Mossflower Falls

[The Skarzs]

Thanks so much!
Been sick, so next chapter will be late.

[The Skarzs]

Chapter 6
   The great stone moved.
   Ronhuk concentrated all his energy against the monstrous wall of rock, willing himself to strain his muscles to their limits and beyond against the grinding stone. When he felt a slight movement, he hauled harder.
   One inch.
   With a low growling sound starting deep in his chest, the cougar from the far western mountains thought of nothing but the rock, breathing great gasps of air.
   Two inches.
   As it came further out, Ronhuk put in more and more effort. He remembered the fights he had been in, all his training, every scar he bore on his huge sinewy frame.
   Three inches, four, six, a foot.
   Finally, yelling out with a great sound, a nerve-chilling mix between a scream and a roar, he pulled the rock away from its resting place wide enough to allow even his bulk in. The cat gasped in air, and sat down, not looking into the dark interior of the room. He looked at Coalpaw. "Are you satisfied, Lord Coalpaw?"
   The badger was more than satisfied; he was impressed. Even he had to go into the bloodwrath to open the stone entrance; this cougar had not needed the berserk strength that came from it. "Indeed I am, my friend. You have proved yourself the one who was told of in my dreams; I cannot doubt the words of my forefather and disregard the open facts. I am honored to have you here, Ronhuk from the western mountains."
   "If that is your thoughts, then I must tell you something. I did not tell you before because I feared for the lives wasted on a foolish and rash decision. Where I come from, we have a lord, much like yourself, who protects those under his charge. This lord is a wolf, and one of the best creatures ever to live. Had it not been for him, innocents would have been enslaved, hopeless battles lost, and a tyrannical reign over the land we call home.
   "I did not tell you because, in moments of misunderstanding, explanations are not allowed to be said. You said this wolf has killed many, and lay siege a stone 'abbey'. Were the inhabitants of this 'abbey' of peace?"
   Coalpaw did not hesitate. "Yes, and unable to hold out for long. They need our help, and as soon as possible."
   "I understand the urgency," assured Ronhuk. "If they are as such, then he is no creature of honor. Now I must ask you something that may seem against all rules you may have." He waited as the badger nodded slowly. "Can you place your trust in those I travel with, despite their species, despite their oddities?"
   Coalpaw considered: One part of him thought off that ferret, the one called Splink. If he was anything to gauge upon, these newcomers were not a bad bunch. The other part could not break past the fact that they were vermin, backstabbing, murdering, pillaging, and incapable of anything but evil. But then, how could Ronhuk, the creature that looked for all the world like a spawn from hell with his hooked claws and sharp fangs, be good? "Yes," he said quietly, but again, this time louder. "Yes, I can trust them." He was placing a lot of his trust in them; never in his entire lifetime had he thought he would ever say those words. But then, never in his lifetime did he think there would be a time that the protectors of Mossflower could be on their knees, or that he would see a creature such as Ronhuk.
   The cougar relaxed his thoughts; Splink and the rest were like family to him, having travelled together for seasons, fighting and eating together as if they were siblings caring for each other. He would once again be able to fight with them. "Alright, I can be ready whenever you need me to be, as well as part of the crew. The others will be needed to repair the ship. We wait upon your word, Lord Coalpaw."
   Suddenly, a scout came running into the chamber. "Sah!" He spluttered. "Vermin! A bally snub-nosed, dittle pawed bunch of vermin are gorging themselves on our breakfast, wot!" He ran slap-bang into Ronhuk. Rubbing his head, he excused himself. "Sorry sah, didn't mean to run into you, sah! But there is. . ." He looked at what he ran into, then up at the towering figure of the cougar. "Great seasons! 'Tis the devil himself, wot! Right, you might eat my food, you might take my home, but killing the badger lord is going too far! Take that, beast!"
He pulled out his dagger and stabbed at Ronhuk's belly. The blade stuck in the toughened leather, and stayed there. The cougar plucked the small weapon out and gave it back to the open-mouthed hare. "You have heart, little one, I'll give you that. But if you wanted to kill me, you would have to get my feet out from under me, then slit my throat. But I don't think you will be doing that since I did not kill Coalpaw, and the 'vermin' in the mess hall might be the reason you live the next few hours."
The hare looked behind Ronhuk to the stern face of Coalpaw. He stiffened to attention. "M'lord, I have news from the fringes of Mossflower woods. There is a great army one day's travel from here, well over two thousand. They have machines for war, like crossbows and catapults. I think they intend to lay siege, sah."
"Well, we aren't going to let them." Coalpaw cried. "Gear up! The enemy will be upon us soon! Long Patrol hares, run like you have never run before! I want every available creature to be out on the sands immediately!" He roared off down the halls. "Sargeant Hivey! Commander Gemal! Form up the ranks! Gather all! Now!"
Ronhuk looked at the bewildered hare runner. "Best do as he said, soldier."
Confused, the hare saluted the cougar for no apparent reason, then, out of young curiosity, pointed at his huge broadsword sheathed on his waist. "I say, can you wield that thing, sah?"
The mountain cat drew forth the great blade with lightning speed and spun it around over their heads, whizzing by the runner's ears then bringing it down to rest a fraction from the floor. "If I could not wield it, I would not have it. Ye'd best put a new edge on your dagger before the fight; it felt a little dull."
Saluting furiously, the young hare wiggled his ears in respect. "Well, it's a bally good thing you're on our side, wot? Well, got to go, wot, orders'n all." He careened off down the hall to do his lord's command. As Ronhuk left off after him at a slower pace, he met up with Splink.
"Ah, Ron, I've been looking for you. I presume you have heard of the upcoming events, no? Some of the crew has volunteered to help the 'hare' creatures; they are funny, nyuk, nyuk. Unfortunately, most of us 'vermin' types need to stay, for the confusion in battle would not benefit anyone if a ferret on our side is killed as one of theirs, or any of us. Great as the risks may be, I will be fighting at your side, just as always."
Ronhuk smiled. "Yes, just like always, my friend. Time to even the score; I got ten last time, and you got eleven. Those frogs left before I was done." The two friends chuckled at the memories. The ferret suddenly remembered something, and took a bag from his belt, tossing it to the cougar.
"I almost forgot; last of the venison. We've rationed it out to those who eat it. Shame; but a good thing we'll be going home soon, no? Nyuk, nyuk! C'mon, let's show these longears what we of the far west mountains are made of!"

The Long Patrol hares had lined up quickly, each stiffly at attention with their eyes forward and their free paw at their side. Their spears shone bright in the sun, reflected in their eyes with the light of the upcoming battle. They were lined in straight lines, and saluted as one as Lord Coalpaw came out of the mountain's entrance. The badger lord looked every inch the part, from his shining breastplate to the steel-headed war hammer he carried easily in his right paw. He strode past the front ranks until he was in the middle of their sight.
   "Hares of Salamandastron!" He addressed them. "Today, we march to war; tonight, we will fight for the freedom of evil from our land. I know that many of you have never fought in a battle; I also know that many of you will not come out of this fight unscathed. But know this: no matter what odds, no matter who you fight, there is no risk that cannot be taken to save the life of another. I know you will obey me to the last, but I cannot order you to die. If any of you would not fight, I will not blame you, for we are facing a force yet to be tested. If you would like to stay, then say so now."
   No hare stepped forward.
   "Very well then," Coalpaw said solemnly. "My hares, my friends. . . I salute you for your courage." He raised his paw to his head, and his ranks saluted back. With a nod to Sergeant Hivey, the badger began the march.
   The sergeant started them off. "All right you slack-pawed, daisy picking, good for nothing babies! Let's see some hustle! Let's move! Are you soldiers, or are you dirt? Let's go!"
   Ronhuk chuckled softly and turned to his volunteers: about thirty. "Are we going to let them beat us?"
   "No we aren't!" came the eager reply. They started singing a fast-beat marching song, keeping their feet to the rhythm and staying even with the well-trained Long Patrol hares.
   "Mountain high that we call home,
   Mountain high that we call home,
   Will we reach you where we roam.
   Will we reach you where we roam.
   Through the rain and through the snow,
   Through the rain and through the snow,
   Up the high and down the low.
   Up the high and down the low.
   When we reach you mountain home,
   When we reach you mountain home,
   Away again we'll surely roam.
   Away again we'll surely roam.

The squirrels Spruceclimber and Limbjumper were still scouting Redwall. The stubborn beasts would not listen to Abbot Nart, who tried to convince them there was nothing anyone could do at the moment. The veterans knew that every enemy had a weakness; they were just stuck finding Grungath's. It was morning of the second day of the evacuation of Redwall, and they were hard pressed to keep hidden. Every inch of the walls was patrolled, and taking out one or two of the guards would only aid them in getting caught. For now they waited.
        Spruceclimber sat in an old maple on the north side, looking down into the lawns; a mass of soldiers were gathering, and were now leaving via the main gate. He rose from his perch and darted along the trees until he met with Limbjumper at the west side. "So Limb, where are they going?" he asked.
"Seems like they're going to cut off into the woods; see, there they go. They're heading at a south-westerly path; could be going to the badger mountain." His face was grim. "If that falls, we're doomed."
        Spruce was more optimistic. "Don't say we've lost until we've lost, old friend. Come, we'll beat them there. If the lord needs a warning, then we'd best give him one. Let's go!"
        Both parties of creatures were travelling at a good speed, and Spruceclimber guessed they would meet the flatlands by nightfall. The vermin army did not stop for food; they ate on the way so the squirrels did too.  The squirrel veteran was right: they reached the flatlands by nightfall; he could see the light of the sun fading in breaks of the trees. But when they broke through the trees, he groaned inside. The sun was now far gone. The light he had seen was from thousands of torches in thousands of paws, lighting the surrounding with a wavy light. The army was marching for the destruction of Salamandastron.

[Brinty]

Wow, great chapter! 

[The Skarzs]

Why thank you

[Captain Tammo]

This is some pretty awesome stuff! You have a pretty unique concept going here!

[The Skarzs]

That means a lot to me, seeing as you wrote the 'Origins of Simon'.

[Captain Tammo]

That means a lot to me, seeing as you wrote the 'Origins of Simon'.

You mean you liked it?! :,D

[The Skarzs]

I've not finished, but yeah. 

[Captain Tammo]

That's great to hear! You'll have to let me know what you thought about it once you're finished or feel free to post/PM me anytime!
But back on topic, after all this is YOUR fanfiction we're talking about.

What plans do you have for this story? Do you have everything all planned out or have a certain page number you want to reach in length? Can you give us a sneak peak of what's to come?

[The Skarzs]

Well. . . This may go on for a while. Like, maybe even 10 more chapters . The direction I want it to go is there, but sometimes I make up a lot of the details as I go to make it more interesting.
As for a sneak peek. . . Pain.

[The Skarzs]

Sorry for the long wait for the next chapter. I hope no one minds too much.

[The Skarzs]

A little short, bet here it is!

Chapter Seven

   Both the Long Patrol hares and the creatures from the far western mountains were driving themselves to their limits. They all knew of the risks ahead, and were anxious to reach them. At the same time, there was a certain stubbornness and competitive air that made neither stop before the other. It was already dark, and the moon shone with it's eerie light.
"We must take a rest, sah. If we keep going like this, we won't have enough energy to fight if any comes our way!"
Commander Gemal marched in step with Lord Coalpaw.
"But if we stop now, we won't be able to get far enough by tomorrow, Gemal."
"Sah, don't forget they are moving toward us as well.We might even run into them in the dark, wot! Then where will we be? Forgive my saying, sah, but you might be putting every beast here in danger."
The badger sighed. "You're right of course, old friend. Tell the sergeant to call a halt."
Gemal saluted, and waved his cane to Hivey. Nodding in acknowledgement, the hare roared out the order. "Alright, soldiers! 'Ten-tion! Front ranks, slow. . . and halt! Straighten those lines, and await dismissal!"
Coalpaw turned and waited for stillness. Then he raised his paw. A sigh of relief was heard through the ranks as they all eased up. Food was passed out, cold, lest any fires give away their position.
Ronhuk halted his group at the same time as Hivey's order, allowing his thirty to disperse through the hares. Hushed conversations were held, a few stories shared, but nothing stopped the knowledge of imminent death for many. Ronhuk silently made his way to Lord Coalpaw as only a cat can and sat down next to them. The light of the crescent moon reflected in his eyes as he stared blankly at the flatlands in front of him.
"Tell me, friend. How long have you been lord of Salamandastron?"
The badger looked up into the stars.
"Fifteen seasons is what I count. For that long there has been peace throughout the land. But now this happens." He looked at the cougar. "How long have you known battle? You cannot be much older than 20 seasons."
"Ten and nine seasons. My father's friends have trained me since I was a child. Our land has seen much battling, and it was out of kindness they trained me, and necessity. Not only that, I wanted to be like my father, to help people in their time of need and fight against injustice and tyranny.
"My father, his name is Nigel, served in the Returning War. This war set the rightful lord on the seat of honor, and made the Barkhills a place greater than before. My father was the closest friend of the creature who began the war, and united the cats as the legendary fighting unit known as the Hammer Warriors, fighting to smash flat and destroy the iron paw of evildoers. It took seasons to end the war.
"Now our worries are pirates and groups of creatures who would kill and burn." He paused. "My first real fight nearly killed me; the only thing that saved me was something my father taught me, to get angry. I lost control, and killed like never before." Ronhuk closed his eyes. "I never want to do that again."
"Do you speak of the Bloodwrath?"
The cougar lifted his head. "Bloodwrath? What is that, an affliction of some kind?"
The other nodded. "Yes, it is an affliction. All badger lords have it. When in the Bloodwrath, our vision reddens, and all we see is what we need to get to, or do, or kill. We fight with boundless energy, and nothing can hurt us. But it will run us to our deaths; and, while we do not feel it, we are losing blood and life." Coalpaw looked at Ronhuk seriously. "Does this sound like what your father had?"
"More or less; he never let anyone see him like that unless it was impossible to stay away from others, so I could not observe it much." He stood and looked out at the edge of vision. "Well, I am heading to rest. We shall post some sentries of our own." The cougar walked away, saying. "May the moon nary wake you, and the sun raise you untouched from slumber."

Spruceclimber and Limbjumper had spent the night in the trees, taking turns watching the great mass of creatures through the dark. It was not hard to tell they weren't worried about any possible threat: they were the biggest threat around, after all.
   The squirrels had been faced with the dilemma of the war machines: how could they destroy or at least cripple them? It was hardly possible, as they were well guarded even from ally paws, the operators keeping a weather eye on it at all times. The veteran squirrels were forced to give up.
   Spruce watched the sun peek out over the horizon, the bright arc creeping up on the darkness like a predator, dispersing it suddenly and cheerfully. But the presence of the foul army blighted it's beauty, like the ever-present shadowy darkness of a slime-walled cave, or some kind of contagious disease sticking out on the clean landscape.
   The squirrel poked his friend with the butt of his javelin. "Limb, look. They're moving."
   As the creatures of the horde woke sullenly, shouts and orders were heard throughout the camp. Small fires were stoked, and a quick breakfast was taken. The squirrels watched apprehensively, knowing there would be little time before Salamandastron's high sides would see battle.
   More swiftly then Spruce thought they would, the army started moving again, the great war machines being pushed and pulled along by countless paws. They kept close to the edge of the forest, making it easier for Spruce and Limb to follow them without being seen. Limbjumper went before Spruceclimber, going up into the leafy roof to get a higher view. Suddenly he jumped down in front of his friend.
   "Spruce! There's an army of hares not a league away! Coalpaw's meeting the foul army in battle on the plains!"

Hurra peered into the distance: yes there was definitely another army out there. He smiled with an ugly grin, calling out. "Those rabbits and their filthy badger lord have come out to play!"
   A chuckle was heard throughout the vermin, and a rustle of impatience for the coming battle shuddered through the army. The wolverine waved a paw. "Come on, you lot! The Deathcaller commands their defeat!"
They surged forward, closing the gap between the two forces.
They were still a ways off before Hurra called a halt, and had the catapults and big crossbows brought to the front. The big form of Coalpaw lumbering forward in the Bloodwrath was easily seen, and a huge bolt was quickly loaded into a crossbow. Hurra had used these machines before, and sighted it in; he could not miss.
"Alright, Grungath. You wanted me to kill the badger lord? I'll do that. Just. Let. Me. . . Shoot."

"Coalpaw, look out!"
   Ronhuk sprang up from behind his ranks where he had crouched to surprise the enemy. But that could no longer be done; Coalpaw was unaware of the huge crossbow aimed straight at him. With speed born of desperation, the cougar bounded toward the badger, sprinting with long, leaping steps to get to Coalpaw in time.
   Ronhuk slammed into him, knocking him over just as something came whistling in. It hit Ronhuk low on the left shoulder, and he fell to his knees.
   Both sides halted in strange silence, looking at the two creatures on the field between the armies.
   The cougar looked down at his wound: the powerful bolt had pierced his leather armor, and stuck out in front of him. He removed his paw that had instinctively gone to it, and blood oozed out in a steady stream. Coalpaw's eyes had cleared, and he saw his friend pierced with the weapon.
   "Ronhuk?"
   The cougar gripped the bolt firmly with both paws, and his face twisted in pain. Pulling downward with one paw, the wood shaft bent, then splintered. The crack it made when it finally broke fractured the stillness, and a shout rose from the vermin army. Ronhuk stood slowly, drawing his great broadsword.
   Welling up a deep breath, he roared out his challenge. "For defeat, or for victory!"
   This rekindled the action, and the armies of the Deathcaller, Salamandastron and the Barkhills clashed together.

[Dannflower Reguba]

You PM'd me asking for criticism.

I didn't read the complete thing (Fan Fics aren't really my cup of tea), but it still seems pretty good.  I only saw a couple of SPAG errors, and you have a nice sense of flow and enough detail to describe the scene without drawing it out too much. If you could expand your vocabulary a little bit that might help you find some more descriptive or interesting words to use to spice the sentences with, but be careful because I've found that I have a bad tendency of making things confusing because I send people to the dictionary too often. 

[The Skarzs]

Thank you for the feedback, no matter how criticizing it is.
I will try to add more vocabulary, but, as it is, some chapters were written at 11:00 at night.
But yeah, thanks for the criticism!

[Dannflower Reguba]

     I'm by no means trying to belittle the words you're using.  They're fine, Jaques never used anything to extravagant himself. I'm just saying that if you'd like to throw a little more detail and intrigue in (without losing your reader base) then that would be one of your best options at this point.

FYI: If any other writers are reading this, feel free to ask for my opinion. I don't go out of my way to read most fan fics, but if you really want some feedback I'm more than willing to give my two cents.