Mossflower Falls

[Mhera]

As others pointed out, the pace was pretty quick at first. Also, the characters all seemed the same, and they had very little development or interaction. In other words, it felt like the plot was being forced forward by characters I didn't know well enough to care about. Later chapters do a much better job in those aspects; the pace has been relaxed and we're starting to get to know the characters and grow attached to them as a result without having the story slow down. The scene in the quarry with Cavaer and Thaze is a good example of what I mean: their antics not only let us get to know the group better, but also further the story by alerting the patrol to their whereabouts. That packed more punch than if the patrol had just found a stray track or if the quarry escapade had accomplished nothing more than character development.

Smaller details like this also help:

"I know those shrews won't be able to last much longer, but until I . . . we think of something that won't get anybeast here killed or captured, the wisest decision will be to stay put."

For some reason, his hesitation and switch from "I" to "we" made Ronhuk seem that much more real and likable. Another small-yet-significant addition is the explanations behind Grungath's minor decisions (such as when he let his servants eat his leftovers to foster loyalty); it shows that he never takes his mind off of what he wants, and every one of his actions is single-mindedly calculated to achieve it. That, more so than the early descriptions of his appearance and strength, make him feel like a worthy main villain.

In short, the early chapters felt too fast paced and the characters were dull, but the later chapters are much better.

[The Skarzs]

  Yes, I realized that after I had posted those chapters. . . (Mea culpa, mea culpa.) The first chapter was one of the first things I had ever posted on the forum here, so I was trying to get somewhere with this place and get this idea I had in my head on paper, erm, screen.
  I was learning through experience about character development and whatnot, so that's where the chapters started to improve, but Ronhuk was beginning to get a little Mary-Sueish, so I have been working on that. Unfortunately I cannot change what has been written, so one must deal with the Sue-ish cougar for the first chapters, as well as me trying to get to the "next thing" too quickly to worry about character development.
  I must say that I like Grungath; I don't really want to explain why (as some things will be revealed in later chapters), but I'm trying to make him far different than other villains in the story (like with letting his servants have his food), making him a more forbidding enemy.

  Thank you for your review/thing, as I will definitely keep those issues of the earlier chapters in mind, and I hope the later chapters will keep your attention.

[Captain Tammo]

Any news on finishing this story, Skarzs?

[The Skarzs]

I'm half tempted to end the continuation. . . There are so many problems with the story, the characters, the plot, that I'm not sure if I want to finish it because of those. . . severe imperfections. However, I want this idea to be finished, so I'm struggling in my mind on whether I will finish it, and I'm also struggling with having to decide on whether I will finish this or my actual book.

[Lady Ashenwyte]

You could always rewrite it.

I haven't read the story in a good while, but from what I remember, it's quite good.