The Masks.

[The Mask]

'ello everyone. This is the story of the masks, a group of animals who-well you'll find out.

PROLOGUE
Flikkle was lost. He had wandered in circles around the forest for hours.Now he sat next to a stream he had come upon. The stream gurgled as it rushed past rocks and pebbles of all sorts. He dipped his little paws into the water and drank his fill. He gazed around the clearing looking for food. His eyes fell on a strawberry bush almost completely hidden by trees. He ran through the dappled sunlight filtered by leaves and fell upon the bush with the hunger of two beasts. A tap on a nearby oak made his head bolt upright. He suddenly realised that the bush had been quite far from the stream. Leaves rustled above him and a bird screeched from somewhere nearby. Mossflower was a big forest and he was only a small mouse... He backed away slowly, changed his mind and dashed back to the clearing. Okay, calm down Flikkle, you'll never get anywhere by panicking. he thought First of all I should figure out where I am.Well I know when I left the Abbey I was facing North... Flikkle slumped down heavily against a big Birch. He was glad for the rough bark that scraped off the muck and grime that had accumulated on his clothes. He sobbed, thinking of the mother and father he would never see again.Soon the sobs turned to wailing as he vented his anger and frustration out at the woods.He did not know it yet, but his wailing had brought him some unwanted attention.

"What doooooo we have heeeerrreeee? A little moussssse all losssssst and alonnnneeeee? I willlllll taake you hooooooome little mousssssse." Flikkle stared up at the large Frilled Lizard that had emerged from the forest.
"N-no thank you s-ss-sir. I k-k-k-know where I a-am."His statement sounded unconvincing, even to him.
"Pleasssssse let me HELLLLLLP you. I willll take youuu hommmmme ssssssssafely. SSSSAFELY IN MY SSSSTOMACH! The lizard jumped at him with it's frill open. Flikkle squeaked and jumped backwards.He splashed backwards into the stream, desperately hoping the lizard couldn't swim. Unfortunately, it was an even better swimmer than Flikkle was. It slid gracefully into the water and weaved its way toward him. Flikkle closed his eyes and waited for the lizard to sink it's teeth into him and end his life. Suddenly, he heard a splash and a screech of protest. A strong looking tattooed Otter had emerged and was beating the lizard with his powerful rudder. The lizard, like most reptiles was a coward when faced with animals larger than itself so it ran off after the first two hits.
"ello Matey! Bit lost are ya?Wherrabouts do ya live?" By now Flikkle had climbed out of the stream and sat shivering on the bank.D-d-d-down by the big-g-g p-p-pine.My p-p-pa m-made a sign."
"Awright mate, I know the place. I'll take ye there in me boat."

The boat in question was flat-bottomed and quite cosy.Flikkle sat inside the cabin with a thick blanket wrapped around him. The otter stood out near the bow and steered the raft down the stream. The otter had not talked for the entire journey. They turned a sharp  bend in the stream and suddenly Flikkle could see the Abbey. As soon as the boat was anchored he ran towards the Abbey screaming "Mother Father I'm hooooome!"
The young gatekeeper, Tangy must have heard him because she quickly unlocked the gate and came running to meet him.She hugged him fiercely and looked up to thanks whoever had rescued Flikkle. But the otter had disappeared.
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Any suggestions, Reviews, critisicms etc. Would be appreciated. Thanks for reading.
P.s. There is more coming but it may take a while.

[The Mask]

Sorry forry for the double post but could someone give me at least a comment or criticism?

[The Skarzs]

(ONLY IF YOU READ MOSSFLOWER FALLS! )
Just messing with you; I'd gladly give some constructive criticism and comments.

The first thing I noticed was the lack of diversity in the sentence structure, most notably in the shortness of the sentences and nearly every sentence beginning with a noun of some kind. I'll give a couple examples: " He had wandered in circles around the forest for hours.Now he sat next to a stream he had come upon. The stream gurgled as it rushed past rocks and pebbles of all sorts. He dipped his little paws into the water and drank his fill. He gazed around the clearing looking for food."
Every one of these started with 'he'. I would suggest using adverbs, adjectives, verbs, and prepositional phrases as sentence beginners in addition to nouns. Another good technique is to never begin a sentence in a paragraph with the same letter. (Sometimes this is not possible and not necessary to use)

Anyways, I like where this story is going, and hope to see more of this in the future. I hope I haven't bummed you too much with my criticism.

[The Mask]

Actually I have read Mossflower Falls. It was literally the first thing I did after I joined.

Any sort of criticism is good so I'm actually happy with what you said. This is the first fanfiction I've ever written.
So anyway, I'll keep that in mind for the next chapter and THANK YOU very much!

[Cornflower MM]

Yeah, like Skarzsy said. Use longer sentences, like "He dipped his little paws into the water and drank his fill, then looked around the clearing for food."

[The Skarzs]

Actually I have read Mossflower Falls. It was literally the first thing I did after I joined.

Any sort of criticism is good so I'm actually happy with what you said. This is the first fanfiction I've ever written.
So anyway, I'll keep that in mind for the next chapter and THANK YOU very much!

Not a problem.

[The Mask]

Er Just a bump to ask if anyone is interested in where this is going. Otherwise I'll just abandon it.