QuoteThe Rules
We will have an overlord (or overlady), who will be all powerful and control the game.
Everyone else will be a servant of theirs to do his or her bidding, which will be a new assignment at the beginning of each round.
The game begins by the Overlord issuing a task, sending out their servants, and then summoning everyone before them and questioning them about whether they got the thing they wanted.
Any given round may have anywhere from a developing storyline and plot to pure and simple tasking. At times, the gamemaster (Overlord) may deviate from the general pattern and do something different at the end than just another task.
Example Round:
Let's say the Overlord might have wanted a jeep to use.
Stage 1: Introduction
The Overlord sends out their servants on a task and they return, and the Overlord will question their servants and ask them why they failed to bring them the thing they wanted (which will invariable happen, no one ever succeeds).
Stage 2: Defenses
Players can then blame their failure on some random thing (like maybe an elephant destroying the jeep) or someone else in the game; anything to shrug themselves off from fault.
Everyone can then blame someone, themselves, keep silent, or introduce some sort of new feature that happened while acquiring the item (in this case, a jeep). Eventually, the Overlord will process the information and decide who failed.
Stage 3: Punishment
The person chosen to have failed by the Overlord is then thrown out, vaporized, or something creative, by the Overlord's orders. The idea is to not be this person, and to survive as long as possible.
Don't overflow the round. Player defenses will be judged on quality, not length or frequency.
Inter-game rules: The winner of any round is given host-ship of the next game. This can tie in with them going from servant to overlord, or it can be original.
General Guidelines:
Free roleplaying, or game spam, is fine. This means having yourself eat a banana, talk about the weather or river dance.
Whenever someone says something about an event, it becomes fact. It is what happened. If someone says an elephant destroyed a jeep, then anyone calling that person a liar is for certain lying; the jeep was destroyed by an elephant. What's up for telling by someone else is, for example, who set the elephant on the jeep. Also, a character doesn't know what someone else's motives were in doing or saying something -- they can speculate on those motives, but saying about someone, for instance, that "they meant to kill the Overlord" is not automatically factual.
Godmoding pertaining to persons should be restricted to some extent, just try to keep things with at least a hand in plausibility. Powerplaying is allowed. However, it cannot affect players between tasks. For instance, you cannot have a servants contract a disease and be unable to speak, or even die. You can have them be sick during the task, but you cannot impede them during the Sessions before the Overlord.
Normally, the Gamemaster will have technology restricting servants to a base during the game to prevent physically roleplaying and keep the game focused on its purpose. Overlords can power play.
Also, you cannot use an excuse like being brainwashed or cloned during the task. You are you - and you are responsible for what you did wrong.
All posts after the game begins should contain IC text; there should be no posts that are only OOC chatter.
No "backseat moderating". You may ask the Overlord whether someone else's post violates the rules, but do not tell that person, whether by making an OOC comment or PMing them, that they are in the wrong. The Overlord is responsible for managing the game.
Remember to keep things civil, stay inside the board rules, keep all hands and legs inside the game until it comes to a complete stop.
Past Overlords:Overlord's Orders I - Taggerung_of_Redwall
Overlord's Orders II - James Gryphon
Overlord's Orders III - DanielofRedwall
Overlord's Orders IV - Matthias720
Overlord's Orders V - Redwall Musician
Overlord's Orders VI - Tiria Wildlough
Special Holiday Round 2012 - Taggerung_of_Redwall
Overlord's Orders VII - Matthias720
Overlord's Orders VIII - Romsca
Overlord's Orders IX - rusvulthesaber,
James Gryphon/Tiria WildloughOverlord's Orders X - Taggerung_of_Redwall
Overlord's Orders XI - James Gryphon
Overlord's Orders XII - Jasper
Overlord's Orders XIII - LT Sandpaw
Overlord's Orders XIV - Delthion
Overlord's Orders XV - Soren the Warrior
Overlord's Orders XVI - Mhera,
James GryphonOverlord's Orders Special Round II - James Gryphon
Sign-ups:1:
LT. Sandpaw2:
Groddil3:
Sagetip Californianated4:
Skyblade,
Søren5:
Fatch of Southsward6:
Lord Daskar7:
Rosie Willowwater,
Voided8:
Delthion,
Burned The discussion thread is here (http://www.loamhedgeabbey.com/index.php/topic,512.0.html). Please use this for all OOC talk after the game starts.
Signups are closed, based on the list of players who signed in on XVII. First story post is in-bound.
Far beneath the surface of the Arctic Ocean laid an underwater base. It was here that a certain Overlord, a man of uncanny means and methods, was wont to summon his most trusted servants, before and after setting them loose to achieve his mysterious ends.
The servants shuffled through the single corridor leading from their submarine to the Meeting Room. As always, the room was pitch black. As they filed into the room, unseen force fields lifted and separated them into distinct glass capsules, which were dimly lit to reveal their faces. A voice boomed from the darkness.
"After that sorry performance in your last mission, I have brought you here to do some housecleaning."
"How is it that you destroyed my plush beaver toy, the one I had you get from my vault, so thoroughly? The eyes are missing, the tail's been cut off, and the rest of it looks like it went through a session with a pyromaniac dog. It had great sentimental value, but now the only thing I can think of when I see it is your incompetence! It's of no further use to me."
"Also, why did you feel the need to try to break in to that animal shelter last night, before coming back and bringing what was left of the beaver to me? You know, every news channel in the city seems to have broadcasted stories about that, in the "Weirdest News" category. The police even said they got fingerprints. Somebody's taking the rap for this, and it isn't going to be me."
"Explain yourselves!"
Groddil would have bowed, but due to the glass capsules, he nodded his head in respect instead.
"Great Overlord, I beg your forgiveness for my part in this mess. You see, when you commanded us to obtain your plush beaver, as soon as Sandpaw and I opened your vault to retrieve the beaver, Rosie shoved us aside like a madwoman, screeching about how the beaver was too perfect, and that only she could have it. As I always had your best interests at heart, I pulled out my weapon, but Delthion tackled me to the floor, enraged that I tried to harm his 'lover.' By the time I fought him off, Sandpaw and Rosie were engaged in a scuffle for the beaver, during which it fell into your Machine of Ultimate Destruction. Before anybody could retrieve it from the machine, which was thankfully inactive, Sagetip began yelling about how the beaver was actually an 'evil alien clone' of the beaver, which Daskar had created to murder you. Sagetip switched on the machine, which unfortunately damaged the beaver into the state it is currently in, aside from the burns, which I will cover shortly. I believe the only thing about this that was in any way remotely positive, was that after its damage, Sandpaw and Rosie stopped fighting. Skyblade managed to pull the beaver out of the machine, but, having believed what Sagetip had said, immediately threw it into the enclosure where your Reverse-Nosedog, Billy, lives. Billy began sniffing the beaver, which charred it all over. By now, Daskar was acting very nervous. After we recovered the beaver, he attempted to run, saying that he 'wasn't ready to die for the stupid Overlord.' Pardon my language, sir, I only meant to relay what Daskar said. When Fatch managed to restrain him, we demanded the Daskar tell us where the real beaver was, but he refused. Sagetip said that he had saw Daskar make repeated visits to the animal shelter, which was most likely where the beaver was being held. We traveled to the shelter and tried to enter. It was only then that Sagetip revealed that Daskar was, in fact, innocent, and that he planned to take the fake beaver from the animal shelter, which was in fact an explosive device containing a deadly strain of the Ebola Virus, to yourself, oh Great Overlord. He then pulled out his weapon and shot me in the leg. I was incapacitated in the scuffle that followed, and soon fell unconscious, but all I saw before I blacked out was Fatch shoot Daskar and give Sagetip a high-five. Anything that happened following my unconsciousness is up to the others to reveal, your Powerfullness."
/me chews on a toothpick before speaking.
"Well, Overlord, Groddil's a bit out of the situation. See, when I called it an "evil alien clone," I was thoroughly convinced that it was an evil alien clone. Groddil wasn't there for it, but a few days ago Daskar and I were experimenting on a captured alien blaster that had crashed in Indiana. Sandpaw was supervising the whole affair, since he had the senior rank. As we prepared to test fire the weapon, alien beavers (all clones of the lead one) smash through the roof and take back the weapon, we were all nearly killed (except for Dasker, who had already deserted in his cowardice). As per any traumatic event like that, (glowing red eyes!) I was left with everlasting fear of beavers.
"Now, when Groddil says I "switched on the machine," I never meant to destroy the beaver as a plush toy, but instead as the murder weapon Daskar had created to kill you. As a matter of fact..."
/me pulls the charred, shredded remains of the beaver from his farm bag.
"Here you can see the original bomb Daskar had planted, and then the one I planted (the Ebola one.) As you can see, both are defused by me, because of Sandpaw's careful counseling. Luckily for me, he minored in psychology, and helped me recover from a mysterious rage to kill you (I'm cured totally). However, Sandpaw continued to take the bomb from me and reactivate it, causing me to defuse it again.
When I claimed that Daskar was innocent, Groddil didn't understand the context. Y'see, I was talking about stealing the last cookie from the jar back at our dorm. I stole that cookie, and chose that time to reveal Daskar's innocence."
/me smiles kindly at Daskar.
"Anyway, when I shot Groddil in the leg,"
/me stares sympathetically at Groddil.
"I was working my way into Fatch's underground network. Overlord, you remember ordering me on an undercover mission? You said, 'Get into the traitor Fatch's system and find out everything, no matter what it takes.' Well, I did, and it cost Groddil his leg.
And his dignity...
/me sniggers.
Now that we're back here, I can report on what Fatch did. After killing Daskar (presumably), Fatch led me back towards Sandpaw, who was busy with the bomb. He ordered me to knock out Sandpaw and take the bomb. Reluctantly, I did so."
/me stares empathetically at the lump on Sand's head.
"I realized Fatch was planning to finish the work of others and murder you with the bomb, so I hit hm over the head with it and ran off, planning to bury the bomb far away, so that even if it did go off, no one would be harmed. I was hindered by Sky (you might remember how she charred your plush toy earlier), who kept screeching "gotta kill 'em all!" over and over. Figuring that shouldn't happen (I'm a humane guy) I pushed her away and continued on my mission, until Sand swooped down, recovered, driving some old prop plane. Knocked over by the air blast, I lost control of the bomb as Sandpaw's magnet brought it to him. I grabbed ahold of the plane and entered, whereupon I fought Sandpaw and took back the bomb, jumped out the back of the plane, and parachuted back into the main group, where I found Delthion killing people and Groddil helping him. That's all I can say."
OOC: Soren mentioned in the OOC thread that he wanted to sign up - could he still be included?
@James GryphonHearing the ridiculous accusations, Fatch broke his silence:
"As the first half of this story shows, great and powerful overlord, I am dedicated only to loyal service to you. I subdued the traitors and tried to keep the confusing situation under proper Overlord protocol,"
"Unfortunately things got a bit more intense as time went on. You notice the change in my behavior into madness in the second half? That's because Sagetip whispered to me to look down at what I was wearing. To my horror, I was wearing an explosive vest, and Sagetip was waving the detonator in my face!"
"Oh, lord, am I glad you are the Overlord, and not he. He forced me to take all the dogs on walks, feed them and clean up after them. This demeaning action he chalked up to himself being 'a humane kind of guy.' I was busy painting stripes on a German Shepherd (because Sagetip declared that as Overlord of the humane society that all dogs shall have stripes) when people started
really going nuts. I was forced to do Sagetip's will in the conflict, and to make me feel even worse, he made me give him a high - five. He knew the rest of us were on to him, so he told me to yell out random commands to try to frame me rather than him."
Fatch shot a sideways glare at Sagetip : "You know sir, he seemed awfully happy in a position of power. I think he has some sort of inkling to be in charge of things. The humane society is not the only place he has declared himself Overlord. On the boat ride back from the disaster he declared himself 'Mister Professor Overlord Captain Sagetip' and proceeded to try to keelhaul Skyblade. Far worse than that, he took over the ship's speakers and we all groaned when we heard piano music start to play in a certain tune. It was that abominable 'Let it Go' song from that despicable Disney movie. As you know, due to the manliness of our culture, the song is banned everywhere we control. Luckily, your true servants were there to put a stop to that.
Quote from: Fatch of Southsward on September 07, 2016, 01:42:10 PM
OOC: Soren mentioned in the OOC thread that he wanted to sign up - could he still be included? @James Gryphon
Hearing the ridiculous accusations, Fatch broke his silence:
"As the first half of this story shows, great and powerful overlord, I am dedicated only to loyal service to you. I subdued the traitors and tried to keep the confusing situation under proper Overlord protocol,"
"Unfortunately things got a bit more intense as time went on. You notice the change in my behavior into madness in the second half? That's because Sagetip whispered to me to look down at what I was wearing. To my horror, I was wearing an explosive vest, and Sagetip was waving the detonator in my face!"
"Oh, lord, am I glad you are the Overlord, and not he. He forced me to take all the dogs on walks, feed them and clean up after them. This demeaning action he chalked up to himself being 'a humane kind of guy.' I was busy painting stripes on a German Shepherd (because Sagetip declared that as Overlord of the humane society that all dogs shall have stripes) when people started really going nuts. I was forced to do Sagetip's will in the conflict, and to make me feel even worse, he made me give him a high - five. He knew the rest of us were on to you, so he told me to yell out random commands to try to frame me rather than him."
Fatch shot a sideways glare at Sagetip : "You know sir, he seemed awfully happy in a position of power. I think he has some sort of inkling to be in charge of things. The humane society is not the only place he has declared himself Overlord. On the boat ride back from the disaster he declared himself 'Mister Professor Overlord Captain Sagetip' and proceeded to try to keelhaul Skyblade. Far worse than that, he took over the ship's speakers and we all groaned when we heard piano music start to play in a certain tune. It was that abominable 'Let it Go' song from that despicable Disney movie. As you know, due to the manliness of our culture, the song is banned everywhere we control. Luckily, your true servants were there to put a stop to that.
/me shrugs.
As Overlord of the Humane Society, I answer to the board of directors, which consists of none other than Delthion and Groddil! Bound by honor, I followed their every instruction, to my highest reluctance. Keelhauling Skyblade, playing Let it Go, bomb vesting Fatch, and claiming to be Overlord, were Groddil and Delthion's fault.
Looking very ashamed the young officer, Lieutenant Sandpaw looked up and noticed the Overlord was looking at him. Snapping to attention he barked out his report in true military fashion.
"Sir. Lieutenant Sandpaw reporting. Operation was a disaster. Please allow me to give an accurate report of what went down.
"Upon arrival at your vault to retrieve the plush beaver, I, along with Groddil opened it. As Rosie became uncontrollable acting strangely I noticed Senior Servant Fatch of Southsward injecting her with a finicky jellyfish toxin. I had seen it before on campaign and I knew what it was capable of. I immediately leapt upon Rosie in an attempt to detain her, I gave orders for everyone to stay back, and remain at a safe distance. I admit, my voice was muffled as I was forcing Rosie into restraints and the others may not have heard me.
"You see sir, and I am sure you are aware, the toxin not only controls the nervous system, making the subject extremely dangerous to others, but it is also a risk to one's self. And it can be passed through a simple bite, I had to get Rosie under control before she killed someone, or infected anyone else. I of course have received special treatment making me immune, which is why I insisted no one aid me.
"I know nothing of traitors or plots to kill you sir, in fact, I sincerely hope that this isn't true. However as I finally managed to bring Rosie under control and prepared to question Fatch on why he gave her the toxin, Daskar ran over assumedly to help. He got bitten and became uncontrollable. Luckily Fatch managed to capture him. At that point I ordered them all back to base as the original mission was a failure and told them to keep Daskar restrained, and I assumed they did as they all left. I returned to my lab with Rosie where I whipped up an antidote, and treated Rosie. It was then that I looked at the news. I knew right away that Daskar had bitten several other members of the team.
"With Rosie's assistance I leapt aboard the nearest transportation and flew to the city with a gas form of the antidote. All I needed was some explosives to spread it around, as most of the city was infected at that point. I discovered Sagetip in a rage, and I talked him out of attacking me, and then treated him. As he recovered I utilized some of the explosives he had on him, so that I could save the city."
Here Sandpaw tenderly rubbed the back of his head.
"It didn't got that way sir. Sagetip became concerned, and without asking questions assaulted me, whacking me on the back of the head. Rosie had no choice but to cowardly hide, she was probably petrified with fear and didn't say anything as he ruined our attempts to save the city. After I recovered we once again attempted to get the bomb from Sage and set if off, but he was convinced we were trying to kill people with a gas bomb, and not save them. He fought me off and jumped off the plane, but Rosie managed to snag the bomb before he got away. We finally successfully set it off, saving the city. After we completed that me and Rose recovered the rest of the team, who were very confused and in a daze returning here as quickly as possible. And that is what happened sir."
Fatch looked confused for a moment before realizing what had actually happened. They had all been fooled all along then! The jellyfish toxin was to blame... But that meant...
"Sir, I did indeed inject Rosie with the jellyfish toxin, but that was because she had been complaining about soreness in her large intestine. Delthion handed me the toxin and told me it was a pain relief solution that would fix her up 'in a jiffy!' Concerned for the health of Rosie's large intestine, I quickly injected her, as Delthion instructed. I had no idea what the results would be."
/me spits at Sandpaw.
"Liar! You tried to save the city - by setting off a bomb?! You do realize Daskar's original explosive could've blown the whole operation!"
/me turns to face the Overlord.
"He's clearly unfit for duty!".
"The explosion sir." Sandpaw reiterated in his defense. "Was minor, it was a large, anti-tank explosive. It seriously damaged street where me and Rosie set it off, but sacrifices had to be made in order to save the entire city, and those servants who were rampaging around killing people."
/me shifts his pose, taking a pleading position.
"I was unaware of the nature of the zombie vaccine. This is probably due to the fact that Sandpaw never opted to tell me, but I'm willing to forgive if he is."
/me presses a paw against the glass wall.
OOC: I leave for one day and this is what happens? ;D
BIC: Delthion shook his head in disappointment. "Ah, most gracious Overlord, this people would have you believe their useless prattle. Admittedly, I did tackle Groddil, but that was to avoid his death, Rosie, you see resolute in her plans to kill or harm you in some way, had swallowed large numbers of explosives, which if she couldn't steal or dismember the beaver was her plan B. Groddil preventing her from injuring you by stealing your Beaver would have given her a reason to kill all of us and force you to get new servants. I then tried to give her the jelly fish toxin to short circuit the detonator of the explosives so that we could continue our mission in peace. Although Fatch helped me to the best of his ability, both of us were unaware that she had swallowed another explosive which would be detonated by the jellyfish toxin, she was blown to bits, but we managed to get her back together with the help of the best doctor in the city, not wanting her to escape your justice.
OOC: This post in response to Sagetip:
BIC:
Groddil hangs his head in shame.
"What Sagetip says is correct, your Powerfullness, these acts were the result of our actions. However, might I add that of these sins, I was only responsible for keelhauling Skyblade Soren, as, due to his previous crimes towards you, and the fact that at the time, I found him sitting in his room, muttering about ways to kill you, and polishing his knives, I decided to take disciplinary action in your stead. But the playing of awful music, vesting of Fatch, and the false Overlord claims were made by Delthion, and Delthion alone.
"Most gracious, and powerful Overlord of overlordity, the only reason that I made claims to the Overlordship was so that the doctor would listen to me. Unfortunately, Rosie seems to have influenced Groddil against me. I told Fatch, Sand and Sage about what I was trying to do, but Groddil kept on looting stores of their Spam and yelling, 'Spam for the Spamgod!' What brought this on I don't know, and I hope that you will be able to work through his moment of weakness."
/me glares at Delthion.
"Of course I took the SPAM. I needed to restock the Overlord's personal In-Case-Of-Emergency Shelter. There were more than enough of you to fulfill the other tasks while I was collecting the food. And what of the music, and Fatch? You did all of that!"
Rosie looks questioningly at Delthion "I believe you are mistaken Del. I had been looking for a cure for the abominable headaches I have been getting. I heard that Sand might be able to help me for he had been studying to become a doctor for quite some time. So he perscribed me some odd looking pills which, after a few days, I then realized were small virus bombs. I don't know what the motive could be of the crazy madman, but he must have felt guilty and chose to heal me after I had been injected with the vile of finicky jellyfish toxin. Which I might add, looked exactly like something I saw in Sand's office.
"I must confess, that Rosie was threatening me, she said that if I did not tell Sage to play "Let it Go" and claim to be Overlord that she would kill me, and everyone on the mission, being troubled at the consequences of you not getting your Beaver, I relented. I did not tell you this beforehand because I was trying to spare others from your just anger."
My Lord, I will admit it. I did create an evil beaver with explosives to kill you, but, I was acting on the orders of Soren. Soren told me that you had asked him to make a beaver that wanted to kill you because you were bored and would I make it but not tell anyone that he had asked me to as he didn't want you to know that he was too lazy to do so. Naturally I thought this was a strange request, but since you are the Overlord and Soren had authority over me I obeyed, meaning to ask you Mightiness about it later.
And as for these slanderous attacks about cowardice, I must inform your Grace that I am no coward. I merely chose to appear that way because if others thought I was a coward it would be easier to do your Majesty's orders.
OOC: Soren, I believe we're looking for a post from you! Otherwise you may get eliminated round one! :'(
Sir, I have no idea what Daskar is talking about.
Perhaps he misheard me, but my exact and total words were "Hey Dask-i-do, wouldn't it be funny if Overlord James asked us to make a make a beaver bomb to kill him? And then especially if you had to make it. Funny, right? Rosie was telling that to Del. Those two are peas in a pod."
I don't know why Rosie and Del were talking like this, but as we learned in the mayonnaise case of '12, I a, a compulsive repeater of things I overhear. My therapist discourages the use of the word "gossip". But that's what they were saying. Rosie had a weird sinister tone that scared me. But I thought we all were loyal to you my lord, so I didn't think anything of it. I had no idea that she would potentially go through with it. She must've used a Galaxy Note 7 battery. She was messing around with one of those earlier.
Your Highness, it is possible that I misheard Soren. You see, I have hearing problems, it runs in the family, I really should get hearing aids.
The Overlord sounded perplexed, and more than a little frustrated. "I'm not sure what's bewitched all of you, but I've never heard such an incomprehensible mess in my life. Getting this job done wasn't rocket science; you were glorified couriers. Do I need to start screening my candidates for pizza delivery experience?"
"You were all terrible, but I've only decided to remove one of you for now. Sagetip seems to have caused more than his weight in trouble, and will be punished accordingly."
The capsule Sage was standing in lit up, and with a bright flash of light, he disappeared.
"Your former co-servant has been teleported to California, and will have to spend the rest of his life there. 'nuff said."
"Now that your group should be marginally improved, I've decided the time has come to send you to a facility in Minnesota for teamwork and accuracy training. Specifically, I've rented out a Beam Trek™ laser tag building for three days and nights. Hopefully this will build your experience working together, and teach you to be marginally less useless than you are now. Food and drink will be shipped in to you, and you'll have the place to yourselves for those days. The best of you might receive an award. You'll be taken there by transporter momentarily. Don't mess the place up."
Three days later...
"Well, I have to admit it. I'm impressed. Few others have shown such a dedication to failing even the simplest of assignments."
"The information I got back about your performance in the games indicates an average of a 0.068% accuracy for each of you... that means that less than 1 out of every 100 shots was a hit. How could anyone, especially alleged servants such as yourselves who are supposed to be experienced in these things, possibly be so inaccurate? Then, to cap it all off, after only a day and a half of your stay, you managed to burn the building you were in to the ground."
"As you might imagine, the company I rented from was less than enthusiastic about your stay there. I had to promise to repay them for their losses, plus extra for the business that they won't get while they rebuild. On the bright side, I see great potential for all of you in the demolition industry."
"Tell me, how did you come about doing such a counterproductive job in such a small amount of time?"
OOC: How is living in California a punishment? :p
BIC:
Groddil is once again the first to speak.
"Oh, great Overlord. Allow me to explain. When we were arming ourselves with the lasers, Rosie had the "bright idea" of making the games more interesting. She tampered with the circuits of the guns, which overcharged them. I believe that this is the cause of the building burning down, as the lasers would have made the walls catch fire. But that is not all, your powerfullness. When we started the games, I noticed that Sandpaw was nowhere to be seen. He had sealed himself in a side room, and was shooting a photo of yourself with his laser, while spouting anti-overlord nonsense. I confronted him, which made him panic. He punched out at me, but hit my weapon instead. He caused a malfunction, which made my weapon fire one laser every second, no matter what I did, hence my terrible score. I left the arena to exchange it, but Daskar had already broken them beyond repair, using the parts from the laser rifles to make a Death Ray, which he said he was giving to Fatch, who would kill you with it."
Groddil coughs.
"Pardon me, Overlord, I ask for forgiveness for my part in this, once again."
Sandpaw tenderly rubs a black eye, while glaring at Groddil. Snapping to attention the Lieutenant rapped out his report as he was expected to do.
"Sir I'm afraid Servant Groddil has it all wrong. You see Rosie wasn't the only one wanting to make the game more interesting, she had Groddil and Del helping her. Me, Daskar and Fatch had already decided to split everyone into two teams while one person refereed. We were about to choose team captains when Del began yelling at the top of his lungs, he was screaming, 'Free for all, free for all!' Over and over again. Of course you know Soren, he joined in and then Rosie began messing with the weapons, and very soon everyone except me and Fatch were shooting in every which direction shouting like banshees. Fatch was busy plastering a poster of your face everywhere as motivation, while I was left to make everyone shut up.
"It took a good hour and a half to get them to calm down, and about then I came up with the great idea that one team should act like your worst enemies, that way we could make the battles more realistic. Me, Daskar and Fatch got put on that team, while Groddil, Del, and Rosie were on the other, Soren was referee. So we began sir, running off to different sides and began our training, except it wasn't that great.
About a day into it we started another battleand I broke off from my team to flank around and capture their zone, while Daskar and Fatch created a distraction. I found their capture zone hidden in a side room undefended and I began shooting it while staying in character. Your poster was plastered onto it by Fatch, which made it really authentic. That's when Groddil came across me I started fighting like we were supposed to but he seemed to have gone crazy and attacked me with his fists giving me this black eye."
Sandpaw once again dabs at his eye.
"After I fought him off I realized my gun had been damaged beyond repair and was shooting horribly, and I returned to the main area to get it replaced when I smelled smoke. I can assure that after that point I simply did my best to get everyone out of the building and safely away and had no part in anything else that went on. I talked to Fatch afterwards and he told me that after they had some sort of run in with Groddil, and once Grodds had been dealt with, Fatch had come across Rosie and Soren trying to cook their food with the lasers, which caused the fire. That's all I have to report sir."
Groddil scoffs.
"Ridiculous. You just said exactly what I did, in reverse. Rosie asked me to hand her a screwdriver, nothing more. Del gave her a battery, nothing more. She was the one who ruined the guns. Explain why you were shooting the poster of the overlord that Fatch had put up, and insulting him all the while? Explain why you think the black eye was uncalled for, when you attacked me after I questioned you, broke my gun, and gave me a headache that lasted the rest of our time there. Explain why you are defending Fatch, whom Daskar had built a death ray for, for the explicit purpose of, quote, 'killing the Overlord.' In fact, my run-in with Fatch consisted of me asking him what was going on with the death ray, after which he shot me with his rifle. See, I still have the burn scar just above my eyebrow."
"I must agree with Groddil in this situation most majestic Overlord, I was only asked for a battery by Rosie, she had been playing with a flashlight and cackling for a while. I assumed that the battery was for the flashlight!"
Groddil nods.
"What Delthion says is correct, your powerfullness. The flashlight was flickering, so we assumed that Rosie needed the screwdriver in order to install a new battery, in order to fix it. Had we known what she originally intended, we would never have assisted her. Especially after she hit Soren over the head with it."
Fatch was glad to see his name, rightfully, had not come up too much in a bad way.
I believe your servant Sandpaw put it best, oh great, majestic and powerful Overlord.
I think the most important point I shall refute is my apparent desire to kill you with some sort of death ray. I would like to start off by stating what we all already know - it is far beyond a servant of Daskar's caliber to create such a weapon out of harmless laser tag weapons. If I had truly asked for such a weapon, it would be far below my intelligence to ask Daskar for it. Indeed, I was too busy spreading your propaganda for your glory to worry about a silly death ray.
In addition, I would add that although Daskar may have told Groddil that I asked for the weapon, that doesn't necessarily mean I actually asked for it. I have no doubt in my mind that this was just another foolish scheme of Daskar, and he threw my name in his own place to throw Groddil off his trail.
I would add that the laser burn on Groddil's eyebrow is a testament only to how useful a servant I am. Naturally, I had no idea what a death ray was, or what he thought I wanted it for, so when he asked me about it, I simply thought he was trying to distract me so I could be ambushed. Following the task you assigned me, I practiced my aim and shot him with the laser tag gun. As you can tell by his scar, it was an impressive shot. I would add that this was only the beginning of my impeccable accuracy. The average, of course, was brought down by the others because many of their guns were tampered with.
As Sandpaw stated, after successfully 'tagging' Groddil, I smelled smoke. I went to check it out, because demolition and arson was certainly not on the checklist of objectives. I found Rosie and Soren (to no one's surprise) attempting to cook with the lasers. They had tampered with them to make them more powerful, and of course, as they always do when they are granted power, they misused it.
I tried to reason with them, and for Soren it proved fairly successful. Rosie was another story. Instead of stopping, she intensified her laser and burned the Caesar salad she was trying to cook horribly. I tried to explain that there was no need to cook a salad but she started screaming "HAIL CAESAR, HAIL CAESAR, I SHALL COOK THEE A SALAD!!!"
I tried to take the laser from her, before it caused any more damage to the facility, but it was too late - she had managed to start a raging fire from nothing but a Caesar salad. Despite what she had done, I managed to get her out of the building. It was a difficult task, because she was still sure that her salad wasn't quite cooked yet. To cap it all off, I would finish with concluding that food and drink is not allowed inside the training facility at all. Yet another rule broken by her carelessness...
If it hadn't been for Sandpaw and I, I don't know how we would have gotten everyone out alive.
"Great Overlord sir," Sandpaw said with obvious distaste. "Groddil seemed to be under the delusion that we were doing something wrong, when he was simply acting out of place. I already detailed everything he tried to accuse me of in my first report sir, and I would maintain that attacking someone of the opposite team is what's expected in a simulated battle, so what me and Fatch did was entirely understandable. However when Groddil began smacking me with his gun I could only respond in kind.
"I would like to add that Groddil proved to be extremely troublesome when we were trying to evacuate the building waging a crusade with Daskar, the two were obstinately smacking each other with burning sticks declaring themselves the more loyal servant. I nor Fatch had no part in this fight, other then breaking it up of course, and dragging them out of the burning building."
"Oh Greatest of the Lords who dwell below the Arctic Ocean, I death ray that I built was completely done in character and only as harmless as laser tag guns. And yes, even though Fatch didn't tell me to build it I said that he did in order to stay in character as I believed Fatch was supposed to be in charge of the team that was pretending to hate you, as if anyone ever actually could.
As a child my drama teacher always told me that when playing a part you must, 'Always, at all costs, stay in character,' when I discovered that she was a relation of yours, I should've known since such talent could only come from your mighty family, I immediately began to obey.
And my fight with Groddil was a fight for my own life and his. When the building began burning the others ran out quickly, I, however, was searching for my shoe. When I found it I ran to the door to discover Groddil holding a burning stick and blocking the way. He began laughing insanely and saying an 'evil, disloyal servant such as you must stay and burn,' then he smacked me with his stick. Naturally I couldn't allow this to happen so, I picked up and stick, declared myself loyal, and tried to knock out Groddil so I could get out and bring him too. This process repeated itself several times. If it weren't for the bravery of Sandpaw and Fatch neither of us would've made it out alive."
"I admit it! I am a crazy maniac and none of you can stop me! I shall rule the world above all of you! I shall forever look down upon you and your puny Overlord!"
/me cackles maniacally and tries running away but forgetting about the glass capsule and collapsing unconcious to the floor.
"Well at least she's honest about it..."
Sir, I'd like to explain my part in all of this. I tried to give laser tag a shot, I honestly did. But my laser kept going out. That's why I gave my gun to Rosie, who seemed to be retrofitting her own. I didn't realize she would up the power in it, nor did I realize they had a replacement stand. Anyway, when she was done I was so thankful I asked how could I repay her. She asked me to help her heat up a Lean Cuisine. I thought it was an odd time to be eating, but who was I to argue? So we're trying to warm it up, then Fatch came and explained how that wasn't a good idea. Rosie was having none of it. She went berserk and smacked me over the head with a flashlight she had earlier. I was out for a couple of seconds. By the time I came too, the building was on fire, and we had to escape with our lives.
"After due consideration, I have determined that the servant with the least future potential in this organization is Delthion. I don't have much time, so let's make this quick. Observe his fate."
The glass cylinder begins to rotate, as a beam begins to shoot down from the ceiling at the servant. Del yelps as it lightly zaps his skin. This continues for some time. Finally, the speaker projecting his voice to the rest of the capsules goes off.
"I'm testing the principle of making computer drives on nontraditional material. This beam, using a process I can't be bothered to explain to you, 'burns' the data on their skin and clothes. Hopefully I'll be able to read that information later. I could have used any object, but given the theme of your last mission, I thought this was appropriate."
"After some consideration, I've decided to take advantage of the one talent you have manifested. There's an old, abandoned base of mine, in the middle of a network of underground caves. I have no further use for the base, and I have reason to believe that its continued existence there might cause me trouble in the future. So, I'm sending you there to destroy it."
"Conveniently, there are plenty of weapons and power tools left there. I don't need any of them; in fact, I would rather see them destroyed as well. So, do what you do best, and destroy absolutely everything that's left of my base and possessions there. Just don't do too much damage to the nearby caves. I'd rather nobody know that anyone was ever there."
"What am I to make of this? The allotted time has passed, and no damage whatsoever seems to have been done to the base or my tools. That would be forgivable, if it wasn't for all the ads I've found online and in the news: "Top Secret Hidden Underground Base for sale! Used to belong to an Overlord. Convenient location in Amazonian cave system. Comes with weapons, power tools, and servants included. Call 555-168-1129, or contact us in person at our other base under the Arctic Ocean, for further details."
"My base's cover here is blown. Now we're going have to relocate to another one very shortly. I've no time for games. Tell me who's responsible so that they can meet the same fate this base is going to. If your answers don't satisfy me, then I'll just leave all of you here when it gets taken care of."
Groddil is once again the first to speak.
"Oh mighty overlord, allow me to explain. Myself and your other servants journeyed to the Amazon on your Antonov 226. We had loaded a shipping crate with materials and dropped it into the Delta, then parachuted out. When we landed, Sandpaw and I started unloading the shipping crate while Rosie and Fatch pried open the secret cave entrance. Among the things we took with us were a Neutrino Bomb, a Disintigrator, and Delthion. Once the entrance was opened, Daskar approached the door and tapped in the passcode. I was suspicious, as I did not think Daskar was trustworthy enough for you to honor him with the password, so I asked him how he knew. He said that he had purchased a Data Disc containing information about your second base from eBay, in order to destroy it, but investigated what was on it first. Once we were inside, I planted the Neutrino Bomb in the base's Atomic Reactor, and set it so that the nearby caves would not be damaged. Sandpaw plugged Delthion into the bomb using an extension cord, and we were about to transfer the activation codes, when Rosie zapped him with the Disintigrator, destroying him before we could activate the bomb. She then zapped my leg, as you can see from this prosthesis, and Fatch knocked Sandpaw unconscious. They pulled out the Data Disc that Daskar had supposedly destroyed, and used it to change the Neutrino Bomb to a transmitter, which began sending signals to major news outlets and online shopping sites. Thankfully, Soren came up behind Rosie and managed to steal the Disintigrator, forcing her and Fatch to surrender. I managed to pull out my phone and ring the number you just mentioned, after it had been broadcasted through the Neutrino-Radio-Thing, which caused Daskar's cellphone to ring. That is all I can say, your powerfullness, as after having my leg destroyed, I had to call in an Evac."
Sir, what Groddil says is true. We parachuted to the amazon base location. Myself and Daskar didn't have much to do seeing how everyone went about their initial tasks. So I walked over to see if I could give Rosie and Fatch a chance. They weren't speaking, but she eventually mentioned something to him. Her words were "So, I've been thinking, if we leak this to the press, people will be all over this place. And when people gather, you know what they do? They eat. Dippin' Dots bro. We should sell Dippin' Dots. We'd make a killing." Fatch replied "Good idea. We could lace the Dippin' Dots with laxatives. And when they're done eating, we could set up a couple of port-a-johns, sell a trio for $50 a pop." "Sweet." Rosie replied.
I was stunned by his development, and quickly rushed to tell someone. I caught up with Groddil, and informed him of Rosie and Fatch's vile, and rather materialistic plan. He said we should try to accomplish the mission and blow he base before they could send out word. I'd attack Rosie or Fatch as a last resort option.
Of course, you know that we had to use plan B to get out of there, and even then your would-be servants Rosie and Fatch ruined the perfectly good chance we had of completing a mission!
Oh great Overlord, there is much more to this tale than these two miserable servants understand. If they only knew what I had done to help the mission, they would never level these accusations.
You see, as I secretly feared all along, our mission team had been infiltrated. The AOO (Anti - Overlord - Organization) has been onto us for quite sometime and one of these servants has gone over to their side.
It all started just after the first mission. We stopped at the local Buffalo Wild Wings joint on the way to the old base. We had been serving you with such dedication many of us had not gotten the chance to eat yet. Daskar and Rosie exited out of one of the back doors to get some fresh air (Rosie looked like she was sick.) We didn't see either of them for some time, but eventually they returned. Rosie did not look sick anymore, so I didn't say anything to the others.
Now, as you know, the AOO often uses a clever disguise to fool servants of the Overlords. When they want to impersonate someone, they often use pancake batter cooked into a face mold to create an exact image of their target's face. It seems Rosie had been kidnapped, and an enemy agent had managed to take her identity, wearing a false face made out of pancake batter.
I had my suspicions that Rosie might be a pancake (pancake here simply referring to someone who is being impersonated by this method) and I thought Daskar might have had something to do with it as well. So, when Daskar made sure no one was questioning Rosie and went outside again, I followed him secretly. I saw him being paid loads of cash by a man driving a truck with giant letters "AOO" on the side. No doubt he was paid to betray us. I was about to head back inside to warn the others when the car I was hiding behind drove off, leaving me out in the open. I was tranquilized and while I was half out of consciousness, I witnessed another man making a mask and taking my identity. I was tied up, thrown in the back of the truck with Rosie and we were driven to the city dump, where they... well... dumped us.
We managed to escape after a few minutes, and Rosie checked her phone. Sure enough, to our horror, our enemies had successfully infiltrated the team, and were making a mess of things. Seeing no other options, we hijacked a garbage truck and high tailed it over to the base. By that time, there were news crews and civilians everywhere. I couldn't destroy the base without killing lots of innocent people. It would have done no good other than to bring even more attention to our already fragile operations.
Sorry about what happened, great Overlord.
Waving his hand for the Overlord's attention Sandpaw began his own explanation of the events.
"Sir I can confirm Fatch's account of what went down. I was unaware of Daskar's plot to use the AOO to inform the public of your bases, though it makes sense now. I was in the base's workshop at the time trying to figure out how to put Delthion back together, but then I received an email on my OOphone that Fatch had sent me, he thought I was one of the few team members he could still trust. After I was informed about what was going on I rushed down the stairs only to find Soren holding the fake Rosie and Fatch at disintegrator, and Groddil lying on the floor wounded. They had already dealt with the fakers, so I assumed they already knew what was going on.
"I of course helped Groddil into the medical Evac telling him to return once he had been treated with a ship. I radioed to check on Soren there was only static on the other end. I quickly rushed to find Soren and discovered the real Daskar standing over him with the two fake servants, and Daskar had a metal pipe in his hand, presumably what he had knocked out Soren with. I dueled all three of them for ten minutes just as civilians were beginning to arrive. Just in time Fatch and Rosie showed up and we managed to drive the two fake servants off, and capture Daskar. As you can see sir, we only barely made it out before the civilians saw us, we had to drag Soren with us, as he was still a little delirious after Daskar had hit him.
"We radioed for Groddil to come and pick us up, but he said he was too important, and mysterious to be spotted by the civilians who were now crowding into the base, and to hurt to bother. Groddil left us high and dry, and we were forced to commandeer a submarine to make it back here. That's all I have too report sir."
"Sir, allow me to retort Sandpaw. When we radioed in for a Medi-VAC, I was expecting a plane or something else along the lines. Instead, Fatch, who actually called it in, had them send a 1 person LEO Shuttle instead. As I was the only one with any severe injuries, I was the one to actually board it. Furthermore, as Soren has told me, they scuttled the sub without transferring its computer systems data to an external drive to return to you. Said data, apparently, was the result of the sub's crew attempting to create a robotic device capable of finding you, seeking you out, and transporting you to another dimension consisting only of black holes and disease-carrying mozzies. If I were there, which, thanks to Rosie, I wasn't, I would have copied it onto Delthion. Except Rosie destroyed him, and all of your sensitive information at the same time."
Groddil shakes his head.
"First her insane behaviour after the laser tag mission, and now this? She's up to something, boss."
Sorry for the disproportionately long delay...
The room fell silent.
After several minutes, the servants began to wonder if the Overlord had left them there to die in the darkness.
Suddenly, the lights came on, revealing a grim-looking man clad in a dark robe and hood, standing in the center of the room operating a control panel. He made some last adjustments, then pulled a lever. All of the glass capsules slid open, letting their occupants loose...except for one.
"Come along and don't dawdle. My subspace collapser is set to activate shortly."
The Overlord, subjects in tow, made their way towards one of the walls. A hatch slid open to reveal a dark tunnel, only marginally illuminated with red emergency lights. The dark figure gestured, and a blast door opened to reveal the interior of what looked like the bridge of a starship. The servants followed him inside, somewhat anxiously, cringing when the door slammed shut behind them. Their master sat down in the large chair in the center of the room, and typed in a sequence on a keyboard. The room began to shake and rumble, and the servants were forced to the floor by the intense pull of gravity. A look outside the window showed that the ship, as that was what it was, had blasted off, leaving the increasingly-distant form of the abandoned underwater base, and Rosie Willowwater inside, behind to their respective fates.
A shadow appeared to fall over the station, then it disappeared completely from sight, leaving only an empty ocean floor behind. The starship, for its part, ascended ever-higher; before long the blue sky was replaced with the undisturbed tranquility of dark space, with only the lines of stars zipping by to serve evidence of the ship's relation to the rest of the universe.
At length, the Overlord turned to his subjects.
"My Arctic station, and that former friend of yours, are frozen in separate subspace fields attached to this ship. The bleakness of her new home suits the answers she had to offer for her inanity."
The figure sighed.
"While your folly didn't help matters, the damage is salvageable. I've recently come across some, shall we say, good fortune, and I'm willing to consider keeping you on with me."
"I have an appointment to keep with a friend. All I ask is that you retrieve for me some cuisine that adequately fits his and my tastes. The teleporter will take you back down to Earth. Fetch two of all the things I'm about to list: a large double-patty burger, with mustard, lettuce, tomatoes, jalapenos, and onions. A large bag of flour tortilla chips. 44 ounces of sweet tea, in a glass mug. A king-sized bar of dark chocolate. And finally, a jar of the best salsa you can find, suitable to go with the chips. If you do this job right, I can forgive you."
A dour expression came over the Overlord's face.
"If not... expect my favorable mood to be fleeting."
Quite some time later...
The servants were abruptly pulled from world to world, and face-to-face with their master. Another man, dressed identically to the Overlord, sat a short distance away in his own chair, observing the goings-on with apparent interest. The Overlord pressed a button, delivering a powerful electric shock that brought each of the servants to their knees, and addressed them with insidious calm.
"Do you care, or even dare to explain to me why all of my food is covering your clothes? That is, all the food that you didn't guzzle yourselves, or "donate" to those garbage men!"
Groddil winces from the shock, but does not move.
"Your powerfulness, I can explain. As you already know, we were dropped off at different locations on Earth to locate the objects you desired. I was sent to Australia for the chocolate, Soren was sent to Russia to find the tea, and Sandpaw was sent to America for the burger and salsa, and Daskar to a WalMart in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean for the tortilla chips, with the objective to regroup in Britain when we had obtained the items, in order to return to you. I immediately began asking around and conducting research as to the greatest chocolate in the world, and eventually found two types of Swiss Dark Chocolate. I purchased 2 bars each, along with some Cadbury Sweet Biscuits. For some reason, the chocolate they use for those are different to standard milk chocolate. Anyway, I spent a few hours prying apart the biscuits and boiling the chocolate together into one mixture. I added a bit of extra cocoa and shaped it into two bars, which I packed into my subzero bag of holding. It was then that I received a call from Sandpaw. He said that he had located the burger, but that there was no salsa in Mexico anymore. Apparently, a company known as "DaskarCorp" had purchased every salsa production company in existence, ordered a mass recall, and destroyed it. There's no more salsa, boss. I ended up buying some from this real shady bloke in downtown Sydney, but as soon as the money changed hands, he zapped it with a black hole generator and ran off, screaming 'DaskarCorp Rules! Yeah!'"
Groddil clears his throat.
"I made my way to London, where we all regrouped. We confronted Daskar, who said that DaskarCorp was currently being run by 'Bilu Daskar', totally not himself. By this point, I still needed to test my chocolate, so I cut off a tiny sliver from one bar and offered it to a garbo to test. He said that it was, quote 'bloody amazing, cobber!', so Daskar said he could have the rest. I went to pull out my SPAMgun, but Daskar kicked it out of my hand. The garbo and his friend scoffed the chocolate, which was when it started getting serious. That man, your associate. He walked past us, and Daskar said that he was plotting to kill you. Obviously, you know your associates, so Daskar must have been lying. He snatched the burger and threw it at your associate. Thankfully, it did not hit him. By now, all that was left was the tea and tortilla chips. After restraining Daskar, Soren was clearly terrified. He said that we should just pretend none of this had ever happened, so he ate the tortilla chips. I tried to stop him, so he threw the tea at me. Hence my filthy clothing. I suggest that, even if Daskar is not currently in charge of DaskarCorp, that you destroy this company at once. If the Salsa Monopoly is lifted, not only would you be able to obtain it at last, but the world would be grateful."
Groddil falls silent, then speaks up again.
"Oh, and Fatch. He was SUPPOSED to assist me in Australia, but disappeared somewhere in Sydney. I didn't see him again until London, where he had so many Souvenirs I was surprised he could walk. Useless!"
As the great Overlord knows I am always dedicated to serving him. I had heard about the Salsa monopoly while we were in Sydney, and I got in contact with my correspondents. Trusting Groddil's expertise to land us a decent amount of chocolate, I dedicated my time to getting the salsa instead. As I expected, my correspondents had managed to keep some salsa jars safe from DaskarCorp. I purchased them at great cost to my personal revenue. - twelve years of servitude's pay for each jar! Since Salsa had become a heavily desired substance, it was a throwback to my old smuggling days. I once worked for the cartel down in mexico, so I called up Dirty Randy, my former partner.
Together, we purchased souvenirs, and used them to conceal the valuable salsa as we traveled. We succeeded in getting all of the salsa back to London, which is more than can be said for some of these other servants.
Dirty Randy had a soft spot for Soren, and he tried to offer him a small amount of salsa after we had arrived - as a toast to our success. To both of our surprise, Soren, realizing how valuable the salsa was, murdered Dirty Randy with a pitch fork that happened to be leaning against the wall nearby, and gathered up all the salsa. He made a break for it, and got to the pickup truck. In the process some of the other servants began eating the food they had brought and threw it at one another
What followed was a hectic high speed chase. I was trying to chase down Soren to retrieve the salsa, but I couldn't use my vehicle to stop him, since the salsa jars could have broken.
In a daring move, I put my truck on cruise control, jumped into the back, and managed to grab a jar of salsa as we drew level. I had to abandon the truck, and it was destroyed shortly after. I brought my last jar of salsa back to the others. They wasted no time in devouring it, without even using tortilla chips. It's an utter disgrace to consume salsa without tortilla chips, so I was thoroughly disgusted. I don't know what Soren did with the rest of the salsa, but he seems to have a lot more money as of late than he used to. I would guess he sold your priceless salsa for personal profit.
OOC:
@LT Sandpaw@Søren@Lord DaskarBIC:
"Actually, your powerfulness, I know what happened to the last Salsa jar. I used my own personal funds to buy it off Soren to return to you. By bank balance is at two dollars and five cents now, thanks to him. He took the money, and threw the Salsa jar at me. It shattered, getting Salsa all over me. Before I could gather it, purify it, and return it to you, Daskar jumped at me and licked it all up. Before he did so, he said, quote, 'This isn't fair! Soren and Sandpaw ate all the other salsa! I didn't get any! The Overlord won't get it anyway, so I'm eating it!', end quote. And there you have it, boss. Sandpaw, Soren, and Daskar are all responsible for you not having any salsa! But the one most at fault? Daskar. He's been working against you behind your back since the very beginning. I doubt he could ever try to justify his actions."
OOC:
@Fatch of Southsward: Editted.
OOC: I actually had said that I didn't know what happened to the last jar of salsa in my last post.
In this case I certainly would know what happened to it. It's ok though, I'll let others get involved before I respond again