Funny Rhymes from Redwall (Retold by the Illustrious Skarzs Esquire)

[The Skarzs]

If you enjoy any of these, please be sure to check out my other works:
http://redwallabbey.com/forum/index.php?topic=5593.0
http://redwallabbey.com/forum/index.php?topic=5786.0
http://redwallabbey.com/forum/index.php?topic=6272.0

Thank you!



The Ballad of the Last Slice

The Dark Forest and the Gates of Hell,
Both opened up in war.
To seize for each a worthy prize,
That would not be ignored.
For from their grasp on table sat,
A treasure of it's own,
Glazed with honey and meadowcream,
T'was the last slice of cake.

From both gates roared the armies great,
Their ghostly bodies surged,
And surrounded that soft white bread,
For it's possession they were concerned.
Out stepped from the misty crowds,
Two warriors of old,
And at the table they did meet,
Lord Brocktree and Gabool.

How settle this, each thought aloud,
Neither blade nor club shall sway,
For deadbeasts can't and never shall,
Be troubled by such array.
"By insult, and tongue!" The other said "Nay!
For those are useless nigh.
Rather we should fight a lesser war,
Pit my eye against your eye.

And so they began, the badger and rat,
Across from each did fight,
To make the other blink an eye,
While day turned into night.
For many moons and for many suns,
These two beasts battled on,
While the cake that table decorated,
Stayed as prize for whomever won.

The contest of their wild stares was
More tense than bow's string,
And still the creatures battled on,
Through their tears' bitter sting.
Not a word was spake, yet battle waned,
As lids began to droop,
And allies tried to will them on,
But ending would be soon.

The stinging eyes and weary minds
Could stand for this no more,
And as tenth moon rose in the sky,
They closed their seeing door.
From both goodbeasts and the bad was raised a mighty shout,
That theirs had won and other lost
Who truly won they could not tell.
And this ended at great cost.

Gabool went madder than before, and in his rage he did,
Raise up his sword and strike
Upon the prize upon table sat,
While Brocktree did the same.
Gasped then all souls, and silent was
That realm in some abyss.
And on the floor in ruin great,
The remains of sweet baked bliss.

Neither wanting to take the blame,
All fled back to their rest,
And left there to an unknown end,
That cake, still the last.
And from then on, no battle fought,
No creature was there found,
To see that last and fateful piece,
Upon that hidden ground.

[Captain Tammo]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH this is the greatest! How long did it take to write?

[Skyblade]

Lol Scar; good job

[The Skarzs]

Thank you both!
It took me, eh, an hour straight of thinking up rhymes and whatnot. I feel it could have been better, but. . .

[Faiyloe]

No that is amazing! I couldn't have done better!

[Shadowed One]

Wow,that was really good!

[321tumbler]

That was AWESOME!!!!

[The Skarzs]

Thanks!

Osu had requested something like this in the topic called Fanfic requests and trades. So here I made it!

I'm open to requests if thou hast any. HINT

[Osu]

I've been meaning to read this ever since you posted it, just sayin'! I've been abnormally busy lately. That's why I haven't responded yet -- I'm sure it's perfect. I'm going to read the heck out of this as soon as I have a day off, promise! <3

[The Skarzs]

*Twitch
You. . . Haven't. . . Read. . . It. . . Yet. . . ?!

*Eye spasm

You requested it!

*Seizure

[Osu]

Aaaah I'm sorry I'm sorry! It's been nothing short of torture waiting to read it -- it's like having a giant gooey slice of chocolate cake dripping with hot fudge and strawberries sitting on the table in front of me but I can't touch it until all my homework is done. *silent tears of pain* ...erm, should I call an ambulance for those... eye spasms...? D:

Fortunately that situation has been remedied for the weekend! *ahem*


Now forgive me for all of the fangirl shrieks bUT THAT WAS THE FUNNIEST THING EVER! I seriously smiled all the way through, and that cake! THE POOR CAKE HOW COULD THEY DO THAT TO SUCH A PRECIOUS PIECE OF CAKE?? I think this would make a perfect comic! And the part about battles not being fought in dark forest is a really good idea, I think that would be a great premise for any fanfic since you mention it. Did I mention how this would be perfect for a comic? Because it definitely would!

It was so sweet of you to write this for me, thank you so much! It's also very kind of you to offer to do requests for everybody, thank you for that as well!

[Norham Waterpaw]

That. . . Was brilliant.

[The Skarzs]

The troll is pleased with your satisfaction. Thank you all so much for reading.

Aaaah I'm sorry I'm sorry! It's been nothing short of torture waiting to read it -- it's like having a giant gooey slice of chocolate cake dripping with hot fudge and strawberries sitting on the table in front of me but I can't touch it until all my homework is done. *silent tears of pain* ...erm, should I call an ambulance for those... eye spasms...? D:

Fortunately that situation has been remedied for the weekend! *ahem*


Now forgive me for all of the fangirl shrieks bUT THAT WAS THE FUNNIEST THING EVER! I seriously smiled all the way through, and that cake! THE POOR CAKE HOW COULD THEY DO THAT TO SUCH A PRECIOUS PIECE OF CAKE?? I think this would make a perfect comic! And the part about battles not being fought in dark forest is a really good idea, I think that would be a great premise for any fanfic since you mention it. Did I mention how this would be perfect for a comic? Because it definitely would!

It was so sweet of you to write this for me, thank you so much! It's also very kind of you to offer to do requests for everybody, thank you for that as well!

Well. . . That was. . . unexpected. Fangirl shrieks? Aptly named, I say. Aptly named. Didn't think it would be so funny.
Alright.

[The Skarzs]

Yay for double post! But it's my thread. Sue me.

Does anybeast think it would be cool for me to do other Redwall poems on here?

[rachel25]

OH my goodness I was crying! That's comic genius! 
Please do write more poems, your brilliant!!!!!!!