Jokes

[DanielofRedwall]

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
Where's my tractor?

And they thought that joke was a good enough joke for a joke book...

[Redwall Musician]

Me: Say roast three times
You: Roast, roast, roast.
Me: What goes into a toaster?
You: Toast.
Me: No! Bread!

It is more of a trick, less of a joke. Try it on someone. It works if they have not heard it before.

[Tiria Wildlough]

Ok. here goes.
Ummm...Knock knock
Who's there?
Grandma
Grandma who?
Knock knock
Who's there?
Grandma
Grandma who?
Knock knock
Who's there?
Grandma
GRANDMA WHO???
Knock knock
(sigh) Who is it?
It's me.
Who's me?
Aren't you glad it isn't Grandma??
OK I thought that was funny.

[Redwall Musician]

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Imaya (say I'm a ya really fast)
I'm a ya who?
Laughter!!!!!

[Taggerung_of_Redwall]

Knock knock
Who's there?
Whoo
Whoo who?
Please, don't get so excited, it's just a joke


Knock knock
Who's there?
Auch
Auch who?
Bless you

[DanielofRedwall]

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
I didn't know you could yodel!

[Osu]

How do you fix a short circuit? Lengthen it.
Why do bees hum? 'Cos they don't know the words.

 

[Matthias720]

I once wished someone Merry Christmas by handing them a card with this on the cover:
ABCDEFGHIJKMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

If you look carefully, you'll get the joke.

[The Lady Shael]

Bahahaha, I can't believe I actually got that. I was just musing to myself aloud and then a lightbulb went off.


This is a little long but one of my favorite workplace jokes:


Three men: a project manager, a software engineer, and a hardware engineer are helping out on a project. About midweek they decide to walk up and down the beach during their lunch hour. Halfway up the beach, they stumbled upon a lamp. As they rub the lamp a genie appears and says "Normally I would grant you three wishes, but since there are three of you, I will grant you each one wish."

The hardware engineer went first. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living in a huge house in Hawaii with all the money I could want." The genie granted him his wish and sent him on off to Hawaii.

The software engineer went next. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living on a huge yacht cruising the Mediterranean with no money worries." The genie granted him his wish and sent him off to the Mediterranean.

Last, but not least, it was the project manager's turn. "And what would your wish be?" asked the genie.

The project manager replied, "I want them both back in the office after lunch."

[DanielofRedwall]

I once wished someone Merry Christmas by handing them a card with this on the cover:
ABCDEFGHIJKMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

If you look carefully, you'll get the joke.

That's really bugging me! I DON'T GET IT! I know there is no L, but still!

[Matthias720]

I once wished someone Merry Christmas by handing them a card with this on the cover:
ABCDEFGHIJKMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

If you look carefully, you'll get the joke.

That's really bugging me! I DON'T GET IT! I know there is no L, but still!

Yeah, no L, no el, noel. Get it?

[DanielofRedwall]

NOEL!!! I GET IT!!!

[Tiria Wildlough]

Once upon a time, there were three strings. They went into a bar.
The first string went up to the counter and said to the bar tender, 'Can I have a beer?'
'No,' says the bar tender. 'We don't serve strings.'
The second string walks up and says, 'Can I have a beer?'
'No, we don't serve strings.' says the bar tender.
The third string ties himself in a knot, then frays himself under the knot. THen he goes up and says, 'Can I have a beer?'
'Are you a string?' asks the bar tender suspiciously.
'No, I'm afraid knot.'

[Matthias720]

Once upon a time, there were three strings. They went into a bar.
The first string went up to the counter and said to the bar tender, 'Can I have a beer?'
'No,' says the bar tender. 'We don't serve strings.'
The second string walks up and says, 'Can I have a beer?'
'No, we don't serve strings.' says the bar tender.
The third string ties himself in a knot, then frays himself under the knot. THen he goes up and says, 'Can I have a beer?'
'Are you a string?' asks the bar tender suspiciously.
'No, I'm afraid knot.'

LOL! I love that joke!

[Taggerung_of_Redwall]

Chuck Norris counted to infinity- twice.

Chuck Norris can speak Spanish in three different languages.

They once named a street after Chuck Norris, but they had to change it. No one crosses Chuck Norris and lives.