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The Stork Rises.

Started by Lady Ashenwyte, December 31, 2014, 11:15:32 AM

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Lady Ashenwyte

Hello all, this is a story I have been meaning to write for a considerable amount of time. It introduces a new land and there is one thing, the will be lots of fighting. I have rated it a "M" using the Fictionpress rating system. As always, constructive criticism is always welcome.  :)
                                         Prologue
~~O~~

Twas' a dark and stormy night in Nihon when a rider made his way up the mountain of fire, Umetsu, to Umetsu Castle.

Dismounting, the rider made his way up to the rat in charge of the gate.

Clutching his naginata, the rat asked him "Halt, who goes there? State your name, rank, purpose and species now!"

"I am a fox hatamoto rider of the Tiger clan, as for my name, well, you have no reason to know it. I am here to meet the Maou, now, let me enter or you'll find yourself short of a head!"

"Tiger clan eh? Well, pay the gate toll, come in soon, I'm not keeping the door open for eons!"

The fox entered the castle and tossed the rat a gold coin which he promptly kept in a cloth bag. He made his way past the guards that were patrolling the corridors and came to the room of the Maou, guarded by two wearats clad in tameshi gesoku plate. They took one look at him and opened the door for him. Stomach churning, he stepped into the large room of the Maou, which was cloaked in darkness. The doors closed behind him and he kept a calm demeanour, although the urge to draw his katana was great.

A smooth, silky voice echoed in the room. "Well, well, look who we have here, a hatamoto rider of the Tiger Clan, the finest cavalry in Nihon, well, speak what worthless rubbish you have to say, fox"

"You must know of increasing raids in our territory by your followers, don't you?"

"Of course I do, now, what does this have to do with this?"

"My daimyo asks you to stop the raids on our territory."

"And if I don't?"

"Then it is war."

"Then I take war."

"Fine, you'll regret it later."

"Oh, let's see if I do"

With a snort, the fox opened the door and hurried out of the room.

The Maou watched him hurry out of the gate and mount his horse, going down the mountain.

"Akimoto!" he called out.

"Yezz, mazzterr?"

"Take tenscore of your lizards and three score hatamoto gunners and archers, and go to Kansai Castle and take it, remember, failure is death, or worse."

"Yezz, mazzter, Kanzzai will fall"

"Now, go and do it!"

Without a word, the monitor lizard went out of the room.

The Maou sighed and massaged his temples, the following days would be stressful.

I hope you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading it, and as always, constructive criticism is always welcome.  :)



The fastest way to a man's heart- Or anyone's, in fact- Is to tear a hole through their chest.

Indeed. You are as ancient as the soot that choked Pompeii into oblivion, though not quite as uncaring. - Rusvul

Just a butterfly struggling through my chrysalis.

Skyblade

I like it! It's an engaging prologue.

Thanks, MatthiasMan, for the avatar!

Lady Ashenwyte

Quote from: Skyblade on December 31, 2014, 05:02:57 PM
I like it! It's an engaging prologue.

Thanks, and for clarification, The Mao is the demon king, so there might demons in the story.
The fastest way to a man's heart- Or anyone's, in fact- Is to tear a hole through their chest.

Indeed. You are as ancient as the soot that choked Pompeii into oblivion, though not quite as uncaring. - Rusvul

Just a butterfly struggling through my chrysalis.

Captain Tammo

I'm a bit curious, where exactly are we in relation to the redwall world? Are we somewhere in Mossflower or a sort of AU? And what does a demon king look like?

It sounds like fighting is going to be pretty intense in this fanfic! I'm curious to see how you'll keep it all moving :)
"Cowards die a thousand times, a warrior only dies once. The spirits of all you have slain are watching you, Vilu Daskar, and they will rest in peace now that your time has come. You must die as you have lived, a coward to the last!" -Luke the warrior

Lady Ashenwyte

Quote from: Captain Tammo on January 01, 2015, 05:45:49 PM
I'm a bit curious, where exactly are we in relation to the redwall world? Are we somewhere in Mossflower or a sort of AU? And what does a demon king look like?

It sounds like fighting is going to be pretty intense in this fanfic! I'm curious to see how you'll keep it all moving :)

Thank you Captain Tammo. :) The story is set in a continent that looks like Japan. As for The Maou, his appearance will be revealed later.
The fastest way to a man's heart- Or anyone's, in fact- Is to tear a hole through their chest.

Indeed. You are as ancient as the soot that choked Pompeii into oblivion, though not quite as uncaring. - Rusvul

Just a butterfly struggling through my chrysalis.

Captain Tammo

I had a feeling that there was some Japanese influence ;) I've seen a few good fanfics draw inspiration from different Japanese elements. I'm looking forward to reading more!
"Cowards die a thousand times, a warrior only dies once. The spirits of all you have slain are watching you, Vilu Daskar, and they will rest in peace now that your time has come. You must die as you have lived, a coward to the last!" -Luke the warrior

Lady Ashenwyte

Quote from: Captain Tammo on January 02, 2015, 06:20:53 AM
I had a feeling that there was some Japanese influence ;) I've seen a few good fanfics draw inspiration from different Japanese elements. I'm looking forward to reading more!

Thanks! :) I've read some of SandyB's fanfics, they are good. But please be mindful that I've changed the rating to "M" for gore.
The fastest way to a man's heart- Or anyone's, in fact- Is to tear a hole through their chest.

Indeed. You are as ancient as the soot that choked Pompeii into oblivion, though not quite as uncaring. - Rusvul

Just a butterfly struggling through my chrysalis.