Favorite Quotes

[Søren]

From Monk, in Mr Monk and the Big Game:

Adrian Monk: [trying to give Natalie a boost up to a very high window] Up you go.
Natalie Teeger: [refusing to step into Monk's hands] Up *you* go.
Adrian Monk: Up you go!
Natalie Teeger: No! I'm just the assistant, remember?
Adrian Monk: I believe the word "assist" is a very large part of the word "assistant." Right, "assist," from the Latin meaning "UP YOU GO!"

[Jetthebinturong]

This whole conversation is just utterly hilarious, I had to censor though as it's Karkat and Dave

KARKAT: I'M JUST TRYING TO BE SUPPORTIVE HERE.
KARKAT: BUT I'M NOT ALWAYS SURE WHAT THE RIGHT THING TO SAY IS!
KARKAT: I'M DOING MY BEST. THIS IS COMPLICATED FOR ME TOO, YOU'RE BOTH MY FRIENDS.
TEREZI: 1 KNOW
TEREZI: 1 4PPR3C14T3 YOUR 1NT3NT1ONS K4RK4T
TEREZI: M4YB3
TEREZI: M4YB3 1T WOULD B3 B3TT3R 1F YOU W3R3NT S1TT1NG UP TH3R3 1N TH4T B4CKW4RDS CH41R WH1L3 YOU T4LK3D TO M3?
KARKAT: WHAT?
KARKAT: WHY??
DAVE: yeah dude you should probably ditch the chair
KARKAT: WHAT THE [censored] IS WRONG WITH MY CHAIR.
DAVE: or at least sit on it frontways
DAVE: or offer her another chair?
DAVE: i dunno its kind of a dumb affectation in this context
KARKAT: NO, LOOK. IT'S CASUAL AND RELAXED.
KARKAT: LIKE, IT VISUALLY CONVEYS THAT MY PRESENCE IN THE CONVERSATION IS HUMBLE AND NONTHREATENING, YET FRANK AND ATTENTIVE.
KARKAT: WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?
DAVE: to sit on the [censored] floor
KARKAT: WHY SHOULD I SQUAT ON THE DIRTY FLOOR, WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE!
DAVE: so you can be on the same vertical plane with your friend while you exhibit compassion for her grody clown problem
TEREZI: D4V3 1TS F1N3
TEREZI: N3V3R M1ND 4BOUT TH3 CH41R, 1 DONT C4R3
TEREZI: 1T JUST STRUCK M3 4S 4 B1T D1STR4CT1NGLY S1LLY, TH4TS 4LL
KARKAT: OK, WOW, FINE!
KARKAT: [censored] THE CHAIR. PARDON ME FOR MAKING MYSELF COMFORTABLE DURING A SINCERE HEART TO HEART DISCUSSION WITH A DEAR FRIEND IN NEED!
KARKAT: BUT THE TIME HAS COME FOR ME TO CEASE STRADDLING THIS DEEPLY OFFENSIVE PIECE OF FURNITURE! AWAY WITH YE, FOUR LEGGED TEMPTRESS! DISTRACT US NO MORE WITH THE MOST BASIC AND UTILITARIAN FORM OF CREATURE COMFORT YOU SUPPLY!!!
DAVE: karkat just threw a tantrum about a chair
DAVE: i just won karkat tantrum bingo
DAVE: where did you even get that chair
DAVE: did you steal it from the common area
KARKAT: UNLIKE EVERYONE ELSE EVER, I HAPPEN TO MAKE A PRACTICE OF CAPTCHALOGUING ITEMS WHICH MIGHT BE CONVENIENT ON A DAY TO DAY BASIS.
KARKAT: SAY I'M STROLLING AROUND AND FIND MYSELF IN NEED OF A PLACE TO SIT? BAM. SUDDENLY, A CHAIR.
KARKAT: AND NO I DIDN'T STEAL IT.
KARKAT: HOW COULD I STEAL SOMETHING FROM THE COMMON AREA? NOBODY ACTUALLY OWNS ANY OF THAT FURNITURE.
KARKAT: THAT'S WHY IT'S CALLED THE *COMMON* AREA, YOU ACCUSATORY PIECE OF FILTH.
DAVE: sounds like communism
DAVE: are you a communist or something
DAVE: actually that makes perfect sense what with your sickle and all
KARKAT: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??
DAVE: wait john has a hammer oh [censored] its all adding up
DAVE: when we arrive are you going to team up with john and seize the means of production
KARKAT: YOU APPEAR TO BE JUMPSTARTING A FACETIOUS DISCUSSION ABOUT SOME SORT OF HUMAN ECONOMIC IDEOLOGICAL FRAMEWORK, WITHOUT HAVING THE SLIGHTEST CLUE THAT YOUR VEHICLE IS PARKED SQUARELY IN THE NOBODY CARES ZONE.
DAVE: im just saying
DAVE: first chairs what next
DAVE: see i am all about private property and pocketing dough
DAVE: do you have any idea how rich i am
DAVE: i am a man of MEANS
KARKAT: WHAT IS YOUR POINT?
DAVE: just dont come after my boonies dude
DAVE: or should i say karkat marx

[LT Sandpaw]

"Some men end their lives wondering if they made a difference, Marines don't have that problem."-Unknown

There's only one sure way to have peace, and you can have it this very second. Surrender, truthfully there's a risk in any course we take other then this, but every lesson of history tells us the greater risk lies in appeasement.-JFK

It's not pointing fingers and say your not where you want to be because of him or her or anybody, cowards do that and that's not you!"-Rocky Barbosa

Edit: "They say that the pink ones caused cancer and the blue ones caused memory loss, I started using both and if anyone started to say something I tell them if I get cancer I won't know about it."-Tim Hawkins

[W0NWILL]

She's evil, and you should do smiting stuff to her.

PS: Also, please stop trying to destroy us.

Remember what I was to you. Remember the monster. Remember what it felt to be beneath the thumb of a tyrant. To be at the mercy of a cruel being with the powers of life and death. Remember. And don't ever let it happen again.

[SilentSam]

... -Silent Sam

[LT Sandpaw]

"For what do we fight, bah forget honor and glory... Lets just go kill some invaders."-Vercise


"Some of you may die... but that is a risk I'm willing to take."-Lord Farquad


"It is good war is so terrible, or we would grow far to fond of it."-Unknown


"There stands Jackson, like a Stonewall."-General Bernard Bee.

"Tell us a lie and well shoot you for lying to the interrogator, tell us the truth and well hang you as a traitor, so might as well tell us a lie it'll be quicker."-The Executioner

[Søren]

From Monk:

Monk, who is going on a camping trip
Natalie: Whares your canteen?
Monk: I won't be drinking water on this trip.
Natalie: Why not?
Monk: Natalie, if I drink water, I make water. I don't want to start the machine. Do you understand?
Natalie: Yes, Mr. Monk, unfortunately I do understand.

[Jetthebinturong]

Angry rant

I am so done with the censoring rules on this site. HELL IS NOT A SWEAR WORD, USING IT IS NOT PROFANE. I go to a Catholic school which is very anti-swearing and they couldn't care less if you use the word "hell" outside of the Christian context. I'm so sorry to say this, but ANYONE that gets offended when the word hell is used needs to GROW UP. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH. I try not to get angry at stuff like this but for pity's sake.
(This rant was brought on by the fact that the mods censored my previous post which uses the word hell, in case you're confused) And honestly, I couldn't care less about the repercussions this post may or may not bring.

[close]

Very long conversation

TT: It's quite warm here on Lohac.
TT: I think I've been patient enough.
TT: When will I receive further instruction?
Now.
TT: So,
TT: I could have contacted you at any time?
No.
Only now.
TT: I came away with the impression from our last conversation that our next would take place on your invitation.
TT: I was being polite by waiting.
Your inevitable impatience caused you to contact me again.
Inevitability is my invitation.
TT: That's pretty smug.
I am right to be smug. I am omniscient, extremely powerful, and very charming.
TT: Well,
TT: Two out of three isn't bad.
TT: Can you use your limitless intelligence to figure out which ones I mean?
That was clever.
If I plead ignorance to the fact that you are denying my charisma, it invalidates my claim of omniscience.
But if I must adhere to my all knowing status, it forces me to validate the unfortunate reality that you are feigning the opinion that my demeamor is unpalatable.
Not that it matters, because I have all three qualities and you know it.
TT: This is stupid.
TT: Could we get to the point?
Yes, I was about to say.
We should hurry this along. My visitor is beginning to set things on fire.
TT: You have a visitor?
TT: Who?
Some guy.
I was joking anyway. I am not in a hurry at all.
TT: You tell jokes?
Yes.
Haa haa.
TT: So, your visitor isn't setting anything on fire then?
Oh, he most definitely is.
Hee hee.
TT: I'm really not getting this joke.
I was joking about being in a hurry.
From my perspective, this conversation is taking place in less than one second.
I type very quickly.
Hoo hoo.
TT: I thought you didn't lie.
TT: Aren't jokes essentially humorous lies?
TT: At least, those like the one you just attempted.
Jokes are only temporary lies.
If the falsehood is never exposed, there is no punchline. If the punchline is never delivered, the lie is sealed forever, regardless of initial humorous intent. Lies are not funny.
TT: I think if you're going to risk tarnishing your record of honesty, you should probably get better material.
My joke was objectively funny. Who would know better than I?
TT: Ok.
TT: So you're saying an inaccurate statement doesn't count as a lie, as long as you say "just kidding" later?
Basically.
TT: What if it's much later? Is it still "just a joke?"
No, that would be something closer to a prank.
I don't play pranks very often.
TT: Are you allowed to lie about playing pranks? If I asked you if you were playing a prank on me, would you tell the truth?
I am allowed to do whatever I want. I choose never to lie. I also choose to tell jokes now and then, and to play pranks quite sparingly.
But I can say that I have never played a prank on you, and no statement I have made to you thus far, or will make in this conversation, will contain any trace of falsehood for the sake of setting up a joke or a prank, with the exception of the joke I just made, and another one I will make very soon.
TT: I'm starting to change my mind.
Oh?
TT: Yes. I think your joke was funny in retrospect. Actually, your whole shtick is pretty good. I'm warming up to it.
Yes. I knew it.
TT: Just to be clear,
TT: Was the assurance you just made a prank or a joke?
It was neither. It was the truth.
TT: Was that?
Yes.
TT: The truth?
Yes.
TT: Ok.
TT: Were you serious about wanting to die?
Yes.
TT: Why?
I'll tell you later.
TT: Why?
Because you asked.
TT: But why not now?
Because that piece of information would not fit elegantly into the sequence of our exchange at this moment.
TT: Then you know how this entire conversation will go?
Yes.
TT: Is that true of all conversations you have?
Yes. Until, briefly, I don't. But the dark spots never last long. The truth disguises itself to me sometimes which can be mildly frustrating, but it usually reveals itself quickly, much as if a punchline was delivered. It's a humorous dialogue I have with reality, and it is very amusing.
TT: Then why do you bother with the conversations? Obligation to predestination, as usual?
There is no obligation.
It's a pleasure.
TT: It is?
I've always had a soft spot for young ladies.
TT: Hmm.
TT: That's a little creepy.
No it's not.
TT: Yes it is.
No it's not.
TT: It kind of is.
I have looked into the future and determined that we would continue in this manner pointlessly for some time, so I am putting an end to it here.
TT: That doesn't make sense.
TT: Was that the other joke?
Yes.
TT: Heh. Good one.
Thank you.
TT: How young are the ladies you typically take a shining to?
TT: And does this mean you are attracted to me?
TT: Suddenly this conversation is kind of terrible.
Of course I am not. Not in the way you mean.
And anyway, you are applying standards of conduct frowned upon for your kind which make no sense to apply to me.
I am an immortal entity with a large cue ball for a head, and no biological means of reproduction.
TT: ...
TT: Really.
Also, if you were millions of years old, you would find that nearly every lady you encounter is quite young, relatively speaking.
There should be no reason for you to feel uncomfortable with this interaction. Try to think of me as one of your kindly human uncle figures.
In fact, if I were in your presence now, I would offer you candy to prove it.
TT: Oh my god.
What?
TT: Can we talk about the scratch instead of this?
Yes.
You are situated near the game construct supplied by your session for causing the Scratch, yes?
TT: Are you actually asking?
No.
That was a fact, and then a question mark.
TT: Ah.
TT: Well, yes, I am.
TT: It's a large plateau shaped like a record. It's called the Beat Mesa.
I know.
TT: Is the game construct different in other sessions?
Yes.
It will always be an edifice of similarly cryptic design, located on the planet that is home to the Hero of Time.
Its environment dictates the nature of its construction. Its power is dangerous, and is meant to be utilized only in emergencies such as yours.
TT: You mean, in sessions where victory is no longer possible?
Yes.
TT: Due to creating an unstoppable adversary? Who triggers the reckoning prematurely?
TT: Is that sort of emergency common?
No.
Failure is common. But the composition of yours is quite atypical.
TT: Ok.
TT: Then, it's like a panic button for the players to push once they realize the cause is lost.
Yes, but causing the Scratch is not an easy task either.
The construct must be destroyed in a very specific way to release its energy.
The keeper of my ectobiological father began the process.
It must be finished.
TT: Who?
The guardian of the Knight of Time.
TT: Dave's bro?
Yes.
TT: How do I finish it?
You don't.
Not you personally. Another will. You have something more important to attend to, remember?
TT: Oh, right.
TT: The Green...
TT: Wait.
TT: The .
Yes.
TT: I'd planned to take care of that later, once John had retrieved the Tumor.
Tumor.
TT: Whatever.
Your plan will have to change.
You aren't ready to cause the Scratch yet.
Like I said, it's difficult.
TT: What will the one who does it have to do? I should let them know.
He will have to scratch the surface of the plateau across its full diameter.
TT: I see.
TT: This terminology can be very literal sometimes.
You will require a certain needle to create a breach in the surface that will be adequate.
TT: I have needles.
Your needles won't suffice.
TT: Then where do I get ones that will?
Again, you won't. This task is out of your hands.
The needles must be acquired from the denizen of the Witch of Space.
Her quills are very large and potent. They will be able to cause the Scratch.
TT: This really seems more elaborate than you lead me to believe.
I didn't lead you to believe anything.
I told you to find the construct and await advisement on the Scratch. The plans you were making were based on assumptions and fabrications of your imagination. You were writing more stories, much like those about your false magical men.
TT: I wish what I'd written in my private journals could be confined to your dark spots.
I don't. I find your stories entertaining.
TT: You're being creepy again.
No I'm not.
Besides, the White King agrees with me.
TT: What?
For a Seer, your vision of events surrounding you is rather limited. It's charming.
TT: Just,
TT: Please stop complimenting me.
No.
TT: Fine.
TT: Then please at least try to sound more sarcastic when you do it.
Oh sure, I am really going to do that. Yes, very likely.
TT: ...
TT: Then the Scratch will be implemented later, by either John or Dave I presume?
TT: You used a male pronoun.
Yes.
TT: I guess it makes sense that it would happen later. My understanding is that Jack will not be banished from this session until near the end of the reckoning.
Yes, Jack will exit your session later, but this has nothing to do with the Scratch.
Not directly, as you imply.
TT: I don't understand.
TT: I thought that was the point of the Scratch, to open a rift in spacetime as it were, and banish him into the trolls' session.
No.
That is not the purpose of the Scratch at all. The Scratch does not open a rift in spacetime.
TT: Hmm.
TT: Then why have you directed me to cause it?
TT: Does it have something to do with enabling you to die?
No. Not directly.
The Scratch has nothing more to do with my death than any other single event ultimately contributing to my demise.
TT: I think it's disingenuous for you to behave as if I have not been misled.
TT: You say you don't lie, but what about lies of omission?
Lies of omission do not exist.
The concept is a very human one. It is the product of your story writing again. You have written a story about the truth, making emotional demands of it, and in particular, of those in possession of it.
Your demands are based on a feeling of entitlement to the facts, which is very childish. You can never know all of the facts. Only I can.
And since it's impossible for me to reveal all facts to you, it is my discretion alone that decides which facts will be revealed in the finite time we have.
If I do not volunteer information you deem critical to your fate, it possibly means that I am a scoundrel, but it does not mean that I am a liar. And it certainly means you did not ask the right questions.
One can make either true statements or false statements about reality. All of the statements I make are true.
TT: Unless you're joking.
Yes.
TT: Haa haa, hee hee, hoo hoo?
Exactly.
TT: Then I guess I'll start asking better questions.
Good.
I will make a Seer of you yet.
TT: Will you?
Yes.
You can start by shoring up the reliability of your sources. You proceeded to question me believing you understood the purpose of the Scratch. You received your information about it from trolls. I assure you that in most ways, the trolls are as confused about everything as you are.
TT: Ok. Noted.
TT: What exactly does the Scratch do, then?
It resets the game.
TT: Oh.
TT: That's it?
Yes.
TT: Then,
TT: We all start from the beginning again? When John entered?
No.
The release of temporal energy will be quite massive.
This is a hard reset. It will reboot the conditions in your universe well before you began playing the game.
You will have lived different lives after the reset. The different initial conditions will ideally lead to a more favorable scenario in the new session.
Unfortunately, you will have no memory of anything that has happened in the session you are in now.
TT: What will happen to us? Everyone in this session now?
You will all cease to exist completely if you remain here during the Scratch.
TT: This seems familiar.
TT: It reminds me of when Dave and I were trapped in the doomed timeline, and he left to change the past.
TT: The timeline ceased to exist, along with my dream self, who in a way became merged with my dream self of this timeline. I kept some of her memories.
TT: Is the situation similar?
Similar, but more severe.
Since this timeline will undergo such a violent upheaval, such a merger of memory cannot happen.
You will be resigned to absolute oblivion.
Unless you can discover a way to preserve yourselves.
But it's not really my place to advise you on that.
After you have dealt with the Scratch and the sun, what happens to you is not any of my business.
TT: Then can you at least tell me if we will be successful in preserving ourselves after the reset?
I don't particularly enjoy spoiling things for people when unnecessary.
I find speaking in a discreet color helps avoid this.
TT: So if the Scratch isn't specifically meant to banish Jack from the session,
TT: And our quest to destroy the sun is meant to kill him,
TT: Why is the reset necessary at all, especially if it means oblivion for us?
Because you cannot achieve the ultimate reward in this session.
Your battlefield is cancerous, and the reckoning will destroy it prematurely regardless.
By resetting, you will create a session which can bear the fruit of a new universe, even if you will not be the ones to claim the reward.
Don't you want to fulfill your purpose?
TT: I guess.
TT: But it's a little disheartening to learn I'm now faced with not one, but two suicide missions at once.
TT: One to destroy Jack's power source and defend all of existence, and another to ensure our cosmic progeny at the price of oblivion.
That frames the dual objectives accurately.
But if you are inventive, you may find a way to survive the reset and participate in the renewed session.
It's up to you.
Just as it's up to you to face the decision to claim immortality before you enter your creation.
TT: Immortality?
Yes.
TT: Do you mean ascending to the god tier?
Yes.
TT: I have reason to believe that I won't.
TT: The trolls have not indicated I will die on my Quest Bed, or that any of us will aside from John. Instead I've been given a more troubling and ambiguous forecast.
What have I said about confirming the reliability of your sources?
TT: Are you saying I will?
No.
TT: Oh.
TT: Well, will I?
It seems you'd like me to do some more fortune telling.
TT: Fine.
TT: Maybe this question will suit you better.
TT: Is it probable?
That's a strange question to ask someone who is omniscient and therefore knows outcomes with one hundred percent certainty.
I like it.
TT: Then what's your answer?
You have exactly a fifty percent chance of ascending to the god tier.
TT: That's a strange answer.
I know.
TT: Why such a precise probability?
Because, much like the decisions you must face to complete your dual suicide missions, you have two ways of achieving godhood to choose from.
TT: Two ways?
TT: By dying on the Quest Bed on my planet, and some other way?
Yes.
TT: Is there another Quest Bed somewhere?
Yes. Good guess, Seer.
TT: Where?
What difference does it make? You already know where the first one is. You have the choice to go there right now and take your own life.
TT: That's true.
Of course it is.
TT: You mentioned immortality.
TT: Godhood makes one immortal?
Yes.
TT: A god tier will live forever, with no caveats?
No.
One will live forever, unless killed.
The death must be either heroic or just.
TT: How are those terms defined?
Broadly, mysteriously, and according to the case of the individual.
One may be killed by opposing a corrupt adversary and die for a just cause, as through martyrdom, for instance. This would be heroic.
Or one may be subject to corruption, and slain by a hero. This would be just.
TT: Which sort of death will you have when I destroy the sun?
Neither. I'm not a god.
I'm a guardian, a servant, and a weapon.
I have power and knowledge far surpassing a god.
But I am not one.
TT: Is this when you are going to tell me why you want to die?
Yes.
TT: I sense it's not just because you're getting bored with immortality.
That's good. Your vision is becoming clearer.
TT: Then why?
My master can't enter this universe until I am killed.
Such is the nature of the break.
TT: That almost sounds like martyrdom. Are you sure it won't be a hero's death?
Quite sure.
My master is a very evil man.
TT: Who is he?
I won't tell you his name.
But he goes by the title, Lrd English
TT: This doesn't sound like an especially admirable objective. Releasing an evil man, who is presumably more powerful than you, an already omnipotent being.
TT: Am I right?
You are right about both. It is not admirable, and he is considerably more powerful.
But you must decide which objective is more important.
You may decide to attempt to destroy the sun and end my life. This will neutralize Jack, who is also much more powerful and dangerous than myself by virtue of the ring he wears in addition to drawing energy from the same sun as I. He poses a significant threat to reality.
TT: But in the process of killing him and you, I release your master, who is just as deadly?
He's more deadly.
But the danger he poses is sanctioned by paradox space.
It is a known quantity. His very existence in a universe will mean it will inevitably be torn apart.
But there are rules to his entry, and his grim procession through paradox space is rather orderly. The present equilibrium has accounted for him, and will continue to.
Jack however is a loose cannon. He will not stop until he destroys everything he encounters.
Additionally, his existence is your responsibility.
TT: Then I guess I don't have a choice.
You do.
But also know this.
Refusing to venture out to destroy the sun in no way spares anyone from my master regardless.
It is certainly true that destroying it will end my life.
And it is certainly true that The Tumor you will deliver to its location has enough power to destroy it completely.
But it is not the only way to kill me.
It is simply a way I have suggested to you, which doubles as a way to disarm Jack, should you choose to go through with it.
Instances of myself have spawned in countless universes, and my objective is always the same.
I have never once failed to complete this objective, and I never will.
There is nothing noble about taking a course of action you believe would prevent his arrival, because that is impossible.
He will come.
In fact, he is already here.
TT: Are you saying that I will succeed in the mission to destroy the sun?
Are you asking for another palm reading?
TT: ...
You seem rather keen on acquiring a fortune from me considering you are the one with the crystal ball.
TT: I'm just trying to ask as many questions as I can. It's the only way to find the dark spots in your obstinacy.
I've been very helpful. And I will continue to be.
I myself do not care to be an oracle. But I can graciously supply you with one.
TT: Can you?
An eager consort has brought you one of my seeds. It appears you have amassed followers who wish to please you. How fortuitous.
TT: Your seeds?
The white orb.
TT: Oh. The cue ball. How did I not notice this?
It will accurately answer any question a curious girl can pose.
Provided she can see through the surface to read its reply.
TT: Hmm.
TT: Is that possible?
Is it, Seer?
Given your title and all the tools of prognostication at your disposal, it seems to me I should be the one asking you the questions.
TT: How can I see through it?
It seems you weren't listening, so I will state this again in the form of a question.
Don't you think I should be asking the questions from now on?
TT: Yes, if you wanted to be disingenuous and irritating.
Don't you think a clever person should be able to acquire information from someone who only asks questions?
TT: Then it's a challenge!
TT: I pass.
Do you have a choice? What if I'm feeling a bit stubborn?
TT: Ok, so what you mean is I should continue humoring your leading questions until you happen to ask certain rhetorical questions that contain information I need.
Was that a question?
TT: That was a fact, and then a period.
How does a Seer see?
TT: ...
TT: With a crystal ball?
TT: I already considered that. I don't think I can get the focus of the ball to "zoom in" tight enough on the cue ball's enclosure to read the answers.
How else does she see?
TT: By other magical means, I guess.
TT: Should I use magic?
Do you believe in magic?
TT: Magic is real.
TT: I've been using it.
Are you sure?
TT: Use whatever word you want to describe it. I have magic wands, they are very powerful, and they allow me to be magic. Your questions are silly.
What makes you convinced the wands are responsible for your abilities?
TT: Because I did not have the abilities before I made them.
Could this be circumstantial?
TT: Could it?
Is there an echo?
TT: Is there an echo?
Hee hee?
TT: I don't know what you're getting at.
TT: How about another leading question?
What did you combine to make those wands?
TT: Some stuff.
Knitting needles?
An inexpensive figurine of some fictional fellow with long whiskers?
A simple textbook on the zoologically dubious?
Why would this mundane combination of objects grant a child such an alarming mastery over dark forces all at once?
TT: I'm guessing this is one of the rhetorical questions meant to be informative.
TT: So then, my answer should affirm how ridiculous that sounds, shouldn't it?
Maybe?
TT: That wasn't even a question.
Yes it was?
TT: Ok. Magic is fake, the wands are useless toys, and there is something else going on. Next question???
Would it be so difficult to believe the power you've found to devastate your planet and create shortcuts through your session is not entirely by your own device?
Would it be so difficult to believe a young lady could be unwittingly apprenticed by more powerful entities who meant her potential to be realized later through some arbitrary trigger?
What would you say if I said a dutiful girl raised in the daylight was protected by a bulb-headed guardian, and learned to glow in the dark after death?
What would you say if I said a vengeful boy on a path of nihilism was taken under the wings of fearsome angels, and learned to destroy hope with their light?
What would you say if I said a reserved girl enamored by what dwelt in shadow was selected by the horrorterrors for service, and did their bidding at every step while convinced of her own autonomy?
TT: What would I say to those short fables?
TT: Not much, except I gather the third is a story about me, and that there's a lesson you'd like me to take from it.
TT: That I should renounce my "allegiance" before my grimdark corruption is absolute.
TT: And while I'm at it, I should discard these useless wands, because apparently the power was in my little black heart all along. Is that right?
Won't you have to give up your specibus to the one who causes the Scratch regardless?
How else will the young man wield that great big needle?
TT: I don't know! If you say so.
Haven't your friends already shown concern for your recklessness and your increasing sense of detachment from the party, the team objectives, and not to mention those of your personal quest?
Does this worry you? Is there a part of you left that's able to worry?
TT: Yes. It has been mysteriously localized to my middle finger. Could the dark magics be at work AGAIN?!
Do you deny that you have been neglecting incoming messages from your teammates? Would that be in keeping with the spirit of the human emotion of friendship for one whose soul was not so befouled by the designs of unknowable monstrosities?
TT: Friendship isn't an emotion, idiot.
Isn't it, Rose?
Isn't it?
TT: I've been busy. I'll get back to them.
TT: And can we please stop doing the patronizing question thing?
TT: In exchange I promise I will discontinue my patronizing responses.
Can the omniscient be patronized?
TT: The omniscipotent can do whatever they please. I guess I'm just asking you nicely to do me this favor.
Very well. I will stop smothering you with surprise noodles.
TT: Huh?
But only because I find you to be adorable.
TT: So creepy.
So cute.
TT: Yuck.
I am going to ask the same question I asked earlier.
Please do not regard it as a violation of my pledge. It is just an ordinary question, like those that crop up in an ordinary conversation.
TT: Ok.
How does a Seer see?
TT: I don't know.
Be literal.
TT: With her eyes?
Take the orb.
Ask it a question.
TT: I don't know what to ask anymore.
TT: I'm confused.
What would you ask me?
TT: I would ask what should I do next.
Then ask.
TT: What should I do next?
Not me.
The ball, idiot.

[close]

Thank Eru that Rose and Doc Scratch don't swear very often, I didn't have to censor that one

[Maudie]

When someone is under the power of a very confining and binding power, they start to feel resentful and rebellious.

Ok, I admit it, I said that. That was the one time in real life that I've ever expressed how I feel about my parent's restrictive rules. I'll probably end up being the rebel of the family. Which is kind of weird since I generally try to avoid contention. But sometimes I get irritable and, like I said, resentful. Man, it feels good to let that out of my head.

[Søren]

[Ungatt Trunn]

I love dat un

[Skyblade]

"You just can't beat someone who never gives up." - Babe Ruth

"Courage is doing what you're afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you're scared." - Eddie Rickenbacker, American ace in world War 1

"Use what talent you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang best." - Henry Van Dyke

[Søren]

Radio commercial for a restaurant that plays in my area:
"Get you some of that bread pudding. It made me go down to my momma's and slap her across the face!
Lord have mercy."

[Jetthebinturong]

A few from The Dying of the Light

"Gracious ignored him. "A farmer's daughter, she was, though back then every girl was a farmer's daughter. Or a farmer. She had long hair like rope, and a nose. All her eyes were blue and she had a smile like a radiant hole in the ground, with teeth. God, she was beautiful."
"She sounds terrifying," said Donegan.
"Hush, you. I will hear no bad word spoken of your sister."
-----
"Honesty is, honestly, the best policy," said Saracen. "But when honesty doesn't work, lie, and lie convincingly."
-----
"Have to be honest with you Darquesse, I cannot feel that. That must be one of your special abilities, because to me, it looks like you just killed a whole bunch of people for no reason."

"Oh," said Darquesse. "That's so sad"
-----
"The traffic warden looked up. "This your car?"
"It is," said Skulduggery.
The traffic warden nodded. "Very nice, very nice. But you can't park here, day or night."
"I wasn't aware of that."
"There's a sign right over there."
"I didn't think it applied to me."
"Why wouldn't it have applied to you?"
Skulduggery tilted his head. "Because I'm special."
"Don't care how special you think you are, you're parked in a no parking area and as such you're---"
"We're here on official police business."
The traffic warden narrowed his eyes. "You're Garda? I'm going to need to see some identification."
"We're undercover," said Skulduggery. "This is a very important undercover operation which you are endangering just by talking to us." He opened his jacket. "Look, I have a gun. I am Detective Inspector Me. This is my partner, Detective Her."
The traffic warden frowned. "Her?"
"Me," said Stephanie.
"Him?"
"Not me," said Skulduggery. "Her."
"Me," said Stephanie.
"You?" said the traffic warden.
"Yes," said Stephanie.
"I"m sorry, who are you?"
Stephanie looked at him. "I'm Her, he's Me. Got it? Good. You better get out of here before you blow our cover. They've got snipers."
-----
"Please just admit it," said Valkyrie. "You're going to miss me, aren't you?"
"Obviously," said Skulduggery.
"Thank you."
"Like a drowning man misses the land."
"A w w w..."
"Like a hesitant man misses the chance."
"Yeah..."
"Like an oblivious man misses the point."
"I have a feeling you're mocking me somehow, but I can't put my finger on how."
-----
"Stephanie glared at Skulduggery. "What was wrong with the door? You could have just come down the stairs and walked out the door. Why did you have to jump out of the window?"
"You know why," Skulduggery said, walking away.
Axle looked up, tears streaming from his eyes. "Why did he do that? Why?"
Stephanie glowered. "Because doors are for people with no imagination," she said, and led Axle to the car."

"Doors are for people with no imagination" was one of the earliest quotes from the first book, that callback spans ten books and several short stories

[Rainshadow]

Varric:  So it was just you, alone in the vast wilderness?
Blackwall:  What are you on about?
Varric:  The Lone Wanderer, searching the world.  What's he trying to find?  Love?  Absolution?
Blackwall:  Try, 'Someone with a strong arm and stronger will to fight darkspawn.'
Varric:  Yes, but what does that represent?
Blackwall:  Wanting to kill more darkspawn.
Varric:  You're just like Sebastian.

  ~ A conversation Varric and Blackwall have in the wilderness in Dragon Age: Inquisition.

  The way Blackwall says his last line is just hilarious.  He talks to Varric like Varric's an idiot.