This is another duel from the Is Redwall As Safe As They Say It is? RP made by Ashleg.
This duel differs from the previous one I posted, Saltooth vs. One-Ear. Vadoma vs. Mortembell pits Rapshade's healer vixen, Vadoma, against One-Ear's mother, Mortembell. Unlike S vs. O-E, V vs. M carries a lot more backstory. Mortembell's family joined Rapshade's horde up until his attack on Salamandastron. Now the two foxes are joined together, but under different circumstances.
Spoiler
Mortembell brushed off the rat.
"Sure, whatever. I'm goin' after that fox."
The vixen noticed Vadoma push past her son and moved to intercept. She stood in front of Rapshade's healer.
"End o' the line, Vadoma."
Mortembell swung her sword in a wide arc, hoping to catch Vadoma off guard.
Vadoma brought her own blade up, and the sound of clinking metal echoed around the ship.
"Mortembell!" she spat, eyes glittering. "Never thought I'd see you again. How's the husband?" The gray-furred vixen feinted a blow at her quarry's chest while she said that, instead aiming for her leg.
"You are dead, Vadoma, do you hear me? DEAD! At least I HAD a husband, nobeast would every love something like you!"
Mortembell flicked her sword downwards, blocking Vadoma's strike.
"Hah! I used the same thing to get rid of Rapshade, fool! Do you think I would fall for my own trick?"
The vixen stabbed the sword forwards towards Vadoma's neck.
"Are you blind, Mortembell?" Vadoma sneered. "I'm as alive as one can be!" She ducked to the side as Mortembell lashed out towards her neck, grinning and kicking out with her hind paws to try and get the other vixen to stumble. She aimed to cut the fox just under the ear.
Mortembell's free paw shot up, grabbing Vadoma's, but just half a second too late. The tip of her ear was nicked by the blade that she had shoved upwards.
"Oh look, Vadoma, you made me just like my son."
The vixen tightened her grip on Vadoma's wrist and pushed it backwards, forcing her enemy closer to the rail. In such close proximity, the sword would be useless, but she could still break Vadoma's paw!
Vadoma dug her claws into the wood of the deck in resistance, then yanked her arm free of Mortembell's grasp. Laughing tauntingly, she waved a paw at Mortembell before moving back in the middle of the deck, waggling her tail.
"Hmm, Mortembell, the more I look at you the more you DO look like your little creep of a son! Ha!"
Mortembell leapt over to where One-Ear stood, slaying the front runners of the vermin.
"He's quite a help, don't you think?"
She drew a knife from his belt and threw it at Vadoma, charging the fox while the dagger was in the air.
Vadoma gasped and quickly deflected the knife with her own dagger, snarling at Mortembell.
"Fool! You think that because I'm a seer that I cannot hold my own in battle? Flying blades will not bring me down!"
Whilst Vadoma was still distracted with the flying dagger, Mortembell jumped at the seer, aiming a swift kick to knock away the dagger and moving her weight to hit Vadoma straight in the legs and overbalance her.
Vadoma let out a screech as Mortembell swooped in and knocked her down. Getting back to her paws, the fox began to take slow steps backward, eyeing the rim of the ship every few seconds. Then she growled and lunged forward, aiming to give Mortembell a rough kick in the stomach.
"I never liked you to begin with!"
Mortembell let Vadoma kick her, wincing as she grabbed the leg and pulled Vadoma towards her, overbalancing the other vixen. Mortembell picked Vadoma up roughly by her neck, slamming her into the rail.
"The feeling's mutual, scum!"
Mortembell released Vadoma's neck with one paw, punching the fox square in the face several times. She drew her dagger and stabbed Vadoma roughly in the footpaw.
Vadoma screamed and launched herself over the rail, landing in one of the empty boats below.
Despite the pain coming from both her footpaw and her face, the vixen grinned and grabbed hold of the oars, beginning to paddle away.
"Good riddance, Mortembell! Hahaha!"
Mortembell waved at Vadoma's retreating form getting smaller and smaller.
"So long, Vadoma. Hope the sharks don't get ye."
The vixen snatched One-Ear's crossbow and fired a few shots at the other fox before she was lost to view entirely. Mortembell loaded another bolt to the crossbow and fired at Rapshade. The bolt landed just next to his head, embedding deep into the ship. Smearing some leftover poison on her blade, the vixen threw aside the crossbow and approached the ferret.
"Rapshade! Swifty! Care for a second round?"
And there you have it. Not as long as the previous duel, but I hope you all enjoyed it. Comments and questions are greatly appreciated.
All credit goes to Ashleg for the RP and Ashleg and Groddil for the characters.
It's cool when these are put together; not often that it happens.
And since it's uncommon, there isn't much to go off of in terms of writing structure. While the duel definitely showed who won, I don't think it was as important to include every move. In the RP, both players need to communicate their characters' actions, making the duels rather long and holding every move of the battle. I don't think it's completely necessary to put in every single swing and jab as it was in the RP; rather, I think the important bits should be what is included when it is written out, the ones that actually make a difference. Small cuts and lunges are part of every sword battle. Perhaps it would be enough to simply say that some all-inclusive movements, like "parrying and jabbing at each other", "always taking advantage of every opening", "swinging and slashing until they were both cut and breathing hard", etc.
Holy cheese, did I make Vadoma do a bunch of "evil laughs" or what? Man! ;D
"Hahahaha!"
Anyway, thanks, Sagey, it was cool to read this all together as so.
Keep it up.
Great work, as always, Sage. Keep it up! :)
Quote from: Skarzs on July 14, 2016, 02:42:53 AM
It's cool when these are put together; not often that it happens.
And since it's uncommon, there isn't much to go off of in terms of writing structure. While the duel definitely showed who won, I don't think it was as important to include every move. In the RP, both players need to communicate their characters' actions, making the duels rather long and holding every move of the battle. I don't think it's completely necessary to put in every single swing and jab as it was in the RP; rather, I think the important bits should be what is included when it is written out, the ones that actually make a difference. Small cuts and lunges are part of every sword battle. Perhaps it would be enough to simply say that some all-inclusive movements, like "parrying and jabbing at each other", "always taking advantage of every opening", "swinging and slashing until they were both cut and breathing hard", etc.
Good idea, I hadn't thought of that. I'll use it in my next duel. (Which will probably involve Rapshade)
These duels are interesting. It's thoughtful of you to post them.
Quote from: Skarzs on July 14, 2016, 02:42:53 AM
It's cool when these are put together; not often that it happens.
And since it's uncommon, there isn't much to go off of in terms of writing structure. While the duel definitely showed who won, I don't think it was as important to include every move. In the RP, both players need to communicate their characters' actions, making the duels rather long and holding every move of the battle. I don't think it's completely necessary to put in every single swing and jab as it was in the RP; rather, I think the important bits should be what is included when it is written out, the ones that actually make a difference. Small cuts and lunges are part of every sword battle. Perhaps it would be enough to simply say that some all-inclusive movements, like "parrying and jabbing at each other", "always taking advantage of every opening", "swinging and slashing until they were both cut and breathing hard", etc.
I think what you're saying is good for storytelling, but while roleplaying it would come off as PPing and lots of us don't like that (at least I don't).
Which is why the rules for writing and playing are different, and why I think it would be more enjoyable to read as a story to have some creative liberty with the base material.
Maybe I should include "abridged" versions alongside the original.