Strangers at Redwall (crackfic) - Winner of the RAFF Atypical Award!

[Søren]

Well, I'm not in it. So... I'll just watch the movie. *eats popcorn* Want some Soren?

Yup. *eats*

[Captain Tammo]

This is absolutely hilarious! I love every bit of it it's just soooo funny!!

Please never stop writing this I'm actually laughing out loud even as I write this comment

[Jukka the Sling]

Thank you so much! I'll try to get another chapter finished soon - haven't written anything for several days.

[Cornflower MM]

I dunno. XD You just seem like a rather exuberant, excitable, maybe slightly bossy at times (like when I made you grab the paper off of Skarzs) sort of person.

Haha, okay, true. And could you maybe mention my dancing? 'Cause that's a big part of mypersonality, really. I've had several people tell me so. *Shrugs* It's okay if you don't.

[Treebreeze]

Still new to the forum (as my newbie rating obviously states), but I read this and thought it was hysterical!    Would love to read more!

[Jukka the Sling]

Still new to the forum (as my newbie rating obviously states), but I read this and thought it was hysterical!    Would love to read more!

Thank you!

(Welcome to the forum, by the way!)

[Russa Nodrey]

This is the first time I read the whole thing, (Before, I had just read the rough draftish thing.) it is hilarious!!!

[Søren]

PLEASE WRITE MORE!
Although, I do know how hard it is to sit down and write word after word after word.

[Lady Ashenwyte]

Please write the next chapter! Could I make an appearance in the middle?

[Jukka the Sling]

PLEASE WRITE MORE!
Although, I do know how hard it is to sit down and write word after word after word.

Yeah. I just haven't felt like writing much lately, and someone else is almost always using the main computer, so I can't work on it. But I've written a little, and included you in it.

Please write the next chapter! Could I make an appearance in the middle?

Okay, I'll try to include you! I really don't have a lot written, though.

[Lady Ashenwyte]

Thanks!  Maybe you could write the idea on a piece of paper and then copy it down when you get the chance to use the computer again.

[Lady Ashenwyte]

How's this story going?

[LT Sandpaw]

It was really funny, its cool how your adding other forum members into the story, granted its a risk but bravo.

[Jukka the Sling]

@Sandpaw: Thanks!

@Ash: Here, see for yourself:

Chapter Four

He gaped in alarm as the arrow scrabbled in the dirt, burying itself deeper and deeper.

The rest of the group saw what had happened and ran toward the hare. Faiyloe reached him first and stared at the arrow. "What just happened?"

Rain also stared at the mostly-buried arrow. "Um, it looks like the arrow buried itself."

Faiy smacked her forehead. "Brian Jacques used the expression 'buried itself' a lot! Remember?"

"Yeah, but why did the arrow literally do that?" Corny asked.

For a second, Faiy looked on the verge of an explanation, but she wasn't. "I... don't know."

Russa blinked owlishly.

Everyone stood there for a moment longer, staring at the now-entirely-buried arrow, then walked towards the Abbey.

* * *

Out in Mossflower, a teenage badger stumbled along through the undergrowth as though he wasn't used to his own paws. Which was, in fact, the truth. For this badger was actually Soren, and he had found himself transported to an unknown forest (which he quickly deduced to be Mossflower) about half an hour after the others had.

Unlike Faiy, however, he had found the scrap of paper in his pocket (which didn't have his name), and so was a little better informed than he might have been. And as he walked along, yelling random names on the list, he wondered when he'd meet up with the other forum members.

* * *

Somewhere fairly nearby, another badger was also ambling along, looking for people on his list. He was Lord Ashenwyte, whom we will refer to as Ash.

Suddenly, he heard voices nearby. Ash's ears perked up automatically, and he crept forward, concerned that they could be vermin.

* * *

Mask (the girl - whom we will call Maska for easy identification) was also walking along a short distance away in the form of an otter. Next to her was Mask (the boy - whom we will call Masko) in the form of a fox. They were alternately chatting about stuff and calling out for the forum members on their list. Suddenly, Masko stopped and listened intently.

"Did you hear that?" he asked.

Maska looked around. "No."

"It was someone yelling," he answered.

Just then, a badger ambled into view on their left. Surprised, Maska looked up at him. "Um, hi," she said. "Uh, this is random, but are you some guy off a Redwall forum?"

"Uh, yeah... I'm Soren on there," the badger replied.

Suddenly Maska squealed. "This is so AWESOME!!! We're all animals, and we're actually getting to MEET each other!"

Masko looked at her oddly, but then added, "Yeah, it is!"

"And who are you two on the forum?" Soren asked, grinning about the whole situation.

"I'm THE Mask," Masko answered.

"And I'm Mask," Maska said.

A sound interrupted them, and all three turned, looking a little apprehensive. Soren wished vaguely that whoever had sent them there had provided them with weapons. But their fears were allayed when another young badger entered the clearing.

"You wouldn't by any chance be a forum member too?" Masko inquired, sure he was right.

"Uh, yeah. I'm Lord Ashenwyte."

* * *

After introductions were made, Maska looked at the three males and asked brightly, "Now what?"

"We all seemed to be heading west," Masko remarked thoughtfully. "Probably not a coincidence."

"Then let's keep heading that way," Ash said. He suddenly broke into a grin. "I wonder when we'll meet the other members."

Soren quickly set off. "C'mon, then. I can't wait."

The fox, otter, and two badgers disappeared into the trees.

Chapter Five

Back at the Abbey, the forum members were in trouble. They'd just reached the locked Abbey door when a hail of arrows, some of them flaming, descended upon the front lawns. One of the lit ones singed Skarzs' tail, and another missed Tam's head by a quarter of an inch. (The poor guy had now had two near misses in the space of two minutes.) Needless to say, everyone turned and fled.

Ducking around the north side of the Abbey building, the group pressed themselves against the wall just behind a chimney.

"Well," Rain said calmly, "guess we'll have to find another way to get in."

Tam and Amber, who were furthest back, suddenly turned at the sound of a crash coming from a ground-floor window a few feet away.

"What was that?" Amber asked curiously, edging towards the window with her back to the wall.

"Don't know," Tam responded, following the mousemaid. The rest of the group slowly followed.

Reaching the window, Amber stared in surprise. The window looked into a storeroom, in which the Abbot and Lilianna were currently standing, covered in honey and flour. A half-empty flour sack lay on the floor next to the squirrelmaid, next to shards of what had once been a large jar.

Amber and Tam (who'd just gotten to the window) exchanged a glance and nearly burst out laughing.

Riphley and Lilianna suddenly looked up and saw the forumers assembling at the window. Just as quickly, they looked away and busied themselves with grabbing food items off of the shelves, pretending the forumers hadn't seen them in their predicament.

Corny reached out and tapped on the window. "Hey, couldja let us in?"

Riphley turned, feigning surprise. "Oh, hello again, young'uns," he called, coming to the window. He looked anxious, and it actually wasn't because of his appearance. "Lilianna and I are just taking some supplies to Cavern Hole in case - they - decide to besiege us instead of killing us outright." He opened the window a crack and whispered, "Have they gotten in yet?"

"Uh... no," Oracle answered, rather annoyed at the middle-aged mouse who for some inexplicable reason reminded him of Denethor.

Riphley heaved a long shuddering sigh. "G-good," he said, wringing his floury paws like one on the verge of a panic attack. "Oh... do you want to come in?"

"Yeah... that'd be nice," Corny said, and several others nodded.

Riphley, his embarrassment forgotten, opened the window wide. "Hurry up, then!" he squealed, terror written on his face.

Amber went through first, Tam following. As soon as the mousemaid's footpaws hit the floor, she let out a screech and jumped to the side. "Oh, I forgot for a minute that there was broken ceramic," she said, wincing in pain.

Of course, Tam was careful to watch where he put his footpaws after that. So was everyone else.

Once they were all through, the group headed for the storeroom door.

"Where are you going?" Lilianna asked, speaking for the first time.

Russa answered. "We, uh, are on this mission. Quest. Thing." She grinned. "For the..." she trailed off, realizing it was probably unwise to tell them that they were trying to find the sword.

A few of the group chuckled at her first sentence, but others rolled their eyes. Rachel turned to the ottermaid. "Hey, be careful," she whispered as quietly as possible, "or they might think we're gonna steal it!"

Russa nodded, glad she had stopped herself.

"What sort of mission quest thing?" Lilianna inquired sweetly.

Skarzs laughed lightly. "Oh, uh, it's nothing, really. C'mon, guys."

"But we need help here," the squirrelmaid said, suddenly forgetting the mission quest thing. "Who knows how long we'll be besieged?" She glanced at Skarzs and lowered her lashes coyly.

"Sorry," Skarzs said shortly. "We don't have time to waste." He left the room and the others filed out behind him.

Lilianna looked mournful for the second time that day. She had harbored a crush on the cougar ever since she had first seen him, ten minutes before. He was not going to get away from her.

Skarzs was a little creeped out by the squirrelmaid's lash-lowering, but he had no idea of the danger he was in. When Lilianna Crystalline Nightflash wanted something, she'd get it - and remain sweet and gorgeous the whole time.

Faiy had seen the whole thing, and... thought it was hilarious.

* * *

After getting lost a few times in the vast Abbey, the forumers made it to Great Hall. They then split up, looking on every wall for the sword of Martin the Warrior.

Great Hall was great - bigger than any of them had pictured. Columns towered above them, reaching up to the ceiling. Looking at it, Russa realized just how frightening it must have been for Matthias to climb all that way - and with a rebel sparrow in tow.

Oracle and Jukka happened to be searching the same area together, and several forumers started whispering and giggling. Oracle turned at the same time Jukka did, and they both yelled at about the same time, "Oh, stop it!"

Jukka added, "We're not together, so stop saying it." Then she added with a mischievous grin, "You'd be better off teasing Faiy and Skarzs."

"Yeah," Oracle said. "There's far more reason to ship them than us."

"Oh, come on," Faiy said, crossing her arms. Skarzs kept a straight face.

Oracle and Jukka grinned and didn't press the matter further.

The group continued searching. After a short time, however, it became clear that the sword was nowhere to be found.

"Now what?" Rachel asked.

[The Skarzs]

Oh my gosh, this is still so awesome! Keep writing.

One thing, though: Might not be a good idea to add too many more members, or there will be a lot of confusion, and it might become a burden to both write and read. One writer to another: too many characters can lead to disaster.