Corrupt-a-Wish

[James Gryphon]

ninja'd: Granted, now they're completely silent. You're always nervous when your back is to any place near a hallway, for fear that someone will sneak up on you.

Granted, but his magical power is giving everyone a seafood allergy. You can never safely eat fish or shellfish ever again. You try to do so anyway, swell up, and die.

I wish that I handled things in real life like on the forum.

[Delthion]

Granted, now you are a complete jerk on the forum and mirror that behavior in real life!

I wish that everyone was active from midnight to the next midnight!

[James Gryphon]

Granted, but they're exhausted and tired of being on the forum after that, and everybody takes off for the rest of the week. Zero new posts and topics are made during that time. See you next Sunday!

I wish that my feet were always clean.

[Lady Ashenwyte]

Granted, but your whole body stinks.

I wish for a magical unicorn.

[Mhera]

Granted, but he sticks you with his horn.

I wish I could communicate so well that I never had to explain things more than once.

[Eulaliaaa!]

Granted, now you don't have to explain anything, people can just read your mind whenever they want. They laugh at you and you lock yourself in your house, dying of starvation because you can't go outside to the store.

I wish I could fly.

[James Gryphon]

Granted, but an unexpected gust of wind takes you into the path of a jumbo jet. Its wing clips you, and you fall to the ground and die.

I wish that I could get some good sleep.

[Skyblade]

Granted, but when you wake up you realize 50 years have gone by.

I wish it could be hot and legitimately snow at the same time.

[Mhera]

Granted, but your wish broke the laws of nature and your punishment is to be trampled to death by a hoard made up of all the ants in the world.

I wish I knew how just how big that ant hoard would be.

[Skyblade]

Granted, but that's because you turn into an ant and are forced to join the ant hoard or else.

I wish I still had band class.

[Delthion]

Granted! You are the target in a rubber-band class. It takes place 5 times a week so you are covered in welts for the foreseeable future.

I wish for a huge TV.

[Eulaliaaa!]

Granted, but it's so big it can't fit in your house. You keep it outside and it rains, ruining it. Now you have a giant, ruined TV in your yard and your neighbors keep complaining about it.

I wish there was another Redwall book.

[James Gryphon]

Granted; Mr. Jacques decided to try something new, and it was the first book in a two-part story. In the first part, the vermin conquer Redwall Abbey. Unfortunately, the second book was never made.

I wish that I could go back in time.

[Lady Ashenwyte]

Granted, but since you never specify where you want to go to, you go back one minute and the time machine is broken.

I wish Mr. Jacques was still alive.

[James Gryphon]

It's really tough when y'all make this wish because it's hard to corrupt a wish about someone not having died, but I'll do my best.

Granted, but he says that he never meant for the 'Redwall' thing to get so far out of hand. He feels that the series 'typecasts' him as a children's author. He stops all publishing of the books, requests that all existing copies of them be destroyed, and shuts down the forums. Then he announces a new, 'edgy' series, creatively reinterpreting his previous works, for the purpose of proving he is a multi-dimensional author. The first book, Bloodstone Castle, will come out this March. An early review of the book indicates that the "good" guy beats the "bad" guy, but becomes worse than them in doing so. Mr. Jacques says that stories about good vs. evil are good for a simplistic, child's world view, but they don't reflect the reality of the world.

I wish that I had a replicator that could make any object that I provide the specifications for (like game boards, cards, etc.)