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My brother's Hobbit crackfic

Started by Jukka the Sling, December 13, 2014, 03:29:15 AM

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Jukka the Sling

#45
February 12, 2015, 05:42:55 PM Last Edit: February 13, 2015, 03:07:19 PM by Jukka the Sling
Quote from: Mhera on February 04, 2015, 07:27:45 AM
QuoteJust then he saw an awesome-looking Elf. She had epic red hair and a beautiful Elvish face.

"Baby, I like meeting a red-head," Legolas said aloud.
Heh.
Just thought I'd explain that he adapted a quote off of the Ultimate Spider-Man cartoon for that. :P
"The world is indeed full of peril, and in it there are many dark places; but still there is much that is fair, and though in all lands love is now mingled with grief, it grows perhaps the greater." ~J.R.R. Tolkien

CaptainRocktree

#46
February 12, 2015, 08:54:33 PM
Woah!, I've only read the first chapter but from what I saw me and your bro would get along just great together  ;), Tell him he is a genius  ;)!
Not all those who wander are lost.
J.R.R Tolkien

Jukka the Sling

#47
February 13, 2015, 01:27:02 AM Last Edit: February 13, 2015, 01:53:21 AM by Jukka the Sling
I told him. He was delighted. :D

New chapter!

Chapter Five

The next day Legolas found Tauriel swimming in a pond.

"What are you doing?" asked Legolas.

"What does it look like I'm doing?" said Tauriel. "Swimming in a pond."

"Well, I know that much," said Legolas, "but who knows what germy Orc could've been in there?"

"Actually, you're kind of right," said Tauriel. "Help! My Elvish cuts got Orc germs in them!"

The next day Legolas and Tauriel were so hungry that they decided to become cannibals and eat all the Orcs!

The Orcs to them looked delicious.

So they started eating them.

While they were feasting on their awesome meal Legolas heard something. "What's that?" he asked.

"Well, I don't know," said Tauriel, "it's probably some more Orcs that we can feast on."

Just then they saw something: Gandalf and Radagast.

"Yay!" said Legolas, "now we can get out of here?"

So off they went.

The next day poor little Legolas was so tired that he collapsed!

"Get up!" screamed Tauriel.

"I can't," replied Legolas.

"Don't worry," said Tauriel, "we're going to walk out of these woods, together forever!"

"Yuck!" screamed Legolas.

The next day while they were walking in the woods Gandalf said, "Haven't we've been here before?"

"We're going in circles!" screamed Legolas.

"Of course we are!" yelled Tauriel, "you always have to go in circles when you're in the woods!"

The next day Tauriel, Legolas, Radagast, and Gandalf were so hungry that they all became cannibals all over again!

The only problem was they had nothing to drink!

So they searched and finally they found a little puddle of water!

"Yay, we're saved!" shouted Legolas.
"The world is indeed full of peril, and in it there are many dark places; but still there is much that is fair, and though in all lands love is now mingled with grief, it grows perhaps the greater." ~J.R.R. Tolkien

James Gryphon

#48
February 13, 2015, 01:33:15 AM
...
« Subject to editing »

Jukka the Sling

#49
February 13, 2015, 01:48:30 AM
...I know... XP
"The world is indeed full of peril, and in it there are many dark places; but still there is much that is fair, and though in all lands love is now mingled with grief, it grows perhaps the greater." ~J.R.R. Tolkien

Delthion

#50
February 13, 2015, 01:51:40 AM
Wow, lots of cannibalism that can be called cannibalism but isn't actually cannibalism. But the Orcs used to be Elves, so it could be called cannibalism, meh, whatever... ;D ;D ;D ;D
Dreams, dreams are untapped and writhing. How much more real are dreams than that paltry existence which we now call reality? How shall we ascend to that which humanity is destined? By mastering the dreamworld of course. That is how, my pupils, that is how.

James Gryphon

#51
February 13, 2015, 02:16:12 AM Last Edit: February 13, 2015, 02:33:13 AM by James Gryphon
I'm intrigued by how these hundred-years-old elves have the vocabulary and sensibilities of seven-year-olds.

(... for what it's worth, I wasn't any better at writing when I was younger; in fact I think I was a lot worse. What I used to think was fine story-telling is now quite painful for me to read.)
« Subject to editing »

Jukka the Sling

#52
February 13, 2015, 03:04:55 AM
Lol, same here.

But he wasn't even going for serious with this story.
"The world is indeed full of peril, and in it there are many dark places; but still there is much that is fair, and though in all lands love is now mingled with grief, it grows perhaps the greater." ~J.R.R. Tolkien

James Gryphon

#53
February 13, 2015, 03:10:11 AM
I might have to post some of my (less horrible) work sometime, if only to encourage y'all by showing you how much better you can get with just a few years of age and experience.
« Subject to editing »

Delthion

#54
February 13, 2015, 03:15:04 AM
I cringe at one of my earlier stories. It's titled: "War Wing." The name of two islands split by a river, it could have been pretty good, but I was rather young so therefore impatience ensued at the last chapter. ;D
Dreams, dreams are untapped and writhing. How much more real are dreams than that paltry existence which we now call reality? How shall we ascend to that which humanity is destined? By mastering the dreamworld of course. That is how, my pupils, that is how.

Jukka the Sling

#55
February 13, 2015, 03:44:34 AM
One of us should make a thread for posting stories we wrote when we were younger... I have a few really cringeworthy ones I could dig up. (I wrote a LOT from the time I was about six.)
"The world is indeed full of peril, and in it there are many dark places; but still there is much that is fair, and though in all lands love is now mingled with grief, it grows perhaps the greater." ~J.R.R. Tolkien

Mhera

#56
February 13, 2015, 03:47:31 AM Last Edit: February 13, 2015, 03:49:18 AM by Mhera
That would be interesting. I've got a rather painful Eragon fanfic I could excavate...

Delthion

#57
February 13, 2015, 03:48:53 AM
Well, "War Wing" took a few of my writing books, and I don't know if I could find any. But I think I'll start that!
Dreams, dreams are untapped and writhing. How much more real are dreams than that paltry existence which we now call reality? How shall we ascend to that which humanity is destined? By mastering the dreamworld of course. That is how, my pupils, that is how.

Wylder Treejumper

#58
February 14, 2015, 03:05:26 PM Last Edit: February 14, 2015, 03:23:26 PM by Wylder Treejumper
 ;D

This reminds me of myself in AP World History. The only thing me and my friends do in that class is talk about cannibalism. We also have a rather interesting society based on one of the fundamental rights of humanity, which I invented... Mutual Consumption! ::)
"'Tis the business of small minds to shrink, but he whose heart is firm, and whose conscience approves his conduct, will pursue his principles unto death."
-Thomas Paine

"Integrity and firmness is all I can promise; these, be the voyage long or short, shall never forsake me although I may be deserted by all men."
-George Washington

Courage: Not only the willingness to die manfully, but also the determination to live decently.

Jukka the Sling

#59
February 20, 2015, 04:16:51 PM
Chapter Six

While they were drinking their little puddle Legolas saw something!

"It's the deluded maniac Orc!" screamed Legolas.

"What Orc?" asked Gandalf.

"The deluded maniac Orc!" shouted Legolas. "The one that has been following us for 3 days!"

"See!" said Tauriel. "That one!"

Just then the maniac Orc came and jumped on Legolas!

"Help!" screamed Legolas. "Get it off me, get it off me!"

"Just a minute!" said Tauriel. "I have to finish my drink!"

"Hurry up!" screamed Legolas. "Help!"

"Ok, now I'm done!" said Tauriel.
She threw one of her daggers epicly at the maniac Orc.

The Orc fell dead!

"Ok, you're awesome!" shouted Legolas.

"I know!" replied Tauriel. "I've been trying to tell you!"

"You have?!" shouted Legolas.

The next day while they were walking in the woods they all heard something!

"What's that?!" they all screamed at once.

Jus then some giant spiders jumped on them!

Legolas was always terrified of spiders and whenever he saw one he fainted!

So when he saw the spiders he fainted!

The next day while they were tied up Legolas cut the web with his epic Elvish dagger.
He cut everybody else's webs too, so they all got up, screamed, and got out of there.

But just before they got out a whole army of spiders jumped in front of them!

"We're doomed!" screamed Legolas as he was fainting.
"The world is indeed full of peril, and in it there are many dark places; but still there is much that is fair, and though in all lands love is now mingled with grief, it grows perhaps the greater." ~J.R.R. Tolkien
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