven twenty feet lower then the minimum height for a hill to be a mountain.
And Jim fell in a hole!
He saw a white rabbit saying ,"I'm terribly late. I'm late. What will the queen say?" So he followed the rabbit.
and, fell down another hole. this time a potato was his falling partner.
And the potatoe says "Hello again."
she (the potato) also said "how are you holding up? because i'm a potato."
"What?!" Jim yelled. So he ate the potato.
suddenly, a voice with no known speaker said, "you are a horrible person, that's what it said, a horrible person." the voice sounded suspiciously like the potato's voice, only less like a badly recorded message.
Jim then was surrounded by potaotes and was captured.
suddenly a bird pops up and starts to eat all the potatoes.
Jim follows what the bird is doing.
And gets sucked into a side hole.
And then Jim screams and the bird laughs.
But than the bird chokes and dies. Getting out of the bird is a giant tarantula that goes into the hole Jim was sucked in.
The trnatula was hungry for humans or potatoes.
But Jim had a crystal sword pop in his hand and stabbed the tarantula in the eye. Jim was allergic to spiders so his face got puffy.
The crystal sword shatters after touching the spider and a shard hits Jim's puffy face
(How does crystal shatter?)
Jim writhes on the floor in pain from the crystal. Just then the spider is sucked into a giant vacuum cleaner.
(I dont know it was thin?)
The vacuum cleaner sucks up the rest of the cyrtals shards inculding the one form Jim's face.
Luckily the vacuum doesn't suck up Jim. Jim is transported to a deli, named Santuccis Deli!
And because he's allergic to sausages, Jim passed out, but was woken up by the female potato, who was transformed into a beautiful woman, and he fell in love with her. ;D
But she turned into a monster and tried to eat Jim
JIm got scared
And ran away
he ran through a one way wall, and was trapped in an indestructible room.
And the room was filled with sleep gas
suddenly he heard a hissing sound, and he turned around to see a creeper.
the creeper suddenly was stuck by lightning which turned it into a charged creeper, that afterwords exploded.
Jim looks back at his life and wonders what crazy people control it
and goes back into the past when he wanted a sauceless pizza
Then, the monster turned back into the woman again. They got married and lived happily ever after...or not.
(Now let's write about his married life. ;D)
but she did not like dogs, and
Was quite mad this was her only character development in eight years.
Still, it didn't matter because
She could still rampage around town as a monster whenever the mood struck her. (Oh, the freedom.)
But one time when she was rampaging, a mass of cats yowling and screeching ran past, they scratched her body on their way and fled in terror, as a ginormous pack of dogs chased them away.
The dogs were then chased by a horse sized duck, which was being chased by one hundred duck sized horses.
The woman's bones all broke as they trod upon her.
Edit: Oof, kind of dark on my part...
The End?
(Nope, it goeth on.)
She flopped over to a nearby hospital where the doctors were able to repair her. The next day...
...she was looking at her scars in the mirror one morning when suddenly...
she noticed a large, friendly, fuzzy thing coming down the street, but it was too far away to tell exactly what it was yet.
Lo, it was an exceedingly large red panda! As it grew closer, the immense size of the creature astounded her, and she took a step back in astonishment. As the large red panda noticed her, though, it called out. "Hey, it's me, Jim! I got turned into a big ol' red panda! Crazy, huh?"
Meanwhile, several Sheep flew by overhead.
She nods her head yes but is too stunned to say anything.
Jim the fuzzy red Panda scratched his head, unsure of how to continue the conversation. Maybe remark about the weather...?
He eventually decides to say something extremely random and hope things work themselves out.
'The plum pudding cakes are particularly nice this time of year,' he said.
*Shakes her head to clear out the stunned-ness*
"They are indeed! I can go get one if you like"
'Sure,' he said, und they walked off to get one. No-one noticed at the time, but a small bush began following them. It was a blue bush.
As they were walking to get a plum pudding cake, the blue bush got closer and closer.
It was followed by a red bush, which had been a wee bit late to the scene due to some costume difficulty off-stage and was trying to catch up.
The yellow bush was completely missing.
It had accidentally fallen down a nearby trapdoor, and was rather occupied with keeping the Sheep that were hiding there from eating it. The Sheep however proved too much for it, and it was devoured. The story went on.
For some reason, the plum pudding was modelling for some fashion magazine. The blue bush stopped to admire it, and blew away in the wind.
Which is soon to become a major literary work entitled, Gone With The Wind.
Unfortunately, the the bush was never seen again and there was a memorial for it in the nearby forest.
*The red bush, though frightened by the untimely demise of it's brethren, continued on its mission*
Suddenly, a small hole appeared in the ground in front of it, and out popped a Hobbit.
The Hobbit left to eat second breakfast, though not without his pocket handkerchief.
Unbeknownst to the hobbit, a large spider crawled out after him.
The Hobbit had actually stolen the Spider's shiny onion ring, and she wanted it back. Or else.
Fortunately, there was a frog in the trees, ready to save the day.
But unfortunately for the Hobbit, said Frog was also drunk from a wild party he had been to the previous night.
As the frog charged forward to save the day, he ended up stumbling and falling into the hole.
The frog saw a white rabbit tail disappear around a bend in the tunnel, and noticed a bottle that said "drink me" and a biscuit on a platter that said "eat me"
The Frog, being drunk, ate the bottle and drank the biscuit. This led to some rather unpleasant digestion.
The white Rabbit, who's tail the drunk Frog had seen before ingesting bottle glass, came back to sniff the air. Doing so made the Rabbit aware of the unpleasant digestion.
But that was nothing compared to what was released when the Frog suddenly and unexpectedly exploded, releasing an innumerable number of toxic fumes which all smelled positively awful up into the atmosphere, causing acid rain to begin pouring down steadily. The white Rabbit went back down the Rabbit hole to find better shelter.
The mysterious ooze nearby, however, loved the rain and started slurping the acid rain happily.
Indeed, it was happy- but, as they say, too much of a good thing is never a good thing, and the mysterious ooze got a stomach-ache from too much acid rain. Someone called for help.
A Horse doctor ended up arriving due to a communication error, and did not know how to fix the ooze due to the ooze not being a horse.
So the Horse doctor called for an ooze doctor, but they got it wrong again and a Rabbit doctor came instead. This went on for quite some time with a varying number of different but still wrong doctors, much to the displeasure and discomfort of the ooze, who had now turned lime-green.
After some conversation, it was decided that there was no ooze doctor, and the numerous present doctors attempted to help the ooze.
But by this point the ooze had solidified, and had started metamorphosising. Soon it would emerge as a beautiful ooze Butterfly.
The butterfly doctor was the only doctor there who was happy about all this, so they stayed to watch.
The soldified ooze began cracking, and suddenly from inside burst an absolutely beautiful ooze Butterfly. As it fluttered its wings small things of ooze oozed onto the ground, where sunflowers immediately started growing.
As the flowers bloomed, a happy little lady bug flew out.
This was promptly eaten by one of the sunflowers, who were of a carnivorous variety. The Lady Bug's family promptly sued.
In the ensuing legal battle, numerous scandalous facts about the late lady bug began to emerge, such as several cases of embezzlement.
It ultimately ended in the the sunflower not only being pardoned, but honoured and celebrated as a hero for eating the Lady Bug, who had also in fact been planning on blowing up Whales, as well as the country of Wales too. The sunflower was pleased for this honour, and turned into a massive oak tree, which then fell onto the court building.