The Dying Topic

[HeadInAnotherGalaxy]

ZIZ TOPIC IZ DYIN'! MEDIC! DINNAE LET ZIZ ZREAD DIE! VHERE'Z ZE DOCTOR? IZ ZERE A DOCTOR IN ZE 'OUZE?

Quick, zomebeazt get ze Firzt Aid kit!

[Rainshadow]

  Well, I know of a doctor... he's a pretty good one, but I'm sure that you aren't referring to him.  Um, have you tried turning it off and back on again?  ()

[Tiria Wildlough]

Oh, no! *slaps topic* What's wrong? Can you hear me?

[Norham Waterpaw]

Quick! Does anyone know the  Heimlich (spelling?) maneuver? 

[The Shade]

NO I DON'T!!! *Begins pumping the topic's chest* YOU MUST LIVE TOPIC!!!!

[Rusvul]

Everybody go away! *Slaps everybody away from the Topic* *feels the topic's pulse* It's heart has stopped. We need to do that thing where we zap it or something. *Zaps with pistol* There. Either it's dead, or it's still dying but not quite as direly.

[The Shade]

*Shouts into Topic's ear* QUICK! WHAT ARE YOU DIEING FROM?

[Rusvul]

Probably topicitis. It shuts down all of the topic's vital systems simultaneously.

[PrimroseWarrior]

I know cpr! lemme through!!!

[Emperor Ublaz]

So do I! Let me through as well!

[The Shade]

Well? How does it look?

[Emperor Ublaz]

Not too good, Shade. The topic's still not breathing.

[The Shade]

How did Rusvul's zap work?

[Emperor Ublaz]

It helped out slightly, so he should probably do it again with more power.

[Rainshadow]

  Again I say turn it off and turn it back on again.  It works with my computer.  Maybe it'll work with Mr. Topic.