A discussion on discussions

[The Skarzs]

Hello all. I am Gathering you all the here today because I have been reflecting on past discussions that we have had on the Forum. These are just my observations, and my ideas on how to improve how they are done. If anyone disagrees or sees something that is incredibly inaccurate (Lord knows I'm human too), feel free to post here or PM me.

After reading some books on communication and dealing with people in general, like How to Win Friends and Influence People, I have observed that discussions online are not as effective as talking face-to-face, voice-to-voice.
Only around 7% of communication is with the words that are spoken. The rest of it is with body language and tonality. While some discussion on the internet can be done eloquently, it is only putting across a very small portion of communication. This has the tendency to allow people to misinterpret the words, which is why it can be important to word discussions very carefully.
However even then there are problems that may arise when trying to communicate a point of view online. One may try to be civil and be nice across the words, but it can only do so much to ease the sting another may feel if they feel their view is being contested by one with a contradictory view because they cannot tell if the person is angry or happy or anything. (I know from personal experience that without a sarcastic tone, for example, my words were not taken as intended.)
It may be beneficial to let the other person know there is no anger involved, and if anything is said that may offend them, it is unintentionally, which it hopefully is. This can allow them to lower their defenses that subconsciously raise, and keep an open mind as the topic is discussed.

One tendency that I have observed, from the small amount of discussions that I have seen online, is to try to put a cross every point that a person has all at once. This makes for very long drawn-out posts that can come across as being a little bit preachy.
At the risk of being hypocritical, I'm posting this just to possibly make people aware of a potentially more effective way of discussing something. I will try to make this as short as I can.
When talking face to face there's no time to give across every point that one has. No one, and I mean no one, likes to be talked to. If one is trying to have a friendly discussion to resolve an issue or figure something out, then they want to talk with their "opponent". In this way the communication is at its best. Having a conversation is a back-and-forth interaction. It's not a roll dice turn that can take a very long time.
We've all seen the five-page essays with all the eloquence of Shakespeare do nothing to help someone understand the other's point of view. In fact, it might frustrate them, and then the discussion turns into an argument because there was a misunderstanding somewhere down the line.
An alternative to trying to defend oneself and shut the other person's argument down completely (even if subconsciously done, since many of us will defend if we are attacked), is to make short replies, especially to clarify what the other person means by what they say, since if there is a misunderstanding, things can get ugly. One topic at a time. This can allow for less thoughts to be running around in everyone's minds, keeping things simple, and heads cool. Who knows? This may prevent even more arguments about unrelated things popping up in discussion.

Lastly, opinions. I agree that everyone is entitled to having their own, and not everyone shares everyone's. However, when someone posts, wanting to vent more than discuss, most of the time, they never asked for anyone's opinion. They are only really worried about themselves, and sometimes the last thing they want to hear is what another person thinks. Use of judgement may be important to decide what the person wants.

In summary, small, polite posts with the understanding that both sides want to better understand each other, and most of the time, resolve the issue, may help prevent long discussions that cause unease and bad blood.

We're all friends here, from all different backgrounds and viewpoints, and if we keep that thought at the forefront of our minds, we will continue to be friends no matter what we discuss.


Once again, this is all my opinion and my ideas. I am not claiming that this is going to solve everything, but it may hopefully help. 

[Lutra]

Totally correct!