Lock This Topic Too! (By Next New Year's Day!!!)

[shisteer of nothing much]

I can understand; perhaps placing the conjunction before the "too" might help it flow better in your mind?

Nah, it's the 'stop the story from flowing smoothly' part that is clunky. I feel like I should be able to say the same thing with about three words, rather than six.

[Kade Rivok]

*looks at Ebby*

*then at Kade*

*and back at Ebby again*

Do you want us to do something?

[shisteer of nothing much]

Humph.

[Verdauga]

Yesh, Anyway, without further ado....

Chapter Two of
The Million Dollar Gambit

As Appertoire left a runner burst into the room. "Anders called, sir. He's left Enton.
I rose and placed my hand on his shoulder"Good. You have seen the routes, Appertoire. I trust you can get your men?"
"Sir, you should--" He stopped while I pressed my finger into his neck. He stayed silent until I watched Appertoire drive off. "Maribelle is with him?"
"Yessir; don't Appertoire know?"
"Let me handle who knows. Anders is the only one of mine on the train."
"Yessir."
I dismissed him with a wave and sat back at my desk. Running a speakeasy and juggling relations against the town mob boss; I hate this business. Still, he was edging into my territory; even Appertoire knew to stay on the edge of town. Cellitorre.... would learn.

* * *

I set the cards out on the table again while Anders-- I think that's his name at least-- paced the compartment, fingering the gun in his pocket every now and then.
"How many men are coming for me?" I asked, casting a glance his way. He didn't even flinch, replying with "Yer pa thought any more would attract suspicion"
"No; how many goons did what's-his-name send after me? Dad would have at least sent a telegram."
"Do you know about everything that's goin' on?"
"Why don't you tell me what you know about it, and I'll tell you what you don't."
He sighed, knowing I'd figure it out myself before the ride was over.

"Cellitorre's got goons heading to yer school to sniff ya out. He's figured out how much you know about your dad's... business. He's got a shipment of wine trainin' in, I hear, and yer pa is attemptin' to snatch it, in case they get you."
"Nice to know I'm worth wine." I snorted.
He didn't even ask how much I knew, telling me he'd go check the rest of the train, making sure none of Cellitorre's mob were here.
As the door closed I reached for my handbag and  retrieved the revolver. Three spent cases, three live shots; three bullets in Cellitorre's brother. I was only a fraction of his interest. This thing meant his life.

I slid the gun back in my purse as Anders came back in. He shook his head, watching me play my game.
"There's only one good way this'll end, angel."
I overturned the ace of spades.
"Sometimes we have to accept the cards we're dealt." I said, flicking it across the table.

Stay tuned for

Chapter Three of
A Million Dollar Gambit

[shisteer of nothing much]

Interesting...
Is there anything I should know that will make this less confusing or do I just need to bear with it until there's enough information to clear things up a bit?

[Verdauga]

I'll probably add more detail, but quick facts:

Cristofer Cellitorre is the premier mob boss of the city, and is trying to establish a speakeasy. Maribelle is the daughter of Joel Fernor, who runs the most successful speakeasy which is pretty much in the center of town. Appertoire is pretty much the same as Fernor, but hangs around the city edges. As such, he and Fernor have a near friendship in the face of Cellitorre.

Anything else at this point might spoil the plot, and I'll revise it when I post it on my writing thread.

[shisteer of nothing much]

Ah, that explains it. (Some of it, anyway)

[Verdauga]

I can PM you the rest, if it'll help.

Also, this story is kinda confusing to me

[shisteer of nothing much]

*chuckles* I know the feeling. I certainly wouldn't object to a PM with further details, if you don't mind. (If you don't want to though, then don't feel obligated to do it)

[lass of something much]

*looks at Ebby*

*then at Kade*

*and back at Ebby again*

Do you want us to do something?

No, no, no...

[shisteer of nothing much]

*sneezes for the sake of it*

[Verdauga]

It is nearly nine pm here, so I shall go ahead and reply to any new replies and log off. Goodnight (or good day) all.

[shisteer of nothing much]

Goodnight, darling. Sleep well.

[Verdauga]

Thank you dearest.

[shisteer of nothing much]

*gives Verdauga a goodnight kiss* That's alright.