Lock This Topic Too! (By Next New Year's Day!!!)

[Booklover]

Oh... that's what you meant. Seven pages.

[shisteer of nothing much]

Spoiler

*Looks at the time.*
*Cracks knuckles.*
Prepare for some less-than-mediocre writing kids!

Chapter One of
The Million Dollar Gambit

I slid the compartment door closed as the other passengers came in from the verandah and got back to setting away my suitcase. She was already filling the compartment dresser with her clothes. This was our third time together, our third trip. Different train though. I coughed to break the ice, but she didn't respond, wordlessly pulling out a deck of cards and laying them out to play solitaire. I coughed again.
"Eherghm. Sorry fer pullin' you away from your classes earlier. Just, y'know, orders is orders."
"Thanks, actually." She replied softly, not looking up from her cards. "I hate Latin class with a passion. I will miss my trig course though."
"Still," I said, choking on the tension, "It's tough; 's gotta be, moving from school to school."
She shrugged, placing a ten on the knave. "I prefer it to the alternative"
"I betchu wish your dad'd retire."
"Him, or the others. Or the law is repealed. This limbo is terrifying."
"Ya don't sound terrified."
"It isn't becoming of my position."
"Lissen, angel, I'm tryin' to break the ice over here. Could you help out a little?"
"You're old enough to be my father. What could we have in common?"
"Yer pa, for one thing."
She bit her lip, but then shook her head. "I can't tell you what you don't already know"
I moaned and leaned back into my chair. "Looks like we got a long ride ahead of us."
She didn't answer. I looked out the compartment window. Seventeen stations, and three days to do it in. Sixteen stations left to go.

* * *

Gaston yanked off his straw hat and ran his fingers through his greasy hair. "So what's the play this time, Joel? You wouldn't call me in unless it's somethin' to do wit' that Cellitorre."
"'The play', is this: we obtain-- Or, more accurately I obtain-- a very worthwhile return on an investment of mine. I wish to share it with you."
"Uh-huh, and why would you make such a charitable decision like that?"
"Since you won't accept the goodness of my heart anymore, I'll tell you this. We're the big three, but you and I need to nail down our corners of the market before the little bug that is Cellitorre crawls underneath."
"Ha! I'd hardly call Cellitorre 'little', but I'm always happy to cut 'im down to size. So what's the play?"
"A bargain between us. I sent a gunsel on a train From Enton Station to here. He sent a shipment of wines to here as well. If he intercepts the gunsel, he has a new hire. If I intercept the shipment, my business prospers while his withers. He doesn't know where my gunman is, I don't know where his shipment is, and we can't exactly search Rouxbry after the trains arrive."
"Here's where you come in. Searching an undefined number of train cars for well over two hundred bottles of vintage isn't easy. I need your manpower to help me catch it; in return, you keep half."
Gaston Appertoire shook his head and donned his hat. "If it was anyone else but you, Joel... I'm in."

Stay Tuned
For Chapter Two of
The Million Dollar Gambit

(Well, this was dialogue intensive. . I'll have chapter two up soon. I would've posted  this last night but the interweb access was disconnected.)

[close]

Oooh, me likee! I look forward to reading more.

[Verdauga]

*Looks at the quote.*

Jeez, I need some more paragraph breaks.

And to work on ch. 2, but still.

[lass of something much]

*comes out of said hole* you okay, Bookie?

Very good, thank you. Entertained by the last eight pages.

*helps Bookie back to her footpaws*

[Sebias of Redwall]

*comes out of said hole* you okay, Bookie?

Very good, thank you. Entertained by the last eight pages.

*helps Bookie back to her footpaws*

*Dusts Bookie off with a feather duster*

[lass of something much]

Sorry, but I needed to get you out...

[shisteer of nothing much]

*Looks at the quote.*

Jeez, I need some more paragraph breaks.

It's not too bad because the dialogue breaks it up a bit. More paragraph breaks certainly wouldn't hurt though. (Just don't go overboard with it. A few are good, too many stop the story from flowing smoothly. Kinda like how that sentence feels really chunky)

[lass of something much]

(wat)

[Verdauga]

Teer thought that (incorrectly) that her post felt "chunky" or mentally discordant.

[shisteer of nothing much]

It annoyed me, anyway.

[Verdauga]

I can understand; perhaps placing the conjunction before the "too" might help it flow better in your mind?

[Ebantu the Kararehe]

Perhaps.

[lass of something much]

*looks at Ebby*

*then at Kade*

*and back at Ebby again*

[Ebantu the Kararehe]

What is it?

[lass of something much]

. . .