The most random thread ever!!!

[LT Sandpaw]

The face of DooM!

                                                     He sees all.

                                  No one can hide.
                         
                                                                                           Fear him!

                                                                     

                                                 

[The Skarzs]

Apparently not.

[Jukka the Sling]

Welcome back!

[Perifaen]

Hello Skarzy, see you in about three hours.

[Russa Nodrey]

Welcome back, Skarzs!

[The Skarzs]

Tanks.

Not that I really expected much; I didn't tell anyone except Faiy and Corn.

[Cornflower MM]

Tanks.

Not that I really expected much; I didn't tell anyone except Faiy and Corn.

I AM STILL SO MAD YOU DID NOT TELL ME YOU WERE LANDING IN MY CAPITAL CITY.

[James Gryphon]

Got a copy of Overlord's Orders II!!!

say "Hidden deep under the surface of the Pacific Ocean, beyond any prying eyes, there lay an underwater structure. One large central dome connected to eight smaller, identical docking modules. Seven of them were occupied by small submarines.

Inside the dome, all was completely dark, save for the viewing portal in the top of the dome.

All this had been built by an Overlord, a man of unknown means and inscrutable motives. Although nobody knew where he chose to reside, this was his preferred place to contact his most trusted underlings.

The plexiglass containers slid into place as the servants entered the room. Each container covered them completely, preventing them from escaping or doing anything outside of their master's intent. They heard a voice from the darkness." using "Fred" pitch 30

say "I have brought you here because your recent performance has been absolutely unacceptable. When I commanded you to retrieve for me the unique book The Complete Guide to Galactic Conquest, I intended that it would come intact, and in good condition. This, you did not do. The text is smeared, the bindings are coming off, and half of the pages are missing. It is of no use to me.

Also, I have always commanded that these missions be carried out in absolute secrecy, yet the only video footage I could find on the world news today starred you lot attempting to break into the book's storage facility.

You, Taggerung -- my erstwhile body double -- would you care to explain how all of this happened? There had better be a good reason for this failure." using "Whisper"

say "Taggerung spoke swiftly." using "Fred" pitch 30
say "We set out, led by the fearless Matthias, to the museum. We arrived at night, and all was going well. That is when Muse tripped the security cameras and defenses. We got past those alive, and found ourselves starring into the glass of the storage facility. I used a series of creative tools to break the book out. I was knocked out clumsily when Muse rushed in and shoved me to the floor, and I was out cold. Ask Muse what he was thinking and what happened due to his rash actions." using "Fred"

say "A minute passed by in silence." using "Fred" pitch 30

say "Well? Speak up, Muse; I don't have all day to interrogate you.

Alternatively, if you're cowed by my presence, then maybe Redwall Musician or someone will be willing to speak about this. I want an explanation of this error now; I don't care who it comes from." using "Whisper"

say "Musician eagerly starts speaking," using "Fred" pitch 30

say "You see on our way there Matthias stopped and got us coffee. Apparently Muse must have had two cups because the whole way there he was bouncing around. He doesn't usually drink that much caffeine. That explains his energy.

When I got to the museum I saw Muse had run Taggerung over. I stopped to try to bring the life back into him but to no good. So I had Captain Tammo and Daniel take him back out to the truck as he was useless to us. That's when the alarms went off. I look around at HeadInAnotherGalaxy, Matthias, and Muse. I did not know which one of them set the alarms off.

Acting quickly a shouted, 'HiaG! Get the book and let's get out of here!' HiaG was the closest to the book. So we all ran out and just as we got to the truck it started to rain! News reporters were driving down into the parking lot, policemen coming after us. Jumping into the van we took off with Daniel driving. But we had to pass a speed bump in the road and the book went flying into the air and a cup of coffee spilled all over it. And thus is how we bring it to you now." using "Princess"

say "An interesting story, that sheds some light on this situation.

What it doesn't explain is why Matthias bought this coffee to begin with. None of you work any jobs besides the ones I give to you, so there is no good reason why you should be fatigued. You ought to have been rested and ready to do my bidding.

So, Matthias: Mistakes were made by others, but the root cause behind it all seems to be your decision. Explain why you felt it was necessary to dose all of my servants with caffeine." using "Whisper"

say "Sir, Muse insisted that we have coffee for this mission. Said that caffeine would keep us energized for our task. I don't drink the stuff myself, but I wanted to avoid the possibility that we wouldn't be alert for the job. Yes, I bought and served the coffee, but only at Muse's insistence." using "Alex"

say "I see.

Well, with the mission a complete loss, and an adequate explanation of what happened, I think my decision is very clear.

None of you have failed me before, so I assume you are not acquainted with my methods of punishment. Let's hope for your sake that you won't have to experience it first-hand, but I've found that it always helps to give a concrete example of how this works.

These otherwise unassuming glass capsules you are all trapped in have all types of high technology built into them, useful for all kinds of my purposes. The one that Muse is now standing in will demonstrate one of their capabilities." using "Whisper"

say "A spotlight turned onto Muse's capsule, lighting it up for everyone in the room to see. Suddenly, a mist, and then a fog seemed to form around Muse's body. Muse struggled for a few moments, but then ceased and stood completely still. The voice continued on as though nothing had happened." using "Fred" pitch 30

say "I have long been interested in the science of cryogenics. While normally I might prescribe a punishment more harmful, I needed someone I could test this technology on." using "Whisper"

say "A few moments passed, then a light on the canister turned green." using "Fred" pitch 30

say "Good, the freezing procedure is a success. Your former colleague will be revived in fifty years, above ground, with no memory of ever having worked here. A merciful release, don't you think?" using "Whisper"

say "All the lights in the room went dark again." using "Fred" pitch 30

say "Now. I don't need any more test subjects, so I trust this will motivate all of you to work harder in the future. Always stay in prime form to do my bidding and use common sense, and hopefully we won't need another object lesson like this. If one is required, the next person will not get off so easily.

Here is your next mission: Go to the robot-production plant in Michigan and obtain the blueprints for their new robotic servants. I'm now running short on minions, and with something to use as a jumping-off point, I should be able to concoct replacements for them in no time." using "Whisper"

say "Some time later, six submarines docked with the base. The seventh submarine, once employed by Muse, still remained in its former place.

When the servants disembarked and entered into their capsules, the Overlord greeted them, but he wasn't happy." using "Fred" pitch 30

say "Once again, you managed to snatch defeat out of the jaws of victory.

I checked in with my sources to see your progress, and the only thing that I could find out was that there was a massive explosion in Detroit, which destroyed an entire robot-production plant and the adjoining block. My blueprints are nowhere to be found, and the media announced that they think there's a correlation between the factory bombing and the museum theft. They're attributing it to a new terrorist group.

One of you -- DanielofRedwall, Captain Tammo, somebody, I don't care who. Start talking, and tell me why I shouldn't fry all of you right now." using "Whisper"

say "Daniel raised his hand." using "Fred" pitch 30

say "Well, sir, we boarded a flight to Michigan, first class, of course. But as we were flying, I discovered that the pilot was drinking too much coffee! I ran at him and knocked a coffee that was close to his mouth away and told him about the trouble coffee had gotten us in to. I never mentioned breaking in to the museum, however, the only thing I said was my friend was knocked out cold by a man who had had too much coffee. I wanted to show him how much danger he was putting us in. But anyway, trust Redwall Musician to spill the beans! She was eavesdropping and barged in and started talking about EVERYTHING to do with our last trip. But it was strange, she spoke as if she were a robot, and she seemed to be brainwashed. Anyway, the pilot crash-landed the plane, because of coffee overdose, right in to the robot factory in Detroit and blew it up! In a TV interview the pilot mentioned all Musician said! We ran for our lives to Michigan, but we were no match for the Ninja Police! The ninjas put us behind bars, but we escaped thanks to some quick thinking from HIAG. Fearing we would be arrested again, and possibly given the death sentence, we fled back here, unfortunately with no blueprints." using "Junior"
say "He added dumbly, as he didn't really get what the Overlord said," using "Fred" pitch 30
say "Also, don't fry us, we wouldn't taste nice!" using "Junior"
say "Here, he gave a deep bow, but forgetting he was in a chamber, he banged his head on the outside." using "Fred" pitch 30
say "Musician's eyes narrowed. She looked very serious, which was strange, because she was never serious." using "Fred" pitch 30
say "I must say I did give away information. But this was due to the air ports lack of security. It all began as I was checking in. I had my ticket, and was wearing a black coat with a pink hat as I sat down to wait for my flight. I noticed a woman not far away wearing the same hat and coat as me. It was then I realized she looked just like me. The others were sitting behind me, playing with Daniel's iPod and texting there moms. They didn't notice the woman come up and sit next to me. I polity said, 'Hey.' She replied 'Gjdgnasfl.' She spoke the death defying beaver tongue! I turned around and poked HiaG on the shoulder. 'There's a beaver here!' I said." using "Princess"
say "Of coarse" using "Trinoids"
say "he replied. Before I could say anything else the woman, a death defying beaver shaped-shifted to look like me, pulled out something and hit me and I was knocked out. When I awoke I had missed my flight and was stranded at the air port. I don't know what happened after I was knocked out. So I called a taxi. Turned out the taxi was working for you, mi'lord, for it flew me up into the air. I secretly boarded the plane using my natural fearless skill. Just as I was about to find the others, I heard Daniel talking to the pilot. Some strange force took over me and I told him every thing. Only after Daniel shot me an angry glance did I turn around and see my look-a-like beaver. She had brain washed me into saying it! I punched her in the nose and the shape-shifting power disabled. I pushed her out of the window, and suddenly the plain was falling. The rest was as Daniel told. I was feeling very dozy after the fight the beaver, being brain-washed, and knocked out, all in the coarse of three hours.
I don't know who organized our traveling, but whoever did should have let us take your private flying cars. Much more convenient and private." using "Princess"
say "Musician then nodded her head towards ToR, and muttered," using "Fred" pitch 30
say "I believe he's the one who organized it." using "Princess"
say "I organized the flight, and everything would have been fine had Musician not been brainwashed and babble out everything. And then try and tell you how to do your job as she did by using your private vehicles. I understand authority, and did my part with the plane perfectly." using "Fred"
say "Says the one who sent text his mommy saying 'i'm going on a secret mission. C U later'," using "Princess"
say "Musician said under her breath. She then let her mind wander and began thinking about her half-finished tropical house design she had started drawing before she had been on this mission. Yep, the tropical house would need a hot-tub. And a ice cream buffet" using "Fred" pitch 30
say "I've long been aware of the beavers' intrusions into my territory. They will be dealt with soon.

The detail that bothers me is not the brainwashing by the beaver, which is unfortunate and can be forgiven; nor is it the mode of transportation, which was the most covert way to travel.

Someone mentioned that HeadInAnotherGalaxy's 'quick thinking' helped you escape from the ninja-supported prison, but I haven't heard any more as to how this took place. Shed some light on your escape." using "Whisper"

say "Very simple. He thought quickly, and the plan saved everyone. And he stole a cake too, though that wasn't as fast. But before then, he grabbed a passing bird, and used its beak to unlock the prison cell. The lock was the shape of a Black Northern Lockberger's beak. Most of the ninja police are going to bird-beak shaped keys instead though. Saves time and energy and proves more secure, though the fees with having keys is quite high" using "Fred"

say "I see.

Listen carefully, my minions, and I will reveal to you my judgement, as well as the reasoning for it.

All of this mishap was part of a beaver plot to infiltrate my regime. The problems were manufactured by beavers, with one HeadInTheGalaxy central among their agents.

You see, there were several pieces of evidence that incriminated him. I am knowledgeable regarding the process of beaver brainwashing, and the fact is that it always requires more than one beaver agent. Since only one beaver was apparently in evidence, the fact is that they had inside help.

HeadInTheGalaxy's nonchalant response when Musician keyed him in to the beaver threat was a dead giveaway. He was distracted by his text messaging, and forgot all about putting on his pretense. Naturally he knew that he would be joined by another beaver agent, so he was thus not at all surprised to hear that one was nearby, and he let that show.

Finally, don't you think it's a bit of a coincidence that that bird would just happen to pass by, or that you would not be recaptured attempting to leave the prison? The fact is that all of that -- the bird passing, and the easy escape -- were facilitated by HeadInTheGalaxy's Beaver Marshall superiors, all with the intention of tricking me and getting their preferred agent deeper into my organization.

Unfortunately for them, their attempt failed. One might say fatally so. Observe HeadInTheGalaxy's capsule." using "Whisper"

say "The spotlight lit up HeadInTheGalaxy's capsule, revealing him for the first time to the group. He was passed out on the capsule's floor, not moving or responding to the light." using "Fred" pitch 30

say "The air has been removed from his capsule, providing what would normally be death by suffocation. In this case, since he is aligned with the beavers, he will of course defy death, but while he is out, his memory regarding everything he has learned in my service will be removed. He will, albeit unintentionally, play a role in my elimination of the beaver threat." using "Whisper"

say "The lights went off, and the Overlord continued, sounding almost as though he was in good humor." using "Fred" pitch 30

say "With the spy eliminated, I'm giving you some vacation time in Sweden to view the wonders of one of its gorgeous Ice Hotels. Relax and enjoy the cold.

I have only one requirement for this -- this, like every other ice hotel, is a unique wonder, and will disappear, never to be seen again, after the winter is over. While you are there, take high-resolution, panoramic pictures of every aspect of the hotel. It will be saved for posterity in my archives. This is of personal interest to me, so failure will not be dealt with lightly." using "Whisper"

say "Some time later, five submarines docked with the underwater station; the servants disembarked, and once again heard the Overlord's enraged voice." using "Fred" pitch 30

say "I send you on a pleasure tour, to serve as glorified photographers, and yet you persist in coming up short of my objective.

My sources indicate that within a week of your arrival in Sweden, the hotel was melted, by an 'unknown cause', which the hotel security, the Swedish police, and Interpol are now all in the process of investigating. Also, the only picture I got back was of some sled dog with a ridiculous expression on its face.

Would one of you care to enlighten me as to how you achieved this catastrophic failure?" using "Whisper"

say "We had spent the whole week taking picture. On Friday, Matthias, Daniel and I went out on our dog sled to take more pictures. Daniel was driving the sled, I was giving directions, and Matthias had the camera. Tammo and ToR remained at the hotel to get the other pictures processed. Anyways, Daniel was driving the sled up the hill, so we could get a better view for the pictures. Suddenly the earth shook. Daniel suddenly stopped the sled and Matthias went tumbling out, accidentally taking a picture of the dog. I looked around, a little worried about why the earth was shaking. Daniel pointed up to the top of the hill, and I saw a dragon. He swooped down and breathed fire onto the hotel. I have no idea where he came from.
'Luckily Tammo and ToR escaped before the building melted. The dragon disappeared into the sky. And we got sent back here, the pictures ruined in the fire," using "Princess"
say "Musician said." using "Fred" pitch 30

say "I tried to save them as best I could, but several of the hotel guests appeared and began shooting at me and Daniel. I figured it'd be us getting killed and pictures ruined, or just the pictures being destroyed. I tried to grab a camera to get a few pictures of the hotel in its last minutes, but Daniel knocked it from my hands. Why, you should ask him." using "Fred"

say "I would be interested in knowing that, later.

First, though, I want to know why the hotel guests were shooting at you in the first place. Based off of that I'm left to assume you did something else to blow your cover and attract suspicion, but so far none of you have told me what it is.

Someone can tell me about that, but they'd better speak fast. I'm getting tired of all of your bungling." using "Whisper"

say "The servants heard a new sound: a low, ominous hum, as though something were being powered up." using "Fred" pitch 30

say "I don't know what was going on while I was gone. ToR or Tammo must have done something. Nobody suspected anything before we left," using "Princess"
say "Musician added." using "Fred" pitch 30

say "Daniel shrugged." using "Fred" pitch 30

say "I'm not sure how we blew our cover, maybe they saw our faces from the TV before and knew us from there. I doubt that, though, I made sure everyone wore a mask so nobody would know we were the people from the TV. I believe it must of been something Tammo or ToR did at the hotel while we were dog sledding that blew it, as Musician said. They must have shot at us as they knew ToR had blown it.
Why I knocked the camera from ToR's hands, well, that is simple. The camera was on fire, it was crawling up closer to ToR's hand, and if he kept holding it, it would have permanently burnt his hand. As in, serious, for life, the fire was really hot. It was white in colour, the hottest possible, so I was protecting him. He didn't notice that, as it was white and almost blending in with the smoke, but I noticed it. I have good eyesight, and I felt the heat from it. Also, thank you for the holiday, and I'm sorry I failed you once again, oh lord, but I was protecting my fellow servant of you, as he needed to be in 'good condition' to serve you, master." using "Junior"

say "Why the hotel guests were shooting at us, it was because Musician had previously taken a photo of them, and they seemed mad at it, and wanted to get revenge. Me, Daniel and Tammo all got out safe, though we saw the five shooters take off in a helicopter afterwards, taking several millions of photos of the hotel and the surrounding area." using "Fred"

say "Matthias720 then spoke up," using "Fred" pitch 30

say "Sir, this all sounds bad, but it was nothing compared to what happened when we got back to the hotel. As soon as we got back, we quickly noticed that the ninja police from the last mission were crawling over the whole building. We had to sneak in through the back to avoid detection. Daniel took the film to be developed, because he insisted he knew how. Meanwhile, the rest of us packed up our gear in preparation to leave. Then Daniel came back with the, surprisingly well developed, photos. At that point we were ready to go, we only had to leave without being detected by the ninja police. That's  as far as I know, because the next thing I know, we're on a plane headed home. Somehow I was knocked out by luggage falling on my head, or at least that's what I was told." using "Alex"

say "I accidentally took a photo of them. But they wouldn't have seen it if Matthias hadn't been waving it around in the lobby," using "Princess"
say "Musician said," using "Fred" pitch 30

say "And ToR is the one who made a copy of the picture. I was going to delete it." using "Princess"

say "I made a copy of it as I made a copy of everything on that camera. I feared ninjas might cause us problems, so I made backups of everything I could, so as you'd have your photos for certain, sire. All were destroyed in the end. And I think the luggage that knocked out Matthias720 was a shapeshifting lion in the service of death-defying beavers." using "Fred"

say "Interesting story. It seems to have as many holes as a block of Swiss cheese, but that's not the point.

The point is that, regardless of how you managed it, you failed me. Again.

I think the time has come for some more motivation. You won't need a spotlight to see this one." using "Whisper"

say "The hum in the background increased, until it drowned out everything else in the room. Suddenly, one of the capsules -- the one Captain Tammo was standing in -- began to glow. Right before the other servants' eyes, he disappeared, right into thin air.

The room fell dark again." using "Fred" pitch 30

say "He had various opportunities to help salvage this situation, and as far as I can tell did nothing. I trust that his fate will serve the purpose of inspiring the rest of you to better things.

Now then. My plan to end the beavers' influence on my territory, which was completed shortly after your return from Sweden, is complete, and I want a memento to go on my trophy case. Go to a store and buy a plush beaver toy, and bring it back here to me. I don't care whether it is life-like or not; it will still suit my purposes.

My patience with you is waning. If you fail again, the consequences will be even more dire than they were for your companion." using "Whisper"

say "Some time later, four submarines docked with the base. This time, entering the central room, the servants were surprised to see that it was well-lit. A single elaborate control panel was in the center of the room, below the viewing portal. Nothing else was in evidence except for the gray floor. The Overlord was nowhere in sight.

The room abruptly went dark, and a moment later, the Overlord's voice came out of the black." using "Fred" pitch 30

say "I got a receipt for ten thousand dollars expenditure, plus tax, and got nothing back in return. That would be bad enough by itself, and that alone would have required this meeting.

However, that isn't all. According to all the news reports, the new 'infamous terrorist group' that is responsible for several attacks around the world recently incited a riot inside a popular mall that led to the destruction of a million dollars' worth of property.

Your shared fate is looking bleak, but if someone can adequately explain this failure, I might consider sparing some of you." using "Whisper"

say "Well sir, let me start off by saying that this was not entirely our fault. The death-defying beavers were partially to blame for this fiasco, but more on that later. It all started very simply; we decided that the Mall of America was our best chance at finding the toy you requested. After going through several stores we happened across the perfect plush beaver. We purchased it without delay for a mere $17.50.

It would have been over at that point, except that Musician mentioned that she was hungry, so we stopped to get some soft pretzels before leaving. As we ate, I noticed that something was wrong with the food court we were in. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but I knew that somehow, there was a death-defying beaver watching us. I made an excuse to leave the group, and went off to find it. The beaver took me on a merry chase through the mall. Long story short, I wound up going around the entire mall, so that when I got back, there was a scene of complete chaos in the food court. ToR was fighting ninja police with a pair of katana, Musician was busy throwing soft pretzels at half a dozen beavers, and Daniel was trying to play keepaway with the plush beaver against three albino gorillas.

At that point, I rounded everyone up and we made a hasty exit. Somehow the toy got last in the fray. I apologize for any incompetence on my part, m'lord." using "Alex"

say "I was not eating when the beavers, ninja police and gorillas showed up, I was staying on guard. When Matthias arrived, I soon lost track of the toy's location, though I distinctly remember it being blown up by a laser gun as we exited. I believe it was fired by Musician for some reason or other." using "Fred"

say "I got shot at by the beavers I was throwing pretzels at," using "Princess"
say "Musician started," using "Fred" pitch 30
say "Let me tell you what happened after Matthias left.
I was hurrying to eat my pretzel. Daniel said I looked like a pig eating it. So I told him eating was serious business. He then reached over to grab his drink, and knocked it all over the table. I fell onto my blue jeans, and I sat up, soaked in soda. ToR started laughing at me. I used napkins to dry myself off. Daniel and ToR thought it was funny, so they kept laughing. I got annoyed at them, and went off to the bathroom to dry myself off.
When I returned ToR and Daniel were playing Angry Birds, and they didn't noticed that there loud yelling at the game was bothering the other costumers. One lady told them to be quiet, and ToR started arguing with her for some reason. Before I knew it all the people at the restaurant were fighting with Daniel and ToR. So the authorities were called on them.
I stood there, and the beavers took the chance to gang up on me. That's why we were fighting when Matthias came back," using "Princess"

say "Musician ended." using "Fred" pitch 30

say "...interesting, to say the least.

There's a lot I could say right now, but first, none of you have finished explaining what happened. If you bought the beaver, fine, but where did you spend the additional nine thousand, nine hundred and eighty-two dollars and fifty cents that are on this copy of your receipt that I have? I checked my secret bank accounts and it was withdrawn, so what did you allow to happen to it?" using "Whisper"

say "Musician did it, to buy some weapons and transportation that we needed to fight off the beavers and return to you, lord. She can explain her thinking, assuming she did any of that." using "Fred"

say "First of all, it was true I had the plush beaver in my hands when exiting, but as ToR said, Musician shot at it for some reason or another. She also spent all the money on the weapons. They were toy weapons, like plastic swords and water pistols, but lots of them. She must have gotten a bit muddled. And, while I was playing Angry Birds and the shouts were going on at us, I had my earphones in, so I didn't hear them. ToR was looking over my shoulder. I needed to go to the toilet, so I passed my iPod to ToR. When I got back, he was in an argument with someone. I tried calming him down and telling him about the Beavers on the way, but he didn't listen. We got told off by the authorities, thanks to ToR's yelling, and then the beavers struck.
Also, this time I'm sure it was our faces that gave away who we were and lead the people to believe we were a terrorist group. I told Matthias to get the masks, as they were in his bedroom, but he obviously forgot them.
Come to think of it, that must be why everyone in the shopping centre his behind things when we walked past. Even the person at the counter when we got the beaver was shaking uncontrollably." using "Junior"

say "Fine.

Musician: In spite of all of the other failures, the mission could have still been successful if it wasn't for your destruction of my memento. Why did you destroy it, and for that matter, why did you waste all the rest of my money on worthless toys?" using "Whisper"

say "First off, I shot at the toy because a beaver had bombed it. And I only spent $50 at the store. Due to ToR's submarine parking skills, we got a parking ticket. Plus Daniel forgot his credit card. Didn't he mention that he just had to rent a whole bus for our transportation. And plus we had to pay for lunch, and your kitten butler showed up out of nowhere to get his money," using "Princess"

say "Musician said. She then decided her tropical house would have a dolphin center and a panda cage." using "Fred" pitch 30

say "I see.

Well, the situation has been explained, and where shall I begin with my judgement?

Let's start with the fact that I already told all of you that the beavers were no longer a threat. If you had listened to me instead of going off on a wild rodent hunt, you would have known that, and avoided confronting them. Any trouble they caused was only in self-defense against your blundering.

Since this comedy of errors wasn't caused by beaver brainwashing, I can only conclude that all of you have gone insane. That will play a role in my judgement; I don't necessarily mind having deluded servants, but when it reaches the point where they are no longer effective, that is something else.

So there are five offenses here against me -- the expenditure of the money, for one. The destruction of my beaver memento, which none of you prevented. The cause of a riot, which is Taggerung's fault. The fact that none of you were wearing any form of disguise, which is Matthias' problem. Finally, all of you provoked a conflict with the death-defying beavers, even though you should have reasonably surmised it was a bad idea.

Because all of you seemed to make your decisions at random, I also will make my decision at random. Observe." using "Whisper"

say "A large, glowing circle, reminiscent of a prize wheel, lit up the room. It had four segments -- one red, one yellow, one blue, and one green." using "Fred" pitch 30

say "This will spin around a bunch of times. Each color represents one of you, though who I will not bother to explain. The person it falls to will be the one that is punished." using "Whisper"

say "The wheel spun around, turning into a blur, lighting up different parts of the room. Curiously, although the lighting didn't show everything in the room, nobody appeared to be standing at the control panel.

Finally, the wheel slowed and came to a halt, showing red.

Matthias's capsule lit up with the same color." using "Fred" pitch 30

say "Matthias, you're our unlucky winner for today," using "Whisper"

say "the Overlord intoned, sarcastically." using "Fred" pitch 30

say "And I have a most special prize for you." using "Whisper"

say "Suddenly, a death-defying beaver, garbed in an elaborate 19th-century-style dress uniform, entered the room, chattering in an indistinguishable language." using "Fred" pitch 30

say "Yes, the beavers and I have formed an alliance, which was my plan to end their negative influence in my domain. This is their Caroivmodbzxxy Xgaeoxzyvy, which, in our language, translates loosely into 'General'. He is the most trusted subordinate of their Marshall in command over their forces on this planet.

As part of the terms of our agreement, I guaranteed that the beavers would be provided with one slave. Svmimzoxcinvy, xzcivmoixmv, arspomgimvxzbvz fmvdofimv asdlccz." using "Whisper"

say "Without another word the General, and another, apparently subordinate beaver brainwashed Matthias and hauled him away. A minute later, the three remaining servants heard the sound of something like a rocket blasting away from the station." using "Fred" pitch 30

say "Only three of you left, eh?

Well, the next mission won't require as many of you as I am accustomed to sending. It will be a joint mission.

You and three death-defying beavers are going to be deployed to Antarctica. You will enter an exact copy of this base in the ocean there and search through my 10,000-book vault for the plans I designed for a particle beam. It will be of use in the conquests to come.

So far, I have split all of you up into different submarines, but this time, due to your decreased numbers, you will take only one. Do not wreck it." using "Whisper"

say "Some time later, one particularly scraped-up submarine returned to the underwater base in the Pacific. Notably, another, strangely designed submarine, different from anything the servants had ever seen before, was docked in the eighth module.

The three surviving servants entered their usual positions, and the Overlord spoke." using "Fred" pitch 30

say "As I have come to expect, you failed me again. My base in the Antarctic was flooded, requiring the beavers to defy death to escape, and all of my archives were destroyed. Furthermore, you have badly damaged the craft that you came in, even though I specifically told you not to do so.

The last few missions have proved that, if nothing else, you lot have a talent for telling stories. Tell me, what's your excuse this time?" using "Whisper"

say "Cows." using "Fred"

say "Yes, cows. You see, ToR was driving the submarine, and we were all sitting in the back, again playing with my iPod. Musician clicked on one of the apps, which makes cow noises. This made ToR a bit angry, as she continually made it make a noise. The beavers and I tried stopping Musician, which we succeeded in doing. But when it stopped, there were still cow noises going on. There was a snorkeling cow outside our window! ToR didn't believe it, however, and believed it was still the iPod. Distracted drivers are dangerous. He turned to the back seat to stop us, but he crashed in to the base, flooding it and damaging the submarine. The beavers had to defy death to stop us from drowning. It wasn't really ToR's fault, it was more Musician's, sir, or the cow." using "Junior"

say "It seems to me that your iPod, which I gave you so that you could more effectively carry out my bidding, has caused more than its fair share of trouble. Explain to me why you put so many useless apps on it when everything on it should have been entirely work-related.

Also, Musician, tell me why you felt it was necessary to distract the submarine pilot in the way you did." using "Whisper"

say "I was tired of listening to ToR's annoying 80s music. Terrible taste really. So I pushed on Daniel's iPod the app that said 'Opera Cow' thinking any kind of opera was better then ToR's radio choice. I didn't know it was a real cow sound. Little did I know clicking it once would automatically make it sound off seven times," using "Princess"

say "Musician said," using "Fred" pitch 30

say "The reason it looked like I was pressing it again and again was because I was trying to turn it off. I don't understand iPods." using "Princess"

say "I haven't quite got the hang of my iPod yet, you see. I bought plenty of work-related apps on the computer, but I haven't worked out how to delete all the other apps. You see, I bought them on ToR's computer, as I don't own my own, and he owns plenty of useless apps. I haven't worked out how to get them and all his terrible music off the iPod yet, but I'm learning how to off the internet. I'm not very good with all this technoloy stuff. ToR hasn't bothered telling me how to, even though I asked. They will be gone by the time I work out how to!" using "Junior"

say "Daniel should know what he is doing, it would be proper for him too. His fault and Musician's dreadful taste of music seem to be a direct cause of the failure that is inflicted all the time. But why Daniel stole my computer is beyond me. Daniel asked me for some advice on some tech stuff, but after his theft I felt he should get none. As for the cow app, that isn't mine. I think Matthias downloaded that one." using "Fred"

say "There's something they call a 'manual', which can help clueless wannabe technology users like you apparently are. Why did none of you read one?

Perhaps more to the point, why have you been playing all these games and music, on my time? Even if it was on the phone that doesn't mean you had to play it.

What's your excuse for doing so and causing all of the problems you have so far?" using "Whisper"

say "Please, sir, it was never my idea. All the times the iPod was used, others begged me for a turn, or threatened me if I didn't! At the airport, they all threatened me if I didn't give it to them! At the shopping centre, ToR made me get the iPod out and show him how to play Angry Birds. And on this mission, the beavers and Musician pressured me in to it, and I mean ILLEGAL forcing...

And ToR, you must of forgotten, for I clearly asked you if I could use your computer for it. You must of forgotten.

Oh Overlord, the iPod you gave me, despite it coming in all official casing and stuff, came with no manual. I'm not sure why, I even sent Apple a message saying that, but nothing happened." using "Junior"

say "Daniel and the beavers rigged some brainwashing machines together and practiced using it on Musician during the trip. If I forgot something, well, I know who to blame." using "Fred"

say "That's why I pressured Daniel into using it. He had used me for his brain washing fun with the beavers," using "Princess"

say "said Musician." using "Fred" pitch 30

say "The beavers pressured me, in to brainwashing Musician, though! They can be pretty persuasive..." using "Junior"

say "Daniel then shuddered." using "Fred" pitch 30

say "I see.

Well, regardless of any distractions, the fact is that there was one person piloting, and they should have been more careful with what they did to my base. Besides, if it wasn't for their music and their games, none of those distractions would have been there in the first place, so...

... Taggerung of Redwall, you're finished." using "Whisper"

say "The capsule Taggerung was standing in shot up into the air, and, strangely, went through the ceiling, which remained perfectly intact afterwards." using "Fred" pitch 30

say "The capsule he's in will be delivered to a convenient place where the authorities will eventually find him. As my former body double, they'll believe he is the leader of this so-called terrorist group, and get off of my case.

Now then.

The last five missions I sent your group on were all failures. Five of your comrades are now gone. Would you like to guess what will happen to you next?" using "Whisper"

say "Ummm... You're going to dismiss us?" using "Junior"

say "Asked Daniel, hopefully, although he knew that what was coming would be much worse. He started shaking all over and his teeth chattered insanely." using "Fred" pitch 30

say "Musician's heart pounded slightly, but she didn't let anyone see she was nervous. She then turned to James and smiled," using "Fred" pitch 30

say "I suppose, oh great and wise ruler, that you shall do as you please. For I am but a servant and I am here to do as you bid." using "Princess"

say "There was a long silence. The servants began to wonder if the Overlord planned on just leaving them there to die in the darkness, when finally his voice came again, this time asking a strange question." using "Fred" pitch 30

say "Tell me, how are you feeling right now?" using "Whisper"

say "DanielofRedwall thought awhile about this question, before replying," using "Fred" pitch 30

say "Curious to see what you do too us, which I know will be completely fair, as you are a very judge ruler, and maybe a bit nervous." using "Junior"

say "Secretly, he wondered why he didn't take Redwall Musician's approach earlier, like on the last question." using "Fred" pitch 30

say "Musician gave a carefree smile, " using "Fred" pitch 30

say "I feel like I should behave." using "Princess"

say "She was hungry and it was given away when her tummy grumbled." using "Fred" pitch 30

say "And I feel as though I need scoff. Haven't eaten since this morning." using "Princess"

say "I see.

Musician, get out of my sight. Someone will contact you in the normal way, if I ever desire your service again." using "Whisper"

say "The capsule slid up, leaving Musician's movements unhindered. She crept away into the darkness, in the direction of the only remaining normal submarine. A minute passed, then Daniel could hear it cruise away from the station." using "Fred" pitch 30

say "Now then.

The fact is, I would be concerned about someone who wasn't at least a little nervous, in the face of imminent disaster. Reckless regard for a threat is not a trait beneficial to self-preservation." using "Whisper"

say "The lights in the station came on, revealing the control panel and the entrances, but the room was empty. Daniel noticed, for the first time, several small speakers across the ceiling." using "Fred" pitch 30

say "I haven't been here on this station in person in years -- and the fact is, I didn't even require any of the items I sent all of you to obtain. Recovering them would have been beneficial, but I had something different in mind.

I brought all of your original group, my most trusted servants, here for a special purpose, and contacted other of my subjects to ensure that you would fail all of your missions. Don't be overly concerned with their fates; none of the punishments I prescribed were fatal.

I did this to test you, reasoning that the best individuals would make their way to the last, and I think I indeed have a suitable person.

Soon, I will depart on a very long journey, and I need a lieutenant to take control of my empire for the time that I'm gone. Seeing that you have made it to this point, I imagine that you'll fit that role adequately.

Everything you need to know to maintain and control my territory is on the especially large submarine I have docked with this station. Make good use of it to expand my influence, if at all possible.

If I'm not back before you pass away, then select another, suitable servant to take your place and continue doing your work.

Finally, you have the right to make use of any frivolous luxury items I have left behind in my territory. Just make sure that they are replaced if you inadvertently destroy them.

Farewell." using "Whisper"

say "The Overlord's voice faded away, possibly for the last time, leaving Daniel alone in the station. What he did then, well, is a story for another time." using "Fred" pitch 30

[Søren]

Tanks.

Not that I really expected much; I didn't tell anyone except Faiy and Corn.

I AM STILL SO MAD YOU DID NOT TELL ME YOU WERE LANDING IN MY CAPITAL CITY.

Everybody lands in that airport, it's like the pitstop to the universe. I've been there twice actually.

[The Skarzs]

Sorry, Corn. And I emailed you before I landed, but it never sent.

[Lady Ashenwyte]

The face of Doot!

                                                     He sees all.

                                  No one can hide.
                         
                                                                                           Fear him!

                                                                     

                                                 

Fixed that for you.

[Hickory]

The face of Doot!

                                                     He sees all.

                                  No one can hide.
                         
                                                                                           Fear him!

                                                                     

                                                 

Fixed that for you.

YES. Updoot for more calcium.

[The Skarzs]

?

[Cornflower MM]

Tanks.

Not that I really expected much; I didn't tell anyone except Faiy and Corn.

I AM STILL SO MAD YOU DID NOT TELL ME YOU WERE LANDING IN MY CAPITAL CITY.

Everybody lands in that airport, it's like the pitstop to the universe. I've been there twice actually.

GAAAAAAAAAH. If you're going through in the near future, kindly at least tell me? Maybe we can, I dunno, arrange something. Or something. (THAT GOES FOR EVERYONE.)

Sorry, Corn. And I emailed you before I landed, but it never sent.

*Sighs* I guess I'll let you slide. Just this once!

[Jukka the Sling]

I made a thing today with an awesome online photo editor I just found (it's called Fotor, in case you're interested), and I'm rather proud of it.

a thing

[close]

And yeah, those are Owl City lyrics.