Overlord's Orders XII

[SilentSam]

O great overlord, As for the reason that me, Soren, and Sandpaw were tied up, the only reason that Mask told the Iraqi our true names is because James Gryphon told her that she had to tell the Iraqi our true names. We asked if there was anything that the Iraqi didn't like, and James said only the rank "Lieutenant". Thus, the Iraqi being mad at us for having names beginning with "s". I wouldn't think that they would have been mad at LT Sandpaw if James hadn't tricked us into saying his name was just "Sandpaw". Also, I looked up that Iraqi people respect people with a rank. Luckily, even though she wasn't good at untying ropes, Mask risked her life to save us.
OOC: I edited it,

[LT Sandpaw]

OOC: LT Is actually just and acronym for Lieutenant 

[James Gryphon]

"Cloaking devices are waterproof, or at least they should be if they have their case on them. I don't know what Delthion was playing at by taking the protective case off of such valuable and useful equipment, but that's not my problem. As for why I threw the water at him, it's because he and Soren had been tormenting me doing the same thing all the way on the trip here. I warned them to stop doing it after we cloaked, because the water was visible and could ruin our cover, but they didn't pay any attention. Right before the moment that he mentioned, he said "I'd better use all of my water", and threw all of it at me. I was tired and fed up with his playing around, so I opened up my bottle (which was almost full) and emptied all of the water in it on him. When his cloaking device failed, I started laughing because it was Murphy's Law in action -- of course something has to go wrong."

"As far as the battery and rhino situation goes... I pulled Delthion aside because he had been playing with my tranquilizing sledgehammer. I tried to tell him that it was a dangerous tool, and besides he was wasting power, but he just said "Yeah, sure, whatever", in response to everything I said. I was exasperated and said, "Fine, here's some batteries, put them in and go play with the rhino". He asked me, "Doesn't electricity hurt rhinos?" I said, sarcastically, "Oh no, I swear on my life, rhinos just looove being electrocuted. Try it and see!" I didn't imagine that Delthion could take me seriously. As far as the trust thing goes, well, I didn't trust him much to start with, so I guess that squares us."

"Finally, that nonsense with Mask... as I mentioned before, I had already warned all you people to use pseudonyms, not real names, so I don't know how you could misinterpret me to the extent of claiming I said the opposite. What happened is that Mask said, "You're telling us to use fake names. That's lying!" I said that it wasn't anything of the sort. After a few minutes of arguing, I finally said "You feel you have to use our real names, even though it'll kill some of us; that's ridiculous and unreasonable. If you can't get over this, then don't say anything at all." Sam had been listening to some dreadful music on his headphones, but I guess there was a pause long enough for him to think that I just said "You have to use our real names". It's on record, though, that I never meant anything of the sort, and even warned them against doing so."

[Delthion]

  Most gracious and amazingly kind of all the Clausians, the only reason Soren and I were throwing water at Gryphon was because before we left he had taken some Jalapeno Peppers, loudly proclaiming that he was better than everyone else because he had managed to steal the peppers out from under your nose. He then proceeded to eat all of them in one. He screamed shortly thereafter; "I'm on fire! SAVE ME!!!" We proceeded to throw water on him, he continued yelling and screaming until finally, he threw all of his water on me. I hadn't taken it to be waterproofed yet, and I had told Gryphon this before we had set out. He ate another pepper, and screamed again; "I"M ON FIRE!!" I thought that this time I should do it properly and put the fire out with all of the water.

  With the tranquilizer sledgehammer, I was only using it to put Gryphon's lion side to sleep, Gryphon's are very schizophrenic you know. Anyway, I was trying to stop the Lion side from eating me alive, when all of a sudden he switched back to the normal Gryphon! I stopped using it and when Gryphon saw me with the sledgehammer and saw that the battery was being depleted, he flew into a rage and told me to go play with the rhino. I have had a tendency to take everything everyone says sarcastically, but I have been going to therapy. He told me to go electrocute the rhino sarcastically and I assumed that it was sarcastic. But then I remembered that I should always give everyone the benefit of the doubt and assume that they are not being sarcastic. I did this and went to electrocute the rhino.

[Jasper]

OOC: The next round will be starting tomorrow (in 2015! ) I hope those who haven't posted yet get a chance to do so!

[Jasper]

Jasper Clause eyed each servant angrily. Their excuses and pleadings died off. This is a very serious mistake you all have made. The consequences for all of us at the North Pole are dire. You see, we actually missed the New Year celebration due to all hands being occupied with cleaning up your mess. I would like to inform you that this celebration has never been missed in our history here. I guess this means we are going to be celebrating a bit late. Unfortunately, I had to pay ridiculous fines to fix the rhino ... situation... so I can't put on anything of the sort. Ah yes, I see your eyes are lighting up. Against my better judgement, you are indeed going on another mission. But first I need to make sure nothing like this happens again. One of you has made the naughty list!

As I said before I am a forgiving man. Many of your mistakes were merely your attempts to aid the cause ruined by your pure stupidity and gross incompetence. Mask, however, didn't even manage an attempt to aid the cause - and only added the stupidity and incompetence. Making bizarre issues directly contrary to the more thought out ideas put forward by the rest of the group is something I simply cannot allow.

As our food is greatly depleted, we need something to feed The Bumble. (You know? The monster that bothered Rudolph so much?) Thus Mask will be boiled down into a soup, and given to the creature as a yearly peace offering! Take him away!

Jasper looked at each member with narrowed eyes. Tagg, Gryph, Delthion, Sam, Soren, and Sandpaw, you were supposed to be something new and spectacular in the new era of the Clauses. Do not let me down again or being boiled down into soup will seem merciful in comparison to the treatment you will receive.

Here is your mission. You will all be dressed in ski masks, (which I have specially designed to cover your ears. We spared no expense!) and black jumpsuits. I have provided you each with a weapon. Gryph, this is a silenced .22 pistol. You are not to shoot it unless you are being shot at, and it is to be used to threaten anyone who spots you. Tagg, this is a taser. You are to use it to subdue anyone who spots you and tries to get away. Delthion, this is a grappling gun. You are to use it to get onto the roof (you all will be entering through the ceiling.) Sam, this is a specially designed saw that will cut a perfect circular hole in the ceiling without making a sound. Soren, this is a bazooka. If any cops show up, we cannot be compromised, it would be a ridiculous amount of paperwork, so you take them out with this. Sandpaw, this is not a weapon, but a potion. It will give you years of experience in the martial arts for the whole day, which you will use to subdue enemies silently, ninja-style.

As you may have guessed already, your mission is to break into the Good-Friends Grocery Store. You will be delivered in an unmarked van. This store has been robbed recently, so the security is tight. Sandpaw will use his ninja-skills to sneak in without being spotted by the cameras. He will go through the door behind the desk at the returns area, and take out the security team there. He will then shut off all cameras. Next Gryph is to take out the guards on the east side with his silenced pistol, along with Tagg and his taser. They have guns as well, so you need to do it quietly. Next Delthion will get you on the roof, and Sam will cut a hole. You will go into the grocery store and take everything. This is going to be a huge celebration and I have a lot of residents to take care of! Soren will cover you from the roof, and Delthion and Sam will move all the goods while Tagg and Gryph cover you from any guards inside. You need to get in and get out without being spotted or heard. No one can ever know we did this. There will be several trucks parked in the east parking lot, which you will load everything into. Then you will ride off in the same unmarked van you came in. Any questions? No? Good.

A few days later.

So lets chalk this up, shall we? Soren, explain the massive hole in the side of the grocery store, and the numerous craters in the parking lot and surrounding buildings. You were supposed to be careful when you fired that thing! Sam, why are there perfect circular holes in everything, including the trucks and van, but not in the ceiling? Sandpaw, why was every single camera still active? Tagg and Gryph, you got into a 6-hour gunfight with the enemies, you were supposed to take them out quietly. You left enough time that the police and national guard showed up! Delthion, why did you hit all of my servants multiple times with the grappling gun? Surely they didn't resemble the market's wall to you? You managed to steal maybe a tenth of what was expected of you, and a good portion fell through the holes in my trucks. There will be no celebration this year. Explain yourselves!

[Delthion]

Most gracious and esteemed of all the Clausians. The only reason that the grappling hook was fired multiple times into Gryphon is because he was bored with no one to shoot so he started exploring the store and then he found his way to the roof through a secret passage, Sam however was deathly afraid of tight spaces and the dark, so we just went according to plan. Then for some reason, whenever I fired the grappling hook Gryphon moved into the way, he must have been bitter that we didn't use his route, I don't know. Anyway, on the tenth time this happened, Soren saw Gryphon doing this and threatened to blow him up if he did not stop. Gryphon then laughed and continued, so Soren true to his word began firing the bazooka at Gryphon, but he was overestimating the amount of kickback and aimed at the wall, the wall became a gigantic crater and Soren ran up to where Gryphon was to try and stop him from getting in the way of Sam and I. Gryphon finally jumped down and I shot the grappling hook at the building again, but the roof was weakened due to the wall not being there. It must have been load-bearing because a small section of the roof which we were trying to get onto fell to the ground.

[SilentSam]

O great overlord, the reason that there are hole in everything, except the ceiling is because James  didn't like the route, as Delthion said. After we couldn't get up to the ceiling, Gryphon was bugging me about the saw, and how he liked it and wanted it. Soon I started ignoring him. Soon he said that he would shoot me if I didn't give him the saw in 10 seconds he would shoot me. I thought he was bluffing, until I felt something on my back. It was the gun. He said "last chance", so is gave him the saw. And Gryphon, he "experimented" the saw. That explains why there are holes in everything besides the ceiling.

[LT Sandpaw]

Mr Santa sir I preformed my mission to my upmost capabilities. During the beginning of the mission I didn't speak to any of the others nor interact and when I drank your potion I was the king of the shadows. I snuck in without getting spotted once by the cameras, I eliminated the security team and turned off all the cameras and any extra security. With that done I back flipped to the top of the building to keep watch a provide an over-watch while the others finished the mission. It would have been completely good mission if Tagg hadn't turned all the cameras back on to look at himself on the video feed.
By the time I found out the video feed was back on cops were showing up by the dozen, explosions were coming from the building. I was sure the rest of the team was murdering each other so I proceeded to quickly and quietly eliminate cops and load the trucks. None of the team saw me during this time because I thought they had gone crazy and didn't want to take them out... Unfortunately there was a lot of holes in the trucks and all my efforts were in vain. When the gunfight began I snuck behind enemy lines and quietly destroyed their leadership allowing James to survive as long as he did. When it was time for us to leave I hid underneath the trucks until the others got in and drove off, I was on top of the trucks and only reviled myself when we got back here, The others were to tired to really care they hadn't seen me once during the mission. But I was there helping where I could.
I beg for your forgiveness for not being able to complete the mission and being unable to work with the team more effectively.
*Preforms Ninja bow* Sir I do believe I still have some of the affects of the potion.

[Søren]

Sir, this is all true. As is the fact that the reason I was firing so erraticly was because at some point, Janes glues a fogged out google glass over my eyes. It projected policemen into my line of sight. I thought I was shooting at police, but was infact shooting at nothing. It's all James fault my lord.

[James Gryphon]

Inspired by my real-life condition.

"I don't know why these people persist in trying to blame me for every single thing that goes wrong. They know what they did and how they're responsible."

Gryph sighed. "In retrospect, I realize that the trouble all started in the van. Soren had been texting non-stop ever since we got in. Tagg, who is extremely curious, asked him who he was texting. Soren refused to tell him, so Tagg simply held Soren down and forced him to give up the phone. Then he started to read it aloud. He had gotten no farther than saying "To: The Grinch", when Delthion grabbed the phone and threw it out the window."

"I didn't know why Soren was texting the Grinch, but even so it seemed like that would be the end of our trouble this mission. Little did I know that it was just beginning. As soon as the van pulled up, a bomb came down on the grocery store and exploded. This wasn't just any kind of bomb, but rather it was a Grinch ooze bomb. Disgusting green ooze slipped and slided its way until it had covered much of the outside of the store. The entire store was contaminated, and I knew that we would have to be very careful with how we entered the store, lest ooze slip onto the food and contaminate all of it."

"For some reason, all of the others didn't even seem to notice this problem. Sam and Sandpaw just raised their hands and said "Shut up" as soon as I tried to talk to them. Delthion and Soren both saw the ooze, but claimed that it was perfectly harmless. Tagg just said "What ooze?", as if he didn't even see it. I knew that I would have to take action to prevent this from causing our mission to fail. All of the route that we had intended to go through was covered with foul disgusting ooze, but I found a secret passage that we would be able to use to get inside the store with. Delthion, however, ignored my suggestion, and insisted on using the grappling hook on ooze-covered walls. I got in the way to block the hook from touching the ooze and contaminating the hook, the rope, and all of us."

"I gave Soren the glasses to keep him from helping the Grinch and sabotaging the mission further. Anyway, after he went crazy with the bazooka, the ooze reacted by spreading itself across almost every flat surface. It was impossible to touch any door or wall without getting ooze on you, and the ooze had formed a big membrane across the crater, keeping us from getting in that way. I asked Sam for his saw, with the hope of using it to cut open entrances so that we could get in and out without touching anything contaminated. He refused. I had no choice; I threatened him with the gun to get the saw from him, and then went to work making holes in things to allow us to enter and leave. Delthion started to taunt me, and went around trying to touch parts of the wall where the ooze was; to keep him or anyone else from getting contaminated, and then contaminating the groceries, I had to saw holes in everything that they were about to touch before they could touch it."

"Anyway, Tagg blew it with the cameras, and the police and security began to arrive. The SWAT teams opened fire as soon as they saw us, without even asking us to surrender or drop our weapons. With us badly outnumbered, it was a desperate battle for survival. I provided cover for the rest of the team. They claimed they would load the trucks, but Soren said some food was unworthy of being taken. I had to keep them protected for about six hours while they debated the merits of Campbell versus Progresso. We were almost all killed thanks to this."

"In spite of incompetence, we actually managed to get enough food to load the trucks, as Sandpaw mentioned. We had enough ropes to tie down the crates that all of the food was in, keeping them secured to the trucks, but Delthion set them on fire. We attempted to drive the trucks out, but with no ropes to secure them, the crates we had all fell out on the roads. With the National Guard hot on our tail, we had no choice but to retreat here empty-handed."

[Søren]

My lord, I must insist, this is only partly true. While it is true O was texting someone, it's wasn't the Grinch. It's was my girlfriend. Her name is Thea Grinchian. However, because of my fat fingers, my stupid phone auto corrected to "The Grinch". Anyway, I was planning on asking her to marry me and O didn't want anyone to know. It's was going to be a surprise to the rest of my lords servants. However, Tagg kept trying to read it.
And my lord, while it is true that the green ooze is disgusting, it is harmless. James failed to mention that he had poisoned Sam. This caused Sam to behave irrationally and started to act delusional. We tried to calm him down, but all he would say was "EYES. IN THE DARK. TWIN MOONS." We all thought this was creepy, but he started to rampage around. It was at this time that the ooze bomb hit us. I have no idea where it came from. The ooze is infact harmless. It is the...returned food... of the Grinches henchman. They have this condition where thy constantly are pukeing. The bomb-makers use this to their advantage by added a scary and disgusting, but harmless ammunition to their bombs.
Also my lord, the reason that I insisted on the fact some of the food was inacceptable is because some of it was contaminated by the same poison James administered to Sam. I was trying to save lives by keeping the poison separate. If it wasn't for whatever reasons James poisoned Sam, the whole mission would have worked.
EDIT: Fixed a problem.

[Jasper]

OOC: Just a slight discrepancy in Soren's post. James did say that the ooze came from a bomb. I'm sure it will be edited soon, just keep it in mind.

Well done to everyone so far. I'm very happy with how this had turned out. Great posts from everyone and I hope it continues as we move on and the eliminations get tougher!  

[Delthion]

Most gracious and esteemed of the Clausians, while it is true that I threw Soren's phone out the window, I saw Gryphon contacting the police and I heard him talking to them he said; "I am going to try to overthrow Jasper Claus, I know that he will be electing the next Overlord, but I can't risk him giving it to someone else! Send all of the available forces to the place where I will put the tracker, it will be on my friend Soren's phone, then you will join me. Is that alright, Freddie Martinez?" Freddie Martinez as we all know, is your predecessor. He had a bad habit of killing people with chainsaws as he came down their chimneys. When I was taunting him I was actually doing a foreign dance that involved many of the same characteristics of taunting, but I assure you it was not.

[Søren]

OOC: All fixed in it's disgusting glory.