The Green Clan Regiment

[Hickory]

Prolouge

It was evening. Leaves rustled in the autumm breeze, and the sun was a glob of cheese melting over the silhoutted ground. Dibbuns were being hurried inside, and elders were settling in Cavern Hole, prepared for the long night. A single elder and six Dibbuns, however, gathered in a corner of Cavern Hole, were staying up. The Dibbuns argued over who would get the last slice of cheese.

"I wanna chese, givva to me!"

"Boi hokey, oi want ee gurt tasty choise!"

A little squirrelmaid spoke up.

"Iffa we's gonna fight ova the cheese, we sha giv' it to her." The squirrelmaid guestured at the elder, who smiled. "If you want the cheese, why don't you fetch the recorder and he will divide amongst you." The elder, an old female, smiled. The Dibbuns broke out in an argument.

"Noooooooooo! We norra want th' recorder!"

"Burr aye, oi'll give it to ee elder, as long as ee tells usn's a storee."

At the mention of a story, the Dibbuns immediately forgot the cheese and started pleading to the mouse. "Ussa wanna story, pleezzzzzzzzzzz?"

"Yeah, please?"

The elder smiled again. "All right, why don't you ruffians gather 'round and I'll tell one. No arguing, though!"

Silent as an owl, the Dibbuns  put themselves in a rough semicircle. The mouse began. "Many seasons ago, on an island that was inhabitated by otters..."

No prizes for who guesses who the mouse and the recorder are!

[Dannflower Reguba]

       Welcome Sage! First off, Fan Fics go under the Fan Fic board. If you message one of the mods, they should be able to move it for you. BUUUUT, You were asking for some critique.

       The classical take on your Prologue has been proven to flow well, so that's not bad. I would try and cut back ever so slightly on the exaggerated dibbun-speech. Also, I'm no guru when it comes to mole-speech, but ,"choise," for cheese seems a little off. Missed an "it" between "divide" and "amongst" (which Chrome is trying to tell me isn't a word, ugh). You already told us the gender of the story-teller, I'd advise stating her species there and inserting "her" where you later divulge her species (changing the sentence to maintain proper grammar of course). Finally, I'd advise you to change "owl" to the plural form since you're referring to multiple objects.

       Nitpicking aside, wasn't bad! At least you actually got a fic started.  I promised a series a LOOOOOONG time ago, but nothing ever came of it. You could use a little work, maybe some more detail, add a little meat to the text, could be good!  Solid start, I wish you luck on your efforts.