Concordia

[Endar Feyblade]

Me and my friends are writing a fiction book about a land called concordia. We're alternating chapters. I would love to show you it, but I cant figure out how to put an atachment on here. help?

[Endar Feyblade]

Ok, 7 people looked at this and no one's helped me...

[Dannflower Reguba]

That's because we all are either guests or don't know. (like me)
You COULD just highlight all the text and copy and paste the chapters.

[Lily]

You can't upload attachments to this forum. You'll either have to do what Dannflor suggested and copy and paste it here or upload it elsewhere and link to it. I'm looking forward to reading it.

Also, please don't double-post to bump threads that are only a day old.

[Endar Feyblade]

OK, here's my 1st chapter                                     
                                             
                                                    Yune

              I paused from cleaning my three throwing knives. I could have sworn I had just heard someone scream... but no, I was alone in the thick, deciduous woods. Then the sound came again, more like a wild shriek this time, followed by a savage Kreeegarrrrr!  My heart leapt into my throat. Gryffins! They'd rip you to pieces for the fun of it. I started packing up. If there was a Gryffin nest nearby, it was imperative that I get as far away as possible. The scream came again. I froze, my pack halfway on my shoulder.
Blood! That wasn't a Gryffin chick call. It was human. I sighed, and pulled a throwing knife from my belt, flicking it into the air and catching it deftly. If it was human, it would have to be rescued.
I crept forward, trying to pinpoint the shrieks.  There! Three broad redwood trees had fallen against each other, and the nest had been built around it. I secreted myself in some bushes near the trees.
CRUNCH. "AAAUUGGGHHH!"
The boy who the Gryffins had been torturing had gotten a bit too close to a beak. He staggered a bit closer to my hiding spot, clutching his right arm. I took a deep breath, then darted forward, grabbed the front of his shirt and shoved him into the bushes. He opened his mouth to scream again, but I slammed my hand over his mouth.
"Shut up!" I hissed. "Just keep your mouth shut and follow me." Our camouflage was torn away by a razor sharp Gryffin claw.
Kreeegarrr!
"Run!" I cried, hurling my knife at the Gryffin's throat. The boy took off, with me close on his heels. After scrambling through the forest for half an hour, the boy slowed to a stop. I collapsed on the ground breathing hard. Crawling over to him, I panted, "Lemme look at your arm." He extended it without question and I took his limb carefully easing his jacket half off, then I turned his arm over to examine it. It wasn't too bad, for a broken arm. A small fracture, no more. I picked up his jacket and began tearing it into strips with my knife.
"You owe me a knife, you know," I said as I splinted his arm.
"What? Why? Yowch! Be careful!" 
I ignored his protests and finished tying the last knot to secure the bandage. "The knife I used to save your life. It's still back at the Gryffins nest. And I'm not gonna be the one to go get it." I looked up at the boy. He was staring off into the woods. I tried to see what he was looking at.  Nothing.  I sighed. "Are you listening?" He muttered something I didn't hear. "Hel-lo!" I clapped in front of his face. He started. "Who are you?" I demanded.
"My name is Kyros." Kyros turned, his green eyes meeting mine for the first time. "Who are you?" he countered.
"I'm Yune." I replied.  There was a small silence. A thought sprang into my mind, and I voiced it. "What are you doing here?"
Kyros looked up again. "I'm here on my trials."
"Your trials?"I snorted. "You look a little old to be on your trials. You must be eighteen!" 
"I'm seventeen!" he responded. "And I've been busy the last year. I'm an inventor."
"An inventor," I repeated. "What do you invent?"
Kyros stretched out, leaning his back against a tree. "Oh, communication things mostly. What about you?"
I took out my remaining two knives and my whetstone and started sharpening them. "What about me?"
Kyros picked up a twig and began snapping it. "Well let's start with your age. Then what you are, then why you're here."
Is that all? This is why I don't like people. They expect you to talk so much. I answered his questions as quickly as I could. "I'm fifteen, almost sixteen. I'm a nomad, and apprenticed to our healer. And I'm on my trials."
Kyros nodded, mulling this over. Then he stirred. "Well!" he said standing up and extending a hand to me. "Have you ever been to the city?"
I shook my head. The city.  It was practically a legend in my camp.
"As a thank you for saving my life," he continued. "How would it be if I escorted you to the city, showed you around, and then you accompanied me to the annual assembly?"
I stared at him. "Seriously?" 
He nodded.     
"Well, then-yes!" I cheered. "That would be awesome! Teta told me about it, but I've never gone to one! Thank you!"
Kyros laughed. "Well let's get going then!" he cried. We packed up, consulted my map, and then headed for the city.

        But before I get into all that, I might need to explain what a little of what we were talking about.  My name is Yune, as you know. I live on an island called Concordia. Concordia is shared by four tribes, Air, Water, Fire and Earth. There is a small subsection of Air known as the Nomads. I'm a Nomad. All the Tribes have a tradition titled The Trials. The Trials is when you are sent out alone for a while to try to earn your last name. Oh, yes, I should probably tell you who Teta is. But to tell you that, I'll have to tell a story.
Once upon a time, there was a Nomad named Teta. Teta was a skilled weaver. She had a talented young student named Thistle. Thistle went out on her Trials when she was sixteen years old. She didn't come back for four years. When she came back, she had a small baby girl.
The babe had element power, as only the high craftsmen and nobles did. Thistle had married someone above her station in life, and everyone shunned her for that. But Teta loved Thistle, and Thistle's child.
The girl grew up listening to stories about faraway places, and the other tribes. When the girl was fifteen, she was sent out on her Trials. And the girl resolved not to return home till she had found her father, and earned a warrior name worthy of regaining her honor.  The End. 
Yes, the girl in the story is me. Teta always told me to look in the city. And I did. And what happened because I accepted Kyros' invitation is a tale worth the hearing.

[AxeHound]

You didn't ask the rest of us writers if you could do this. Whatever. I finally got a chance to read your chapter.

[W0NWILL]

Needs more explaining, what are the trials? Or is that going to be revealed in a later chapter. I'll be watching this with interest, and helping where I can.

[Endar Feyblade]

You didn't ask the rest of us writers if you could do this. Whatever. I finally got a chance to read your chapter.

Dude, you already read my chapter. at least you said you did...
When do I get to read yours?

[AxeHound]

When I'm done.

[HeadInAnotherGalaxy]

Dinnae wizh tae be a zpoil zport here, but the name o' your book happenz tae be one of two moonz orbitin' Mandalore in the Star Wars Universe. Ye might want tae rethink the name if ye plan on makin' it a book.

[W0NWILL]

Before you go on, I have to chew you out over this part. I'll be blunt and honest, please don't take much offense. I'm trying to help you get a better story.

Once upon a time, there was a Nomad named Teta. Teta was a skilled weaver. She had a talented young student named Thistle. Thistle went out on her Trials when she was sixteen years old. She didn't come back for four years. When she came back, she had a small baby girl.
The babe had element power, as only the high craftsmen and nobles did. Thistle had married someone above her station in life, and everyone shunned her for that. But Teta loved Thistle, and Thistle's child.
The girl grew up listening to stories about faraway places, and the other tribes. When the girl was fifteen, she was sent out on her Trials. And the girl resolved not to return home till she had found her father, and earned a warrior name worthy of regaining her honor. The End.

Personally, I don't like the 'Once upon a time' and 'The End' parts.

My English teacher, if he ever taught me anything taught me that 'The End' is a fish-like way to end a story. I suggest not to use 'The End' and instead end it with 'of regaining her honor', that is a fine way to end your story within your story.

I'm not done. There's still 'Once upon a time'. To me, that suggests that this is a fairy tale, when you say clearly that it is not, 'Yes, the girl in the story is me.' That's your own words, you could say something else, like, 'fourteen years ago', if she's fifteen. That's just an example.

And thanks for putting the bit of the trials on. It gives me another thing to pounce upon. Other than that, I'm intrigued!

[PrimroseWarrior]

thanks! I'll correct that,and post my next chapter soon.
If you want to see my next chapter pm me. I'll send it to you as soon as its ready.

[W0NWILL]

No prob. I get to chew people out and they thank me! Yes!

[PrimroseWarrior]

Dinnae wizh tae be a zpoil zport here, but the name o' your book happenz tae be one of two moonz orbitin' Mandalore in the Star Wars Universe. Ye might want tae rethink the name if ye plan on makin' it a book.

I'm ok with sharing with mandalore. And concordia's latin.
We made a website for concordia:http://concordia.freeforums.net/index.cgi
Post please!
If it dosnt work, copy and past it into the search bar. I'm the mod, just warning you!
And pm me if you want me to know who you are.