Corrupt-a-Wish

[James Gryphon]

...you know, I'm feeling so crazy, I might just do that.

Granted, you know all about Rembrant, a minor artist in the 20th century who spent his short life trying to be like his hero Rembrandt. Unfortunately, he lacked any talent, and was cruelly mocked by art critics. His works, which involve stick figures in Renaissance garb, are not considered very valuable; the most expensive piece goes for about 88¢. Anyway, you are in love with this man's career, and decide to try to be just like him. You fail.

I wish that I wasn't feeling so bizarre tonight.

[Søren]

Granted. You feel great tonight, and bizarre forever starting tomorrow.
I wish I was in a less like a table.

[Eulaliaaa!]

Granted, now you're more like a chair.

I wish it was Spring.

[Banya]

Granted.  But it's going to snow until May.

I wish I had fewer than 5 hours of class today.

[Eulaliaaa!]

Granted, you have four hours of the class you hate.

I wish I didn't have to take Latin.

[Hickory]

Granted You take Welsh, one of the most complicated and hard to learn languages in the world.

I wish I had life size redwall food to eat.

[Banya]

Granted.  You have soup with so much hotroot even the otters won't eat it.

I wish I didn't have to work tonight.

[Izeroth]

 Granted. You don't have to work, but your pancreas will be removed if you don't.

I wish I was immune to bad things.

[Mhera]

Granted! However, you're now allergic to good things.

I wish spiders didn't creep me out.

[James Gryphon]

Granted. You looooove spiders! You keep several of them as pets, and are never seen in public without a tarantula on your shoulder. Spiders don't creep you out, but unfortunately, now you creep most of society out.

I wish that I had a cup of tea.

[Hickory]

Granted. You drink tea all your life.

I wish I was part of the redwall universe, as a good beast.

[Banya]

Granted.  You have lived your entire life in a cave on the North Coast with very little interaction with others and no family that you know of.  Life on the North Coast is hard, and vermin bands, pirates and slavers roam the area, so to keep yourself safe you rarely go outside.  You are peaceful and kind and hospitable to the rare traveler, but you have never heard of Redwall or Mossflower or Noonvale and don't know where you would go if you left the North Coast, so you stay.

Your life makes me sad.

I wish I had a plate of chocolate chip pancakes.

[Mhera]

Granted! Unfortunately this plate is surrounded by a force field that, while you can easily reach through it and grab a pancake, causes severe pain when breached. Your love of chocolate chip pancakes slightly outways your aversion to this consequence, however, so you can't resist the temptation of the flapjacks and are thus in a constant state of agony until the pancakes are all gone.

I wish my dog was obedient.

[Eulaliaaa!]

Granted, now whenever you say something he will do it even if you weren't talking to him.

I wish I could be a part of the Long Patrol.

[James Gryphon]

Granted. You're the hare that cleans the pots, pans and dishes after every meal. There are lots and lots of them, and there's no telling when more hares may come in off of patrol, so be sure to scrub fast.

I wish that I could come up with a post for OO.