How would you take over Redwall?

[The Grey Coincidence]

Hahaha- not gonna work One-Eye. How would you take *Salamandastron?*

[One-Eye the wildcat]

use birds to drop ino the mouth of he mountain, kill the badgerlord in their sleep, nd then set about doing the same to the long patrol.

[The Grey Coincidence]

Except you wouldn't know when the badgerlord was asleep. What if he's wide awake? What if he got a vision of your arrival and you drop right onto an upraised pike?

[Nadaz, voice of the host]

I would search the woods for any goodbeast families and use them as hostages, if this doesn't work we'll make a big show of releasing them unharmed to the Redwallers and retreating in frustration. If this does work we will release the hostages and apologize saying we were wrong to have attacked and leave. After a few weeks of waiting beyond detection of the abbey I would send four or five of my best vermin to climb in and open a wall gate. After they do that I would send another ten or so vermin in to silently kill the wall guards and open the other gates. When the gates open I will send all of my vermin as fast as we can.save two archers to cover each door and one to cover each wall. At this point in time I would have my horde light torches (more than the amount of vermin we have) then March with them while beating drums and chanting. When the abbey dwellers wake up we will call on them to surrender, if they don't we will smoke them out and have slingers and archers pick off anyone who comes through the doors armed. We will then call out that anyone who comes out unarmed will be spared. We will escort the beasts who come out to the gatehouse and lock them in there as we clear the abbey itself. When inside the abbey we will try to rescue as many beasts from asphyxiation as possible preferably making a show of rescuing the dibbuns. While discussing terms of surrender with the Redwallers I will have my healers attend to the Redwallers. I will then work out an agreement that there will be few changes to their way of life, just that we will be using the abbey for our own stuff and that they will have more mouths to feed. I will then let anyone who wants to leave go unarmed to live at Saint Ninian's. After this I will have my horde attend the funerals of the Redwallers and make them attend the funerals of my horde beasts in order to cause bonding through mourning. I will then have my horde help out with work around the abbey and start trying to have them gain the trust of the young Redwallers by spoiling them with treats. If we can get the young to like us then we stop the old from rising against us for fear that we will harm their children. Over time we will arrange the deaths of important older Redwallers like the Abbot or Abbess in "accidents" we will then let the Redwallers vote for the next Abbot. This helps us two ways if the Abbess elected is someone who agrees with us the Redwallers who oppose us will give up and agree with the majority opinion, if the Abbot elected is one of the opposition than the Redwallers will few us more favorably for holding free elections and going along with the way of the people. In either case the Abbot will most likely be old and die fairly soon anyways. Over time the old will die off, the new will take its place and the abbey dwellers will forget about the injuries of the past. We will carry out extensive trading with St. Ninian's and help setup a settlement there, and we will send non vermin friendly envoys to the GOUSIM and Salamondastron to teach them the wrongs of their racist ways. Vermin death count 11-19 Redwaller death count 14-28.

[The Grey Coincidence]

Yall do realize Martin the Warrior is gonna send some riddle to stop you in your tracks, right?

[One-Eye the wildcat]

Except you wouldn't know when the badgerlord was asleep. What if he's wide awake? What if he got a vision of your arrival and you drop right onto an upraised pike?

Eyes, grey. Useth thy eyes!

[Nadaz, voice of the host]

Well let's here your plan Grey.

[The Grey Coincidence]

The most effective way to take over Redwall is to somehow get rid of Martin the Warrior. So my plan would be to gather as many seers/powerful beings and somehow perform an excorcism. As long as that mouse-ghost runs around the place dropping all his riddles Redwall shall remain unconquered.
If I manage to get him out of the way (let's be honest, he's likely to have seen me coming from miles away and warn the Redwallers not to let in any Ghostbusters) the key to taking anything is via morale. I would round up the woodlanders in Mossflower, and set them to tunneling in. I would try, meanwhile and beforehand to instill some sort of discipline into my troops- my whole plan can and will fall apart if even one woodlander slave gets away. What else will I do, you ask? Build catapults. Build a dam. The tunnel is a back-up, once the dam is ready I will go and offer Redwall terms of surrender. Semi-generous because I don't *really* want to kill everybeast. And if they don't accept I will flood their abbey and pelt their walls with stone. If they somehow survive *this* then at the very least I should have ruined some of their supplies. You can't starve Redwall out- but during winter it is possible to destroy their stock- or even better, steal it! By now my tunnel should be ready, I send in my horde (hopefully semi-competent by now), round up a few beasts as hostages (preferably dibbuns) and force the Abbot on their knees.
Thus I conquer Redwall.
Although- this all depends on my excorcism working, for otherwise Martin the Warrior will just waltz over and drop a few riddles leading to my camp- the hares of the Long Patrol (and badgerlord in tow) swoop in and *sigh* I join the list of dead warlords.

[Nadaz, voice of the host]

That's a really interesting take, I never would've thought to remove MTW. Do you have a plan for holding the abbey?

[The Grey Coincidence]

The abbey itself is pretty easy to hold. As long as I maintain semi-friendly relations with the woodlanders nearby (say, occasional shipments of food to Salamandastron, or trade routes with Southwards) I should be able to avoid open rebellion. In the short term my biggest threat would be other warlords under the impression that they could defeat me. So to hold it, I would continue instilling discipline in my troops as well as setting up look-out posts and smaller holdfasts- rebuilding St Ninian's perhaps? I would also build some decent defensive siege weaponry. Ballistas and the like.

[Jack the Quick]

Pretend to retreat but bury ourselves with hollow reads sticking up so we can breath. When the Redwallers come out to do their stuff we burst out and slaughter them all.

[The Grey Coincidence]

You might starve before they come out to do their stuff XD

[Captain Tammo]

Something about retreating for a few weeks if plan A doesn't work sounds like it'd be far easier said than done. I feel like the patience vermin have is almost nonexistent, and that leads to their downfall many times. For sake of making a difficult problem even more difficult, what if the moment plan A fails the Redwallers send messengers to Salamandastron or to the Gousim asking for aid?

My idea would be a single strike. Because why not? try throwing a battering ram at one of the side gates - one that will knock the gate in but not plug the opening like a cork if the door gives way. The side gates are described as wicker and might be a bit weaker overall. See if it's possible to get beasts on rotation working the ram so they're always fresh. Better yet, see if you can attack in the springtime during a thunderstorm when most creatures will be inside. The pounding on the gates may be mistaken for thunder for the first few blows, which buys time.

Assuming the gate gives way, charge in and - blasphemous as it sounds - burn the tapestry! Now Redwall is yours bwahahaha!

[Sanddunes]

Hope that I'm as lucky as the woodlanders.
Before I attack I would train my troops first, build siege engines and gather supplies

[Captain Tammo]

hahahaha -- I think you're the first to suggest training your army. All of us kind of skimmed over that part