The War For Elderon

[Morgazath]

 Hey guys. Since my other story, the Iron Horde didn't turn out so well because it's difficult to write a story about an active RP, I decided to write another story that isn't anything else but a story. Oh, and this doesn't have anything to do with the Elderon in the Cellars. I hope you all enjoy this. So here it goes.

Chapter 1

In the land of Redwall, peace has been disturbed, and returned many times before in legendary battles. Great champions have been born to quell these conflicts of good against evil. But sometimes, you may wander. "What is out there besides Redwall? Is there anything else beyond the calm lands of Mossflower Woods?"

That, my friends, is where our journey begins, and ends at a kingdom, far, far away from Redwall. Elderon. A peaceful, prosperous place that hasn't seen war for many years. But that is all about to change.

About three months ago, the Badger King, Tyrin The Great, fell gravely ill. No one knew what was wrong with him. His blue (once intelligent) eyes were partly glazed, he could barely move, and his skin was sinking from hunger, for he couldn't eat.

Tyrin's court wizard, Rashcota, tried to revive him from his deadly illness. Alas, even her strong healing abilities weren't enough to have any effect. In her love for her King, Rashcota had to tap into an art that had been banned and was punishable by death: Necromancy.

It was this selfless act that had her take the first step that led to her fate. One night, when no one was around she used her new found ability to revive Tyrin and remove his illness. The spell worked, but at a terrible price. 

When Tyrin learned that Rashcota used Necromancy to revive him, he had no choice, but to banish Rashcota. Despite his people's urging to have Rashcota executed, Tyrin secretly sent her away to Oreon forest, where she would live out her banishment.

Rashcota's supplies were stolen from her, so she had to depend on Necromancy to survive. Sadly, it started to consume her, turning her mind darker and darker. She found an old ruined fortress in the forest.

But by that time, the Necromancy had fully consumed her mind, turning her into a dark, savage and mindless beast. Bent on destroying everything that is alive, Rashcota used her Necromancy magicks to raise an army of all those who died in the land.

And so begins, the War For Elderon.

[BlueRose]

Cool premise! Can't wait to read the rest!

[Morgazath]

 Why thank you. I rather can't wait for everyone to read this.

[The Skarzs]

Very cool; I just have a few questions. What kind of creature is Rashcota? Also, what was the 'terrible price' that she paid for saving the king, besides her banishment?
Also, may I offer a couple writing tips?

[Morgazath]

Very cool; I just have a few questions. What kind of creature is Rashcota? Also, what was the 'terrible price' that she paid for saving the king, besides her banishment?
Also, may I offer a couple writing tips?

Rashcota is a mongoose, which you would find out later. The terrible price is the Necromancy consuming her mind, making her evil instead of good. And sure, what kind?

[The Skarzs]

I noticed a lack of description for the characters; try using pronouns every so often so the reader isn't worn out by the name. Sentence variety also adds greatly to the story. Instead of writing a sentence out of five words, then another sentence, try combining the sentences with semicolons, using what I said with the pronouns for the character. Something else I have learned is to never start a sentence with the same letter in a paragraph.

[Morgazath]

 Chapter 2

"My Lord! Another attack is coming!" Lord Tyrin raced past the soldier who cried out the warning to him. Although running was difficult when you were putting on armored boots. Tripping and muttering a curse, he got back up, managed to get them on, and continued to the wall to aid his troops.

The Badger King burst through the door that led to the wall. He was instantly greeted by the horrendous sounds of war. Cries of fear and pain, the whimpering and crying of wounded soldiers.

"My Lord! Watch out!" Tyrin instantly dropped down in an army crouch as a swarm of black arrows hissed overhead like angry hornets. A hare fell next to him, his eyes transfixed as a black shaft was in his chest.

Tyrin muttered a farewell to his fallen comrade and stood up, drawing his massive broadsword from his back. He pointed to one of his captains. "Revgar. How many do you estimate?" Revgar was an old white mountain hare with green eyes, and a white beard.

The old captain stroked his beard thoughtfully. "I'd say about a thousand, my lord. More than the last attack, Sir." Tyrin glanced anxiously at the undead army that were being held at bay by his archers.

I hope those archers can keep up the pace. Tyrin thought to himself. He spoke to Revgar. "We're going to have to do something about these armies that keep attacking. We can only hold them off for so long. Sooner or later, we have to make an offensive against them and attack Oreon forest. I'm sure that's where their headquarters are."

"Another wave!" The shout split the air and everyone flung themselves down as another black cloud swept over them. Tyrin made a decision as he stood up. "Revgar, gather the troops. We're going to make a daring frontal attack." Revgar nodded.

"Yes my lord." A few minutes later, an army of hares were in front of the main gate, waiting for their lord to signal the attack. The mighty Badger King stood before them, his armor gleaming in the afternoon sunlight.

"Men, today we strike back! We're going to send those undead cretins packing back to their master if there are any left! Are you ready?" "AYE!" Came the echoing shout. Tyrin turned and signaled for the gatekeeper to open the gate. Tyrin roared at the top of his voice. "CHAAAAARRRRRRGE!!!" The hare army roared in blood lust as they charged to face the incoming horde.   
 

[The Skarzs]

Dang, why didn't I read this?
Anyways, solid chapter.

[Skyblade]

Great idea; I like it! You make cool names, also.

[Morgazath]

 Chapter 3

With roars of fury coming from thousands of throats, the two armies met in a bloody, deadly clash of death. Soldiers from both sides were shouting battle yells and cries of agony as the fierce battle began. Tyrin smashed into the enemy ranks, dealing mayhem with his massive broadsword, sending undead warriors flying like wheat from a chaff.

                                                       <>

While the battle outside Elderon raged back and forth, something evil was going on deep in Oreon Forest. Inside a massive and towering ruin of an ancient fortress, Rashcota, the mongoose who was consumed by Necromancy, was planning something in her twisted mind.

She was standing in front of what seemed to be a stone door, but it would not open, for it was set into the wall and would not budge. At certain intervals, however, the door would glow an eerie blood-red.

Rashcota cackled, her once silken voice now raspy and harsh. "Yes, yes. Souls, more souls must come here. More lives must die and their souls consumed by my magics. Yes, I need many many more souls to open this door if I will take Elderon and the world beyond."

Her eyes, which were the deepest sapphire blue, were glazed and dull, as if she was dead, roved to an orb resting on a table. She walked to it, her silver robe gleaming like the moon itself.

Placing her hands on it, the maddened mongoose glared into it. "Now, let's see how Tyrin is doing." She watched the battle with some interest, grinning savagely at the lives being slaughtered. "Soon, my plans will be complete, and that door will open for me. And when it does, no one will be able to match my powers."

 What is in that mysterious door that seems to devour the souls of the slain? Will Tyrin be able to stop Rashcota in time before she opens the door? Only the unraveling tales of time will tell.

[Feles]

If Tyris was revived through necromancy, then wouldn't he be under her control, just wondering

[Morgazath]

If Tyris was revived through necromancy, then wouldn't he be under her control, just wondering

He would if Rashcota continued Necromancy immediately afterwards. But she discarded it when Tyrin was revived, so her Necromatic connection with him was broken. So even though she pursued it later when her supplies were stolen, she couldn't control him.