Corrupt-a-Wish

[James Gryphon]

Granted. This supply of water is accessed through a new hole that's been drilled through your ceiling.

Naturally, everything underneath it gets soaked. You try to put things under it to stop or slow down the flow, but you fail, as an infinite supply of water naturally creates infinite pressure when something attempts to block it. The water floods into your house, ruining everything.

You open the doors to try to escape and prevent yourself from drowning, but the water flows out of your house and starts to cover the neighborhood. Emergency services and the military are called in to attempt to stop the flooding. The sandbags that they put out are just covered, so they resort to trying to evaporate the water. Not only does this not stop the flooding, but it creates massive storm systems, which begin to spread across the Earth.

Your entire country is now covered with water, and the world's water levels are rising uncontrollably. Navy submarines are dispatched to locate the mysterious water source, and destroy it at any cost. Unfortunately, every missile and torpedo they fire just opens up the water source and makes the flooding even worse. Within a matter of hours, the entire world is filled up with water, killing everyone.

The new planetary ocean rises higher and higher, miles into the sky. The water turns into ice when it reaches space, but the pressure from all the water causes the ice to expand outwards. This continues, slowly engulfing and cooling down the sun, and eventually consuming the entire solar system. Within a few trillion years, the entire universe is nothing but a massive, expanding ball of water and ice.

On the bright side, the ever-increasing amount of matter in the universe disproves several laws of physics, and the energy generated by the ice pushing outwards ensures that, ironically, the universe will not suffer heat death. However, since nobody is alive to appreciate this, it's a rather moot point.

I wish I had a computer that was a hundred years ahead of its time.

[Rusvul]

Granted, however you have no idea how to operate it, and the neural interface fries your brain.

I wish that I had a top of the line computer for this day and age, capable of running any software or game that exists very very well. I of course know how to use it, and there are no ill effects on anything or anyone.

I wonder how you'll corrupt that...

[BadgerLordFiredrake]

Granted, but tomorrow, it becomes obsolete as every single technology company releases a completely new set of software and hardware that doesn't work with your computer.

I wish I had a robotic suit that was futuristic, had no ill effects on anyone or anything, and could not be hacked into.  Basically Iron Man but better.

[James Gryphon]

Granted. However, it's only a prototype for a future, unmade suit. The reason why it has no ill effects on anyone is because it doesn't work outside of a laboratory yet. None of the bugs have been fixed yet, one of those being that the controls that allow the user to get inside aren't functioning. There's a very simple software hack that could have fixed those bugs, but as the suit can't be hacked into, the end result is that you can't actually wear it or do anything significant with it. A robotics institute is willing to study it and try to get it to work, but if you agree to that, understand that 1) you have to sign a contract forfeiting all rights to the suit, 2) it will take them 50 years to figure it out, and 3) by the time they're able to make it do something, someone else will have already invented a different suit that is better in every way.

I wish I owned a massive video game company.

[Rusvul]

Granted, but you are 'litterally worse than EA.'

I wish that I had a pair of fully functioning headphones that hadn't shorted out in one ear.

[The Skarzs]

(You have that too? That happens to us all the time! The right ear ALWAYS goes bad.)
Granted, but they don't work in modern appliances.

I wish I could upload my art.

[Rainshadow]

  Granted, but you get nothing but bad reviews and criticism for your art.

  I wish that I could eat lots of junk food and still remain healthy.

[Rusvul]

Granted, but the junk food is disgusting.

I wish that I didn't fiddle with wires and break them so that my headsets short out.

[James Gryphon]

Granted, but your metabolism changes so that you can't eat anything but junk food. You quickly get tired of junk food and want some vegetables, but you can't because they make you sick.

Also granted, but that's because your headsets always explode when you pick them up. There aren't enough left of them to fiddle with anything, and as a result you can't listen to anything privately ever again.

I wish nothing was contaminated.

[Amarith Waterspring]

granted, but all color is sucked from the world.

i wish that i was able to eat milk and eggs

[Jukka the Sling]

Granted, but immediately thereafter there's a horrific shortage of milk and eggs, so you're unable to obtain any.

I wish I could visit the world of Narnia.

[James Gryphon]

Granted, but you do it during the time of the Telmarine reign. With all of the native beings in hiding, everything is exactly the same as it would be in our world's Middle Ages.

I wish that expense was no object.

[Jukka the Sling]

Granted. You now have all the money you could ever want, but then all of your friends and family keep bugging you all the time to buy them stuff or give them some of your moolah. Eventually, you retreat to a relatively inaccessible island, but after about five years you go insane from loneliness.

I wish I could play the violin.

[Jetthebinturong]

Granted but you become Jem Carstairs and die from demon toxins within about six years (Obscure fandom references for the win!)

I wish I had all the books I could ever want

[Jukka the Sling]

Granted, but you don't have time to read them. They sit on the shelf collecting dust for years, getting all mildewy and moldy, until finally, when you're eighty years old, you find time to read, but the first book you pick up has a scary scene in it which gives you a heart attack.

I wish I had my own computer.