The Grey Warlord: All Things Related to but not the Story Itself

[Sebias of Redwall]

So this is a place were (if you have read TGW) you can comment about my book. It's not actually on here, it's on Fanfiction.net so if you want to read it by all means I won't stop you.

So, first question (for those who have already read the story, of course) Who is your favorite character and why?

Second question: How do you think could I improve my story. (But please make it constructive, Ok?)

[The Grey Coincidence]

Well I am one of the people who have read it. I think I already answered the first question over there, but I'll just add that Elmblade is amongst the list now.
Hmmm, how to improve your story. That's a tough question because although no story is perfect, I'm not sure what I can say that can actually count as constructive. Perhaps show a little more than tell (describe what they feel like instead of saying 'he was angry' say 'he went betroot red' same meaning but a less boring way of saying it (and for comedic purposes you can be as ridiculous as you like! Eg, his broken nose resembled a crushed tomatoes or, her eyelashes were longer than most tails, and wider too. This I think works best however when you're being ridiculous and I'm not sure if/when The Grey Warlord will ever get to this level of er- quality writing XD
Mostly I'd just say keep up what you're doing now. Your pacing and plotting so far have been very good and your story has never felt like a chore to read tbrough so you're doing a good job.

[Sebias of Redwall]

Thanks, Grey. I'll try and do that in the future.