Homelands Results

[Dannflower Reguba]

       Sorry it's taken so long y'all, but here are the results! Before I get into it, I'd like to throw out that I'm not a nice judge, I take competition very seriously, and as such, have high expectations. Getting half of the available points on a topic is status quo, so getting the max points in a topic should be something that happens extremely rarely when I'm judging. With that all in mind, let's jump right into it!

-Creativity and/or Uniqueness:

Eb & Teer: 18/30 : So I really wanted to give points here because your design for the different tribes was relatively solid, but the overall theme takes a bit too strongly from New Zealand mythos for me to go too far above average.

Kade & Verd: 16/30 : Not a bad start (which is kind of the point of a world-state), but I didn't get a strong sense of something new. This is not inherently a bad thing, but I can't afford too many points in this kind of category. I did like some of the set-up for the locations, thus keeping you around average.

-Detail:

Eb & Teer: 22/30 : Pretty solid descriptions all around, though I remember feeling like there was almost a little bit too much the first time reading through. Unfortunately, I can't find what unsettled me before, so I can't point much out as it stands. Other than that, the name structure, though I assume it's NZ inspired, can be a bit much for others. I was having a rough time reading through all the names, and it made tracking who was who a bit of a pain at times.

Kade & Verd: 15/30 : Again, not bad. You have a solid foundation, but there doesn't seem to be much information on the adventurers or the east (which would appear to be the primary field in this state).

-Flexibility:

Eb & Teer: 8/20 : The political aspect is fine, but it feels hard to modify things without breaking something else. Detail and flexibility can be two sides of a blade for better or worse. Focusing on one, you can find that you've accidentally cut yourself on the other end, but when handled with care, you can make a fantastic setting for many tales to come. One of the other things of note is that you fell into the trap of having named, current leadership. This falls under the category of things that technically aren't bad, but it locks down some information that could be left to the user of the world state.

Kade & Verd: 15/20 : With a good base to jump from, you've paved the way to allow a solid amount of creativity within a semi-defined space. That having been said, I think you might've been a bit too loose on what I believe is supposed to suggest a magic system of some type. It feels a bit awkward to mention without definition, and leaves a question that may go without being used despite it's intent. You also identified specific leaders, though my biggest issue is with the fact that you set up a primary "villain" of sorts. Your state differs from the other in that you could greatly benefit from a semi-ambiguous threat. Are they warring tribes? Do they have a sole leader? Is it more of a mob? The power of suggestion here might accidentally take away some options from a potential writer looking to use this set-up.

-Cartography

Eb & Teer: 9/20 : Solid, gives us a good grasp of what we're looking at, but there are no labels, which forces the reader/writer to dig back into the material and squint through it to figure out exactly what's what when a couple of words could sort out all of the confusion.

Kade & Verd: 8/20 : We do get the general idea of where some of the locations are, and they are marked, but that's about it. We don't really get a lot of the world detail.

-Scope

Eb & Teer: 6/20 : Not really much to say, it's just an island, there's not a lot to work with here. There's passing mention of there being other sentient creatures, but nothing concrete. An archipelago could've done a lot for this state.

Kade & Verd: 10/20 : This is essentially the base Redwall with a bit of extra east tacked on, but the eastern section is the strongest source of relevancy, and a lot of information is left up in the air there.

-Thematic Commitment

Eb & Teer: 19/30 : This was pretty neat, it felt different, but believable as an expansion. The tribes felt mostly authentic, though the Nga Taua felt a little forced.

Kade & Verd: 16/30 : It would seem some time has passed, and technology has moved forward a bit with a touch of dystopian theming, but nothing really stuck out.

I'm dropping the last one as both of you did something rather similar, and felt like what I pretty much expected. This is fine, but I don't think we need a score (if I did, you'd both be the same anyway).

Totals:

Eb & Teer: 82/160

Kade & Verd: 80/160

       As you can see, things were real close here. You both did a decent job with an event we've never had on the forum before. I'm grateful to both of you for participating, and hopefully I can figure something out as an award seeing as lack of communication didn't allow for this event to count for the Extravaganza. To everyone who participated (even if you didn't finish), I'd love to get your feed back both on the event, and on the concept of world states. I fear I may have seemed a bit harsh when I asked that people keep things relevant with the announcements response topic back when I made it, but I really really REALLY want to hear from y'all on matters relating to the RP board. I love this board, and I love RP'ing, if there's a way to improve everyone's experience and draw more interest, I'd be thrilled to work towards it. Thanks again everyone!

[shisteer of nothing much]

Ah, I've been waiting for some feedback on this for a while and it certainly didn't disappoint. Thank you for not being a nice judge and explaining your thoughts on why you gave the scores that you gave. It is very much appreciated. I will probably go over this many times and use it to improve my writing.
Thanks also for organising this event. It was a lot of fun and very interesting. I really appreciate the work you put in to this board. You are a very talented beast and it's a pleasure to work with you.

[Dannflower Reguba]

       Always my pleasure Teer, I love RP'ing (as I've no shortage of mentioning such a fact), and am frankly looking for any excuse I can find to push this idea further. I'm glad you enjoyed it, and look forward to seeing you improve as well