Corrupt-a-Wish

[Lady Ashenwyte]

Granted, but you stab yourself with it.

I wish I could create a Redwall mod for Mount and Blade: Warband.

[Mhera]

Granted, you can create one but you can't use it.

I wish I didn't occupy the coldest room in the house.

[Rainshadow]

  Granted!  You now occupy the second coldest room in your house, which has a room temperature of about ten degrees Fahrenheit.  At least it's not the coldest room, which is only nine degrees Fahrenheit! 

  I wish that I didn't have to do my math, but I still could understand all the math that's taught in school.  (Including calculus, trigonometry, and all the other nasty forms of mathematics there are.)

[Søren]

Granted, your a math genius and don't have to do any of it. However, you are so caught up in numbers that no one likes you and you have zero skills whatsoever besides math.
I wish I didn't have a song stuck in my head.

[Mhera]

Granted. You now have an anvil stuck in your head, which causes instant death.

I wish I could play the piano.

[Hickory]

Granted. You now play all music in piano pitch.

I wish I could fly......

[James Gryphon]

Granted, but you don't believe you can. Someone tells you "I believe you can touch the sky; it starts inside of you. Just spread your wings and fly away", but you say "Flying is impossible". So they say "What are those big wings doing on your body then?", and you say "They're vestigial." So you don't fly, even though you can, and your big wings get in the way of doing everything.

I wish that I could play perfect defense in every sport.

[Maudie]

Granted, but in developing a prefect defense your offense skills become incredibly sloppy. You are playing soccer, and you kick the ball VERY hard. It slams into the edge of the goal, then bounces back with incredible force and hits you in the face, wiping away all of your features.

I wish I could play volleyball well enough that nobody would have reason to yell at me.

[James Gryphon]

Already granted without needing to corrupt it -- there's no excuse for chewing somebody out for not being good at rec volleyball, when nobody ever practices or trains in any way. It took me years to get to where I could stop the ball once on every four tries. Meanwhile, I became a very competent underhand server... because I could practice. Go figure, practice and skill are correlated. Who ever would have guessed.

I wish that the dog wouldn't keep licking my clothes.

[Lady Ashenwyte]

Granted, but now he's licking the floor and you slip and fall and die.

I wish the ponies in my sleeve would go away.

[Skyblade]

Granted, but your shirt ends up ripping and you get another shirt that has twice the number of ponies as the first one.

I wish I was better at everything.

[The Mask]

Granted, now you are so good at everything, everyone hates and you are assassinated by the president. Wait. What.

I wish I could go on a holiday without putting on weight.

[James Gryphon]

Granted; you don't eat anything, and after five days of misery, lose five pounds.

I wish that I was both a great pitcher and a great goalie, and led both the NHL and MLB in career shutouts.

[Mhera]

Granted, but the wear and tear of playing two sports gets to you and your career begins to dwindle by the time you're 28. Multiple injuries and surgeries later and your barely as good as a new recruit. In an effort to stay relevant you become the star of a new reality tv show that gets exceptionally poor ratings and is cancelled mid-way through season 2. By this time you're deep in debt and are forced to sell your mansion and all of the Ferraris that you haven't somehow wrecked. You go live in a shack in the mountains where you freeze to death your first winter and your body isn't found until ten years later when a sports network decides to do a story on you.

I wish I didn't have to do school today.

[Søren]

Granted, you have to stay in because it's a snow day. And snow is everywhere, freezing everything and you die.
I wish I coudle hurry up.