Redwall Abbey

I don't mind the story thread getting muddled, but I guess it may be annoying for readers. Also this is probably a better place for things like character names and their deeper meanings.
I know Brian Jacques wasn't a big fan of deeper meanings and stuff, but I like to put things in, for the reward of more attentive persons :) So trivia/reviews/questions go here. Now for the information I'd like to share.
I love vermin-but I love vermin AS vermin. It's their snivelly/rude/deceptive nature that appeals to me (that and they are funny) but I hate that they all just die to the super-ultra-good heroes. Like, really? That's not realistic.
Now I love Redwall, but I read few fanfics and even fewer books, so my writing is probably not the best. I do take criticism well (I think) so if you spot any errors please do not hesitate to shoot me down (preferably not with otter javelins).
Fret is a what could have been of Veil if Byrony was less naive (not that Constance is perfect or anything). If you read the story then you have probably guessed/noticed that Fret's suffering is mostly due to horrible communication skills, which fits in with the vermin nature of not looking weak and other things. His name underlines his state of mind, as he really does spend a fair bit of word-time worrying. I shan't say more.
There is more to it, but I'll spell it all out later if needed.
I try to add depths to my characters (not easy considering everything else I've written is Kung Fu Panda...) , so there is probably something behind everything they do, and if anybeast has any questions about why they do something I would be happy to answer.
I also would like to warn people: I am eclectic. I get ideas from EVERYWHERE, mostly unconsciously to my grave misfortune. Therefore if I do 'copy' something, please say so and I will take steps to alter it.
Finally to end this ramble Grey Claw is spelled Greyclaw as well. I honestly could not choose the 'correct' spelling. (Though by books Greyclaw is correct).

The poll is just for fun for the story so far. So who is your favourite character? Why?

So Book I is almost done in mine first Redwall fanfic. I think I've done well so far, though I don't think I've really captured the style of it (and the accents... don't get me started on how hard it is for an amateur to write accents), I am proud. It has a lot of subtle details-which is not something I am usually good at or do, for that matter. If I had to make one improvement it would be to try and make the fic a bit less... I don't know, sad? Sad doesn't really seem like the word, but I feel like an emo writing this thing!
So, what do yall think?

Sigh, Book I is complete, and Book II is beginning. I'm going to try and make it funnier, as I love writing comedy. Book II is also probably the longest book. I have everything planned ahead up till a certain point, but the ending is still an open book (hahahaha, what a funny pun am I right?) The average Redwall book is about 100-150k words, and really I wouldn't be surprised if I get around that amount here (which would also make it my longest work by a pretty wide margin).
On Fanfiction. Net (my main account) this story is somehow my third-most viewed at 2k (yay! I dunnoifthatsoundsimpressiveornotbutwhocaresright?), which is kind of a feat seeing as only a third of it's done, another third is being written and the third third is up in the air.
So far writing Redwall has been... different... to what I usually do. I like writing comedies or action comedies and while Black and White has got action I think the drama is the biggest difference. I put a lot of emphasis on the characters in my writing and try to keep them motivated by the same things, and to keep them consistent and stuff and to develop them, but somehow it gets brought out more easily here than it ever did on Kung Fu Panda (I've written so many KFP stories and so far the character development has been... really low... except for one guy but he doesn't exactly develop... rather his situation...changes, ye get me right?)
Another thing to point out are the changes in Fight-Scene-Writing. Now I started writing fanfiction a while ago. In stories like Hercules you can really pull out all the stops in writing (a guys knocks out someone by whipping them with his long, blonde hair... no spoilers but if you want a laugh I highly reccomend The Twelve Great Labours Of Hercules). In KFP it's more complicated since what I write isn't very much about Kung Fu Panda, rather animals using Kung Fu in China, along with a bunch of other 'magic' abilities. The fights there are very... anime-ey? Think Naruto pre-shippuden, where everyone has their unique movesets and it's like a chess match of Kung Fu/ magic action. But in Redwall the fighting is a bit more... real? The magic here is quite low-key, so that's a given. Armour makes a difference in Redwall verse (unless you're fighting a badger, but then you'd most likely be doomed anyways) and aside from good camouflage and slight variations in fighting styles there isn't much space for action (most of Redwall is army vs army instead of beast vs beast,this is the opposite of my KFP works where almost everything is 1 v 1). I haven't written any proper army vs army stuff yet but it *may* happen.
Anyways that is enough for one overly-talkative author. Enjoy!

Fret is my favorite character, I really like the story keep up the good work!

Thank you Mr Nadaz for thy kind words.

Okaaaaaaaay, this part is now complete. Obviously you can expect the story to continue, but there will be a timeskip, and er... that's the reason this chapter took... so... fricking... long... to come out. Sigh.

I'm going to stress that this timeskip is important. The most important thing about it is actually how long it is. All along I have been writing this story without a set outcome. I mean I've had ideas about how it's going to end but those all fall under two categories.

While this fic does have a large cast of characters, ultimately Fret is the protagonist, and the story's main conflict is his morality/confusion/coming-of-age. So the endings have two possibilities... either he ends up 'good' or he ends up 'bad', though he'll always be somewhat in the middle. And because I haven't stuck to an ending, most likely this fic will go on hiatus for another while. Apologies.

No longer on hiatus... well actually it'll go back to 'once a month-ish' updates since I still need to work on my other fics. But the timeskip is over and one major development is over.

I have a question, going way back to chapter 1, part 1. So Fret seems to have feelings for this albino at the abbey, or at least is fascinated by her. I was curious if this character's albinism is a symbol of purity or of a kind of righteousness. And Fret longing for her and seeming to fall flat goes hand in hand with how he longs for a ferret to do something noteworthy, but also falls flat. It reinforces that feeling of how he is not like the abbey dwellers. Am I on to something there?

Then again, I'm really only at the second chapter now, so I've quite a ways to go..

I would say that you were on to something noteworthy- but at the same time don't want to blow my own trumpet so to speak.
Yes, I suppose you could read the albino like that- I actually like what you came up with and will probably use it to some extent later on.
But when I first wrote it, I wasn't thinking as deeply about it as all that.
Eh don't worry about catching up too much, I don't write that fast anyways.

I hear you there. Writing takes ages, but you're work is paying off! I just finished chapter two, I like where this is going. There's always a lot of pressure on those first few chapters to get readers hooked. Looking forward to getting around to the next bit!

Also, I couldn't help but notice how much Fret hates molespeech. Are these perhaps the lamentations of the author figuring out how to write it? ;D

Or the true feelings of the writer coming out in his work. ;)

I don't hate molespeech, it bugged me at first because I thought it was a horrible series of typos. But I kinda green fond of it as time went by. Of course... Writing it is not exactly the same. But that's me with *most* accents. It doesn't help that moletalk is so distinctive.
Funny you noticed that really.

Chapters 3 and 4 down! Poor Fret! You can tell this guy is just feeling himself get ripped apart left and right. One thing you've done nicely so far is keeping his character consistent in each chapter, and that's helped with the character development a good bit! At least that's what I think.

About the two vermin he met, Grey and Sharpie, did you by chance pull those names out of thin air when you saw a grey-colored permanent marker on your desk? They're nice names for this story nevertheless! I feel like they'd be the names of more lovable or good vermin. Grey is a perfect name for a "grey" character and making a point to the reader, and Sharpie sounds like a baby vermin's name since they usually have sharp consonants in their names (ex: Urgan Nagru, Korvus Skurr, Clogg...). That doesn't have to have been what you meant, just some fun I was having while reading it!

Yay I did character development good. Whoppee.
Names and me have a never-ending struggle. Honestly I just find it hard to name things/characters. So, generic as grey coloured permanent markers may or may not be, we have Sharpfur (Sharpie) and Greyclaw (Grey). It's also why I borrow so many names from pre-existing characters. (Constance, Bella, Abbot *Martin*)

I liked the flashback you did in five! It made the chapter a little shorter, but it was nice getting some context on how Fret was adopted, and you had a solid ending to that chapter too! It's pretty sad so far but I can sense something ominous looming over the horizon that's going to mix things up.

Oh yes, things will start going very downhill from hereon in.
Glad you liked the flashback. There are plenty of those going forwards.

AHA! So the Redwallers don't think they're being hateful toward Fret, but in every way that's how Fret is experiencing it. It's a very "I don't hate vermin, BUT..." kind of attitude I'm picking up on, and it reminds me a lot of things I've heard people in the real world say when they're talking from one social majority about a social minority. One example that some of you guys may be familiar with is the line "I'm not racist, BUT..."

You've kept everything Redwall-friendly here (not to mention well-written), which is great! I just couldn't help but notice how easily one could relate Fret's experiences over to the real world. Nice work!

To be fair Fret isn't perfect either. You'll notice a trend going forwards where he perceives slights against him as more than what they are. He takes jokes a *little* too seriously or doesn't believe in getting accidentally bumped into, things like that. That's not to say that there isn't any bias around him, it's just that he perceives it as being on purpose, when a lot of it isn't. (I mean, some of it is, but not all of it). The Skipper incident is pretty much the worst thing that has ever happened to him (at this point... For now), but there's a bit more too it than just the fact that he's a ferret... As you will see.
The thing about the first few chapters is that (aside from flashbacks and a few scenes) it's all from Fret's perspective. You don't get an inside look on what others think of him until... Well... others think of him.

I've lost count what chapter I'm on, lol, but THIS ONE was the best so far! Fret has just been introduced to the Honest Bunch (love that name, by the way. The same goes for our hare Jack-is-Lucky -- great name)!

I feel like a lot happened in the chapter: everyone played a part, whether at the abbey, at the camp, or in-between; you tied up the loose ends that someone less experienced may have forgotten about; you developed Sharp and Grey's relationship and introduced a few new characters in a way that wasn't overwhelming; and above all, we saw more of Fret's struggles going back and forth in his mind. Really, really solid chapter!

I'm glad you enjoyed it! The Honest Bunch are pretty relevant going forwards so I'm glad you like them.
Generally I struggle with names (why I stole a few, Martin, Bella, Constance, Jon Connington (albeit the last one wasn't really from Redwall...) So I'm glad you liked Jack-is-Lucky at least (a name I don't think I stole but I'm unsure about that too...)
I think it's chapter seven... But I lost count too XD Either way I know what you're talking about.

Poor Connington! Nice work weaving in a new sub-plot there. It makes the story even more interesting. I didn't think it possible, but Fret seems more torn than ever. I wonder how this 'll pan out...

Sometimes I think this story has too many subplots.... Which is why it's so long. Glad you're liking it so far.

Just finished chapter 9 and my gosh things just got intense! It's the first battle we've seen so far (not counting the misunderstanding with the otters earlier on) and it was absolute mayhem. I actually had a bit of trouble with the flipping between scenes and perspectives. Sometimes adding a few dashes between lines or an extra blank line helps tell the difference between scenes (see below). But still, this was nicely done!


Man... so we have this Longclaw character who has claimed himself king of the north, Fret finally finding someone like him in the HONEST BUNCH (not gonna get that name wrong again), Fret finally trying to explain himself instead of snapping, things look good and then BAM! this poor guy! Surely there's gotta be a good ending for him... RIGHT?!

That's actually some great advice- and I think I'm going to have to go through this whole story because I just realized nothing is italicized... Evidently copy and paste is useless.

Perhaps... Although from where you're standing things will get worse before they get better... If they do get better that is...

Double post but this is a (semi-important) question I have.
So baaaasically I was thinking of turning Black and White into an audiobook- I'm not sure if this is legal or not, that one's the big question. Since I don't want to break the law and all...
Secondly, if I *am* allowed to do this, does anyone want to voice anyone?
I have done the first chapter myself, though again- those things called copyright laws... Ahem... Yeah

as long as ya don' do it for money you're probably fine.

I've got a question. Do you think Black and White will ever have any side stories? (I know if you start the audio book thing you'd be pretty busy, but that would be awesome seeing stories on certain characters) (Just a thought)  ;D

Can you expand the question a bit? Side stories on who? What? Set where?
(Although I think I can give that question a vague yes, but at the same time -not in the next few weeks.
The reason I say yes is mostly because I love Redwall so much I'm obviously going to write *something* for it even when Black and White's done.

Well...It was kinda vague 'cause the possibilities are endless. ;D Though that one vermin who's related to Fret would be an interesting side story I think.
I'm really glad that you are open to the idea...I was hoping you would be. I'd love to see more of you Redwall stories. ;D

Thanks. Yeah, never going to stop writing- reading that could use some work...
As for who I think you're talking about- they have got a planned sidestory... Only it's in Black and White itself (which has so many subplots it hurts XD)

You submitted it for the contest. Good! Now I have not choice but to read some more :D

Weeeeeeeelllll, I'm still cooking up an idea so... not sure.

Quote from: The Grey Coincidence on February 25, 2019, 07:06:01 AM
Double post but this is a (semi-important) question I have.
So baaaasically I was thinking of turning Black and White into an audiobook- I'm not sure if this is legal or not, that one's the big question. Since I don't want to break the law and all...
Secondly, if I *am* allowed to do this, does anyone want to voice anyone?
I have done the first chapter myself, though again- those things called copyright laws... Ahem... Yeah

If you're still interested I'm willing to voice.

Awesome! Yeah I'm still interested- but it's probably gonna be on the backburner for now (until I get a bit more interest... not sure if between me you and Abrahem we can do this....)
Any character in particular you'd be interested in voicing?

Uh, I'll get back to you on that.