Attack of the Text-Speaking Fangirls! (Sequel to the Forum Fanfic)

[Hickory]

Spoiler

Chapter 1

"...and that concludes my debate for the position of class president."

"Excellent. Mr. Soren, you may step down. We will take a break from the debate for our candidates to refresh and rejuvinate."

The teacher left the stage and Soren chugged down a bottle of water. His supporter Mhera stood by him, cycling his notecards to make sure they were all there. "Um, everything's ready. Should I grab some more water?"

Soren shook his head. "Nah, I'm fine."

He ran his finger through his hair. "Another term... I half wish I wasn't running for the presidency again."

Mhera shrugged. "Not my problem."

"That's more like it. You've been rather... servile recently."

Mhera shifted furtively. "Really? I, uh, well..."

"You like the vice presidency, don't you?"

She nodded.

Soren was about to reply when the teacher said, "All contestants will return to the stage for the next part of the debate."

†  †  †

Skarz nervously ground his fist into his palm behind his back as he stood on stage waiting for Soren to appear. The troll had decided to go on his memory instead of notecards, and it had paid off. No accidental dropping of the cards to make him seem like a doofus. Just in case, Faiy had put a bunch of cards on a ring if Skarz ever needed them. He scoffed even thinking about it. he had also paid the janitor extra to make sure there were no mic problems. Or, rather, Faiy had. Or did she threaten? The details were never clear with Faiy. Or anyone, after The Event.

But enough thinking. He had a debate to win.


Chapter 2

Cornflower and her friends, Amber, Banya, James, and a couple other buddies from her old squad were headed down the hallway to another boring class. Well, it didn't used to be boring. Before the destruction of the Cellars and all things fun, classes had been interesting, but they weren't anymore.

Anyway, they were almost at the door of their classroom when there was a muffled Bang! It was silent and then the door was thrown open, and Rainshadow stumbled out, hand over mouth, wheezing like crazy as black smoke billowed out behind her. "Magnesium overdose," she said, before running to the bathroom. Several other students, including Jukka, ran out, the line ending with the teacher, Russa, who slammed the door shut. The fire alarms went off a few seconds later, and all in the vicinity clapped hands over their ears.

Everybody sat down to wait, and eventually the janitor showed up. He was wearing a chemical suit and carried a lead bin and tongs. He disappeared inside the room and came out a few minutes later, shaking his head. "Ms. Russa, I recommend you follow all safety regulations before, during and after experimenting with highly dangerous chemicals like magnesium." He trudged off down the hallway.

Corn bit the inide of her mouth, trying to contain her laughter. She turned to face Jukka, who had just returned from the bathroom, and who's breath still smelled like soot. Even though she was in pretty bad condition, she managed to pull a smile. "Don't get moments like those very often anymore," she said. They all nodded in agreement.

Soon one of the secretaries came down and gave them the alternate rooms they'd all be taking their classes in, and they slipt up. We'll talk to you, reader, about each class, but let's start with Banya.

Her Turkish sausage gun had been disintegrated, but she retained her crime-fighting weapon The Notebook. Nowadays, though, it was mostly used to fight mathematics. Whatever.

Strangely enough, though, her classroom had an unusual concentration of Cellars. Here's an example.

Banya flipped to a clean page in the notebook as she wrote down a few sentences in German, trying out the new words she'd been practicing since yesterday. Sitting down she was about to read them aloud when a weird jazz number started playing. She looked up with a bemused expression on her face as Plugg walked in. He shrugged off a trenchcoat and hung up his fedora before placing a thick stick pretzel in the side of his mouth. He said with a gangsta accent, "'Twas a dark night in a city that knew how to keep its secrets. However, one man was still looking for the answers to life's persistent questions. Plugg Noir, private eye."

He struck a supposedly suave pose before taking a seat.



Chapter 3

Meanwhile, Izeroth and Sage, if you happen to be wondering, were evilly laughing over a helpless math textbook as it burned in flames. Both were dressed in their respective roles.

"Excellent, my apprentice," Izeroth was saying. "Another enemy has come to an end."

Sage nodded. "We are one step closer to crushing the rebellion." He turned to a soldier by the door. "Prepare the army for attack against the DDB base. The traitor Ashenwyte must be destroyed."

The soilder nodded and disappeared.

Izeroth stood shrouded in thought. "How many people have allied against our cause? The DDB's, the members, even most of the mods are our enemy. Lutra says that the guest dam won't hold for much longer, and when it breaks we will be at the mercy of the guests."

Sage shrugged. "I suppose that Ash, ever since he defected, has served as a sort of figurehead.   His act of rebellion has strengthened the rest. He must be stopped."


Jukka was waiting for the next period and was passing the time by texting Corn, who had ended up on the other end of the school. Corn had just texted a hilarious meme and Jukka had responded with "lolz". Both of them sudenly broke out into txtspeaking, and they only stopped at the bell.

"Give me that," said Sky when she saw the phone. "Official Grammar Patrol business. We've been authorized to check all phones for textspeaking- BLOODY MODS! This is a serious problem!" She immediately threw the phone into a yellow bag before giving Jukka a glare. "Captain Plugg, arrest this student and put her in reform school. She needs to be educated. Now, Miss Jukka, who else text-spoke? Ahh, Cornflower. She'll be arrested shortly."

Jukka was hauled away by Plugg and, after a short drag down the hallway, thrown into a musty cell. A moment later the little window was thrown oepn and Sky's eye appeared. "Report to the courtyard at 0700."

Jukka sat down hard and sighed.


Cornflower manage to put up a good fight, but without her flamethrower she was nothing. Her phone confiscated, she too was dragged away.

Jukka was caught off guard by the sudden cacophony of sound as the cell door was unbolted, thrown open and a kicking body flung inside the cell. Upon hitting the floor, the figure scrambled back up and rushed the door, but it was too late. The guard slammed the door shut and left. The other prisoner, obviously Corn, stood up and dusted herself down. "Alright, how do we get out of here?"

Jukka shook her head. "You won't. If you expect a note to come down that tells out how to get out then you won't get it."

At that moment a small, furled piece of paper slid through the cell window and landed at Corn's feet. She grinned and unfolded it. "Be ready at midnight. Ummm..."

Jukka immediately took to the small bed that she got in the cell. Corn looked at her in askance. "What are you doing?"

Jukka closed he eyes. "Going to sleep, it'll pass the time."

Corn shrugged and went to looking out the cell window.


Chapter 4

After the destruction of the Cellars, most of the original Rebellion (the one that Sage had served in before turning to the Dark Side) was dissolved and Mhera was no longer leader. However, with the defection of Ash and the second election of Soren, power had slowly been returning. Even better, Ash had brought plans for the enemy's new weapon, called Jaëgars. Everybody was pumped, especially Mhera.

Rebellion Underground HQ

"All plans are prepped and ready. We should be ready to start the attack in a few weeks."

There was a clatter of keyboards and shouted orders all around mission control as Mhera leaned over a map with Soren and Ash on her sides. "Both Jaëgars are ready, weapons are clean and such. Wait a minute, where's our strike team?"

"You mean Corn and the rest? They're all present and ready, except Corn. Sky got her and Jukka," said Soren. "We might have to go without her."

"Abosolutely not," said Mhera. "They're our best, we can't let Corn die. And Jukka is a civilian, she should be saved too."

Prison Cell

"It's midnight," said Jukka. "Any second now."

Corn frowned. "Are you sure?"

"I don't understand, I thought you wanted out?"

"I do," said Corn. "But who's breaking us out? I don't want to be saved by someone I don't know."

Before Jukka could answer there was a sawing noise and a bar fell away from the window. A masked figure dropped inside the cell. Corn whirled arouund, ready to throw a punch, but Jukka said, "Are we good?"

Del pulled the balaclava away from his face and said, "Yeah, we good."

Another figure came in, this time Soren. He threw Jukka and Corn black cloaks. Corn hesitated to put hers on. "I'd like to know who's saving my skin?"

Del smirked a little. "Courtesy of the Text-speakers. Let's go."

Jukka's jaw dropped. "Text-speakers?! I thought it was a myth!"

Soren shook his head. "We're as much of a myth as Sage is a good guy."

Corn stepped back. "I'm not an active text-speaker."

Del gave her a look. "Then you never were. C'mon Jukka, let's g-"

BOOM!!!

The cell door was thrown off its hinges and a figure shrouded in mist appeared in the doorway. Soren and Del gave a look of horror before taking off with Jukka. Corn was left to back away against the wall and the walls started to crumble. The dust started to settle and Sage beackoned for his troops to stand down as he said, "Hello, Corn."


Chapter 5

Evil Lair

Sage tested out his new weapon, an oversized pen, with a swing. It immediately threw a giant blot of ink against the wall. Satisifed with the results, he slung it over his shoulder and turned around. A good sized army stood before him, ready for battle. "Alrighty. We're here to wipe out the rebel scum, specifically the traitor Ash. Since we don't know the full extent of their forces, we'll be proceeding with caution. However, whatever doesn't have an IFF tag you'll shoot regardless. Ready?"

"OORAH!"

Rebel HQ

"Corn was captured, ma'am. Jukka has been returned to safety."

Mhera gritted her teeth. "We can't lose another soldier. Find a replacement, or some kind of reinforcements."

Soren, who had given the initial report, saluted and headed outside the command center. Del, dressed in his text-speaker garb, was waiting. "Let's go, the boss wants to see us. Urgent."

Soren pulled on his balaclava and followed Del.

Text-speaker HQ

The light of phone screens illuminated numerous faces as Soren and Del walked down the path to the inner sanctum. "What does he want us for?" Soren whispered to Del.

"Dunno," said Del. "But don't wait around."

The doors creaked open as they approached. A cloaked figure in a high backed chair slowly turned around as Soren and Del came forward.. The figure guestered for its phone to be removed from the vicinity as it acnowledged the newcomers. "Excellent... the new recruit is proving to be most willing. You chose wisely."

"Thanks."

The figure nodded. "You're welcome."

Looking at some papers, it said, "There's a conflict about to happen and I think we have something to gain from it. Any ideas?"

Soren raised a hand. "The rebels asked me for reinforcements, we could serve as those."

The figure considered. "Sure, why not."

Del shook his head. "We also have to take into consideration the DDBs. And the Grammar Nazis. Possibly the guests. And the mods. And the worst thing that ever happened to mankind."

The figure scowled. "And what, pray tell, is that?"

Del shrugged. "The ultimate level-up. It's never happened before."

"SAY WHHHHHHAAAAAATTT?!?!?!?!?!" yelled Soren. He looked around sheepishly.

Chapter 5

"Never! I'm not a rat!"

Corn struggled, bound to a chair. "I won't tell you anything!"

Izeroth circled her. "We'll see about that."

He grinned as he slowly extracted Jukka's confiscated phone.

Corn was agahst. "What? How did you..."
Sky entered the interrogation room and closed the door behind her, allowing Corn the glimpse of a shiny metal being slipped into her pocket. Corn gasped with the audience. "You're working with Izeroth? But..."

"Yes," said Sky. I found out that more was to gain from him than any other factions. Now, time to get some information from you."

She opened up the messaging app on the phone. "You know as well as I do that, even though you had a lack of control, you hate text-speaking. Time to show you some."

Text-speaker HQ

"Uh, sir, there's one more thing," said Soren.

"What?" said the cloaked figure.

"One more enemy... or the greatest ally we have ever seen. baby turtle."

Del sighed. "More people? Don't we have enough factions?"

The figure waved a hand to silence the two. "I have made my final decision. You will recieve your instructions soon."




Morg and some of the other forumites were sauntering down the hallway in no particular direction. They were chatting about something unintelligible, as most things in this story will be. While they will play an important part, I'll go somewhere else to give you something to occupy your stupid, mushy brain matter that's been pulped by the Cellars.

Mhera leaned over her command table, Soren at her side. The Empire attack force was advancing toward their postion, slowly but surely pushing aside any resistance. "Big problem," said Soren. "They've incapacitated our reinforcements for the moment. Negotiatons with additional parties - text-speakers included - are failing. For the moment, we're on our own."

Mhera straightened up and looked around. "Get all surplus forces out of the front lines."

"They're already out there."

"Then why are they failing? A general once said that if you treat your men like you would your own sons and daughters they'll follow you into the deepest valley. Now go be a parent/general and get them on the offensive!"

"I will as soon as you stop quoting people. You probably heard that from Call of Duty," Soren muttered.


Now that you've been occupied, let's go back to these other dudes/dudettes with Morg. Rrrrr, Amber, Rain, James, and Banya. They were having a decent time, skipping classes, which was pretty uncharacteristic - for most of them.

As they metaphorically frolicked, for physically they were just sauntering, a suggen explosion was heard. Nothing flew across their field of vision, though, but a phone skittered aong the floor.  Rrrrr leaned forward and grabbed it. "How interesting," he said, raising an eyebrow. "It's open to messaging-"

Sky entered the scene, eyes wild. "NO! None can be contaminated!" she cried, tackling Rrrrr.

(Historical note: The tackle-hug was invented at this moment.)

Sky ripped the phone from his hands as the other surrounded her. "What was that for?" said Rrrrr, rubbing his bruises.

"Yeah," said James. "That's not nice."

Several knuckles were cracked.

Sky, still holding the phone, backed away. "Hey. None of your business." She stopped for a second before tearing off down the hallway.

"GET HER!" screamed Rain, waving a bottle of magnesium around. Everybody gave chase to the fleeing Grammar Nazi, waving their respective weapons. They were about to catch Sky when Plugg Firetail ran out into the hallway, blocking their path. He was about to show his Grammar Patrol badge when he hit a slick part of the floor and went flying into the nearest locker. James raised an eyebrow, but Banya ran over to him and checked his pulse.

"Yeah, he's going to be fine."

Sky threw a dictionary at James. "GRAMMAR!"

Then she was gone. Staggering out of the hole in the wall, a disheveled Corn pulled her hair back into a pony tail and slung her flamethrower over her back. "Heh... never gon a do that t'me..." She drew in a breath and noticed the group for the first time. "Oh, hi. Anybody know the way back to Rebellion HQ?"

[close]

[Skyblade]

Nice story! Thanks for sharing

Also, some parts were funny

[Banya]

Sage, this is FANTASTIC!  It's all of the little things that were so perfectly placed that makes it, from the Forum Elections to tacklehugs to the Text-speaker HQ to the humour.  You captured each person pretty well, too.  I love it and can't wait for more.

Some of my favourite parts:

he had also paid the janitor extra to make sure there were no mic problems. Or, rather, Faiy had. Or did she threaten? The details were never clear with Faiy.

but she retained her crime-fighting weapon The Notebook. Nowadays, though, it was mostly used to fight mathematics.

And, of course, Jukka and Corn's imprisonment, which was, I'm sure intentionally, a lot like Martin and Gonff's in Kotir.

[Russa Nodrey]

Haha! This is awesome!

[Delthion]

Very nice!

[Lady Ashenwyte]

This was great, will it be updated?

[The Skarzs]

Huh. I didn't read this before? Odd.

[Hickory]

This was great, will it be updated?

Er, in all honesty, I'm not sure. But if enough people want more, I'll continue.

[Skyblade]

I'd like to see more!

[Delthion]

Continue this when you have time!!!

[Hickory]

Uh.

[Delthion]

THAT'S AN ORDER!!!