Corrupt-a-Wish

[James Gryphon]

Granted. You lose the ability to wish or hope for anything, ever again. You become known among your friends and acquaintances as an extremely depressing person to talk to, and they eventually begin to shun you. You move out into the desert, become a hermit, and write nihilistic poetry.

I wish that the battery in my optical mouse would never die.

[Rainshadow]

  Granted!  However, sadly, the mouse is crushed one day when it falls off of your desk and you accidentally step on it.  This also crushes the battery, making it utterly useless.  It still holds a charge, but there's no way to access the power.

Granted; you get a stomach ache and muscle cramps instead.

  Hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!  *Ahem*  Sorry, I already experience those when drinking cherry Coke.  That stuff has so much sugar it makes me physically ill.  Almost migraine kind of pain.  Bleh.  And what really stinks is that I really love cherry Coke, but it has so much stinkin' sugar it hurts.

  I wish I could actually concentrate on constructing my fantasy world and writing the series I want to write, and that when it's finished, people love it and buy it, recommending the series to all their friends.

[James Gryphon]

Granted. Your series is a huge hit. It's so popular that a film company asks you if they can make your books into movies. Unfortunately, they liberally edit all the good parts out of your story, include awful special effects, and make terrible casting decisions. Regardless, because the film company spent a fortune in advertising, the movies become more well-known than your books. The films are critically bashed and are a massive box office failure. Everyone who hasn't read your books assume that they were just as bad as the movies that were based on them. Also, because you were credited for the film scripts, your professional reputation is ruined and no publishing company will look at anything else that you've written.

I wish that I had a robot that would obediently follow my commands.

[Unimaginative]

Granted, but your robot is really bad at cooking. Have fun eating burnt waffles all the time.

I wish that my Shaman would level twice as fast in World of Warcraft.

[James Gryphon]

Granted, but the reason why it levels so quickly is because your class underwent drastic nerfing. Specifically, all of the powers that make it worthwhile now require spending real money. Thus, it was felt that making it easy to level up was the best way to help balance it (which, coincidentally, also makes it easier for people to give Blizzard their cash).

I wish that my laundry would wash itself.

[Tim Churchmouse]

Granted, but it shrunk in the wash.

I wish I had a pet marmalade jar.

[Jetthebinturong]

Granted. Your series is a huge hit. It's so popular that a film company asks you if they can make your books into movies. Unfortunately, they liberally edit all the good parts out of your story, include awful special effects, and make terrible casting decisions. Regardless, because the film company spent a fortune in advertising, the movies become more well-known than your books. The films are critically bashed and are a massive box office failure. Everyone who hasn't read your books assume that they were just as bad as the movies that were based on them. Also, because you were credited for the film scripts, your professional reputation is ruined and no publishing company will look at anything else that you've written.

That is my worst fear

Granted but it's just a jar of marmalade, people think you're crazy for treating it like a pet and you get sent to an insane asylum

I wish I had a Lamborghini Murcielago LP640 that worked perfectly and there were no problems with it at all

[Tim Churchmouse]

Granted but your Lambo gets destroyed whilst being shipped. The shipping company is sued by Lamborghini and the shipping company has an eternal grudge against you and you never get anything from overseas ever again.

I wish I had a piece of paper (haha, foolproof)

[James Gryphon]

Granted. On it is a message from the government saying that you owe a million dollars in back taxes, and that you face jail time and the seizure of all your property if you fail to pay it.

I wish that this pretzel bag never ran empty.

[Delthion]

Granted, It's full of centipedes and decaying animals.

I wish that America's government would turn around.

[James Gryphon]

Granted. All of the politicians and bureaucrats in the government believe the opposite of what they do now. Hence, all the liberals are now conservatives, and vice versa. Nothing changes.

I wish my glasses were clean.

[Delthion]

Granted, they never become dirty because you never wear them.

I wish For a orange 2006 Lamborghini Murcielago and a 2014 Jaguar F-type.

[Tiria Wildlough]

Granted, but you have to share them with your mum.

I wish that I could finish this story I'm thinking of.

[James Gryphon]

Granted. The exciting new ending you come up with is, "And then everyone died. The end."

I wish that I had salsa that was more fiery than that which I have now.

[Izeroth]

 Granted. The salsa burns you and you die in a manner that is not unlike general grevious.

I wish I was a genius in math.