what would you say if an elf walked up to you right now?

[KitrallStreamrippler]

Well, when I find one, I will. 

[Jetthebinturong]

according to J.R.R. Tolkien, its elvish

[Ungatt Trunn]

Here's what I do:
Me: Wow!
Elf: What?
Me: You have ear cancer! I've never seen ears sooo large!
Elf: No, its a family thing.
Me: Having ear cancer?
Elf: Yes! Don't tell anybody, but the only reason our ears are sooo big is because we have ear cancer.
Me: Wow! I never knew that!
Elf: I know. Mr. Tolken was afraid that If he told the truth about use that his books wouldn't sell.
Me: Any other secrets I should know about the middle earth that Mr. Tolken didn't write about?
Elf: As a matter of fact, there are! Gandolf is really a retired hoolah dancer from Hawaii, The dwarfs are really just soft gnomes, the reason that hobbits like to stay at home is because they all have athlete's foot....
(two hours later)
Me: Wow! My view of the middle earth will never be the same again! So are you shure that elvish origonated from two-year-old scribbles?
Elf: Yes, I'm shure!
Me: And that the "rocks" that they use for catapolts are really 250 year-old friutcakes?
Elf: Yep! Thats the truth!
Me: Wow. You know, meybey I should rewright the Lord of the Rings and the other works again...
(Expect to see a book called " Lord of the Rings: How it really happened, by Ungatt Trunn" in a fiew months...

[Jetthebinturong]

lol

[Leatho Shellhound]

Hello shorty.

[Ungatt Trunn]

Hello shorty.

Ha !

[Norham Waterpaw]

Do you have a bottle of syrup up your sleeve?

[KitrallStreamrippler]

according to J.R.R. Tolkien, its elvish

Ah, yes. Thank you.

What I would say:
"Hey, I'm looking for an elf to join me in an adventure. Needs to be tall, blonde, a good archer, and have experience with hobbits. Wait, nevermind. Do you know where I can find Legolas?"

[AnnaofRedwall]

"Well, this is quite unexpected!"

[Slagar Mc Muffin]

dude,what the hamster are you doing in MY room at 2 in the morning?!

[BadgerLordFiredrake]

Hi.

[Rusvul]

I would not be at all surprised. I am an elf. So I'm gonna answer some of your questiones.


"What's up with your ears?"
I'm an elf. They're pointy.
"Why do you hate dwarves?"
Because their incessent hole-digging is annoying. Day in, day out, "diggy diggy hole, I want diamonds gold blah blah blah I'm super greedy I hate elves. "
"Why are some elves really tall and North Pole elves so small?"
All elves are really tall and slender. And no, we're not Slendermen. North pole elves aren't elves, they're actually gnomes. Think about it, Gnomes have pointy hats, and pointy ears, and they're short.
"How old are you?"
119. In your years, 12.
"Why do all of you have long flowy hair?"
Long, flowy hair is more refined than a dwarf's scraggly beard or a human's tiny tufts of hair.
"Where do you live?"
In my house.
"Do all elves wear tights?"
No. We most certainly do not. As you can see, I'm wearing pants. (Trousers, to you british people )
"Why are your shoes curled?"
They're not. I'm wearing plain leather traveling boots.
"What kind of elf are you?"
As I've explained, the only kind. The kind that lives in forests with bows and stuff, as depicted in LOTR. You'd be surprised how accurate a delusional writer was about things unseen by humans.
"Is Link an elf?"
No. He's a half-elf. Hence him being a dork.
"Then why does Link wear tights and have pointy ears?"
He wears tights because he's a dork, and he has pointy ears because he's a half-elf.
"Do you like smashing pots too?"
No! Can you not ask stupid questions?
"How many elves are there?"
A lot.
"How high can you count?"
Higher than you.
"Do you really live forever?"
No.
"Then how old do you live?"
We have an average lifespan of 800 years. In your years, ninety. Ugh. Stoppit, too many questions.
"What do you mean this is too many questions?"
I mean you must be insane.
"What's your name?"
Verdus Greensword
"That's a weird name!"
So is yours. That wasn't a question.
"So what that wasn't a question!"
So, you are not making any sense.
"Can I wear your hat?"
No.
"Do elves live among us?"
Not really. A few, though.
"Am I an elf?"
No.
"We'll I'm tall... But I don't have pointy ears, curled shoes, amazing archery/toy making skills, long flowy hair or a weird name."
You're not an elf, dude. Give it up.
"Am I a dwarf?"
Ugh, I hope not. But that would explain the insanity.
"So what I don't have a beard! Don't some dwarves shave?"
No.
"Why don't they?"
Because they're idiots.
"Ew even the girls?"
The girls don't grow beards. Did you seriously not know that?
"Are elves and dwarves opposites?"
Pretty much.
"Are there hobbits and orcs and wizards?"
Hobbits: No. Tolkien had the wrong name for them, they're called halflings. Orcs and wizards, yes.
"Do you know Santa?"
No.
"Do you know Santa's phone number?"
No.
"Do you have candy?"
No. As I said before, stop asking stupid questions.
"What's your favorite color?"
Green. Duh.
"Is Elf your favorite movie?"
No.

[Redwaller]

I would not be at all surprised. I am an elf. So I'm gonna answer some of your questions.

Aren't you a Steampunk fox?

[psybox]

He's a steampunk elf fox, what else would he be? 

[Rainshadow]

  No, I think he's a shapeshifter.  Some of the time he's a steampunk elf, and the other time he's a steampunk fox.