Fire Mountain: A Redwall version of Pompeii

[Hickory]

Honestly, I think the names would fit fine if y'all weren't used to knowing them from elsewhere. It isn't like the names in the later books in the series were much better.

As far as the story, I enjoyed it and would like to see more.

y'mean Sniffy the Gousim tracker?

[Delthion]

Very nice! I can't believe how well you captured me...that's pretty much how I would rule Salamandastron!

[Skyblade]

I've been quite busy, but I have the first chapter of this fanfic. It's rather long, I know. I appreciate feedback of all kinds, but please be tactful

Chapter One: Kindness of a Stranger

   Jules detested being in places that were loud and crowded, but he was going to hold in his discomfort just for this event. Beasts much older and larger than him penned him in on all sides, shifting around to get the best view of the sandy clearing. For once, Jules didn't mind being a tiny beast of only seven seasons. He easily fit through gaps to make his way to the front of the crowd. His soft, brown eyes, wide with excitement and anticipation, took in the view. Two sturdy and clearly battle-worn beasts were standing on opposite sides of the circular clearing, which was surrounded on all sides by eager spectators. Personally, Jules was rooting for the squirrel who stood on his left, brandishing a sword. The axe-wielding hare on the right seemed tough, but Jules had heard of the squirrel's experience and battle skill. He scratched the ground with his hands, waiting for the duel to begin.

   Suddenly, the young beast let out a cry as he was knocked backwards onto his spines. "Ouch!" Looking up at who had bumped into him from the side, a brawny otter, he asked, "Why did you do that?"

   The otter looked down at him, his whiskers quivering like a stringed instrument. "Sorry, hedgepig. That was a pure accident."

   "Sure, it was!" Jules hopped to his feet immediately. I'll show him I'm not weak. "You better watch out, mister. I'll be a great warrior when I grow up, just like them." He jerked his nose at the competitors.

   The otter's mouth curled back slightly, showing a couple of sharp teeth. "Yes, sounds promising. What's a little scrap like you doing here? Do your parents know you're watching this competition?"

   "Of course they do!" said Jules, grimacing. "They want me to watch this and get experience. They're raising me to be a tough fighter, too."

   "This your first battle you're watching?" asked the otter, crossing his scarred arms.

   "Yes," replied Jules, "And it won't be my last."

   The otter chuckled. "Let me tell you something, young 'un. You're in for a very unpleasant surprise if you think battle is, well, fun. Because it's not. Fighting is brutal, terrifying, sometimes unnecessary, dangerous, heartbreaking, and often the cause of ended lives. When you grow up, you will see what war really is." The otter concluded his speech by facing the clearing again, as if he thought himself too superior to spend any more words on a hedgehog child.

   Jules blinked, still trying to follow the string of adjectives he had just heard. A bit hurt by the adult's condescending behavior, he turned back to the clearing as well. The duel was now about to start, and he could hear a mole going over the rules with the contenders.

   Please hurry up. When the mole had finished, the two beasts faced each other and braced themselves. Here it is, finally! Jules pasted his eyes to the scene, his spines twitching anxiously as if he was the one about to fight and not them. The spikes bristled in momentary shock as the hare let out a sharp battle cry and rushed towards his adversary, who to Jules' surprise was standing in his spot like a tree. Huh? What does he think he's doing?

   Meanwhile, the hare was raising his axe, ready to bring it down on his opponent. "Blood 'n vinegaaaa..."

   Suddenly, the earth roared under everybody's feet.

   As unexpected as an ambush, the ground shook so ardently that the charging hare fell down with his axe, his shout cruelly cut off. Jules felt a disadvantage of being small as the vibration tossed him onto the sandy floor. His fearful and surprised scream made it only halfway up his throat. All around him, the beasts who had been talking so casually moments before were looking all around and yelling with shock.

   Jules would have shouted with them if he could, but the earth was too busy playing with him as if he was a little toy. Over and over, he came up and down as the ground shook and trembled and hollered. Soon, the furious bellowing of the earth was all that filled his ears and utter panic and fear was all that consumed his chest. The earth was everywhere. It was blocking out every sound, every connection with any other part of the world.

   Now what's going on? What is this? Is the world ending? The earth, the earth! It's mad. What's happening?

   Jules didn't want to die, he didn't want other people to die, and his chest filled and spilled out with fear, burning and consummate fear. Something was happening, and he didn't know what it was.

   It didn't help that the adults around him, who he thought he could rely on for everything, who he thought would always, always no more than he did, were also panicking, screaming, and running. They weren't acting any more confident than he felt.

   Stop shaking. Stop, Jules thought as if the earth could hear his thoughts, much less listen or care. Instead, he continued to be tossed about. Bruises were appearing on his skin, but that was little to no concern compared to what could happen next.

   Suddenly, he shrieked as strong hands wrapped around his stomach and jerked him off the ground. "No need to worry," came a gruff voice that must have been bold but sounded like a whisper through the earth's cries.

   Jules looked up to see the face of the otter he had been talking to earlier gazing back at him.

   "You'll be fine, child. We're going to be safe," the muted voice went again, and Jules was dazed as the otter hugged him to his chest.

   His soothing words ran through Jules' head as if in an infinite loop. The otter swayed through the shaking like a tree in a storm, but his feet were rooted firmly to the ground. Beasts continued to yell and run. But suddenly, Jules was no longer alone. Here he was, in the arms of a stranger.

   "What's going on?" Jules worked up the courage to ask, his face and hands digging into the otter's shirt.

   "Huh?" The otter lowered his head. "Can't hear you, lad. Speak to me when it's all over."

   Jules made himself keep silent – only his heartbeat remained loud. With his ear to the otter's chest, he could feel his as well. Both hearts beat erratically, frantically. Jules wondered how this strong beast could be so scared, and the thought terrified him and sent a cold shudder through his body.

   After a few minutes of this, the ground stopped shaking as abruptly as it had started. Easy come, easy go. Suddenly, the earth calmed. Little by little, everyone stopped yelling as the realization hit that the event was over.

   "Are you okay?" The otter adjusted Jules so he could stare directly into the child's face.

   "I'm...okay. Is it over?" Jules asked, gazing up at the otter. His rescuer's face was grotesquely scarred from battle but, somehow, that didn't matter.

   "It is over, for now. I expect a few more of these later." When Jules' eyes widened with dismay, he added, "But they will not be as bad as this one. We call 'em aftershocks; they're never as bad as the real thing."

   "After...huh?" Jules murmured.

   "Where are your parents?" the otter asked.

   "I..." Jules' heart sank as if in water. "My parents," he said in a weak voice, "Are they okay?"

   The otter paused, and Jules' heartbeat accelerated again. "See, I can't answer that question, young one. Where did you see them last, fellow?"

   "In our house, I suppose, doing what adults do!" replied Jules. He looked around. Creatures were gathering in groups and shuffling about. Some were scrutinizing the damage.

   The otter started speed-walking away in the direction of all the homes. "Which house, exactly?"

   "House number 14," Jules murmured, "I hope they're okay, sir. I will be very sad if..."

   "Don't say any more, child," the otter replied, "I'm looking for the house."

   Jules looked around, and his heart shook like the earth had minutes before. Some of the houses had fallen while others were just crumbling. What if our house fell, too? What could be of my parents then?

   If you kill them, earth... Jules thought, his heart swelling with angst. The earth. Jules had always thought of it as dependable, sturdy, faithful. How could it go and do something like this? He had heard of other children who had lost their father or even mother. But he couldn't become one of them, could he? I don't want to be one of them.

   "I'm sorry for all the times I misbehaved," murmured Jules. It was so strange to empty his feelings onto a stranger, but hardly could he restrain himself. "I don't want to lose them, no matter what I do."

   "I know," said the otter tersely.

   Jules' precious house then came in view, appearing as if it had been trampled with a giant foot. "My home!" the young hedgehog said, horrified. The once-sturdy wooden planks had fallen unevenly on top of each other. The house itself, leaning and unsupported, had caved in on itself.

   The otter began to run, and Jules held on even tighter to his ragged shirt. It was not long before they were standing in front of the crumbling structure.

   Jules started to break down. "My parents, sir..."

   "Stay here, child. Let me go find them," said the otter roughly.

   He gently set the hedgehog onto the ground. "Stay here," he reiterated before cautiously disappearing into what was left of the building.

   Jules would have followed him if hadn't been so scared. Be careful, he thought, regretting not saying it out loud for his newfound friend to hear.

   At least ten minutes passed before the otter stolidly returned. Jules' heart froze in place as he approached.

   "I don't see anyone there, child," the otter said, "Are you sure that's where they were?"

   "Did you check everywhere?" Jules gasped frantically. Please don't be dead! Please!

   "Yes," said the otter, "Wait, matey." He jerked his head at a crowd of approaching beasts. Swiftly and soundlessly, he picked Jules up again.

   "What's going on, mates?" the otter asked as the five beasts – squirrel, shrew, a mole, and two mice – came in view.

   "Nothing, we're just trying to make sense of what just happened here," the squirrel replied, curling his bushy tail.

   "Hey, did you happen to see this little hedgehog's parents? the otter asked, "Any of you?"

   The beasts, to Jules' dismay, shook their heads.

   "That was the worst earthquake we had in a while," the shrew murmured with a concerned frown. "Everyone was runnin' around screaming. Houses were falling, beasts were bolting outside...it was madness. Quite frightening."

   "Not to mention the damage we will have to repair," one of the mice added.

   "Sir, we need to find my parents," Jules reminded the otter.

   His older friend looked down at him, and the creatures met eyes.

   "JULES!" Everyone whipped around as two hedgehogs came in view, streaking towards them at a frantic pace.

   "My parents!" Jules cried, squirming in the otter's arms. His grown friend raced him to the hedgehogs, depositing him in his mother's arms.

   The next few minutes flew by for Jules, as it was full of mushiness and tears. Before he knew it, the otter was walking away from the crowd.

   "Goodbye, sir," Jules murmured. Feeling tired, he closed his eyes. "Thank you, kind otter. Thank you."

   The stranger nodded briskly. "Stay safe." He then turned around and didn't look back. Jules watched him go, wishing he would stay, but he didn't say anything.

   "Good thing that gold hearted sir was around or Jules might be a dead hedgehog by now," the father murmured, shaking his head so his spines rattled wildly.

   "I'm so glad you're alive," said Jules sleepily.

   "Thankfully, yes," the father said, "We were down by the store. Maybe things would be different had we been at our poor house."

   "So you saw it? Our wrecked home?" Jules asked.

   "We sure did," his mother sighed, shifting him to her other arm, "And now we better go talk to some other beasts and get this mess sorted out..."

   Jules' parents started walking again, in the opposite direction. "And still they'll find an excuse for us to say," the father said in a somewhat grumbling tone.

   "Huh?" looked up at him tiredly.

   "There's little else we can do," his mother argued. "The beasts here at Breezind have lived at this place for seasons upon seasons. Of course we wouldn't just move."

   "It's not just moving," Jules' father shot back, "How many more disasters like this is the community going to endure before beasts finally come to their senses that we probably shouldn't live here?"

   "It is a dangerous place, I'll agree with you," his wife murmured, "But what can we do about it?"

   "We can move."

   "We already discussed this many times. You're not the one in charge of this place."

   "Too bad I'm not. Beasts here don't have much sense. We're like warriors who stand in one place and don't move or dodge. So we get hit. Over and over again."

   "Father, what are you talking about?" Jules murmured.

   "Nothing, little hedgehog," his mother replied, "Nothing you need to worry about."

   "This place is dangerous, isn't it?" Jules asked.

   "See, even the child notices," his father said with slight scorn.

   Maybe Jules was imagining it, but he thought he saw his mother shoot his father a glare before saying, "No, my Jules, this place is not dangerous. We are fine. We will be safe."

   "Okay," said Jules, "I am sleepy."

   "Then sleep," said his father.

   Jules smiled, glad and grateful to be with his parents. He got comfortable and gazed at the scenery in front of him through half-open eyes. To his delight, Fire Mountain was visible from his current position. It was considered the prized landmark of Breezind, standing proudly on its very outskirts. Smiling slightly, Jules closed his eyes.

[Luftwaffles]

I really enjoyed this reading, Skyie. You have come a long way in terms of writing and styling (this is definitely up there, with your best works). And I would be lying if I said that I wasn't astonished by the length of this thing... most fics and/or updates are way shorter than this, but that wasn't a problem for me, I enjoyed pretty much every single part of this

Keep it up!

[Skyblade]

Thank you Sierra, appreciate it!

[Wot, wot!]

Awesome job Sky!! Im so glad little Jules is ok This is really good, I can't wait to read more

[Skyblade]

Aw, you're so nice, Wot Thank you very much. I'm honestly not sure how this fanfic is going to go.

[Captain Tammo]

I feel like the Earth itself is the villain in this fanfiction! This story shows a lot of promise; I'd love to see it carried through! I think my favorite part, so far, is how you speak about the Fire Mountain. You describe it as a kind of landmark that brings a lot of comfort to the settlement living in its shadow. I'm looking forward to what you've got coming next!

Also, what are your plans (that you are willing to disclose) for this fanfiction? How many entries/chapters do you think it will end up being?

[Skyblade]

Aww, thank you! I appreciate that!

It was originally going to be around 12 chapters.

Hmm. I'm actually considering re-writing this fanfic to make it better! :] Right now I've been preoccupied with other things, but hopefully I can get back to it in the future.

[Hickory]

PM me if you need advice. 

[Skyblade]

Thanks, Sage! You can PM me too. I'm not the best, but I try.

[Captain Tammo]

I've both mentored and been mentored with and by people on the forum for Fanfiction writing. It's a load of fun! If you're looking for an extra opinion, feel free to shoot me a PM as well.

[Skyblade]

Thank you!