Then the multiverse blew up, de-continuuzing the time stream.
However, Rusvul the Rat put the multi-verse back together, and promptly became Overlord.
He was opposed by Sukka the Jling and her cadre of sisters.
Who easily took over, while Rusvul the Rat plotted his revenge.
Meanwhile, Sukka and her twelve sisters gathered around in a circle and broke out singing "We Are Family".
The world went into a never-ending state of death because of the loss of the original forums...
But the Emperor of Mankind killed the universe and made his own.
Which then exploded, killing the Emperor of Mankind.
and Sukka.
But Samber survived and repopulated the new universe!
With the help of Pawsand the Froad.
They lived happily ever after with their quadrillions of children...
Meanwhile, in another universe, the forum was down.
The loyal Forumites fought valiantly against the anti-forum bugs however they were slowly being overwhelmed.
Because the Moderators helped the anti-forum bugs.
The Moderators were secretly building another forum, and had used the bugs as an excuse to shut the old one down.
This strategy, which had been developed by a tyrannical power-hungry global moderator, was totally successful.
With the first stage of his Master Plan now finished, the as-yet-unnamed moderator waited for an opportune moment to seize complete power for himself.
As a step towards this, he "appointed" himself administrator on the new forum.
This mod's name was Heatlo Dellhounsh.
His forum screen-name, however, rhymed with "Names Dryphon".
He could often be heard cackling evilly to his magic mirror.
One day, he asked it, "Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the greatest Staff member of them all?"
It decided not to comment due to the fact that it couldn't lie, and the moderator was holding a hammer.
So Heatlo said "I must not have plugged these speakers into the mirror right," and adjusted them. Then he repeated the question.
The mirror then let out a grunting unintelligible whine of an answer that sounded suspiciously like Shadyrain.
Heatlo, still not suspecting anything, said, "Maybe the mirror isn't getting enough power." So he unplugged it and plugged it back in. Then he asked, "Mirror, mirror, burning bright, who's the best admin on this site?"
The mirror, finally able to give a straight answer seeing as the questioner was a moderator answered, "Matti1080P."
Unfortunately, Heatlo was the one hosting the new forum, so he was still very ticked off, and screamed, "WHAT? I'M THE ONE HOSTING THE NEW FORUM!1! YOU UNGRATEFUL MIRROR!1!" In a fit of childish rage, he smashed the mirror, and then took a second mirror out of its box (which had a "Buy 1 and get 2 free" sticker on the front), hooked it up, and asked it the same question.
"The forum is a moderator unto itself," the mirror replied nonsensically (it was broken).
Heatlo rolled his eyes and set up the third mirror. He decided to gave it a fair chance, so he said, "Mirror, mirror, don't you agree, with me and my hammer here, that I am the best staff member and admin on the forum?"
The mirror couldn't lie so it wisely said, "No."
It then slipped on purpose off the nail it was hung on and fell on Heatlo's foot.
Heatlo was so enraged by all of this that he began jumping up and down and foaming at the mouth; he was just about to swing his hammer to smash the mirror into a million pieces when he tripped over some of the glass that had come out of the first mirror.
He fell, gruesomely sliced his throat open on a glass shard, and died.
The mirror rather proud of itself attempted to skip away.
Since it was a mirror, it couldn't.
After Heatlo's death, payments to the server company ceased, and the new forum went down.
Then the down server went fixed . . .
...because Heatlo's friend Shainradow started new payments in memory of Heatlo.
Shainy (as she was called) had trouble paying for both the forum and her college tuition, though.
So she decided to continue to pay for the forum, and stop going to college, as she didn't enjoy it.
Unfortunately, she couldn't get a good job, so she couldn't pay rent, so she had to move back in with her parents, who made her stop paying for the forum.
But, instilled with righteous fury, they paid for the forum.
..."they" being Matti1080P and Ultra.
They were ruthlessly murdered by Heatlo Dellhounsh.
...who had come back from the dead and was once again seeking to take over the forum.
Unfortunately Kelda was forming an army against them.
(Who?)
But they were unable to stop Heatlo from becoming the only administrator. This plunged the forum into a ten-year dark age.
(Kelda, Delka. ;D)
Realizing their mistake, they allied with the Guest Hordes and DDBs. The Mods and Admins tried to hold the server but in vain.
But it was a ruse; the guests and DDBs were both actually working for the Staff, and they stabbed Kelthion and Judda in the backs, destroying them.
But this was all planned, and Kelda destroyed Heatlo once and for all.
Kelda was also unsure if they were actually a ship or not.
But the knew that they were a boat. ;D
But it sank.
But then, someone sent an underwater search team to locate it.
They put it in a museum. With free wi-fi!!!
The Wi-Fi was unnecessary for poor Kelda the rowboat.
Actually, it was necessary, as they maintained the peace on the Redwall Abbey and Loamhedge forums through it.
Which was very easy, what with both of those forums being down.
But they weren't down. Raskz was keeping the forum alive, and so were the rest of his 8,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,001 siblings.
::)
Then everybody died.
But the forums lived happily ever after. As everyone's life insurance payed out to keep it going.
(What is even going on?)
One day a girl named Jane entered the museum.
Its proprietor was secretly an evil Snow Queen.
Quote from: Jukka the Sling on February 06, 2016, 04:21:27 AM
(What is even going on?)
One day a girl named Jane entered the museum.
(Everyone is dead and their life insurance payed out to the forums and we are Admins. ;D)
Though finding employment had at one time been an issue, the Snow Queen now ran a lucrative business in ice sculpture construction.
By turning people into ice..
She lured people into the museum to see the salvaged remains of Kelda and then turned them into ice. As many as a hundred people per day fell to her evil.
So a young and new moderator by the name Bobby created the forum Salamandastron. Unfortunately the protective firewall was so protective that no member could ever access the forum so it had no activity.*
Locked within the impenetrable walls of Salamandastron, Bobby became bitter and senile.
One day a person actually managed to join.
They started spamming the whole forum with pointless topics and posts.
Their name was Rusvul. He was constantly spamming, "I broke it."
"I broke it" was a popular saying in Germany which meant, "Coffee is free on Tuesdays."
Bobby, having long ago lost his appetite for all caffeine, despised the idea of free coffee and had banned it on his forum.
However, Rusvul was not aware of this ban, and continued spamming.
So Bobby banned him.
The forum became a lifeless, depressing place once again.
Until Mathion, Jumes, and Samber managed to join.
And then it became a fun place, full of laughter and cannibalism, eye rolling and studying, it was amazing!
But Bobby didn't like having members; he preferred guests.
To clarify his opinion on the situation, he amended the forum rules to state that only guests were allowed to post.
Of course due to the firewall no guest could ever get to the point of posting capability.
So the forum was once again lifeless and depressing. However, Bobby soon died.
With no administrator to sustain it, the forum became a 404 page.
It remained that way until fifteen years later when the internet was replaced by Ultra-net.
Ultranet used the power of time travel to allow users to visit any webpage at any point in time.
Time travel had been made possible by the cutting-edge innovation of the technological conglomerate JryCorp.
This "JryCorp" was run by Games Jryphon's daughter, Zandria.
who was horrible at eating cake with dental floss . . .
Zandria's husband was a guy named Guy who, unbeknownst to Zandria, was a spy working for the Russian Government.
This was strange, given the fact that the Russian government (and all Earthly governments) had been defunct for hundreds of years.
The Russian Government, however, had secretly risen again, and was plotting to take over the world.
Now JryCorp and this new Russian Government were enemies, so Zandria and Guy were actually spying on each other.
One day, their kid, Janie, was snooping around her dad's office when she pulled a book off the shelf and unexpectedly opened a secret passage.
It said in bold red letters on the front "TOP SECRET DO NOT READ, TOUCH, LOOK AT, OR DECIPHER IN ANY WAY!!!!!!" So naturally she opened it to read.
The document revealed the crucial details of Games Jryphon's secret plot to take over the world, and included a list of "objectives" that had to be completed before the plan could be truly realized.
One of the objectives was to eat doughnuts.
Another one was, Kill Janie.
The most important objective however was to install JryCrop as the leading company in Hamburger development and distribution.
But Janie didn't care, all she cared about was the fact that she was on the list to be killed. So, she did what any normal person would do in this situation, she screamed very, very loudly.
Her butler/X-Navy Seal entered the room and asked what he could do to help her.
She told him to boil his head. Then she went back to screaming.
So the Butler went and got a large pot of water and put on the stove to heat up.
When it was boiling he stuck his head over the pot and chopped it off. The head fell into the pot, the body to the floor.
Meanwhile Janie was still screaming.
So was her mother, who had found the boiling head. Her father came into the kitchen, he screamed too.
Following a brief period of hysterical screaming, Janie's parents agreed to never let her into the office again.
So they sent Janie to a boarding school for Screaming Students.
The Boarding School for Screaming Students was on top of a large hill. The hill was filled with secret underground passages full of secret things.
Janie also had a counselor who helped her cope with her extreme PTSD that was triggered by boiling butler heads.
The Counselor's name was Arnold and he was very cruel to the students, Due to the fact that he had a constant headache from all the screaming.
He took Ibuprofen frequently; however, this did not help due to the fact that he ate raspberries, which made Ibuprofen not work.
One day, Janie decided to journey down into one of the subterranean passages. There she found a large raspberry stash.
She was about to eat one when her conscious showed up.
Her conscience said, "Eat all of the raspberries, not just one."
So she did. Just then Arnold came into the passage.
And ate her, because that was his raspberry stash and he still wanted raspberries.
It turned out that Arnold was Games Jryphon, and that eating Janie was some how part of his plan for world domination.
Which was also how his son in law Guy managed to complete objective number two.
Which was jump on a mushroom and sing a song.
Janie knew kung fu, so she karate-chopped her way out of Arnold/Games's stomach.
And then killed him.
Woren Sarrior, the new school counselor, hired Sherlock Holmes to solve the mystery of Arnold's death.
Holmes had it figured out in two hours.
However he wanted it to seem like it was more difficult so he brought in a specialist raspberry farmer named Farmer Tan.
. . .Because he felt like raspberries. The guy that would make it look difficult was arriving the next week.
The guy arrived next week as planned, and concluded that Arnold's death was caused by giant mutant raspberries.
Woren Sarrior immediately has the raspberry farmer, Farmer Tan arrested.
In a surprising turn of events, Farmer Tan revealed that he was the long-lost cousin of Games Jryphon.
However, Games Jryphon had died from choking on a raspberry.
So Farmer Tan was arrested for two accounts of first degree murder, conspiracy, and for being related to the worst criminal the endless story has ever known.
Tan knew that Games had died because of a raspberry, so he strangled the cops with the raspberries he happened to have in his pocket and escaped.
He fled to the star system Jennie's Ice Cream Planet with the help of a interplanetary smuggler named Shadyrain.
He killed Shadyrain when they arrived and then set out to find Jennie.
Only later would he realize that Shadyrain and Jennie were the same person.
So Jennie was also dead. This made him happy since he wanted to take over the Ice Cream Place.
He set out to immediately change all the Ice cream on Ice Cream Planet to raspberry flavor.
Cause he could get them for free.
Unfortunately, Supreme Galactic Potentate Irezoth put a tax on all shipments of raspberries to and from the Ice Cream Sector, utterly destroying the local economy.
Tan realized that he'd be ruined, so he cleverly figured out a way to get around the tax.
He had all his raspberry farms paint the raspberries black with a edible, non-dangerous, all natural coloring. Because there was not taxes on blackberries Farmer Tan's economy boomed again.
Then the Food Cops got on to him for having Blue Raspberry Ice Cream.
So he decided to quit making ice cream and start farming peanuts.
However, no matter how hard he tried farming peanuts, they kept turning into raspberries.
So he hypnotized the peanuts into thinking they were peanuts, which they were. Because of this, they no longer turned into raspberries.
Because hypnotization was illegal, he was immediately arrested and sent to a prison planet.
Farmer Tan the peanut/raspberry farmer had a professional lawyer Voren the Lover who got him off Prison Planet in record time.
With the help of some peanuts he had hypnotized into thinking they were cops, they escaped to a small planet called Ponyland.
Ponyland, as one might surmise by the name, was entirely dedicated to raising and breeding horses; it was run by a tired man called Tired Joe.
When Tired Joe wasn't taking care of horses or busy being tired, he would make wigs from horse manes and tails. These he sold to his gardener, Richard, who used them to decorate his yard.
Richard believed that he was a 15th century English king, and could often be heard reciting lines from Shakespearean plays.
One of his favorite lines to quote was, "I am a coconut and you cannot stop me from eating French fries and playing golf!"
So after eighteen hours of haggling with Tired Joe and his Gardener Richard, Farmer Tan and his Lawyer Voren the Lover were allowed to hide in Tired Joe's basement while Richard took care of them.
Richard took the opportunity to make spinach smoothies for the folks hiding in his basement.
He also gave them Shakespearean plays to read. They did not enjoy this, so they secretly burned the books.
Upon realizing that the guests had burned his beloved plays, Richard destroyed the smoothies and ran himself through with a sword.
Tired Joe had just gone upstairs to take a shower. When he witnessed this terrible tragedy, he screamed, smashed through a window, and ran through a cornfield. Unfortunately, this revealed his and the others' location to some unlikable characters...
...Ledthion and his infamous wife, Sukka the Jling, who had been turned evil by evil rays.
Sukka was listening to music on her Walkman and didn't notice Tired Joe, even though Ledthion was jumping up and down and screaming to get her attention.
So Ledthion turned on Sukka's least favorite song and played it, full volume, into her ear.
"I meant to delete that off the playlist!" Sukka exclaimed, and slapped Ledthion for playing it. Then she happened to see Tired Joe screaming among the corn.
What Sukka didn't realize was that the corn was sentient.
So Drol Hsa murdered Ledthion with the help of Nabya.
This gave Tired Joe the time to activate Ponyland's robotic Death Patrols, which immediately set out to exterminate the intruders.
After the Death Patrols had finished "removing" the intruders, they set about cleaning the planet of all sentient life.
But there were some who resisted. A last alliance of sentient corn and potatoes marched against the Death Patrol, and on the slopes of a large hill, they fought for the freedom of Ponyland.
It a s with great relish that the Desth Patrol activated their prototype weapon, the death ray of eternal DOOM!
Farmer Tan who commanded the Carbohydrate forces of Ponyland order his troops to do a tactical retreat in the face of this new threat.
But then they were rallied by people playing the song; "The Gates of Dawn."
(One of the lines in the chorus is "See the never-ending story" so I thought that it fit. ;D)
So they used the fossilised heart of Games Jryphon to destroy all their enemies and achieve godhood.
Even immortality, however, could not save them from the black hole that subsequently swallowed their world.
Seeing the world about to be destroyed by the black hole, Farmer Tan and his close friend Dill Pickle escaped on a magical flying pony.
The pony randomly turned evil though. Tan fell into the whole, but Dill fell into Shadyrain's ship, which just happened to be floating around.
Firing up the engines Dill managed to escape the black hole's pull by blowing up the evil pony and using the explosion to rocket himself into the next universe.
The next universe, as it turned out, was an inverted version of the previous one.
Dill found himself captured by the Evil Farmer Tan who worked for the Mad Dentist Charlie.
Charlie's accomplice, Mr. Hyde, was actually a mercenary hired by Space Cluny to kill Farmer Tan and take his corpse to Cluny.
Cluny wanted the corpse 'cause he was hungry.
Cluny starved to death before Farmer Tan could be assassinated, and the mission was therefore canceled.
But then Azura made a prophecy that the incarnate of Cluny would come and take revenge. against Mr. Hyde.
But Azura was a fake and that never happened.
Her fortune telling business soon went bankrupt.
Seeking a more profitable job, she decided to become a bounty hunter.
Azura changed her name to Asajj Ventress and started killing things.
She was just about to kill someone that there was a bounty on with her lightsaber, when a sword blocked her strike.
Meanwhile, a tortured Games Jryphon was being held captive, his powers drained, and being tortured daily for his evil admin powers.
This was being done by Satthiam270, who was determined to make sure that nobody usurped his authority.
However, Satthiam's plans were foiled by Ledthion, who lead his battle tank, SFC, into action against Satthiam.
(Ledthion or some other name, but not Delthion; member's names are banned.)
While Elthdion and SFC was hopelessly weak compared to Satthiam's vast power, the moment's distraction was all Games needed to be restored to full power himself; cackling, Games escaped into another dimension.
Brimming with fury, Satthiam assembled his moderator army and followed Games through the interdimensional portal.
So Azura used Dilu Daskar as a pawn and tore Games's heart out.
This wasn't so easy, as Games was heartless.
So the thing that Azura tore out was Games' pacemaker.
The pacemaker vaporized Azura with a heat ray, having had its "pace" button pushed one too many times.
As Azura fell into a pile of dust and Games' lay on the ground dying the pacemaker rose into the sky to take its revenge on the universe.
The pacemaker zapped Games and Satthiam with its mind-control apparatus, instantly turning them into mindless servants.
Which was kind of pointless for Games who had already died. Satthiam on the other hand jumped up and did a Nazi salute screaming, "HAIL PACE!"
And he was he was shot down by offended SJWs
The Super Jumping Widows then jumped all the way to East London in South Africa to meet with the Super Jumping Widowers.
It was steamy, until all the widowers died.
Which caused the Endless Story II to be transformed back to the Endless Story I
(Man, I can't believe this thing is still going)
, which in turn caused the forum to be transformed into the old forum. Unfortunately, as the old forum was down, this meant everything was inaccessible...
Which then caused the Endless Story I and II to both be destroyed in flames. THE END
But out of the ashes rose a warrior...
He was Matthias, and he liked to eat pineapples.
However, he had a problem: he was allergic to pineapples.
In fact he was so allergic that if he ate two he would die. He had already eaten one so he knew this.
And so an Argonian made him eat ten pineapples in a stew.
But this particular variety of pineapples came from the southern isles. By chance, Matthias happened to be allergic only to pineapples grown in a snowstorm in the northern lands.
The Argonian was very angry when he learned this. Instead of simply killing Matthias he imprisoned him and set out to retrieve the pineapples.
And on his journey, The Argonian had to cross a bridge. Unfortunately for him, Tumtum the troll lived under said bridge.
As Argonian carefully crossed over said bridge Tumtum snuck up behind him, grabbed his nose and yelled in a rather annoying high, pitched voice, "I got ye snoze!"
Argonian was understandably upset, and flailed hopelessly in an attempt to escape.
Tumtum the troll said that if Argonian wanted to get free, he would have to pay a tax.
But the Argonian didn't have to pay a tax as werewolves ripped Tumtum the troll's throat out.
But he was so surprised and shocked that he fainted and fell off over the bridge into the ditch below.
This particular ditch happened to belong to King Dotch, the Dutch King of all the ditches.
But King Dotch died after being stabbed by Ledthion.
Who went off to find his family.
And marry Sukka.
When suddenly he fell into one of the ditches.
But the ditch became a metal box.
And he got stuck inside of the metal box and started to scream.
It was conveniently soundproof though.
Now we go to Raksad, who was being minced right now.
Figuratively minced of course. The evil Games Jryphon was beating him in Go Fish.
Ledthion, meanwhile, broke out of the soundproof box and ran screaming through Raksad and Games' Go Fish game, scattering the cards hither and yon.
Until Games' hit Ledthion on the head and knocked 'em out cold.
Games smiled evilly and Banned Ledthion from entering Hedgeloam, then he went back to beating Raksad.
Then Games spontaneously sprouted wings.
And Ledthion Jr. saved the day that apparently needed saving. ;D
Games got mad at Ledthion Jr. so, he attacked Ledthion Sr., who was sitting of a snake outside.
Ledthion Sr. instantly did battle with Games, and defeated him easily.
But Games Jryphon, in his dying throes, cast a spell that trapped him and Ledthion forever in a vortex.
This made Raksad very happy since Games could no longer beat him at Go Fish.
Then Kasm woke up.
She had been sleeping, obviously.
Her sleep had been of the enchanted kind, cast upon her by the Nice Which Witch of the Southish lands whose name was Kys.
Kys, despite her title, was neither nice nor a witch nor from the South.
OOC: Kys? Really?
So Kasm drew her blade and ran it through Kys's heart.
But Kys laughed, as she knew that when she was rebuilt she would become more powerful than ever.
Cheerfully she fell into thousands of little pieces, mocking her would-be-killer with the words: "Fool! No Woman Can Kill Me!"
Kasm grinned, thinking that because she was a girl, not an adult woman, her assassination attempt would still be successful.
She was wrong.
So about two and a half hours later Kys reformed more powerful then ever before!
But she was a southern sandwich!
Which seems weak until you start thinking about how weak Kys was before. She had been a mere sandwich maker, now she was the sandwich.
But the sandwich wasn't very strong at all, and Kys fell on the floor an was unable to move.
Kys used to think sandwiches were strong, now she knew she was wrong. She decided to become a poet since her thoughts rhymed.
But then someone ate her.
Once all of her molecules were in that person's body, they took over the nervous system and the brain, giving Kys control.
"Finally," She cackled evilly. "Now I can have my revenge!" Thrilled she set off to hunt down Ksam only to discover moments later, she had in fact possessed Ksam.
Ksam was Kasm's identical twin sister.
Because of a DNA theft done a long time ago.
Kys was mad about this, she had thought she did it, but no. Some DNA thief ruined everything for her. She decided to track down the DNA thief and Kasm.
Fortunately, she happened to know that Ksam had Kasm's phone number on speed-dial, so she pulled out Ksam's cell phone and called her sister.
The unsuspecting Kasm agreed to meet her twin sister at LaLa Funland Amusement Supreme that Friday.
It was Thursday, the next day it was Friday.
But Friday the alarm clock didn't work as expected.
And Kasm discovered Kys' plan.
And enlisted the help of her fellow Forumites, Eisor, Lue, and Ledthion Jr.
Unfortunately for Kasm, all of her friends decided to go on a three-month cruise, and left Kasm to face Kys alone.
But she never did.
The Kys dropped dead of the bubonic plague.
Which became the newest character in this never-ending story!
But people took baths and killed rats and it died.
Since it was dead it inhabited and resurrected the corpse of a man named Ralph.
Ralph was an angry horseman.
Who happened to meet Ghengis Khan one fine afternoon.
Genghis said, "Hi there, want to join my horde?"
Ralph, being an angry horseman, gruffly replied "Yes."
Genghis's second in command said, "The first thing that someone who joins the Horde has to do is take a bath and antibiotic."
So Ralph snatched all of the antibiotics and bath water and threw them into the Pacific Ocean.
And Genghis's second-in-command pushed him in after them.
Thankfully for the plague, the antibiotics were diluted in the water and served only to make the plague immune to further antibiotics.
Genghis's third-in-command said, "Now that that's done, the second thing you have to undergo the Test of Courage."
Ralph, thinking the greatest test of courage was to irritate the horde, promptly ate the Third-in-Command.
He was right.
So Genghis promptly made Ralph Third-in-Command of his entire horde.
But although Ralph was an angry horseman, he wasn't a good horseman, and so one day at war he fell off his horse in the middle of about a hundred hostile peasants.
But he was so angry that the peasants ran away as soon as he was close to them.
Then he got hit by a rocket.
Which was actually launched from the Earth, the rocket formed a protective bubble around Ralph and flew him to Mars.
Then he was infected with a Martian brain-eating amoeba!!!
The Martian brain-eating amoeba consumed the plague and took over the job of controlling Ralph's body.
Meanwhile, the Earthlings plotted their invasion of Mars.
This invasion was being planned by Tarlamane, the newly resurrected Third-in-Command of the Mongol Horde. He was resurrected by the plague in revenge for the MBA taking over Ralph.
He was aided by Thomas Edison and his newly invented death ray.
On the side of Ralph however, was Nikola Tesla with his exploding light bulbs.
Tesla was angry because Edison had stolen his invention and claimed he invented it.
And Edison was angry with Tesla for doing the same.
However, Edison had done it first.
To stop all of this science stealing, every scientist in the world (Other than Edison and Tesla of course.) formed a coalition, the CCS, or the Coalition of Conscientious Scientists.
The CCS outlawed all science everywhere except for CCS members.
At which point there was a rebellion started against the CCS by the PCCS, or the "People's Coalition of Conscientious Scientists."
Meanwhile Ralph, free to be his own being again thanks to an oddly-friendly Venutian happened to find a Time-Box and travelled back in time with some plans for that lightbulb that he 'borrowed' from a local library to see the original being invented. Curiously, it ended up not being invented. Distraught at this horrible 'loss', he decided to step up and publish the plans for the lightbulb which he had brought with him and thus became the one who invented the lightbulb- or at least the one who published the plans. This left one main question unanswered...............Who really invented the lightbulb...?
The answer was written inside the Mysterious Card™.