The fights that never were: Greypatch VS. Gabool

[The Skarzs]

     Greypack looked out over the stern of his ship where another, faster vessel was approaching in his wake, each bobbing dip of the bow throwing up a shower of mist and bringing it ever closer to its prey. Cursing under his breath at the persistence of his pursuer, the rat held onto the steering wheel and kept his course due southeast, hoping for some stroke of luck
     "Cap'n Greypack!" The captain heard the bosun's call as the ferret bounded up to him. "Cap'n, there's a reef ahead!" Greypack muttered something about bad luck before answering.
     "Aye, I see 'em; have the lookout yell for . . ." An idea struck the captain. "'Old on, mate; we're gonna try t' cut these barnacles off our tail with 'em. Get e'eryone prepared for impact if we hit 'em!"
     The ferret raised his eyebrows at the captain. "But Captain, if we hit the reef, they'll overtake us a clean us up!" Greypack's roar made the bosun cower back for a moment and wish he hadn't said anything at all.
     "Of course! But if we do nuthin', they'll catch us up anyway and make the ocean run red wiv' our blood! So stop yakkin' an-!"
     "Reef! To starboard bow!" The lookout's frantic cry caused Greypack to cease all talk and spin the wheel of the ship hurriedly as he felt the reef scrape the hull gently. "Port bow! Port bow!" Every crewbeast held onto something as they rocked to and fro to evade the treacherous reefs."
     Greypack risked a glance behind them and laughed as he saw the other ship slow to a snail's crawl when it reached the reefs. "Ha! We got 'em, mates! They're too scared t' follow us through 'ere; we'll be long gone before-"
     Crrk!
     The sound of the hull splintering on a submerged rock was heard the whole length of the deck as they shuddered to a grinding halt. The less supported beasts were knocked off their paws, and cries of dismay came from the entire crew while they watched the ship behind them bear down on their crippled adversary.
     The bosun lifted himself to his paws and started babbling nervously. "Tol' you, cap'n, I told you! I tolja we'd-"
     "Shaddap!" Greypack slapped the ferret across the face before taking him by the shirt and shaking him angrily. "I know we're in up to our necks here, but stop crying out like a little whelp! Now get everybeast armed and ready for battle, or I'll flay yer myself."
     The bosun was dropped and allowed to hurry off to do his captain's command.
     "We're gaining water, cap'n; we won't be able to stay afloat for much longer," announced a rat that came from below.
     Greypack gritted his teeth. "Don't matter; we'll either be dead or end up with a new ship anyways by the time this's through."
     He now drew his cutlass and tested the steel edge as he watched the enemy vessel approach. He was eager to get back into a fight again; it had been too long since he had heard the clash of steel and the smell of blood.  Holding the blade in a relaxed but ready grip, the rat prepared himself mentally for the upcoming battle.
It was far too soon when the ship pulled up alongside Greypack's, the crew hanging off the riggings and side snarling and waving their weapons, ready for bloodshed. Greypack yelled out his orders and his own crew leapt to the railing to face the threat. Some vermin on the other ship came up from the hold carrying grapples and ropes, and soon they were twirling them overhead and tossing them across to the other ship.
     Pirates swung over the gap to lock in battle with Greypack's crew, while others dragged the two ships closer together. Despite their best efforts at cutting off their opponent's ropes, they could not stop their inevitable boarding. Greypack swung his sword as he roared encouragement. "Come on, crew! Let 'em come so we can face them like real seabeasts!"
     Immediately each crew set upon one another, and the air filled with the sounds of battle, the cries, the clash of steel, the smell of death. Greypack leapt down into the fray, swinging his cutlass left and right expertly with a grin pulled to one side of his face. We might actually beat 'em, he thought as he stuck a rat through the gut. We might actually . . .
     Such hopeful thoughts were soon dashed from his mind as Greypack watched several of his best beasts fall before him in the path of a laughing rat. This rat was different than the rest of the motley crews; his clothes were of highly assorted ranges of colors and styles, his cutlass gold-hilted, a matted beard full of beads and miscellaneous trinkets swinging madly about under his chin, and his eyes full of a crazy light.
     "Ha harr, me mateys; 'tis time for a dance with yer ol' nuncle Gabool!" Greypack's bosun swung at the strange rat only to find himself the next victim of his deadly blade. "Aye, that's the way! C'mon, don't be shy!" The mad rat laughed again, spread his paws wide as if in invitation.
     "So, this was the madbeast that ship had as a captain," mumbled Greypack. "No wonder they chased after us so crazily." The rat hopped forward to meet the other captain. "I'm the captain of this ship; let's fight it out, leader to leader!"
Gabool cocked his head and grinned widely at Greypack. "Arr, don't mind if'n I do, matey. 'Tis been a long time since anybeast has challenged me to a duel."
     The two rats went into fighting stances, each sizing the other up. While Greypack wasn't unduly worried about fighting a mad beast, he was, in fact, about to fight a mad beast. He decided to rely on his superior sword skill and beat the other captain through force. Taking a step back, he charged Gabool and swung his blade swiftly.
     Sparks flew as the two blades clashed together, and the two captains stepped back to circle around again. This time Greypack made a series of quick thrusts and slashes, attempting to draw blood from his opponent or distract him from the following attack. Gabool hopped about nimbly, narrowly dodging each of the strikes, though some bits of cloth and clumps of dirty beard did fall upon the rocking deck.
     "Yer a good swordbeast, I'll give ye that," Gabool chuckled. This time it was his turn to charge, swinging his blade wildly as he roared at his opponent. Greypack was hard pressed to block the unpredictable strikes, but being as skilled as he was he succeeded.
     Battles around the two fighting rats ground to a halt as each crew stopped to watch and cheer for their own captains while they fought doggedly on. They yelled encouragement or shot insults back and forth as they waited to see the outcome of the fight.
     Greypack had now gotten the upper paw, pushing Gabool back steadily with swift slices and thrusts, keeping the other at a constant retreat. Soon he had his back pressed against the sturdy timber of the main mast while Greypack went for the final blow. Suddenly his opponent slipped to the side and the rat struck nothing but wood, and he turned just in time to block a nasty upward slice. Recovering quickly, Greypack side-slashed, then went for a downward cut, only to have Gabool block them out of unwitting luck.
     "Fall already!" roared Greypack, striking again and again at the other rat, who seemed to be starting to fatigue and get worn down.
     "Now matey," he gasped, holding his sword almost exhaustedly. "You wouldn't ham an old, crazy sea rat, would ya?"
     Greypack laughed mirthlessly, allowing a small grin to seep onto his face. "Ha, of course I would." He slashed savagely at Gabool's throat.
     Before he could see whether his strike actually made contact, Greypack felt a searing pain in his right eye where Gabool had skillfully stuck a knife. Thankfully it had not been driven too far into the socket, otherwise the rat captain would be dead. But now he couldn't see out of one eye, and as he tried to extricate the blade from his wounded one, Gabool kicked him in the gut, sending him sprawling in pain on the deck.
     "So would I, matey; so would I!" Hoots and jeers sounded from Gabool's crew as their captain raised his paws in victory, Greypack's crew drooping in defeat as they saw their captain bleeding on the sinking deck.
     "Alright you frog-livered, rock-brained excuses for seabeasts: get down and wait to be cast overboard . . . or maybe I'll use you as oarslaves, doesn't matter." He squinted at the faces of Greypack's crew around him. "Obey!" he roared at the top of his lungs. Each vermin dropped their weapon and crouched down on their paws and knees.
     Gabool went over to the side of the suffering Greypack, who squirmed around as he pressed a paw to his bleeding eye. His other eye rolled in its socket wildly as he looked at Gabool. "Don't kill me!" he gasped. "I can be a cook, or swab the decks!" He shut his eye quickly as Gabool drove his cutlass into the ship timbers beside his head.
     "Now now, matey; I ain't gonna kill a skilled beast like you! I mean, as long as ye'd be loyal to me. What's your name?"
     "G-greypack," the rat gulped.
     Gabool stroked his beard as he considered something. "Greypack, eh? Hmm, Greypack . . . No, you're more of a Greypatch now. I think that's your name: Greypatch. What d'you think, matey?"
     Greypatch's mouth hung open. "You're crazy!"
     Gabool wrenched his sword from the deck as he pulled the rat to his footpaws, tapping the point of his cutlass on the other's chest. "No I ain't; but it sure helps keeping my enemies scared!" He pressed a rag into Greypatch's paw so he could use it for his eye.
     "Greypatch, mate: you and I are gonna have great times."

[Hickory]

Interesting, good work! I must say that for when Greypatch is stabbed in the eye, instead of searing, but "excruciating, burning pain." It gives more taste.

[The Skarzs]

I agree there are plenty of things I could have done to improve it, but as it was I had to finish a large portion of it last-minute. Given a few more days I believe there could have been more changes.

[Skyblade]

I like it a lot. You're a very good writer. Great work, Skar!

[James Gryphon]

When I read through it, I admit there were a few things, from the start, that jumped out at me:

First, that Greypatch's name was misspelled. After I got to the climax of the fight, that cleared itself up.

Secondly, and this might even seem like nitpicking, but it's a continuity point: that there was a ferret in his crew. All the pirates in Mariel were rats. I reasoned this away, though, by figuring that it happened some time before Mariel, and perhaps there were different creatures in his crew at the time of the fight.

Thirdly, while Gabool is best-known as a raving lunatic, the rats that knew him in Mariel said that running around the base 'like a tramp' "wasn't his way", implying that he appeared to be sane and kempt before the events of Mariel. That said, though, Gabool is well-known for psychological ploys, and your story encourages that idea. It isn't at all unreasonable to think that he might have put the mask of madness on at times before his actual descent into that state.

I liked the ending, which preserved the reputations of both fighters. It depicts Greypatch as a competent swordfighter, but gives the impression that Gabool very well might have been 'holding back' to get into that winning position, as he would later do with Saltar.

All in all, it's a strong effort and a worthy winner. From what I've read here and in The Overwatch, you have a talent for making interesting fight scenes. The dialogue was perfect Gabool. I'd love to see more in this vein. If you're hard up for ideas, just give me a call; I have at least five fight scenes from this contest that could stand to be written.

[The Skarzs]

Going from top to bottom:

Yep; that was something I had thought of in the early stages of the story, and stuck with it.

Wait, they were all supposed to be rats? My bad. I'll confess that I didn't do as much homework as I should have on this, so after it was finished there was little I could do.

Yes, once again with my lack of back-reading: I forgot that Gabool only truly went insane at the beginning of Mariel, so I tried to modify what I had to clear things up.

Mm, yes; I'm pretty satisfied with the ending as well, if I dare say so myself.

I'm glad you enjoyed this, as well as The Overwatch. If I do have an urge to write another short story when I'm stuck on ideas, I'll be sure to contact you.

I like it a lot. You're a very good writer. Great work, Skar!

Thank you, Sky.

[Feles]

Sorry if im wrong... but i remember Greypatch as a fox and not a rat
Still, for the reasons James has stated already, this is a great one-shot
perhaps you should make more similar to this one, Ulbaz VS Lask? just an idea

[The Skarzs]

No, Greypatch was a rat. You can look it up on the Redwall Wiki if you wish.
Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Well, we'll see.

[Jukka the Sling]

Great story! I enjoyed reading it.

[Hickory]

I can't help coming back to this story and looking at the accents you gave, the descriptions you used, and the attitude of Greypatch. Again, good work skarz!