Cwool Sunglassers

[Ashleg]

Welcome to President Ashleg's Government-Funded Emporium.
Summer is on the rise, so I'm selling Cwool Sunglassers (TM) so you Woodlanders an' vermin can protect your eyes.
COME AND GET SOME....
CWOOL SUNGLASSERS...

BEFORE THEY GO OUT OF STOCK FOREVER!

[Luftwaffles]

I would like a pair, good sir.

[Ashleg]

Would ya now?
You have any means to pay for that, Sir?

[Luftwaffles]

I have a shotgun, which is an universal form of currency.

*Hammers it*.

Look, it works!

[Ashleg]

*brandishes sunglassers like a weapon* IS THAT A THREAT TO YOUR PRESIDENT?

[Luftwaffles]

It is!

[Ashleg]

Guards! Take him to the guillotine!

[Luftwaffles]

Guards! Take him to the guillotine!

I AM the guard.

[Ashleg]

Right, and I am your father.
Nobeast hired you.

*the AEFBI (Ashleg-Endorsed Federal Bureau of Investigation) storms in*

"PUT YER HAAAANDS UP, MISTER 'Sierra', IF THAT IS YOUR NAME!"

[Luftwaffles]

Actually, my name is Tokoyami.

But that doesn't have anything to do with anything!

[The Skarzs]

*Snaps picture.*
This will look great on the Hourly Drama! "President Ashleg is a perpetrator! What happens to this man trying to buy Cwool Sunglassers with a shotgun will shock you".

[Ashleg]

"Tokoyami has been marched off to the gallows, President Sir!"

Good, good...
Hey, you!
Fiend with the camera!
Buzz off!

[The Skarzs]

*Runs away.* The forum needs to know everything so their eyes can be opened!

[Ashleg]

DON'T PLAY THOSE GAMES, SKARZIE! THEY KNEW I WAS EVIL THE MOMENT THEY VOTED FOR ME!

[The Skarzs]

So did the majority of Liberals with Trump.
That's not gonna stop me! My antipsuedofeminist mindset won't allow me to just shut up, so I'll continue to yell loudly via all caps text at people who don't support my views!