Ziz iz Ze 'itch'iker'z Guide Tae Ze Forum; a vholly remarkable book zat in many o' ze more relaxed civilizationz on ze Outer Eaztern Rim o' ze Forum 'az become ze ztandard repozitory o' av knovledge an' vizdom, for zough it 'az many omizzionz an' containz much zat iz apocryphal, or at leazt vildly inaccurate, it zcorez az ze better o' av ozerz in tvo important rezpectz. Firzt, it iz zlightly cheaper; an' zecond, it 'az ze vordz DON'T PANIC inzcribed in large friendly letterz on it'z cover.
Zae bazically ziz iz ze Redwall Abbey Forum verzion o' Ze 'itch'iker'z Guide Tae Ze Galaxy, an' any member can at anytime zubmit an entry tae ze guide aboot ze forum. Feel free tae be az crazy an' vildly inaccurate az ye vant. Enjoy!
Lol! Great idea!
If you see any Death Defyin' Beavers, don't worry! They're friendly!
That's what they want you to think!
And if you see a zombie piñata tell Faiyloe. In case it's got loose again ::)
Always, always be friendly to the Grammar Nazis.
Get on whos side are you on??? And whos side are you on#2.
XD Great topic.
Flying is the art of throwing yourself at the ground and missing. It's easy. Jump off the belltower and then think about rainbow sparkle unicorns. You'll become so engrossed in your intriguing thoughts that you will entirely forget about hitting the ground, and you will be, as a result, flying.
****THE HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR DEATH OR SERIOUS INJURY CAUSED BY ATTEMTING FLIGHT IN THIS MANNER.****
The ferret meat candy is prowling. Make you topics boring so we won't take them over. (First)
If you see an army of Small Moose, run for your life before they stampede and trample you!
Whatever you do, do NOT eat any muffins that are offered, especially chocolate ones. They could very possibly be Chocolate Muffins of Death, which are, of course, deadly. None who have taken a bite have lived long enough to tell.
"The Forum" ze guide zayz, "is big. Really big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mindbogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the chemist's, but that's just peanuts to space, listen..."
Always lock someone up at least once a day
Make sure you don't get attacked by Eolyiaf!
"If you do," ze guide goez on tae zay, "Consider wetting your towel (which any real hitchiker should never be without) in freezing-cold water and then twisting it until you've got a good whip, before attempting to fend her off."
If you meet a man who calls himself 'Dr. Rainy' and speaks with an awesome British accent, don't start talking about chess. Just don't. And don't let him water things with his watering can. It will end well for only him.
"And while on the subject of towels," ze guide zayz, "A towel," it goez on tae zay, "is about the most massively useful thing an interthreader hitch hiker can have. Partly it has great practical value — you can wrap it around you for warmth as you bound across the cold moons of Cavern Hole; you can lie on it on the brilliant marble-sanded beaches of the Front Lawns, inhaling the heady sea vapours; you can sleep under it beneath the stars which shine so redly on the desert world of the Fan Works; use it to sail a mini raft down the slow heavy river of the Forum Games; wet it for use in hand-to-hand combat; wrap it round your head to ward off noxious fumes or to avoid the gaze of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Suggestions And Concerns (a mindbogglingly stupid animal, it assumes that if you can't see it, it can't see you — daft as a bush, but very ravenous); you can wave your towel in emergencies as a distress signal, and of course dry yourself off with it if it still seems to be clean enough.
More importantly, a towel has immense psychological value. For some reason, if a strag (strag: nonhitchhiker) discovers that a hitchhiker has his towel with him, he will automatically assume that he is also in possession of a toothbrush, washcloth, soap, tin of biscuits, flask, compass, map, ball of string, gnat spray, wet-weather gear, space suit, Redwall book etc., etc. Furthermore, the strag will then happily lend the hitchhiker any of these or a dozen other items that the hitchhiker might have accidentally "lost.". What the strag will think is that any man that can hitch the length and breadth of the Forum, rough it, slum it, struggle against terrible odds, win through and still know where his towel is, is clearly a man to be reckoned with.
Only join me and not FMC army
Make sure to join the FMC!
Ze guide 'az a zin' or tvo tae zay aboot ze Ferret-Meat Candy Army. "If you are unlucky," it zayz, "tae become entangled into a mess that involves the Ferret-Meat Candy Army, leave immediately. Never mind the service fee for travel, just get out of there. You can travel back in time and pay it later."
"The army," it goez on tae zay, "is a very dreadful and dull lot, and you do not want to be anywhere near them if someone opens a can of Pepsi. Therefore, always remember to come prepared with an onion, a clove of garlic, and an umbrella to deter possible meetings. Now the Death Defying Beavers, on the other paw, are quite nice and might lend you one of their flying bulldozers if ye ask politely."
Many in ze forum are o' ze opinion zat ze Guide 'az been taken over by ze Death Defyin' Beaverz, an' uzually juzt pretend zat nozin' iz vron'. O' courze, ziz iz yer uzual vay zat ze Forum be'avez, zae ziz iz really nozin' nev.
Make sure to revive old threads!
Make sure to vote in the SFC!
Make sure to wallow in despair if your voted for in the SFC!
Try not to get squashed by Kingmaker!
Remember: It's never Faiy or Skarzs fault if you value your lives.