Corrupt-a-Wish

[Izeroth]

  Granted. With your new powers, you're able to get tremendous amounts of work done in a very short amount of time, and you soon become a sports star. You go to the Olympics, win several medals, and then get framed for cheating and are disqualified. You spend the rest of your life in a small roadside inn, grumbling about the cruelty of life and forcing the inn's visitors to listen to your story.

  I wish math didn't exist.

[Mhera]

Granted! Everything in the world continues on as well as it ever has after the disappearance of math...for about a millisecond. Then the world economy crumbles, as nobody can compute monetary exchanges. Architects can no longer design buildings that won't fall apart, but even if they could the builders wouldn't be able to count amount of materials they were picking up. Traffic reporters can no longer provide estimates of how long delays will take, or even count the number of cars that are in an accident. Doctors can no longer determine proper dosages of anything based on a patient's individual needs and are forced to just guess the amount of medication necessary, resulting in many painful deaths including yours as you overdose on painkillers after your dentist gave you three root canals instead of one.

I wish my shoes weren't muddy.

[James Gryphon]

Granted, but every other part of your wardrobe is. You put everything in the washer, and put in an entire gallon of soap to make sure that they're really clean. To your surprise, when you open the washer, everything is still soapy. You wash it ten more times, getting more and more angry after you see that the soap hasn't gone anywhere. After opening it on the eleventh try, you start kicking the washing machine, furious that it won't work properly. Unfortunately, the washing machine is made out of solid steel, and you break your foot, slip on the soapy floor (from where you spilled some earlier), fall backwards, land at a bad angle, and hit your head on the floor, knocking you out. You're discovered in the morning and taken to the hospital, where they determine that you broke bones in your neck and head, and that there's pressure on your brain that needs to be relieved with an operation. Unfortunately, the doctor that could do this surgery is out of town on vacation. Another doctor, jealous of the absent doctor's success, says that he's just as good and can do the operation, so they let him try. He's right in the middle of opening up your skull when he accidentally bumps into the nurse, who bumps into the tray of tools, which bumps into the light switch, which turns off, triggering the doctor's latent fear of monsters in the dark, who then forgets what he's doing, lets go of his tool and hides under the table. By the time they get the lights back on, you've been eaten by a grue.

I wish that I could turn invisible.

[Banya]

Granted.  After a few times, though, your invisibility becomes permanent.  Your friends and family miss you terribly and have to conclude that you either eloped with that cute barista or you died in a tragic accident and your body has not been found.  You still have your voice, though, but your attempts to communicate cause your mother and best friend to lose their minds.  They are declared schizophrenics and you give up trying to tell your loved ones that you are alive and well and present.

I wish that I could have another Spring Break next week.

[LT Sandpaw]

Granted, but for this spring break you accidently sign up for a week long class of impossible mathematics and science's that have been known to stump Einstein. You go and are immediately submerged in impossible equations and ridiculously long words and spend your week break wishing that you had never made the wish for this break.

I wish I could walk tough walls and the ground at will.

[James Gryphon]

Granted, but the moment you decide to walk through something, your entire body falls through the floor. Your new power works only when you wish it, but it works on everything, not just the object you wanted to go through. You fall all the way through the planet, not daring to stop using your power for fear of being buried or incinerated by the Earth's molten core. With the movement of the planet, gravity, etc., etc., you ultimately surface somewhere in China.

I wish that I was the world's best programmer.

[Izeroth]

 Granted. Unfortunately, you have neither ideas of what to program nor the resources to actually program anything.

I wish that nothing bad would ever happen.

[James Gryphon]

Granted. Everything in the universe is caught in a time-space flux. Nothing bad ever happens again, nor does anything else.

I wish that my neck wasn't sore.

[Eulaliaaa!]

Granted, now your back is sore

I wish I could visit Germany

[Delthion]

Granted! You go there in the middle of a huge terrorist threat. You and your family are killed along with most of the Germans.

(I am a quarter German!)

I wish to visit Ireland.

[Izeroth]

 Granted. Your ship is destroyed on the Irish coast, however, and you "visit" Ireland in a coffin.

I wish that I could find my missing socks.

[Banya]

Granted.  You find them in the dog droppings you pick  up in your backyard.

I wish it were Sunday twice each week.

[Skyblade]

Granted: now there's fourteen days in a week instead of seven, so each day (including Sunday) is gone through twice before the next cycle.

I wish we were allowed to have more characters in our signatures.

Granted; a beaver brain ray changes your personality, and now it is very, very close to being perfectly obnoxious. Everyone who knew you before the change comment on how sweet you used to be, and what a contrast that was with how cynical, sarcastic, and insufferable you are now. Nobody wants to be around you, but your best friends stick around in the hopes that your old personality will someday shine through, and also so that they can keep you from hurting any of your other friends or acquaintances with your comments, as you now tend to do when you're left unguarded.

[Mhera]

Granted! Now all the members (except James and Banya) make their signatures so obnoxiously long that everyone goes to their profile settings and checks the "Hide signatures" box and no one sees anybody's signature except for the guests who are so intimidated by the novels written beneath each post that no new members ever join.

I wish my coke still had its carbonation.

[Søren]

Granted! Now all the members (except James and Banya) make their signatures so obnoxiously long that everyone goes to their profile settings and checks the "Hide signatures" box and no one sees anybody's signature except for the guests who are so intimidated by the novels written beneath each post that no new members ever join.

Do you have something to say to me Mhera?
@Coke Granted. It's now so fizzy it's like acid and burn the inside of your mouth and goes down your into your stomach like drain cleaner, and you dies of having you organs dissolved.
I need to stop watching crime shows.

I wish Jackie would come back on Blue Bloods.