Corrupt-a-Wish

[Delthion]

Granted, you lose your throat and you lose your ability to cool down, dooming you to a life of permanent heat.

I wish that the weekend would last forever.

[James Gryphon]

Granted. 80% of the population, who don't work on weekends, lose their jobs because they are no longer deemed necessary, and the remaining workers are given overtime for working all of the other days. The economy and the infrastructure are ruined, as the unemployed people riot, and the employed rich get disgruntled and worn out from working so many hours. Civilization breaks down and everyone returns to living in caves and hunting antelope with spears.

I wish that I had a clean napkin handy.

[Delthion]

Granted, it's clean because it has never been touched for 300 years, if you disturb it you shall be sued for your life savings.

I wish that AT&T would get our phones back up.

[James Gryphon]

Granted. They take your phones and put them on the very top of a cell tower, where the reception is excellent.

I wish my team's defense was better.

[Izeroth]

 Granted. They're so good that other teams recruit them.

I wish I had an infinite supply of pens.

[Rainshadow]

  Granted!  However, none of the pens have any ink.  (That shouldn't be TOO much of a problem, should it?  )

  I wish I was immune to the hiccups.

[Delthion]

Granted, you never have the hiccups again! The only problem is that you're six feet under.

And their our home phone, we don't have cell phones.

I wish to live in any European country except France!

[James Gryphon]

And their our home phone, we don't have cell phones.

I actually considered that possibility, but so few people use just land-lines that I played the odds. If there's a case where the thing you're talking about varies significantly from the norm (as it did in this case and in the previous one about finishing a book), it'd be nice to point it out in advance.

Anyway.

Granted. You settle down in a villa in northern Spain. A distant relative of a certain Corsican general, however, rises to power in France and sets to work on establishing the third French Empire. Within ten years all of continental Europe, including your country, are subject to French rule.

I wish the connecting cord for this pair of headphones was a little shorter.

[Rainshadow]

  Granted!  You get sick and tired of how long the cord is, so you take a pair of scissors to your earbuds and viola!  Shorter!  Unfortunately, you can no longer use them, but who cares?

  I wish I could read binary without needing to use a translator.

[Rusvul]

Granted, but you can only read it- not understand it.

[James Gryphon]

Granted. The Association of Wishes revokes your right to request or grant wishes, due to an unsettled imbalance in your account.

I wish I could get this weapon to drain energy.

[Izeroth]

 Granted. It drains your energy and leaves your enemies feeling great.

I wish I had infinite electricity.

[Delthion]

Granted, you go to an asylum and sign up for eternal electric shock.

I wish to not have anything to wish for.

[James Gryphon]

Granted; everything in the universe ceases to exist.

I wish the dog wouldn't moan every time the bird starts squawking.

[Cornflower MM]

Granted - Now he barks every time the bird squawks.

I wish that my computer would run faster.