Okay so the goal of this game is to organize into two groups, the two groups will continue Sir Fredrick's adventures kinda like Endless story using random plot-lines and characters to enhance the tale. You can write in one or two sentence bursts for your respective group.
The first group or 'Group A' is too keep Sir Fredrick moving as he goes about preforming random adventures. His goal is to be successful in as many things as possible. 'Group A' can write Fredrick doing noble and proactive things trying to keep him from falling behind.
Example: Sir Fredrick climbs the treacherous mountain with incredible skill. As he surmounts the top he draws his sword to fight the dragon.
The second group, or 'Group B' does pretty much the exact opposite. They try to distract Sir Fredrick, trap him, or slow him down in any way possible, to a certain extent. Group B cannot kill, fatally harm or entrap Sir Fredrick in something that he could never get out of. Sucking him into a inescapable black hole isn't allowed.
Example of what's allowed: Sir Fredrick spots some friends in a nearby tavern. Leaving the doomed damsel in distress he goes to have fun.
We'll try to keep the story in a reasonable level of logic, and not do anything too crazy.
Also Group B has the advantage. For example if a member of Group B posts Sir Fredrick getting distracted by his friends it takes one Group A member to get Fredrick undistracted, and a second to make him start doing noble things again.
Example 1: Sir Fredrick hears the screams of the damsel in distress while talking with his friends. He decides that he ought to go save her.
Example 2: Rushing back up the mountain Sir Fredrick prepares to fight the dragon using his trusty fork.
Example 3: But he then trips on a rock and falls into a deep canyon.
Example 4: So he begins the long dangerous climb back out onto the mountain. After some time he manages it.
Example 5: Sir Fredrick finds the dragon again. He manages to kill the beast with his fork before it can escape.
Example 6: Just then a gryphon carries the Damsel in distress away. To a fortress under the ocean.
Ect. If more then one group B member posts in a row then they can just keep ruining Sir Fredrick's day.
Does this all make sense? Let me know if you have any questions, and on your first post state what group you want to be in before ruining or advancing Fredrick's noble tale.
~*~*~*~*~
Round 1
Group A: LT Sandpaw, Izeroth, Banya, Lord Ashenwyte, Delthion, Skyblade
Group B: James Gryphon, Soren, Lord Daskar, Groddil, Jet The Binturong
~*~*~*~*~*~
~*~*~*~*~
Round 2
Group A: James Gryphon
Group B: Delthion, Groddil
~*~*~*~*~*~
IC:
Leaving his castle home Sir Fredrick begins his adventures. Needing armor, he decides to head to the village blacksmith and buy some.
B.
Unfortunately, Sir Fredrick was poor, and everything the blacksmith had made cost too much.
Group B!
@James Gryphon You gotta get a group dude.
Frustrated by this failure Sir Fredrick left the Blacksmith to go find a job.
Regrettably, he was skilled at nothing but horseback riding and being a knight.
So he decided to head towards the village's center to take a look at the noticeboard. Hopefully there would be an upcoming tourney he could joust in.
There seemed to be one, but unfortunately all of the text on it was written in French; Sir Fredrick, who knew only English and a little German, didn't understand what it said.
BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If Fred could have read it, he would have read, "I despised you Frederick. Sir George."
As it was, Fredrick was disappointed, and pondered turning to a life of crime as a way of gaining lucre.
He decided he would become an evil pirate.
Luckily before he could become a pirate a friend came and convinced him otherwise. So instead he decided to go find a job as a sailor.
He found a position, on a pirate ship.
Realizing he was on a pirate ship Sir Fredrick got off at the first port. He then went to that town's center to look at the notice board.
It was written from right to left. Fred, being rather stupid, did not realize this.
Seriously? You people post too fast.
(Daskar: I'm not sure it's really fair play to just reverse what the previous person just said.)
ninja'd
He had never been on a ship for any length of time, didn't know how to swim, and got seasick easily, but none of these problems dissuaded him from seeking out such a line of work.
The first port that they stopped in had been in Moorish Spain, so while the notice board did seem to be full of notices, they were all written in Arabic, a language that Fredrick couldn't understand.
I'll join group A.
Seeing Sir Frederick's inability to read the sign, a kindly town watchman translated the notices into English for him.
The notices were mostly in the same vein; all but one of them promised money and prestige for signing up to participate in a holy jihad against England.
After thanking the kindly old women Sir Fredrick ripped all the notices down. She then informed him that a great lion hunted along the eastern road and a reward would be given to the man who killed it.
Sir Fredrick was afraid of lions, so he said, "That sounds great", and proceeded to leave town in what he thought was the opposite direction.
Team B!
Leaving on the opposite side of town, Sir Frederick was attacked by bandits.
There were five of them, all armed with swords. Sir Fredrick knew his odds were remote.
Sir Frederick was overwhelmed by the bandits. They defeated him easily, stole everything he owned, and buried him alive.
A!
The unusually heavy rains that season washed away the dirt and made the boards of his crude coffin soggy and weak. Pulling himself out of what should have been his grave, he allowed the rains to give him the first shower since the start of his journey, and, undeterred from his adventures, he continued onward.
Sir Frederick was deathly afraid of being bathed. As soon as the rain stopped, he abandoned his quest to go and roll in mud.
The mud protected him from insects and sun, and rejuvenated his worn-out skin with its healing mineral properties.
Unfortunately, while the mud protected him, it did so too well. The heat from the sun solidified the mud, turning Sir Frederick into a human statue.
Then Sir Fredrick heard what sounded like the roar of a lion.
The lion attacked Sir Frederick, carrying him to its lair.
Fortunately, Sir Frederick was able to break free of his mold and slay the lion.
The battle with the lion was tiring, so Sir Frederick fell asleep afterwards.
Unfortunately, he fell asleep where he was, in the lion's lair. He woke up some time later to the sight of a lioness staring down at him.
Romans appeared. They took Sir Frederic and the lioness to the Colosseum.
A.
But the Vandals and the Goths attacked before Frederick and the lioness were sent to the Colosseum.
The Goths took Sir Frederick prisoner and shipped him back to the German States.
But they put him in charge of a massive army that attacked England and conquered it. He was riding the lioness.
The lioness was not happy being ridden, and bit Sir Frederick in the foot.
But Frederick's foot armour held true and the bite did not go through. The lioness was tamed after that.
During the battle, the lioness was killed by archers. Sir Frederick was thrown into a ditch.
But Sir Fredrick climbed out of the ditch and slaughtered the archers with a well timed cavalry charge.
Once the battle was over, however, his army had no more need for him, an Englishman. So his own archers began shooting at him.
With the help of his amazing reflexes Sir Fredrick managed to escape the wrath of the archers. He then went Gothic king's tent to challenge him for control of the Gothic army.
The Gothic King was superior in every way to Freddy. So Frederick lost.
Because the Gothic king was a friend of the English king, however, Frederick was spared and ransomed back to England.
The English King needed Sir Fredrick to defeat a dangerous group of bandits that robbed travelers. Sir Fredrick set off at once to do the king's bidding.
Sir Frederick dropped his sword on the ground and tripped over it. Incidentally, he was hiking on top of a large volcano.
Unfortunately, the bandits escaped across the ocean and Sir Fredrick fell into a depression about his inability to do his job properly. He went to a tavern to drink his troubles away.
Sir Frederick tied a rock around his foot and jumped into the sea.
There were sharks.
A butcher dumped out a barrel-full of blood right into the water where Sir Frederick was.
The sharks came over.
Sir Frederick was swallowed whole by a shark. Thankfully, he was not bitten, but he was trapped in the shark's belly.
The shark ate another shark in the same way.
The shark within the shark attacked Sir Frederick.
It ate him, inside was the Gothic King.
The Gothic King stabbed Sir Frederick in the arm.
Fred was then eaten by another shark.
Frederick's blood attracted swarms of sharks, who bit his injured arm off.
A whaling ship pulled up to the dock. A harpooner stood at the side of the ship, and threw his harpoon right at the shark Sir Fredrick was in.
Thankfully, due to losing an arm, Sir Frederick was unharmed. Unfortunately, the harpoon hit the shark that ate his arm. It was carried onto the whaling ship.
When the shark was pulled up into the ship, the harpooner glared at his catch, and said, "That's not a whale, just a shark; throw it back in!"
The shark was thrown back into the water, but not before the whalers took the arm out of it. The harpooner took it as a souvenir and the whaling ship sailed off.
Sir Fredrick, badly wounded, began to drown in the crimson water.
Sir Frederick blacked out and fell unconscious.
While unconscious, he began to have nightmares.
Eventually, Sir Frederick drowned. The End.
No, no, NO! This is NOT how it ends! This is supposed to be ENDLESS! Or at least, stretched for 1000 pages. Like Blaggut's topic, the one that failed to meet its goal. How dare you attempt to end this at a measly FIVE PAGES?!?! Disgusting. Get back out there and fix this nonsense!!!
Sir Frederick awoke washed up on the shore. Thankfully, the stump of his arm was no longer bleeding.
Unfortunately, it was infected. Even worse, because this was in medieval times, neither Sir Fredrick nor anybody else knew what infection was or how to take care of it.
Sir Frederick decided to go to a Doctor. The doctor suggested blood-letting. Sir Frederick was drained completely of bodily fluids and turned into a zombie.
This only lasted until the blood was put back into his body; however, it had a negative impact on his brain. He now no longer had the sense of touch.
Sir Fredrick could not feel pain, either, so except when tying his boots, he paid no attention to his missing arm and continue his travels. The poultice given to him to remove the infection would have stung a normal person, but not Sir Fredrick.
Since Sir Fredrick couldn't feel pain, he thus paid no attention when, after miles of traveling, his shabby boots began to fall apart, and rocks and gravel began to damage his feet.
Fortunately, a traveling shoemaker found Sir Frederick and provided him with new boots.
But the shoemaker wanted payment in return for his boots, which Sir Fredrick, who was still poor, could not provide.
The shoemaker agreed to waive the fee after hearing Sir Frederick's tragic life story.
So Sir Fredrick walked on. Unfortunately, the country he was in was cold and wet, and hail began to fall from the sky.
Frederick found shelter in a roadside inn and was cared for by the local apothecary.
He was given warm food and fresh water and a place to stay the night, and he paid for his stay by serving food to the inn's other guests, who were a motley but pleasant group. While working, he excitedly listened in to the conversations of other travelers.
But when he went to eat, there was a trained bear nearby, which snarled at Fredrick. Fredrick tried to shrug it off, and turned back to his meal, but a moment later, a man tapped on his shoulder, and said, "He doesn't like you."
Sir Frederick decided to fight the bear in hand-to-paw combat, with no armor, to prove his strength. He bet everything he owned on his victory.
Since Sir Fredrick had only one hand, the fight was a short and bloody win for the bear. Fortunately, as Fredrick owned almost nothing, he didn't lose much from this loss.
At that moment, royal soldiers broke into the inn and arrested the bear and his owner for murder. Fredrick was hailed as a town hero for his part in stalling the criminals' escape.
Unfortunately, the bear and its owner's associates came in the night and kidnapped Sir Fredrick. They sold him into slavery.
Fredrick was shipped across the Mediterranean, where he was sold first to a merchant and then to an astronomer; the latter freed him and paid for his return to Europe.
OOC: Ok, this is hilarious. Hmm...Group B sounds really fun, but Group A would be fun too. Anyway, Group A might work better for me, and Group B doesn't seem to need reinforcements :P
Group A
BIC: Fredrick was placed on one of the safest and most well-regarded ships in the world, where a group of experienced soldiers offered to train him to be a better fighter.
OOC: Wait, did he lose his sense of touch? How is this going to work? :P
Quote from: Skyblade on February 24, 2016, 02:00:17 AM
OOC: Wait, did he lose his sense of touch? How is this going to work? :P
He lost his sense of touch when his blood was temporarily drained out of his body, and an arm when he was attacked by sharks. ;)
---
But Sir Fredrick, who was very depressed after all of the horrible events he'd gone through and his time in slavery, declined.
Sir Fredrick decided instead to live out his days in the middle of the Sahara desert.
But as he was poor, he knew he didn't have enough money to get there on his own, so he was very discouraged and sad.
Sir Fredrick eventually resigned himself to his fate. In order to get enough money, he took a job as a tester of poisons, drinking hazardous materials to find out what they did.
Quote from: James Gryphon on February 24, 2016, 03:06:58 AM
Quote from: Skyblade on February 24, 2016, 02:00:17 AM
OOC: Wait, did he lose his sense of touch? How is this going to work? :P
He lost his sense of touch when his blood was temporarily drained out of his body, and an arm when he was attacked by sharks. ;)
OOC: Y'all are enjoying this, aren't you? ;)
BIC: However, a beneficial potion wound up in his stash, and Sir Fredrick inadvertently consumed something that gave him his sense of touch again.
Like a new-born baby, having his sense of touch activated gave him a sensation not unlike your foot waking up after it's been asleep, and his whole body was immediately in great pain.
He felt so much pain he decided to commit sepuku.
However, he was in so much pain that he couldn't lift a blade, anyway. He crawled to a trained healer, who gave him medicine that made him feel better.
Unfortunately, the medicine also gave him brain cancer.
Thankfully, the brain cancer would take a century to kill him, and by that time he would be dead from old age anyway.
Sir Fredrick unfortunately ran back into his slavers, who placed a curse on him. He would never die of old age.
They then forced him back into slavery, and sent him on a pirate ship to Australia.
Sir Fredrick met Groddil in Australia. Groddil fed Sir Fredrick to his pet Groddidile.
Group A please.
Thankfully Groddidile liked the company of Sir Fredrick, and decided to help in his quests.
Unfortunately, he only decided this after he removed a leg and realized he didn't like the taste of Sir Fredrick.
But he was so overcome with grief that he made a new leg for Sir Fredrick.
The new leg worked even better than Sir Fredrick's old one.
The new leg was made out of C4, and exploded.
This killed Grododile, and made Sir Fredrick very depressed.
He was already depressed, so he became very happy!
Groddil was annoyed at Groddidile's death, so he injected Sir Fredrick with anthrax.
Then he gave him a new leg that was made out of a cheap kind of wood, so it would break as soon as any kind of damage was done to it; however, Sir Fredrick didn't know this.
With his new leg installed, Sir Fredrick decided to try to find work as a tight-rope walker, for a company that never used nets or any kind of safety.
He performed this job flawlessly and never had trouble with it.
Afterwards, Sir Fredrick went to the world-renowned Prosthetics Shop for new and better limbs.
Unfortunately, Sir Fredrick's new arm and leg did not protect him from a passing steamroller.
OOC: That was hilarious.
BIC: But his newly hired bodyguard did, and Fredrick was happily still in one piece.
In a fit of stupidity, Sir Fredrick decided to take the steamroller for a spin.
As it turned out, he was naturally good at driving steamrollers. So good, in fact, that he won the Annual Steamrolling Competition.
A real steamroller driver was annoyed at this, so he decided to run Sir Fredrick over.
But before he could put his diabolical plan into action, a piano fell from the sky and killed him.
Unfortunately, the steamroller driver was just about to run Fredrick over when the piano fell. As a result, the piano also fell on Fredrick. What a shame.
OOC: Your posts are hilarious ;)
BIC:
However, a trained healer saved Fredrick's life and even gave him a legit new sword because he felt sorry for him.
And so Frederick sailed to the land of the Moors with his shiny new armour and mace.
OOC: Hey everyone let me know if your name isn't up on the main post or is in the wrong group, I'm fairly sure I've got everyone but I want to be sure.
IC:
There he was assigned by the good King of the Moors to save Constantinople from the pillaging Venice crusaders. Sir Fredrick rushed to save the city at the head of the Moorish army.
Unfortunately Time Travelers dropped a bomb on the city while Frederick and his army were in it. Frederick survived because he was buried under ten tons of rubble.
Inside the rubble was a treasure chest full of historical arficats that had been lost for many years. When Sir Fredrick was rescued, he was acclaimed around the country.
The Moorish king himself came to the ruins Constantinople to congratulate Sir Fredrick. The noble knight then offered to use half of the gold made off his findings to rebuild the damaged city.
Then the King laughed evilly, had his men steal Fred's gold, and then arrest Fredreick. He was sent to the most secure dungeon in the world.
However the dungeon guard saw how noble and kind Sir Fredrick was and they released him swearing their loyalty to him. With his new army of Elite Prison Guards Sir Fredrick ventured forth into Africa to find a new adventure.
All of his guards were killed by natives shooting poisoned darts. Alone and disappointed, Sir Fredrick decided now was the time to fulfill his earlier desire to become a hermit in the Sahara Desert.
Unfortunately the Sahara no long existed because of a massive flood in the area.
So he sat down in the middle of a mosquito-ridden swamp, totally miserable, and thought depressing existential thoughts.
He grew weak and sick since he wasn't eating.
He became dehydrated, and tried to relieve his thirst by drinking swamp water; sadly, all this did was make him even more sick. He was in such sorry shape that the mosquitoes (who had previously had a field day with him) wouldn't bite him anymore.
Then some native kids came and pelted him with tomatoes.
Sir Fredrick threatened to do a disproportionate amount of harm to the children, but he felt so bad that he didn't have the energy to get up and back up his threats.
When the kids heard the threats the laughed and threw stones.
Sir Fredrick was helpless to stop them, so he laid there and took it, cursing the day of his birth.
Fredrick then took a stone to the head, this made him lose his mind temporarily. Because of this he grew strong and killed the kids, then it wore off and he collapsed again.
Sir Fredrick was arrested for child murder and send to be hanged.
Nobly he accepted his punishment and didn't deny his actions. So the judge sentenced him to thirty years in prison instead.
While in prison, Sir Fredrick attacked and killed a prison guard because the guard refused to let him connect to Prison WI-FI. Sir Fredrick was given twenty-three life sentences AND sentenced to death by firing squad.
While he was in prison, he suffered terribly from malaria, West Nile Virus, and yellow fever, all of which the mosquitoes had transmitted to him.
Nobody gave him any medicine because they were disgusted with his crimes. Sir Fredrick constantly had to be careful of being shanked, and in the end, the firing squad was a welcome end that Sir Fredrick eventually looked forwards to.
When it was time for his execution the squad fired. Fortunately none of the shots were fatal...
Unfortunately, one of the young trainee guards managed to shoot another guard. In order to cover themselves up, Sir Fredrick was blamed for the death and thrown into Solitary Confinement for 500 years.
His brain began to deteriorate and the rest of his body to rot.
After a week in Solitary, the Anthrax Groddil injected him with a couple of pages ago began to take its toll. Sir Frederick was trapped, still alive, in a decaying body.
He began to stink so badly that his food and water were cut off.
Sir Fredrick had to survive by ingesting his own blood and rotting flesh.
This made him get leprosy for some bizarre reason.
Sir Fredrick eventually lost his real arm and leg from leprosy and had to eat them to survive.
This made his get, The Mumps.
The power went out in the prison. Sir Fredrick had to burn his prosthetic limbs to make a fire and survive. Sir Fredrick now has no limbs.
One day a froad, by the name of Freddy, trying to rescue him, managed to get in. He freaked out, killed it by suffocation, and ate it raw.
Freddy, being part toad, was poisonous. Sir Fredrick's stomach and intestines dissolved.
As did the rest of his organs, now he was just bones and skin. Yet still alive?
Fortunately, Sir Fredrick no longer had to eat to survive. Unfortunately, his skin continued to decay until he was just a skeleton.
We need someone from A Team.
When Fredrick was released, he was universally hated and feared due to his appearance and crimes.
For his crimes, Sir Fredrick was stripped of his title of "Sir." Fredrick the Skeleton was attacked by angry locals throwing stones, which shattered his brittle bones.
Now he hopped around, merely a skull.
Skull Frederick was used as a drinking cup by Groddil.
But the Daedric Prince Azura gave him back his body, and had him kill Groddil with his new armour and weapons.
With Groddil slain Fredrick went on a quest to restore his good name. He was successful and was knighted by an African Prince who commissioned him to protect the vulnerable lands of Congo.
But Joseph Conrad decided to base his villain for "Heart of Darkness" on Sir Fredrick, which made Fredrick feel depressed.
He was depressed because although the names were changed, it was otherwise a true account of all of Fredrick's murders and dark deeds. Everyone outside of the Congo knew this, and cursed Fredrick's name.
Fredrick was disgraced. After finding out about his true self, the African Prince stripped him of his knighthood, took his armor and weapons, and exiled him into the Sahara Desert.
Fredrick went out into the middle of the desert, sat under a lonely tree, and wished to die.
Groddil appeared as a Genie, secretly wanting to punish Sir Fredrick. He trapped Sir Fredrick in a sealed room until Fredrick asked for three wishes.
When Sir Fredrick wished to be let out of the room, however, Groddil was forced to obey his request.
Genie Groddil did indeed grant Fredrick's wish to leave the room, by moving Fredrick to another, sealed room. Fredrick has 2 wishes left.
Sir Fredrick wished for Groddil to transport him out of the desert and permanently disappear; again, these two wishes were carried out.
Sir Fredrick was transported out of the desert. Unfortunately, he was transported to Pluto. Instead of making use of his final wish to get a spacesuit or a way back to Earth, he wished for Genie Groddil to disappear. Genie Groddil obliged.
Fortunately, Pluto was not an uninhabited dwarf planet. The native Plutonians rescued Sir Fredrick from suffocation and teleported him back to Earth.
Unfortunately, the Plutonians' body structure consisted of 90% plutonium, 5% uranium, 3% californium, and 2% ununoctium. As a result, they were highly radioactive, and by the time Sir Fredrick returned to Earth, all his hair had fallen out and his skin began to fall off.
But Azura healed him and had him kill Groddil forever.
But Vivec came along and turned Azura's star into the Black star. Groddil was resurrected and he injected Sir Fredrick with anthrax.
Which was actually just adrenaline, Sir Fredrick attacked and killed Groddil.
Killing Groddil unleashed...Groddil VV!
/me VV waved pleasantly at Fredrick.
Sir Fredrick passed a saved a fair damsel from a tower in Palestine while he was on a Crusade.
/me VV did not like being ignored, so he drew an atomic bomb and sticky taped it to Fredrick.
It failed.
Mod: I hate to interfere with topics that aren't mine, but when there's a need...
History repeats itself. Y'all have clearly demonstrated once again why these kinds of games ("Endless Story") have rules to prevent members from inserting "themselves or their characters" into things.
In other words: No more Groddil in the story interacting with Fredrick.
Sowwee.
And then the Tribunal killed the maiden who was secretly a demon.
Fredrick grew so angry that he killed the Tribunal. After all that hard work to clear his name, he was once again a despised murderer.
Fredrick was legally declared an outlaw. Desperate to preserve his own life, he joined a band of highwaymen, and began robbing travelers on the roads.
This wild life suited Fredrick however there was always a sense of guilt in the back of his mind. So during a highway raid Fredrick turned on the outlaws an placed them into a town's custody making him a local hero.
Fredrick walked into the local tavern to celebrate with the locals. Unfortunately, there was a big "WANTED" poster up on the wall with a drawing depicting what was clearly his face.
A drunk in the tavern decided to make some easy money and threw a knife at Fredrick.
Fredrick dodged it, and won the Crusades.
Unfortunately, Fredrick was mysteriously transported to the present, where Crusades are considered racist. Fredrick was locked in prison for his crimes.
After serving a brief sentence in jail, Fredrick was hired as a museum guide.
Fredrick slept on the job and an expensive relic was stolen. Fredrick was framed for the crime and thrown in jail once more.
But the Tribunal transported him to Morrowind and made him conquer Skyrim for the Dark Elves.
Unfortunately that was merely a nightmare of Fredrick's as the Tribunal had been killed by him.
Fredrick was placed into solitary confinement, after being accused of killing every other inmate that he was put in the same cells with.
His new cell was in Antartica, he had nothing to warm him but his very thin clothes.
There were no warden or guards, the electronic system that was supposed to take care of him broke down, and the rest of the world forgot him. Since he was immortal, he didn't die, but rather lived on in the agonies of dehydration, starvation, and freezing cold for the next hundred years.
Another five hundred years and his brain began to deteriorate again.
Without his brain working properly, Fredrick could not sustain himself. He began to rot once more.
Thus history repeated itself, again our poor hero was naught but bones.
Once he was naught but a skeleton, he was able to slip between the bars of the cell that held him. The sub-zero temperatures had no effect on him as he made a raft out of a large iceberg and set his course for the tropics.
In the tropic he was shunned by the people. He returned to his cell because of this.
This cell was set in the temperate climate zone of southwest Europe, where Sir Fredrick was able to receive vitamin D and proper medical attention that healed his skin.
Unfortunately Sir George of Page One was in charge of the jail, he had Fredrick skinned.
Because of all the trauma he had experienced, Fredrick had undergone several physical and psychological changes. For starters, pain did not effects him as severely as normal humans, and when he was skinned alive, he shed over half his body weight, allowing him to escape by catching the first strong breeze to pass by.
This breeze blew him to the wilds of Madagascar, George was there.
Fredrick moved faster than the winds and escaped George. He found a watering hold devoid of animals and people, had a successful hunt in the bush, and filled himself to satisfaction on clean water and roasted bushmeat.
Unfortunately, he was only filled for a few moments before the water and food fell through his skeletal form to the ground.
Sir Fredrick and all aspects of continuity were carried away by the wind. He was chilly without skin to cover his sinew and organs, but a fortunate landing on a large, lush Indonesian island brought him safety and contentedness.
He lazed around, indulging in the pleasures of the island, and didn't lift as much as a finger to help anybody else. When he saw that a young island girl was beginning to drown, he shrugged and thought to himself, "I can't be bothered to save her; let somebody else do that disagreeable task".
Fredrick was aware of the receding tides, and in mere seconds, the girl was standing on sand where she had been struggling for her life only a moment before. Fredrick walked toward her to ensure her that she was safe, as she appeared shaken, and she accepted his helping hand that led her safely to her family, waiting farther up the beach with open arms for the both of them.
The reason why the girl didn't shriek and run away was only because she had been temporarily blinded with water and sand. When her parents saw Fredrick up close, however, they screamed and called for help from other villagers to scare away the horrible inhuman gaunt monster -- for that was what Fredrick looked like -- that had touched their darling child.
Luckily, an elder resident of their village had decades of experience with traders and spoke many languages. He spoke with Fredrick, who recounted his tale; the villagers took pity on the weary adventurer and shared with him their food, giving him a clean change of clothes and a comfortable place to stay the night.
Months passed, as Fredrick indolently gorged himself on the goods which the islanders so graciously provided him. He was surprised one morning, however, when he woke up laying on top of a campfire, both bound and in chains.
Fredrick heard battle cries from nearby. As the flames crept closer to his tightly-bound form, he was beyond relieved when the islanders who had provided him so much hospitality and considered him one of their own came into view through the trees, their rage allowing them to easily break through the weaker forces of their enemies, Fredrick's kidnappers.
It was then revealed that Azura was watching over Sir Frederick, and the islanders worshipped her. They then declared Frederick to be Azura's chosen, and Azura granted him new skin.
Yes; Fredrick was the chosen for the islanders' pagan human sacrifice. With the enemy tribe having already conveniently provided the campfire and the bonds, the chieftain lovingly set fire to the stake that Fredrick was tied to.
But Azura quenched the flames, and gave the offending islanders a swift and painful death.
Then Azura died from a heart attack and fell from where she was hiding up in a tree, crushing Fredrick under her great weight.
Her weight caused a huge wave that removed Fredrick from the blood-soaked island and took him to the next, where there was a British trading colony. Fredrick bartered his skills and the precious shells given to him by the islanders, that he wore as a necklace, for high-quality passage on a ship back to Europe.
Fredrick decided to use his time in this high-quality berth to practice stealing things from other passengers' cabins.
There was an active thief on board the ship, and Fredrick spent his free time stealing from the thief and returning goods to their rightful owners. When the first mate saw what Fredrick was up to, he was pleased, and he suggested to the captain letting the thief go when they reached port in Britain.
But Britain was ravaged by war, and Sir Frederick served a mercenary under a Spanish warlord.
This warlord was well-known across the countryside as a mass murderer, drunkard, chauvinist, and all-around deadbeat.
But the warlord's family was wealthy. Fredrick was rewarded well for his valiant contributions to the war, and when he was rich and secure, he retired from being a mercenary and continued his travels in lands of peace.
And so Frederick settled down in a nice mansion, with a wife and daughter.
They were a close, happy family, living in a safe land. Their biggest struggle was, on occasion, boredom.
Yes; Fredrick was restless, as his new lifestyle didn't give him as many opportunities to murder women and children as his last job for the warlord (a person who he remembered fondly) had.
He made up for this boredom by teaching his daughter archery and training her to be a skilled swordswoman.
One day, Fredrica (for that was the name that Fredrick, in his conceit, had given his daughter) went to the nearby English town, to find a "WANTED" poster of dear old dad for his crimes against humanity in the English-Spanish War.
So she went home, and told her father. They went into hiding for years.
Naturally the British found them and put them in jail. There, Fredrick was forced to watch his wife and daughter get executed while waiting for his own execution.
His old friend, Sir Edmund, visited him in prison and arranged his escape. As the two were on the run, Fredrick was thankful that no more pain could befall his beloved wife and daughter.
Fredrick and Sir Edmund escaped to Spain, where they boarded a galleon bound for the New World.
Once there, they joined a conquistador campaign and participated in the horrible atrocities the Spanish were committing there.
As soon as the realized what they were doing though, they turned on the Spanish and removed them from the New World.
After making peace with the native inhabitants, Sir Fredrick established a colony along the coast.
He and his people lived comfortably and safely in peace and happiness and had good relationships with goods traders.
And in time the settlement became a prospering city. Frederick was the leader.
Eventually the Sioux came down and found his city. For no real reason they destroyed it.
But Fredrick had enough money to build another, bigger city, this was built well and completed in a month.
But the city was rushed and held together by duct tape that had had all the stickiness licked off by an infant. Suffice to say, it fell apart within five minutes.
Fortunately, a Portuguese architect redesigned and rebuilt the city for free.
But the Portugese architect didn't like not getting paid, so he did a shoddy job of the city.
But the Tribunal blessed the city and it was strong, unbreakable, and impenatratable.
Once they did that Fredrick decided his presence in the city was no longer needed. He started wondering around in Brazil with no food, weapons, armor, or equipment of any kind.
So the Tribunal blessed him with immortality and that he would get everything he ever needed.
But those blessings didn't count for much, given that he had already previously wiped out the original Tribunal, and the new one was only a committee of villagers reading from a script that he had given them.
But everything that they blessed him with came true.
Because the Tribunal had reincarnated as the villagers.
The blessing was actually a curse in disguise, however; they said "May you live in interesting times". As far as getting what he needed, the 'blessing' meant he would only get what he needed, never anything more.
Frederick then sought to remove the blessing by using the Heart of the World to become a god.
Nothing happened. Fredrick woke up to see that he was being carried up to a gallows.
He was hanged, but resurrected as an immortal, invincible being.
But he was already immortal, so he became mortal; his body died of old age, leaving only a fragile skeleton. Skeleton Fredrick decided to make money by going door to door and demanding "Trick or treat".
His first "victim," an experienced wizard, changed him back into a fully-fleshed mortal being.
Fredrick had liked being a skeleton, so he got very mad and killed the wizard. He was banished to McDonald Island for it.
On McDonald Island he was attacked by a clown named Ronald McDonaldtrump.
Fredrick, who had randomly lost most of his strength and all his fighting skill, was easily bested by Ronald McDonaldtrump.
Ronald McDonaldtrump raised his blade to deliver the killing blow, muttering something about immigration.
Since Fredrick couldn't die he was only in the most excruciating pain imaginable.
And by doing so he saved the world. Because Ronald McDonaldtrump was a mass murderer wanted on seven continents, so a wizard had said that the next time he tried to kill someone, Ronald McDonaldtrump would die.
But a volcano was erupting very close to Fredrick. His pain was so great he couldn't move.
And then the Blood Ravens rescued Frederick.
They saved him from the lava flow, but took him to their nest. There they began to eat him.
But then they realized that this was just a clone, he was actually an immortal being ruling over 6 continents.
Quote from: SandpawWe'll try to keep the story in a reasonable level of logic, and not do anything too crazy.
This rule fell by the wayside a long time ago. I thought now would be a good time to bring it back to y'all's attention.---
Then Sir Fredrick woke up.
Are the birds still eating him?
Sir Fredrick was relieved to realize that none of the terrible things he had experienced in his dreams had actually happened.
So he saved the world.
::)
By letting evil torturers capture him.
The torturers threw Fredrick into a pit of razor blades.
The razor blades were covered with deadly poisons and toxins.
Fortunately, Fredrick was immune to the toxins. Unfortunately, the toxins that were now in his bloodstream were the only food supply of the rare South Australian Toxin Bat. Swarms of hungry South Australian Toxin Bats flocked to Fredrick.
In exchange for a healthy (for him) amount of his blood, they helped him rule the world benevolently for many many years.
The benevolence turned sour when Fredrick began running out of blood. The South Australian Toxin Bats began to eat him alive.
Thankfully he was undead, so they weren't actually eating him.
They were eating his son.
His "son," a leather punching bag named Wilson, was none the wiser.
After being eaten, Wilson seeks revenge.
But since he's just a punching bag we will go to Fredrick. He is in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, in a small boat, running low on food and water, in the middle of a storm.
Thankfully, he stumbles upon a merchant ship of the coast of some desert island, all of its crew are dead. But there is a huge amount of gold, food and water.
Unfortunately the water has been contaminated by the sea, all the food is infested with poisonous worms, and the gold is useless since he's in the middle of the nowhere.
Then he is teleported to a real world where there is perfection beyond his wildest imaginations, he is also perfect.
Yes, Fredrick becomes perfectly evil, and spends all of his time in this new world doing his best to defile the world that he's in, by tempting the innocent people there to commit heinous acts.
Which he succeeds in doing to the utmost!
After ruining everything by tempting and encouraging its previously literally and completely innocent habitants to lie, cheat, steal, physically and mentally abuse, and murder each other, Fredrick cackles maniacally at the knowledge of how much destruction, devastation and moral decay he'd brought to the world.
He had amassed a considerable amount of resources in doing so and decided to lead a comfortable life while watching the mayhem that he had created.
This went on for years, but a young man, who had grown up hearing about the Light Times, decided to avenge innocence by killing depraved Fredrick, the man who had introduced sin to their world.
Unfortunately, this man was very clumsy, he tripped and drowned in a river.
But his restless spirit continued the quest, showed up at Fredrick's house where said devil was sleeping, and tapped on his shoulder.
The spirit dissolved as soon as it came in contact with the solid material.
But so did Fredrick; his spirit was transported to the netherworld to give account of his many doings, good and bad, and face his judgment.
Thankfully, Sir Fredrick had many contacts in the netherworld, and so was put back in the real world.
Unfortunately for Fredrick the Depraved, the real world he was put into consisted of a bottomless pit full of fire.
Thankfully, he was sent to a world of plenty, after the teleporting people recognized their mistake.
This was a world of plenty for everyone but Fredrick the Depraved; the presiding executioner, a knight named Sir Fredrick, lopped off his head and sent him back to the pit of fire to stay for the rest of eternity.
---
Having done his duty for the king and all humanity, and growing restless with serving as an executioner, Sir Fredrick decides to leave his castle home to begin an adventure. Needing armor, he decides to head to the village blacksmith and buy some.
The blacksmith being his father, Sir Fredrick receives a set of Milan armor for nothing.
Unfortunately, as the blacksmith believed that all children should work for their living and didn't believe in free handouts, he gave his son a set of armor that was rusted and good for as much as it was paid for.
Thankfully, after Sir Fredrick set out and polished his armor, he realized that the rust was easily removable.
Unfortunately, it was only easily removable with WD-4000, of which there was none in that part of the world.
So he went to another world, got it and came back.
But this world, a world of his own, existed only in his mind. So when he came to and returned to reality, he was still empty-handed.
So he went back to the blacksmith, who had repented of his evil deeds.
Unfortunately for Fredrick, the blacksmith did not consider giving him a bad suit of armor an evil deed.
In fact, what he had repented of was giving Fredrick the suit of armor at all; he had promised its previous owner that it would go to the scrap heap.
So, not bothering to take it off of Fredrick, he took the armor and buried it in the scrap pile.
Fredrick said, "Why have you betrayed me, father?"
His father, named George the Skared, assumed Fredrick was just quoting something and ignored him. Next he began heating up the scrap pile, he was going to make new siding for his shop with it.
Fredrick fought to climb his way out of the warming scrap heap, and was nearly about to succeed, when all of the sudden...
...his breastplate was heated up so much that it got stuck to the rest of the scrap pile, soon the rest followed. Fredrick was denied a quick death, since his armor was magic, only the outside would melt. He would be trapped inside forever!
Fredrick, severely burned, changed his name to "Sir Fredrick Immolatus" and vowed to get revenge against his blacksmith father one day.
Days had passed. Fredrick was still part of the siding. He was very upset. His eyes grew large and were hurt by the light. His skin was very pale from lack of sunlight. He grew thin and sickly. He began to despair. "Will I ever avenge myself?" filled his mind. He knew the answer was most likely, no. Slowly he was losing his mind, probably from lack of water.
The Black Knight came along, and offered to help Fredrick Immolatus become mobile and capable of surviving inside his permanent suit of armor, but only if he would pledge his servitude as a servant and assist in villainous deeds.
Fredrick accepted. The Black Knight freed him and then laughed evilly. His soldiers surrounded Fredrick, picked him up, and carried him to the Black Knight's dungeons. The Black Knight was known to imprisoned all true knights, such as Fredrick, and force them to fight each other. Fredrick had forgotten this.
Fredrick attempted to escape from the Black Knight's dungeon, but this was very difficult, seeing as his entire armored form, from helm to boots, was tied up and connected to the wall with chains.
Thankfully, the chains snapped and he escaped easily. ;D
But he only escaped into another room of the dungeon; the Black Knight's soldiers were there, beat him up with clubs and axes, and tied him back up to the wall, with unbreakable chains, ropes, shoelaces, and string.
But this was only a Sir Fredrick imposter, the real one was walking along a peaceful hill.
But that was only in Sir Fredrick's imagination. In reality he was still in the dungeon.
One of the Black Knight's officers came, and, smirking, said that Fredrick could be set free if he defeated an opponent in the arena, another knight named Sir Bob.
And thus Sir Fredrick faced Sir Bob in the arena and won, carving his name into the annals of history for a glorious victory.
Unfortunately Sir Bob was the Black Knight's favorite. Furious, he sent all the rest of his gladiators at Fredrick. He had a lot, 400 to be exact.
Fredrick tried to run, but he was quickly surrounded and beaten with clubs and axes.
He was smiling during all of this, then he ate threw a boomerang and killed every single one of the gladiators.
Unfortunately, Groddil was the next one to post, and was offended by Fredrick's use of a boomerang, as Fredrick was not Australian. In retaliation, Groddil typed the following post:
"Fredrick fell unconscious after being stabbed in the ankle by a platypus. When he awoke, he was chained up in the Black Knight's dungeon, with a hand grenade in his mouth."
Fortunately, the black knight was his long lost brother, and quickly realized his mistake and freed Sir Fredrick.
There was no love lost between the two; the Black Knight freed him to go to the lion's den, where Fredrick was quickly set upon by lions with armor-piercing teeth who ate all of Fredrick's limbs; afterwards, the Black Knight's servants carried him out of the castle, walked thirty miles, and threw him to the bottom of a deep pit filled with quicksand, where they expected him to drown and die.
The pit was made of solid steel, ten metres thick. The Black Knight also closed the trapdoor in the top of the pit, which was five metres thick, and started to pump in mustard gas just in case.
As this is set in the Middle Ages, none of this happened.
Fortunately, the Black Knight threw Fredrick through a rip in time, causing the exact same scenario to happen, but this time in the year 2017.
Unfortunately for the Black Knight, the rip in time caused him to turn into a beast, which brought Fredrick back to the Middle Ages.
In any case, Fredrick (Immolatus), who had no limbs, was now drowning in a pit full of quicksand.
Fredrick continued to drown. He was also extremely thirsty.
He decided to quench his thirst by drinking quicksand, which was possible in spite of his armor due to the slit for his visor.
The sand happened to be toxic. Fredrick became sick at a remarkably fast speed.
Some local boys, who came to watch when people were thrown into the pit full of quicksand, came by, looked down at Fredrick, and laughed.
"Didn't you read the labeling?" they said. "It says 'NOT FOR HUMAN CONSUMPTION.' You're so dumb." Fredrick felt even worse.
They threw rocks at Fredrick, although they only bounced off of his armor.
The armor had gotten thinner when it had been heated up. After a while Fredrick, who was sinking very slowly for some reason, was able to feel the rocks.
Then it started to rain.
... and hail, softball sized hail. It was a super-cell thunderstorm, several funnel clouds formed.
Fredrick got a concussion from the hail raining down on him, and was knocked unconscious.
Then the funnel clouds touched down, forming tornadoes. They headed towards Fredrick because the Black KNight had planted a tornado attracter in his pocket.
He was picked up by the tornado; the hailstones also swirled into the tornadic winds, and beat heavily against his armored body.
He was thrown to the ground soon after and picked up by another tornado.
Quote from: James Gryphon on August 17, 2016, 08:19:37 PM
He was picked up by the tornado; the hailstones also swirled into the tornadic winds, and beat heavily against his armored body.
He was thrown to the ground soon after and picked up by another tornado.
Quote from: James Gryphon on August 17, 2016, 08:19:37 PM
He was picked up by the tornado; the hailstones also swirled into the tornadic winds, and beat heavily against his armored body.
He was thrown to the ground soon after and picked up by another tornado.
Quote from: James Gryphon on August 17, 2016, 08:19:37 PM
He was picked up by the tornado; the hailstones also swirled into the tornadic winds, and beat heavily against his armored body.
He was thrown to the ground soon after and picked up by another tornado.
ETC
As he was unconscious, he wasn't aware he was in tornadoes, but he did dream he was back in the Black Knight's castle, being beaten with clubs and axes.
He cried in his sleep because of this, so much so that he kept the storm going for days.
Since he was so dehydrated, though, he ran out of water eventually. The tornadoes stopped, unceremoniously dropping him fifty feet to the ground.
Unfortunately, the ground was a thin covering for a pit. Fredrick fell another ten feet. His armor had come off so, he broke several bones.
The pit happened to be the Red Knight's castle's refuse pit; the Red Knight's cook came and dropped rotten food, blood, grease and other undesirables down into the pit, and on Fredrick.
Fredrick was sickened by the sight and passed out.
Very badly beaten, dehydrated, maimed, and infected, Fredrick fell into a coma.
Fredrick was pronounced as dead (Even though he, fortunately, was not). His still comatose body was thrown to the lions.
The lions were so disgusted they threw him back.
When they threw Fredrick, his unconscious body slammed against a wall and split his skull open. The blood attracted several gigantic mosquitos, which began to suck Fredrick dry.
He was already so dehydrated, though, that his blood had begun to dry up, and wasn't very appetizing; the mosquitoes, disgusted, made sure to infect him with numerous diseases.
Two of these diseases in particular were never meant to enter human systems. One virus caused Fredrick to rapidly develop necrosis, causing his flesh to start to decay. The second disease started to shut down Fredrick's internal organs, starting with the part of his brain that processed movement.
Suffering from too many ailments to conveniently list here in one sentence, Fredrick shuddered and struggled to gasp out a breath from his fire-damaged lungs. Then, all of his flesh and organs atomically decayed into dust and fell away, leaving only a sleeping skeleton.
Which then got up and was immortal.
Fredrick "got up" in the sense that he woke up; of course, he couldn't move since he had neither muscles nor limbs.
Being a skeleton, he made limbs out of the surrounding rocks.
He did this, however, only in his imagination, as he was still immobile.
But then Ledthion came down from the heavens and made Sir Fredrick a god.
This, of course, was not our Fredrick. He had been stripped of his 'Sir' when he was pronounced dead.
Rather, Cthulhu came up from R'lyeh, and made Sir Fredrick into a large octopus that was deathly allergic to water.
And now we return to our Fredrick.
Several dogs came to Fredrick and started gnawing on his bones.
After a while, having dismantled more of Fredrick's skeleton, they lost interest and wandered off. Twenty years passed.
Since no A people had helped Fredrick in 20 years he was completely and totally dead, nothing could bring him back. This failure on the part of the As made a different Sir Fredrick mad. He went on a quest for vengeance, vowing to destroy those who had refused to save the old Fredrick.
As the identical twin brother of the previous Fredrick, he decided the best way to start his quest for revenge would be to go after the man who started all of Fredrick Immolatus' pain, their blacksmith father.
And he found him, and struck their blacksmith father down.
When the blacksmith fell down, he landed on the "End-o-Tron 3000," which ended Fredrick's quest by making his legs disintegrate and his heart explode.
..."his legs" and "his heart" being those belonging to the blacksmith.
Unfortunately for Fredrick, the Time Police teleported in to arrest him the moment after his father died.
But the Time Police were slain by Snadpwa who came to rescue Sir Fredrick.
Fredrick was terrified of Snadpwa and ran to more police, hoping they could save him.
...but as he was running in that direction, he tripped over a hole in the ground, and broke his right ankle.
Snadpwa caught up and laughed. He had evil intentions for Fredrick.
He took a ray gun out of his back pocket, pointed it at Fredrick, and said, "This ray will instantly turn anyone it hits into a loser!"
Fredrick started crying and said he was already a loser. If he had been paying attention in Beginning Algebra he would've realized that if he was hit by the gun he would become a winner. Unfortunately, Snadpwa was a math major who had payed attention in Beginning Algebra.
So he said, "Drat. Should've seen that one coming. I guess this won't work then."
Then Snadpwa, knowing that Fredrick was allergic to both chocolate and macadamia nuts, took out a chocolate chip and macadamia nut cookie that was disguised as a vanilla brownie and offered it to Fredrick as a consolation prize.
Fredrick grabbed it ant ate it. He lost his tooth, he only had one due to an unmentioned loss of the rest when he fell into the hole.
Within five seconds, his entire body swelled up and turned lobster red.
:o went Fredrick. >:D went Snadpwa as poured cement into the hole.
Snadpwa laughed and smiled as the cement solidified, and the Jackhammer of Doom fell from the sky to try to break through the cement and Fredrick.
The Jackhammer of Doom didn't break the cement, it only fractured Fredrick's skull.
Needless to say, this also gave him a nasty concussion.
And brain damage.
The Jackhammer of Doom continued jackhammering the cement, finally breaking through it, and incidentally breaking one of Fredrick's legs.
Not the leg with the broken ankle, the other one.
With Fredrick now out of the cement, Snadpwa challenged him to a duel to the death with swords.
Fredrick refused and attempted to run away, he couldn't though.
Snadpwa was angry at Fredrick, and dropped a hundred pounds of chicken feathers over him.
Fredrick laughed at first, then he realized how heavy 100lbs of feathers weighted. He crumpled.
Then winter came.
The coldest winter on record. The strong winds, carrying a ton, as in 2000 pounds, and snow blew away the feathers and replaced them with snow.
Thankfully, the snow was very warm and actually contained perfectly good steak, so Sir Fredrick was provided with food and water for the rest of the winter.
The snow was so warm that all of it began to melt, and Fredrick began to drown. Snadpwa was standing there, laughing at Fredrick's plight.
Fredrick began bawling instead of trying to save himself when he saw Snadpwa, he had thought he was rid of him for sure.
This was pretty clueless on his part, since it had just been a few minutes since Snadpwa had dropped feathers on him.
Thankfully, Sir Fredrick killed Snadpwa with a single blow, and continued on his way.
It was hard going, though, what with his body being stuck in a big block of cement, and both a leg and an ankle broken from his encounter.
Thankfully, he ran into Stephen Maturin, who healed him completely.
He didn't, however, do anything to help Fredrick out of the cement, so he was still stuck.
So Sir Fredrick grabbed a pick-axe and chopped up the cement block.
Unfortunately, though, he hit it so hard while he was doing so that the axehead flew off, and hit him in the head, refracturing his skull.
Thankfully Stephen Maturin was still on hand and patched him up nicely.
However, Fredrick fixed his axe up with duct tape, and then kept doing the same thing he had been doing before. This time, the axehead flew off and flew into Stephen Maturin's head, killing him instantly.
Sir Fredrick shrugged, and prospered.
Stephen Maturin's daughter, however, ran over, seeking to avenge her father, who had died solely due to Fredrick's stupidity.
Sir Fredrick explained that it was an accident, and Stephen Maturin's daughter, who was named Sophie, forgave him.
She forgave him after she hit him hard, with the head of the axe, damaging his brain and sending him into a coma... because she knew he could never do it again.
Thankfully, Sophie actually loved him, and saved him from the injuries that she caused Sir Fredrick.
"Him" being her fiance, who was being attacked by a sentient axeblade.
Meanwhile, Sir Fredrick was lying on the ground, brain-damaged and comatose, near where he had killed Stephen Maturin.
Fredrick was on a beach and the tide started to come in.
The water swept over him, covering his head.
Thankfully, that water was blessed and healed Sir Fredrick of all his ailments.
Too bad Fredrick was still in a coma and couldn't breath underwater.
Now Stephen Maturin's other daughter, Cecilia, came and completely restored Sir Fredrick.
She did this so that he'd be aware what was happening when she fractured his skull with another pickaxe.
Cecilia then fell madly in love with Sir Fredrick and healed him.
::)
But Stephen Maturin's wife, who was furious at her stupid daughter Cecilia for loving the man that had killed her father, fired a blunderbuss, killing Cecilia and fracturing Fredrick's skull, giving him brain damage, and knocking him back into a coma. Then an asteroid struck the earth, driving Fredrick 20 miles deep into the earth's crust.
...thankfully, Stephen Maturin's wife, Diana, regretted her actions and saved Sir Fredrick. ;D
This isn't even fun anymore.
Yes, she decided to save him from a slow and lingering death, by dropping a rock down the hole left in the asteroid's wake, where she knew it would hit Fredrick, instantly killing him.
Thankfully, a friendly furry creature dragged Sir Fredrick out of the path of the boulder.
He was a Mole Man, a resident of the Land Way Down Under. However, mole men were known for having a grudge against surface men.
Thankfully, this Mole man tribe loved surface men, especially ones that went by "Sir" and "Fredrick".
(That was because the two words happened to sound like the words for "Meat Loaf" in Mole Man speech.)
He invited Fredrick over for dinner.
Thankfully, the Mole man and the rest of his mole tribe were vegetarians.
Unfortunately, Sir Fredrick hated vegetables, and rather impolitically said so. He preferred roast boar.
The Mole Tribe's sole purpose was to please their guests, so they game him roast boar.
However, the Mole Man leader warned him that this had been a "sacred boar" belonging to a nearby kingdom of insect men, and that when they found out that Fredrick had eaten their boar, they would be out to kill him.
Thankfully the lizard men were great friends to the mole men, who asked them to eat the insect men.
After the appropriate declarations of war, the insect men called on their most powerful and loyal allies, the super-advanced cybernetic robot-weasels, to help wipe out their foes and destroy Fredrick.
Thankfully the super-advanced cybernetic robot-weasels did the opposite of whatever they were asked to do.
However, the insect men knew this, and thus phrased their request so as to get their desired result.
But they did not understand the language of the super-advanced cybernetic robot-weasels, comprised of confusing numbers of negatives.
Fortunately, the fully functioning translator devices they carried with them took care of all of those problems.
The problems for Sir Fredrick at least, it infuriated the super-advanced cybernetic robot-weasels.
However, their supreme leader, the wholly-mechanical Grand Calculator mainframe computer, wisely determined that the cause of the recent instabilities was the presence of a human in the underworld, and clearly instructed all of its subjects to remove Fredrick from the Land Way Down Under at any cost.
Thankfully, the super-advanced cybernetic robot-weasels discovered a glitch in the code of their supreme leader, and decided to keep the Mole Men and Sir Fredrick safe for eternity. ;D
Here we go again.
They did this by putting Sir Fredrick into stasis and launching him from the underworld in a rocket fifty miles up into Earth's orbit.
Where Sir Fredrick discovered his heaven, in real life. ;D
This was, of course, because he had died during the stasis process. Even though he was dead, though, he lived happily from that point on, not like the original Fredrick, who had had the opposite happen to him. And they both lived for eternity in their respective happiness and misery ever after.
THE END.
So it was a tie?
I suppose so. For now.
;D ;D ;D
How about we reset teams and start over?
Sounds good!
I don't know...I want to switch, but I feel honor bound to stay where I am. It depends what team you join Gryphon! ;D
"Honor-bound"? It's a game.
I might take team A this time, I don't know. Personally I think it's more fun to hold Fredrick back.
I'm still B, helping Fredrick isn't appealing to me.
Quote from: James Gryphon on September 13, 2016, 09:49:39 PM
"Honor-bound"? It's a game.
I might take team A this time, I don't know. Personally I think it's more fun to hold Fredrick back.
I am very honorable! ;D
"Honor" doesn't have anything to do with what team you're on in this game...
I suppose I'll try my hand at team A for a while.
Then I'll join team B! ;D
Sir Fredrick began his adventure, leaving the castle which had been his home. As he needed armor, he decided to head to the village blacksmith and buy some.
He bought armor, it cost his weight in gold and was made from paper.
Far from being weak, however, this paper was made from thick bamboo fabric. With the help of an exotic mixture of non-flammable oils and plant resins, it was as tough as high-quality mail, while being as light as paper.
Unfortunately, a dragon swooped in and stole all the armor in the land.
Fortunately, this didn't include the bamboo armor Fredrick had purchased, which was not actually at the smithy's yet, but was on backorder; it arrived by ship the next day. After putting it on and finding that it fit perfectly, Sir Fredrick decided to assemble a company of knights to go on a brave quest to slay the vile dragon.
But then, there was a torrential downpour of water, and although the bamboo fabric was strong against all other things, when mixed with water, it dissolved.
Fredrick was a little disappointed, but not overly so, as the bamboo armor wouldn't have likely helped against the dragon anyway, and the reward the King had offered for slaying the dragon was much greater than the cost of the armor he bought. The knights, twenty in all, set out on their quest towards the dragon's lair, heavily armed with crossbows, swords and dragon-slaying lances.
Unfortunately, since all of the armor was gone, once they fought the dragon they were all set on fire.
Fredrick jumped into a large pool of water in order to escape the dragon's fire. But there were actually two dragons, and the second was a frost dragon. It froze the pool of water into ice, trapping Fredrick 30 feet below the surface.
@Groddil: We reset the teams; you still on side B?
Fortunately, the fire from the first dragon melted the ice, freeing Fredrick, who bravely led his knights in continuing their assault. The bolts and lances of the company of knights worked over the dragons' defenses, wounding and exhausting them; they couldn't hold out against Fredrick's forces much longer.
Unfortunately, then a third dragon appeared, bringing all fifteen dragons from the surrounding country.
(Eh? Edited my post a bit; you might want to rephrase that.)
(You can't just edit a post after you see another team's defence! ;D)
(This topic looks crazy. o.O)
Quote from: James Gryphon on September 14, 2016, 04:37:44 AM
@Groddil: We reset the teams; you still on side B?
Fortunately, the fire from the first dragon melted the ice, freeing Fredrick, who bravely led his knights in continuing their assault. The bolts and lances of the company of knights worked over the dragons' defenses; both were near death.
Aye.
The knights finally managed to bring down the dragons. Unfortunately, they discovered that the dragons were the only thing stopping Cthulhu from ascending from the pool of water and destroying the kingdom. Cthulhu ascended from the pool of water and destroyed the kingdom.
Quote from: Delthion on September 14, 2016, 04:39:20 AM
(You can't just edit a post after you see another team's defence! ;D)
Uh, I didn't. I was in the middle of editing my post
before I saw you post something new.
Fortunately, Cthulhu was no stronger than the group of dragons that had preceded him; Fredrick, leading the valiant company of knights, led in the battle against the squid-being, and ultimately plunged his blade into its heart, ending its life. The grateful King and villagers couldn't offer Fredrick the same rewards that he had hoped to receive at the beginning of the quest, but promised that Fredrick would be the royal general henceforth.
Sir Fredrick unfortunately, fell asleep and missed the entire ceremony of Generalizing him. ;D
That was okay, though, because his loyal aide and second-in-command was there to fill him in as soon as he woke up. Fredrick was very happy and proud, and set about his new task with vigor, leading his knights in rebuilding the kingdom and restoring their defenses.
Unfortunately, a gigantic earthquake happened, the kingdom, being renowned for its small size, was completely engulfed along with all of Sir Fredrick's knights. Thankfully, Sir Fredrick was just ahead of the edge of the fault.
Sir Fredrick was very upset by the death of all that he held dear. However, a practical and grounded man, Fredrick decided to move on with his life, and take the experience he had gained and the wealth he got from the dragon's lairs to start a new life in the adjacent kingdom of Minoa. Fredrick's reputation had spread far and wide across the lands, thanks to the merchants who had travelled to and fro his home kingdom, so he was greeted warmly there.
He was then thrown into the Labyrinth to be eaten by the Minotaur.
This was because he volunteered to do so, to prevent the loss of further lives to the brute beast. Fredrick easily outwitted it and slew it, winning acclaim across the Minoan kingdom, and the new title of Royal Champion, which the grateful king established for him.
As the Royal Champion, he was expected to kill himself, and if the gods really valued him that much, they would bring him back to life.
Fredrick, however, won a reprieve, when the king's beloved daugher, a logical and extremely beautiful young lady, pointed out that nobody who did this had ever been brought back to life, and that given that track record, perhaps their gods didn't approve of the practice of testing them in that manner. The King and all the people saw the wisdom in this proposal, and outlawed the custom of suicide in the lands.
The King outlawed it, and replaced it with murder. His logical and extremely beautiful daughter completely agreed with this and Sir Fredrick now had to be murdered.
However, the laws of the land prohibited any kind of murder, so none of their subjects were legally able to carry it out; this meant that Fredrick's office could only be made vacant in the event of dying in battle. The Kingdom of Minoa was not at war with anyone, as their army was the strongest in the world; with that and Fredrick at the army's head, all of the other kingdoms were too afraid to cross them.
Until all the other kingdoms united under the power of dragons
However, the inhabitants of the other kingdoms were furious at their lords consorting with fickle, greedy dragons, and revolted. Sir Fredrick led the army of Minoa and the rebels to a glorious victory, slaying all of the dragons and routing their supporters' armies, in what would be called the most brilliantly led campaign in the world's annals.
Sir Fredrick then married the King's daughter, and became heir to the Minoan throne.
Then, the once noble, Sir Fredrick, who was now outrageously in debt, woke up from his dream. ;D
He had fallen asleep during his Generalizing ceremony; that was okay, though, because his loyal aide and second-in-command was there to fill him in as soon as he woke up. Fredrick was very happy and proud, and set about his new task with vigor, leading his knights in rebuilding the kingdom and restoring their defenses.
Then he woke up from his dream, and found himself living in central London, a midshipman in the Royal Navy.
Not sure it's very fair to do that twice in a row.
A brave, capable sailor, he came from a family with a history of valiant service for the king, as his hereditary title of "Sir" indicated. His great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandfather had earned baronetcy on the battlefield, by blocking an arrow that was meant for the crown prince.
Can I switch teams in the middle of a game? ;D
Sir Fredrick was assigned to the H.M.S. Grampus, a terrible 50-gun frigate that lost its foremast every time the wind blew.
No.
The new skipper had known that he would need capable men to repair and refit the ship, and had specially requested that Sir Fredrick be assigned to help with this endeavor. With Fredrick's inspiring leadership, the ship that was expected to be berthed for another year, getting its masts and everything else replaced, was ready to sail in merely six months.
I SHALL JOIN. Preferably B
(Go ahead, then. Although this is getting to be kinda lopsided, with 3-4 on B and none with me. ;) )
(I'm on Group A.)
The ship was ready to sail, but it wasn't in the right place. In order to avoid taxes for repairing a ship too fast, which niether he nor the Skipper could pay, Fredrick had had the ship moved to a small pond which he owned in the center of England. Fredrick would have to have the newly repaired ship dragged over mountains and sharp rocks, this would probably mean he would have to repair the ship once again.
Miraculously, the ship made it all the way there with no damage, and as the pond was connected to a navigable river that went to the country's west coast, the frigate would be able to set sail without any further trouble. The skipper was so impressed with Sir Fredrick's keenness, great leadership, and navigational ability on both land and sea that he promoted him to Lieutenant on the spot.
Unfortunately, the Skipper had no authority to do such a thing, and had to run it by the Admiralty, who denied the promotion.
They did this not because he wasn't qualified, but because he lacked patronage; when word of Fredrick's exploits came to the ear of a crusty, wealthy old admiral, however, Fredrick's path to promotion and the possibility of getting his own command someday were both cleared up. The admiral said that all Fredrick had to do to become a Commander, and captain of a ship in his own right, was participate in three boarding parties.
Fredrick, who was never very smart, took this to mean boarding up buildings with friends, which wasn't what the admiral had meant. He quickly gathered ten of his friends to him and boarded up the crusty, wealthy old admiral along with the king's palace, and the Tower of London. As a result Fredrick was court-marshaled and arrested.
The court, knowing of Sir Fredrick's reputation in service, generously offered him a full pardon and reinstatement if he led a group in boarding and capturing an enemy warship.
Fredrick promptly led ten other friends to a seaside tavern, called 'An Enemy Warship,' boarded up the doors and windows, unboarded a door, threw out the guests, and raised the union jack. Needless to say this was not what the court meant, they tossed Fredrick in jail for 25 years and fined him 1000 pounds, the king was very displeased as he couldn't get outside to see a meteor shower he had been looking forward to seeing.
While in gaol, Sir Fredrick decided to stop being stupid. He was able to redeem himself when, a month later, the King made an inspection of the gaol, and some of the prisoners broke out to try to kill His Majesty; Sir Fredrick heroically saved the King's life. The King gave Fredrick a full pardon, and appointed him to third-in-command of one the Royal Navy's best warships, the 120-gun HMS Indubitable.
The Royal Navy, however, had bad warships, the 120 guns of the Indubitable were 115 muskets and five nine pounders, not even powerful enough to get through a Ship-of-the-Line's sides.
Napoleon had been beating the the English everywhere and had complete control of the sea and the European continent. Soon he (Napoleon) would launch a massive invasion of England, but first he sent in 25 Ships-of-the-Line to destroy the only two ships left in the North Sea, a mail runner, the Terrified, and Fredrick's brigantine, the Indubitable. The French ships and crews were the best in the world, as a result Fredrick, fearing greatly for his life, fled to the South Shetland Islands, near Antarctica.
About a year later Fredrick heard word of an English victory against the French, King George was now the master of Europe by some miraculous turn of events. Fredrick immediately returned to England only to be arrested as a traitor and sent to jail in Xai-Xai, an English colony in Mozabique.
Bit of a lengthy passage there, with five or six sentences. ;) Anyway...
Once at the gaol, Fredrick quickly proved to be a cut above the other prisoners, and was gradually given more responsibility, until he practically ran the place. Under his direction, a prisoner work force completed the wall around the city, protecting the inhabitants from the enemies and native wildlife outside; as a result of this, Fredrick was specially commended by the governor of the colony.
Revive.
Unfortunately, said commendation was actually a recommendation to be transferred to a Gulag, where he would never have contact with another human, or be let out of his cell, ever again.
The request was confirmed within minutes.