Gorath's Book.

[gorath]

I thought that I could use a bit of help on this story. If anyone has any comments, questions or critical statements, please share them. Here is Chapter One.


            Chapter One:
Draton
   In the country of Terracular there lived a boy. To say this boy was normal, would be telling a lie. He had pure black hair, with sky-blue eyes. He lived on a remote farm in the rough north mountains, where he dwelt with his Uncle, who herded goats. His name was Draton. Draton was a strong boy of thirteen, with a slim, well-kept body. His Uncle, though, was a different person entirely. He was a huge man, with muscles that stood out like knots on trees. He disliked his nephew, which was plain to see.
   "Draton, get over here, and milk this goat, NOW. Don't just stand there like a daft idiot, MOVE. No supper for you tonight, you..... "
   As you can imagine, Draton soon got fed up of being treated like a slave. Often, when he tended the goats on the mountains, he  looked south and saw the Great Forests of  Terracular, stretching like a vast sea, he wondered what it was like, to go adventuring in the wild  unknown. Then his Uncle's voice cut in, making him work some more.
   Finally, Draton could stand it no more. One night, he lay in bed, thinking. As soon as he could here his Uncle's rusty snores, he crept silently out of his bed.  Stealing softly into the kitchens, he grabbed a sack he had fashioned himself, he put some bread, cheese and dried meat into it. He also grabbed a long knife used for hunting. Then, he stole into his Uncle's room and grabbed one of the spears close to his Uncle's bed. Then he left. Stealing into the dark night, Draton breathed a sigh of relief, then , putting the sack on his spear and carrying the spear on his soldier, he set off at a brisk trot.
   By dawn, he had reached the forest. He traveled all day, stopping only for brief stops. At night, he found a mossy rock and fell asleep.
   Draton awoke at the sound of a husky voice saying,
   " Well, Pete, I think we've struck food."
         Then Draton saw stars, and he knew no more.
**********************************************************************                                                     
   Draton awoke to a pounding headache.    Two ugly trolls were sitting with there backs turned to him. Draton tried to get up, but he grunted in surprise when he found that he was bound to a post with wood heaped around. One of the trolls turned around and grinned wickedly.
   "Looks like supper's awake, mate. Hehehehe, he looks tasty."
   His mate nudged him.
      "Don't frighten him, Pete, or he'll be quite sour."
         Pete grinned, and brandished flint. "Come on, be reasonable. I'm starving, we haven't had fresh meat for days, only old skunk. Let's kindle the fire, eh mate?"
   "Ok, I'm hungry too. Go on, don't stand there dawdling, light it." Pete struck the flint, but getting no results, he cursed and struck all the harder. His mate kicked him, and grabbed the flint away, saying.
   "Stupid oaf, give it to me. I will do it."
   Draton struggled against his bonds , but Pete prodded him with Draton's spear, "Stop squirming, or I will skewer you, see?"
   Just as the troll struck fire, a brightness filled the dark woodlands. The trolls covered their eyes and screeched. The smoke from the fire started getting to Draton, he was soon slipping into unconscious. At the edge of his eye he thought he could see a gleaming white horse chasing the trolls. Then darkness engulfed him.
 

[Mad Maudie]

hmm it's pretty good over all but, it seems a little fast paced if all your chapters went that fast the book wouldn't be more than a hundred pages maybe less.

[gorath]

Ya, you're right. I should make it a bit slower. Is this better? 

            Chapter One:
Draton
    In the country of Terracular, there lived a boy. To say this boy was normal would be a lie. He had pure black hair, with sky-blue eyes. He lived on a remote farm in the rough north mountains, where he dwelt with his Uncle, who herded goats. His name was Draton. Draton was a strong boy of thirteen, with a slim, well-kept body. His Uncle, though, was a different person entirely. He was a huge man, with muscles that stood out like knots on trees. He disliked his nephew, which was plain to see. Every day at 6:00, his Uncle would call down to him where he slept in the wood cellar,
   "Draton, get up here, and make breakfast, NOW. Don't just stand there like a daft idiot, MOVE. No breakfast for you today, you..... "
   Then it was more work, milking the goats, tending the goats, making Lunch, chopping wood, and all sorts of other odd jobs. As you can imagine, Draton soon got fed up of being treated like a slave. Often, when he tended the goats on the mountains, he  looked south and saw the Great Forests of  Terracular, stretching like a vast sea, he wondered what it was like, to go adventuring in the wild  unknown. Then his Uncle's voice cut in, making him work some more.
   Every-night, Draton dreamed of going adventuring into those woods, fighting goblins and trolls, riding dragons and unicorns, and saving innocent people from oppression. This was the only good times in his life, until morning came and he was put back to work. Draton knew he should be grateful to his Uncle for taking him in when his parents died, but he didn't. He felt that even though his uncle fed him and housed him, he worked him way too hard. 
   Finally, Draton could stand it no more. One night, he lay in bed, thinking. As soon as he could hear his Uncle's rusty snores, he crept silently out of his bed.  Stealing softly into the kitchens, he grabbed a sack he had fashioned himself and he put some bread, cheese and dried meat into it. He also grabbed a long knife used for hunting. Then, quietly, Draton creeped to his Uncle's door, and slowly opened it. The door, thankfully, opened without noise and  he stole into his Uncle's room and grabbed one of the spears close to the bed. Then he left. Stealing into the dark night, Draton breathed a sigh of relief ,put the sack on his spear and carrying the spear on his shoulder, he set off at a brisk trot.
   By dawn, he had reached the forest. He traveled all day, stopping only briiefly, catching his breath and having a small drink from a cool stream nearby. At night, he found a mossy rock and, laying down with his spear a his side, he fell asleep.
   Draton awoke at the sound of a husky voice saying,
   " Well, Pete, I think we've struck food."
         Then Draton saw stars, and he knew no more.
************************************************************                                               
   Draton awoke to a pounding headache.    Two ugly trolls were sitting with their  backs turned to him. They wore tunics of animal pelts, badger, skunk and other small mammals. Draton tried to get up, but he grunted in surprise when he found that he was bound to a post with wood heaped around. One of the trolls turned around and grinned wickedly.
   "Looks like supper's awake, mate. Hehehehe, he looks tasty."
   His mate nudged him.
      "Don't frighten him, Pete, or he'll be quite sour."
   Pete grunted, and heaped more wood around the fire. Draton saw that the troll towered over him, like a great oak to a sapling. He was at least as big as his Uncle's cottage. The Troll leered at him. " My, my, you look quite frightened."
   Draton tried to yell at the hulking behemoth, but he found he was also gagged. He squirmed and wriggled, until Pete tickled him on the chin with the spear-point.
   "Come, now, we can't have any squirming.  You must be a good little supper, right?"
   The other Troll kicked him away. " Not yet, you fool. Be mum, or I'll gut ya." He pulled out the knife that Draton had taken.
         Pete backed away, and brandished the spear.. "Come on, be reasonable. I'm starving, we haven't had fresh meat for days, only old skunk. Let's kindle the fire, eh mate?"
   "Ok, I'm hungry too. Go on, don't stand there dawdling, light it." Pete grabbed some flint and a stone and struck it. He tried again and again,  but getting no results, he cursed and struck all the harder. His mate kicked him, and grabbed the flint away, saying.
   "Stupid oaf, give it to me. I will do it."
   Draton struggled against his bonds , but Pete prodded him with his spear, "Stop squirming, or I will skewer you, see?"
   Just as the other troll struck fire, a brightness filled the dark woodlands. The trolls covered their eyes and screeched. The smoke from the fire started getting to Draton, he was soon slipping into unconsciousness . At the edge of his eye he thought he could see a gleaming white horse chasing the trolls. Then darkness engulfed him.
 

[Skipper]

I belive this should be posted in the Redwall Fanworks section, however the book semed pretty good.

[gorath]

Really? I don't know how to move it.

[Skipper]

Only mods/admins can move it.

[gorath]

Ok, I will ask. Thank you

[A Hare maid from Redwall]

thumbs up but I think it went a little to fast

[gorath]

Yes, you are right. I will work on it. Thank you

[Mad Maudie]

no this wouldn't be in the redwall fanfiction cause it is not a fanfiction this is a real story not based an any other story right?

[gorath]

Right.

[Romsca]

Are you going to continue to write this?

[HeadInAnotherGalaxy]

Great ztory! Cannae vait tae zee ze rezt!