Redwall Abbey

Say what ya think about my FanFic here!!!

Sounds good, but this should be in the fanfiction section. And I like the sound of it, but I do think it needs some work, before you write it!!!  :)

Thanks! I'm still working on it in my mind. ;) Any tips?

Um, yes. When your characters are having a conversation, don't just write it as one long sentence. Oh, um, I'm trying to think how to explain it. I'll just give you an example.

"I really like this story, but it needs some tweaking."
"Oh, really, have any ideas?"
"Yes, just try writing conversations like this."
Don't know if that made any sense. I'm not an expert so I can't really help that much, but I'll try my best.  ;D

[Thanks. I'll try to remember that.

Ok, I just read the next chapter. And yes, I may sound a little mean, but I'm just trying to help.
It's way to short. It sounds like the start of a chapter. And you haven't done any proper description. I'm finding it hard to see the place, or the characters.
What did the cave look like?
What were Bryony, and Bryant feeling.
What could they hear?
What did the cave smell like?
At the moment, you just need to work on maybe, some longer chapters, and more description please.  ;D If there's anything you'd like help with, I'll be happy to see what I can do.
I may be sounding a little harsh, but it's only because I want to help, this story can be so great! It just needs a little tweaking.  :)

Thanks! I apprecaite any and all help, no matter how harsh! In fact, don't sugar coat please!! :D :D :D

I've just reread your chapters. There much better! But you need to read over them carefully before posting. Sometimes, you miss out words. But your getting much, much better!   ;D

Cool, but confusing. Their names are almost identical.

Well it makes you read it carefully.  :D

Thanks...However, I have Writers' Block! IT'll be awhile. Sorry, guys!

Whats a "Writers' Block"?

Lack of inspiration. Don't knw what to write, or how to fit it in. Writer's hate it, and it's similar to Artist's block. And Choreographer's block (Which exists. I would know).

I hate writer's block. The way I got rid of it was Role Playing.

Ohhh......Well, I do plenty of that! In fact, I'm even starting another RP! You might say I'm loaded! Although I might have too many characters in my new one.... :-\

I always have a hard time with RP's that contain a lot of characters, especially if players are controlling multiple characters in different places.

Well, good luck with your story! Let us know once you get your inspiration back, it's an interesting start!

Thanks, Osu! I will! Oh, if anyone who likes to RP who isn't to badly overloaded with RPs, would you take a look at OOC: (not sure yet)?

I'm writing again! :D (Thank you, Gonff, for starting the contest!!)

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah, YAY!!!!! ;D

Um.....Would you people mind leaving comments? IS ANYONE EVEN READING THIS THANG???!?!?!?!?!?

(You're probably going to bring out your frying pan for this, but. . . )
It's a little fast-paced for my liking, and I'm having a little trouble finding where this might be going. :-\ :P

Meh. Criticism is welcome here......I'm not really going anywhere. Just writing. Fast-paced? Well, should I descripe their dreams play-by-play? :P

No, I mean that you should add some things that would draw out the story a little more, like describing where they are at, or what time of the day it is and how it makes a difference. (What do they see? what do they hear?) Also, maybe describing a little their actual actions might help.

Okay!
I've only written a biography before (On BJ. But one person that it so good that she sent it to someone who's an editor! o_O) so, I'm not real experienced.

It's cool. ;)

Great! ;D

Um, I have to agree with Skarzs. It defiantly needs work, but its cool. 

Okay. I'll keep that in mind....Oh, and I'm not visiting my sister any more (And therefore don't have unlimited CPU time, as long as I stay on Auntie Duty for the day shift), I won't be able to do as much. But right now I'll go and do a little modifying.